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Subject: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 2:12 am

Why not?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 09/26/06 at 2:14 am

Dear Al-B, 
  I got this friend, and he would like to know where he could get a toilet like the one in your avatar?  ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Howard on 09/26/06 at 8:09 am

Are you in a relationship?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: La Roche on 09/26/06 at 8:14 am

Dear Al-B,

Where is the most satisfying place that you've ever taken a crap in.

Your pal, Davey.

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 4:07 pm


Dear Al-B, 
  I got this friend, and he would like to know where he could get a toilet like the one in your avatar?  ;D
Dear Badfinger-fan:

    Suuuuuure. "Your friend" wants one. Yeah, right. You think I was born yesterday?  ;)

    Anyhoo, I haven't seen any toilets with anthromorphic tongues in any hardware stores lately. However, if you your friend is serious about getting the very best in automatic bum-cleaning action, I would suggest looking into a device called Washlet, which is manufactured by Toto, Ltd. from Japan. I've never used one myself, but apparently it's a device that you can mount to your toilet which extends out the back, shoots a gentle stream of warm water in the area that needs cleaning, then it shoots warm air up there to dry you off. Apparently you'll never need Charmin again.
   
    When I buy my first house I'm going to install one. I'm glad I could be of some help to you your friend.

                                                                                              AL-B

                                                  (For more information, click on the link below:)

                                                      http://www.washlet.com/default.asp

                                                                                 

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 4:12 pm


Are you in a relationship?
Dear Howard,

              Nothing serious at this moment.

                                          AL-B

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Howard on 09/26/06 at 4:14 pm

Why does the toilet have a tongue?  ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 4:28 pm


Dear Al-B,

Where is the most satisfying place that you've ever taken a crap in.

Your pal, Davey.
Dear my pal Davey,

      The year was 1999, and I was at my 10th high school class reunion. Coincidentally, this was right around the same time that the first American Pie movie came out, and one of the many subplots was that Finch had this phobia about going Number 2 while he was at school.  I too had this same fear due to an incident which took place when I was in the 2nd grade. I was on the stool minding my own business when some jerk kid poked his head under the stall and smiled at me. Bad mistake. Without even thinking I immediately kicked him in the face as hard as I could, and he ran out bawling. (He moved away a year or so later and I never saw him again, but I can't help but wonder if he grew up to be gay.)  After that, I never dropped a deuce in school ever again, not even in high school.
    Anyway, my 10th reunion was a 2 or 3 day affair, and since I'd graduated they built a brand-new high school in my town, and our guidance counselor showed up to give us a tour of the new school. About halfway through the tour I suddenly felt the call of nature and I had to break away and do my thing, but first I just had to tell this friend of mine (whom I'd seen maybe once or twice since graduation), "Dude, I'm gonna go christen this place."  I slipped away from the group and did my business, and when I was done I looked down and saw that I'd left some nice big racing stripes in the bowl. I then rejoined the group and when my friend noticed the big, smug grin on my face he busted out laughing really hard.
      That's probably the most satisfying place I've ever taken a crap in.

                                                                                                  AL-B

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 4:30 pm


Why does the toilet have a tongue?  ;D
Dear Howard,

          Because it wants to lick you.  :o :o :o

                                              AL-B

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: La Roche on 09/26/06 at 5:13 pm


Dear my pal Davey,

      The year was 1999, and I was at my 10th high school class reunion. Coincidentally, this was right around the same time that the first American Pie movie came out, and one of the many subplots was that Finch had this phobia about going Number 2 while he was at school.  I too had this same fear due to an incident which took place when I was in the 2nd grade. I was on the stool minding my own business when some jerk kid poked his head under the stall and smiled at me. Bad mistake. Without even thinking I immediately kicked him in the face as hard as I could, and he ran out bawling. (He moved away a year or so later and I never saw him again, but I can't help but wonder if he grew up to be gay.)  After that, I never dropped a deuce in school ever again, not even in high school.
    Anyway, my 10th reunion was a 2 or 3 day affair, and since I'd graduated they built a brand-new high school in my town, and our guidance counselor showed up to give us a tour of the new school. About halfway through the tour I suddenly felt the call of nature and I had to break away and do my thing, but first I just had to tell this friend of mine (whom I'd seen maybe once or twice since graduation), "Dude, I'm gonna go christen this place."  I slipped away from the group and did my business, and when I was done I looked down and saw that I'd left some nice big racing stripes in the bowl. I then rejoined the group and when my friend noticed the big, smug grin on my face he busted out laughing really hard.
      That's probably the most satisfying place I've ever taken a crap in.

                                                                                                  AL-B


Thanks Al, that was most informative.

Davey.

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 5:30 pm


Thanks Al, that was most informative.

Davey.
That wasn't too much information, was it?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: La Roche on 09/26/06 at 5:40 pm


That wasn't too much information, was it?



Nah.

I figured maybe it would have been in the seat of your pants on the autobahn.  ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 5:42 pm


Nah.

I figured maybe it would have been in the seat of your pants on the autobahn.  ;D
Well, that wouldn't exactly have been satsifying now, would it?  ::)

Besides, I'm pretty confident behind the wheel.

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: La Roche on 09/26/06 at 5:53 pm


Well, that wouldn't exactly have been satsifying now, would it?  ::)

Besides, I'm pretty confident behind the wheel.


Hehehe, I just figured it was too much effort to get off the road.

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Howard on 09/26/06 at 6:30 pm


Dear Howard,

          Because it wants to lick you.   :o :o :o

                                              AL-B



I'd love to have that toilet bowl

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 09/26/06 at 6:31 pm



I'd love to have that toilet bowl
Me too.

I'd never feel lonely again.  ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Howard on 09/26/06 at 6:35 pm


Me too.

I'd never feel lonely again.  ;D



I'd pretend it's my girlfriend's tongue. ;)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Midas on 10/16/08 at 11:03 am

^ TMI from long ago  8-P

Mr. AL-B, did you happen to derive your username from the singer Al B. Sure! or the producer/remixer duo Al B. Rich?

Best regards,

Midas (not named after the muffler shop)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Jessica on 10/16/08 at 11:53 am


^ TMI from long ago  8-P

Mr. AL-B, did you happen to derive your username from the singer Al B. Sure! or the producer/remixer duo Al B. Rich?

Best regards,

Midas (not named after the muffler shop)


There's a dirty joke in there somewhere.

Speaking of which, there used to be a muffler shop in California called "No Muff Too Tuff". :P

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 10/16/08 at 1:38 pm


^ TMI from long ago  8-P

Mr. AL-B, did you happen to derive your username from the singer Al B. Sure! or the producer/remixer duo Al B. Rich?

Best regards,

Midas (not named after the muffler shop)


Dear Midas,

Actually my initials are ALB and my first name is Alan (or Al for short) and one day about 15 years ago one of my older brothers started calling me "Al B," and I kind of liked it and later I added the hyphen for a little street cred.

To be honest I never listened to much Top 40 music back in the 80's, and while I'd heard the name Al B. Sure before I'd never heard any of his music. But since YouTube came out I've listened to some of his stuff and I actually kind of like that song "Nite and Day."

So now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.  ;)

                                                AL-B

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: La Roche on 10/16/08 at 4:27 pm


And knowing is half the battle.  ;)


I always thought winning was half the battle, the other half being, not losing.

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 10/16/08 at 6:15 pm


I always thought winning was half the battle, the other half being, not losing.


Dammit!

Now I'm confused.  :-\\ :-\\ :-\\

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Step-chan on 10/22/08 at 3:50 pm

Dear AL-B

What was the worst food you ever ate?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 10/23/08 at 2:13 am


Dear AL-B

What was the worst food you ever ate?


Dear Step-chan,

    Having served a 3-year stint in the US Army, I've ate some pretty bad food, and one of the unintentional benefits of military service (aside from becoming a porn connoisseur)  is that you develop a cast-iron stomach, so I can pretty much eat anything. However, there are two foods that I absolutely refuse to eat: 1) Braunschweiger, a German liver sausage which is so foul that it tastes like it came from the asshole of the devil himself, and 2) Hard-boiled eggs. To be honest, I've never tasted them but the smell is enough to make me gag.

Aside from that, well, I'm not particularly proud of this, but about 10 years ago I ended up spending a night in detox due to a stupid drunken incident (which I won't go into here, suffice it to say that ultimately no harm came to myself or anyone else), and the next afternoon they gave me (and the other people who were stuck there) these sandwiches that must have been made of horsemeat or something.

Like I said, I can eat damn near anything, but these sandwiches were so nasty that I (and a couple other dudes) took one bite, spat it out, and threw the rest of our sandwiches into the toilet. Off the top of my head, I think that was probably the worst thing I've ever attempted to eat.
                                                                                    AL-B

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Step-chan on 10/23/08 at 3:00 pm

I'm pretty picky myself, although there are alot things I'll eat. I know that I never ate anymore shrimp after that one trip to Ponderosa(I got sick for eating them there).

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: danootaandme on 11/12/08 at 9:57 am

Dear Al-B

I was just watching Little Britain and I saw a character named Vicky Pollard, and it put me in mind of someone, but I couldn't be sure who.  Have you ever watched Little Britain?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDOpVA5vQ8I

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/12/08 at 12:48 pm


Dear Al-B

I was just watching Little Britain and I saw a character named Vicky Pollard, and it put me in mind of someone, but I couldn't be sure who.  Have you ever watched Little Britain?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDOpVA5vQ8I


Never watched it but it looks really funny though, and thanks for the clip.

As far as British humor goes, while I was messing around on YouTube I found this show called "Balls Of Steel," which could best be described as a cross between "Jackass" and "Candid Camera."  There's several different characters who go out on the street and prank unsuspecting people, and it's actually a weekly competition where the audience votes on which segment is the funniest.

Here's my favorites:

Neg's Urban Sports

Burger Bowl Off
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8NFqCr0yMo

Urban Sprinting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8CEzILvtg8

Speed Smoking
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4elKqqa53Y




The Annoying Devil

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCetJgGPoLs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtjjF84EEtw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caGEJJ6Nsf0

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: danootaandme on 11/12/08 at 3:48 pm

I wonder, would the Burger Bowl off work just as well from a 1974 International Loadstar heavy-duty flatbed truck "borrowed" from Chelsi's father's workplace?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/12/08 at 9:09 pm


I wonder, would the Burger Bowl off work just as well from a 1974 International Loadstar heavy-duty flatbed truck "borrowed" from Chelsi's father's workplace?


Probably not. For one, it'd be hard to sneak up on someone in a big truck like that, and plus you'd be much better using a smaller car with a sunroof (like Neg did) because you could get more velocity on your burgers from a standing position with nothing around you to get in your way. Whereas if you were inside a vehicle without a sunroof (like a 1974 International Loadstar)and tried to lob a burger out the window, you wouldn't have the range of mobility to really wind up and accurately launch one at some muppet's head. ;)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Andria on 11/12/08 at 9:14 pm


What do you like to do for fun?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Tam on 11/12/08 at 9:15 pm

Dear Al-B

For the sake of curiosity, when it comes to women, what is it that you look for? I don't mean in the 'perfect' sense, but in the way that she would affect your senses?
Make sense?

Tam 8)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Tam on 11/13/08 at 11:41 pm

Guess my question was too much for the poor lad! ;D ;D ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Midas on 11/14/08 at 10:12 am


Guess my question was too much for the poor lad! ;D ;D ;D


Or he was too busy gettin' busy with tha wimmens to answer yer question 8)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/14/08 at 5:07 pm


Dear Al-B

For the sake of curiosity, when it comes to women, what is it that you look for? I don't mean in the 'perfect' sense, but in the way that she would affect your senses?
Make sense?

Tam 8)


Sorry I took so long on this one, kinda caught me off guard.  :o :o :o

Maybe this might be a little vague, but basically I like good-hearted women who like to laugh a lot and have a little bit of a perverted sense of humor.  ;)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Andria on 11/14/08 at 5:11 pm


Sorry I took so long on this one, kinda caught me off guard.  :o :o :o

Maybe this might be a little vague, but basically I like good-hearted women who like to laugh a lot and have a little bit of a perverted sense of humor.  ;)




Al-B, that sounds just like me!  :)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/14/08 at 5:36 pm


Al-B, that sounds just like me!  :)


Yeah, except I don't wish death by heroin overdose on people who I get in fights with on message boards. Not only is that mean, it's PSYCHO.

NOW GET OUT OF MY THREAD.  >:( >:( >:(


Tam gave karma before editing ;)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Jessica on 11/14/08 at 6:06 pm


Yeah, except I don't wish death by heroin overdose on people who I get in fights with on message boards. Not only is that mean, it's PSYCHO.

NOW GET OUT OF MY THREAD.  >:( >:( >:(


Okay, I nearly wet myself.  Thanks a lot. ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/14/08 at 8:04 pm

My, how I hate the message about repeating the Karma in 24 hours.....

You deserve a Karma applause!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Tam on 11/14/08 at 9:41 pm


Sorry I took so long on this one, kinda caught me off guard.  :o :o :o

Maybe this might be a little vague, but basically I like good-hearted women who like to laugh a lot and have a little bit of a perverted sense of humor.  ;)




It is more than a little vague - but I think I can understand why one would want to be vague. (I didn't mean to catch you off guard either - my bad.) I think I asked the question because it helps to define for others who you are, in a sense. I guess I was trying to look in behind your internet facade - and see what makes ya tick a little bit... ;)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: thereshegoes on 11/18/08 at 1:25 pm


It is more than a little vague - but I think I can understand why one would want to be vague. (I didn't mean to catch you off guard either - my bad.) I think I asked the question because it helps to define for others who you are, in a sense. I guess I was trying to look in behind your internet facade - and see what makes ya tick a little bit... ;)


Yes now we know Al likes a good hearted woman (no heart,no Al!),who laughs (at what?) and with a perverted sense of humor (that Mcfly does not approve!).

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/19/08 at 2:20 am


Yes now we know Al likes a good hearted woman (no heart,no Al!),who laughs (at what?) and with a perverted sense of humor (that Mcfly does not approve!).




I've got no beef with McFly.

I just think a bunch of us need to get together, grab him and get him liquored up, and then take him to the local dirt track on one of those nights where they do the crazy stuff like figure-8 school bus racing and when they have the cars dragging old boat trailers and campers around the track. In other words, take him out for a night of good old fashioned stupid, drunken, visceral fun.  ;)

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Gis on 11/19/08 at 6:30 am


I've got no beef with McFly.

I just think a bunch of us need to get together, grab him and get him liquored up, and then take him to the local dirt track on one of those nights where they do the crazy stuff like figure-8 school bus racing and when they have the cars dragging old boat trailers and campers around the track. In other words, take him out for a night of good old fashioned stupid, drunken, visceral fun.  ;)
I know what you mean, he comes across as being uncomfortable in his own skin.

I found from experience you just have to get out there and live life. Let your hair down, be yourself and stuff anyone who doesn't like you, it's their loss!

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: danootaandme on 11/19/08 at 6:31 am


I've got no beef with McFly.

I just think a bunch of us need to get together, grab him and get him liquored up, and then take him to the local dirt track on one of those nights where they do the crazy stuff like figure-8 school bus racing and when they have the cars dragging old boat trailers and campers around the track. In other words, take him out for a night of good old fashioned stupid, drunken, visceral fun.  ;)


I'm in!  ;D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: La Roche on 11/19/08 at 8:49 am


I've got no beef with McFly.

I just think a bunch of us need to get together, grab him and get him liquored up, and then take him to the local dirt track on one of those nights where they do the crazy stuff like figure-8 school bus racing and when they have the cars dragging old boat trailers and campers around the track. In other words, take him out for a night of good old fashioned stupid, drunken, visceral fun.  ;)


Flyboy needs to spend a night out with me. Liqour, drugs, rejection and serious structural damage.

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Tia on 11/19/08 at 10:03 am


I've got no beef with McFly.

I just think a bunch of us need to get together, grab him and get him liquored up, and then take him to the local dirt track on one of those nights where they do the crazy stuff like figure-8 school bus racing and when they have the cars dragging old boat trailers and campers around the track. In other words, take him out for a night of good old fashioned stupid, drunken, visceral fun.  ;)
i like the racing school bus idea, i think some roller derby should get worked in as well.

http://www.colonelpod.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/dwfderby.jpg

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: Jessica on 11/19/08 at 11:38 am


I'm in!   ;D


Me too!  When are we going?

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/19/08 at 12:59 pm


Flyboy needs to spend a night out with me. Liqour, drugs, rejection and serious structural damage.


And maybe throw in a White Castle binge at the end of the night. Then again, I don't know if he can stand up to that kind of punishment, at least not yet. We may have to break him in a little slowly at first.


i like the racing school bus idea, i think some roller derby should get worked in as well.

http://www.colonelpod.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/dwfderby.jpg


Now you're talking! Couldn't hurt to throw in a little paintball either.


I'm in!   ;D



Me too!  When are we going?


SUNDAY!!!
SUNDAY!!!
SUNDAY!!!

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: thereshegoes on 11/19/08 at 7:32 pm

The first and only time i played paintball i got bruises where i got hit for close to a month. It was so much fun :D

Subject: Re: Dear AL-B

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/19/08 at 9:10 pm


The first and only time i played paintball i got bruises where i got hit for close to a month. It was so much fun :D


You know, I've never actually tried paintball.

I got into some wicked bottle rocket fights back in the '90s though.  :D

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