Ok I can't read anything from Rice Cube's story game so I'M starting one:

Once there was a guy named....Alex. (Code name) Let's say he liked to have a lot of fun...a little TOO much fun.  One night Alex went to the club with his fellow frat boys.  He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank. He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank. He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank.
After vomiting several times he passed out.  That night he dreamed he was on a cloud. Ah! Nice fluffy white cloud! The cloud floated around everywhere.  It floated to the left. It floated to the right. It went up and down and did loop-de-loops.  Oops! Chunks flying everywhere. Suddenly Alex was awakened by a bright light.  Then he heard a voice saying, "Alex *last name needed* ! COME ON DOWN!!!"  *cheesy music plays* "And here's your host: Bohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbbbbbb BBBBARRRRRRRRRRKER!"  *more cheesy music*
"Welcome to the stupid drunken frat boys edition of 'The Price is Right!' The first item is......."

I'll try to fix it for you...or have Chucky take a look at it if it's beyond my meager capabilities.  Trust me, the story makes no sense, so you're not missing a plot or anything ;)  It is fun though.

Let's see what I can do with your storyline...

"...A new CAR!!!"

"That's right, Alex B. Looney, you could win a new limited edition Poopswagen Yeti if you can guess the prices to these items...show us what he'll get, Barker's Beauties!"

So Alex, with his liver metabolizing more alcohol than all five James Bond actors combined ever, had to put prices on his five most dreaded items...


PS...I hope those of you who still can visit my story thread continue to contribute, I'd really appreciate it...this story shows a lot of promise too!  ;D

"First, it's Bob's antique collection of RARE BIRD DROPPINGS! Yes, you can have your very own collection in your home.  Show them to your friends! You'll throw great parties with these beauties around.  Or you can hang them in you NEW CAR (that is, if you get it) and have the fresh scent of bird feces linger in your automobile! All yours if the PRICE IS RIGHT!"  *clap clap clap*

"Ok Alex," said Bob.  "What is your wager?"

Alex knew he was supposed to say something, but couldn't remember exactly what.  "Oh," he mumbled to himself. "I've seen this show before. I think I'm supposed to say something like..." Then he loudly stuttered, "P-P-P-PLEASE HAVE YOUR PENGUIN SPAYED OR NEUTERED!"

"HEY!!" yelled Mr. Barker. "That's MY line!" His face grew red with anger. Then he said...

Then Alex became grouchy and irritable, and morphed into Alex Trebek. "Welcome Bob, to Jeopardy.", Trebek chimed. "This isn't Jeopardy you intoxicated moron. It's The Price Is Right.", Bob snapped back. "Oh, contrare, mon frere.", Alex snobbed. "It's Jeopardy alright! That is if your temper, diabetes, and blood pressure isn't under control. Okay, here's the $100 clue: "This very old pervert hosts a game show where floozies jump up and down in miniskirts, exposing their underpants." Just then, Bob started to charge at Alex, then Adam Sandler smacked Bob with a hockey stick. "That's payback, Bob, for that golf stunt you pulled on me in "Happy Gilmore".    

Meanwhile, Sean Connery, with eight shots of bourbon and scotch in his system and wandering aimlessly, stumbled onto the set.  Thinking this was "Celebrity Jeopardy," Connery started telling Trebek how his mother sucked eggs.  "Suck it, Trebek!  Suck it hard, and suck it good!"  Then Connery laughed heartily before collapsing onto his podium and went into a deep sleep.  But not before he let out a monster fart.

And then someone stepped into a time machine and went back to a time where you had to spend your winnings on "Wheel of Fortune" on stupid stuff like ceramic Dalmatians, and stupid idiots who put $1 or $2 leftover winnings on gift certificates redeemable at ritzy jewelry stores!  (Like, what can you buy for $1 or $2 at a ritzy jewelry store?)

Sadly, Alex happened to be one of these people who put $2 on a gift certificate to a ritzy jewelry store.  What was he thinking?!!!! Oh, that's right. He wasn't thinking (well, not very clearly anyway) because he had every alcoholic drink known to mankind still running through his system.  

Well, Alex got booted off the gameshow and decided to go spend his gift certificate.  He went to the jewelry store, where the saleswoman, at seeing his gift certificate, flashed a big smile and said, "Thanks for using your gift certificate!" But when she swiped the card and saw it only contained $2, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Isn't there anything I can *cough* buy for $2?"  "Well,..." said the lady. "There is......ONE thing..."

Alex waited with baited breath for the saleswoman's $2 gift. He was aghast when the lady brought out a plastic bulldog. "What the f*** am I gonna do with a fake dog?" The woman answered, "You could have it spayed or neutered. That's what Bob Barker on the The Price Is Right says." Then Alex went berserk, and burned down the jewelry store, which was actually a police station in disguise. The woman was actually an undercover cop. Unfortunately for Alex, she survived the inferno, and she arrested the drunken bum.

Unfortunately, before she could take Alex to jail, an angry mob of hard-working taxpayers gathered to tell Alex off for burning down the police station and costing them future tax dollars to repair it.  Seeing as there were plenty of rocks and rubble from the damage and these were fundamentalist taxpayers, Alex was promptly stoned...

But of course, Alex was already stoned, so stoning him again was redundant, the taxpayers thought. "We need a new punishment for this loser", proclaimed Brian Fodera, a man who knows a thing or two about losing (In Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?) Alex cut in with, "How can you trust a man who didn't know the Tom Thumb question?" "That was Little Jack Horner," Brian griped. "And in the version my mom told me, he did pull out a blackbird." So the other taxpayers voted to put him on The Weakest Link.

Just in case they tried to pull the "Little Jack Horner" trick on him too, Alex sang the nursery rhyme to himself: "Little Miss Muffet ran up the clock with Goosey Goosey Gander, the three little pigs ran off with a blackbird, and Jill came tumbling after."

Poor, poor Alex.  With a mentality like that, it was obviously that he WAS the weakest link (good-bye).  What would ever become of Alex? Would he EVER get sober?  "Somebody SAVE me!!!" Alex grumbled, after spewing for the hundredth time.  Who WOULD save the day?

LOOK! IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! NO, IT'S.........


(and if you write Superman...you obviously shouldn't be playing this game...not in MY story anyway)

ANNE ROBINSON!  Yes, Anne Robinson.  And she said to Alex, "You are the weakest link!  Goodbye!"  But Alex didn't leave…

Instead, Alex pulled a Rob Schneider and practically threw himself at poor Anne Robinson, who, without a producer to feed her quips and insults, was powerless against his advances...

Then Schneider started to bark like a dog and slobbered icicles all over Anne Robinson. Scott Gray, the 'other' host of The Weakest Link' slapped a newspaper at Schneider and yelled, "Bad doggy! Bad mutt!' and snapped on the leash.

The dog, suddenly angered by this assualt, morphs into a werewolf! http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/sf-talbain.gif "Pull my chain again, and I'll sever your arm from your body and beat you to death with it!"

The tugging abruptly stopped as the annoying host guy left skidmarks in his pants.  The werewolf morphed back into Rob Schneider, who was, for some reason, now acting like a woman in a man's body.  Rob picked up a pillow and smacked Anne Robinson so hard her dentures inverted.

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/beni-entertaunt.gif He then says,  "Hey boys...wanna wrestle?"

Little did Contestant QueenAmenRa realize that this game show was about to turn into shameless celebrity mud wrestling...

Britney Spears all of a sudden appears and says, "I wanna play! I wanna play!" She then proceeds to do a running body slam as only she can do it...http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/rmika-buttattack.gif

Celebrity Mud Wrestling challenger Mikhail Gorbachev appeared from behind the curtain, wearing nothing but rubber boots and a speedo.  He jiggled his body fat until it started to emanate harmonic vibrations.  These vibrations powered his "red spot" ray to unleash his power upon Britney, suffocating her butt attack!

"Ouch!" The ray zaps Britney right in the butt. http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/rmika-rubbingbum.gif

"I'm gonna call my boyfriend on you!" Mikhail laughs and says, "Who? Justin Timberfake?"

"Nope," says Britney. "BORIS!!!!"

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/zangief-oic.gif "Time to kick butt-skee!"  

Gorby looked at Boris' chest hair, and then remarked, "Looks like you put Rogaine on wrong part of body, comrade!"

Gorby then dialed 10-10-220 to talk to his friend, the Sub-Hindu, who teleported using his yoga mysticism to the center of the ring and zapped Boris in the butt with his "tika"-ray.

Boris and Sub-Hindu face off, and all of a sudden, both whip out onions and start chompiong them down. Then...on the count of three...both fighters belch! THe onions stink so badly, the air catches on fire!

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/zangief-flame.gifhttp
://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/dhalsim-yogaflame-sa1.gif

Bob Barker and Alex Trebek stand by and watch this debacle...then both turned around, got some lawn chairs and marshmallows, and roasted some s'mores.

Boris turns to Bob and Alex and says, "Um...Mr. Trebek, you forgot to phrase that in the form of a question-skee! I'm going to have to kick your butt-skee! Mr. Barker! Come on down!"

Bob Barker stands up, and suddenly morphs into BARKER-MAN!
http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/joseph_joestar-jj.gif "QUit singin' it, and start bringin' it!" he shouts.

Alex stands up and begins to spin around...and once he stops, he's morphed into his alter-ego: Tre-BULLFIGHTER! "I'll take "Kicking Your @$$" for $1,000, Boris!" http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/snk-laurence.gif

After whupping on Boris, Alex Tre-Bullfighter said, "Sorry, that's wrong..." in a disparaging tone, and Barker Man said, "The price is wrong, B!TCH!" a la his turn in Happy Gilmore.  :)

I love to read this thread but I don't want to contribute to it for fear of messing it up :-X

And then, from the past, a 13-year-old Crazy Don, clad only in what looks to be a Speedo, http://www.lanset.com/azazella/don%20in%20swimsuit.jpg, prepares for the butt-whoopin' of his life!

Toad took one look at 13-year-old Crazy Don and exclaimed, "Oh, it's terrible!  Our king has been transformed!  Please find the magic wand so we can change him back."  So Mario and Luigi set off to defeat the Koopas and retrieve the wand, but through seven castles they kept running into minions who said, "Thank you, Mario and Luigi, but our princess is in another castle!"  Finally they were able to find the Princess and the wand, and upon reverting to his real self, the king said, "Oh thank heavens!  I'm back to my old self again.  Thank you so much.  Here is a letter from the princess."  To which Mario said, "Well, it seems that the post office has some catching up to do."

Mario went to sit at his picnic table and began to read his letter from the princess.  But as he read, the table starting to rise quite a few inches.  Then his glass of milk slid down the table and spilled onto Luigi's lap.

getting a bit randy, aren't we?  ;)

alright...

Luigi jumped up as the milk hit his favorite pair of overalls.  The table continued to rise: Mario and Luigi had been sitting over a pipe, and a piranha plant had just woken up to toss the table away so it could get some sun.  Mario looked at his letter: "Watch out for hidden pipes," it said.  "Now she tells me!  Women..." Mario lamented.

Then Luigi started to have indigestion. To his horror, he discovered he had eaten the little red mushroom people. "Mario, Help! I've eaten the Portobellos", Luigi cried. Mario came to his rescue when he stuck his plunger in Luigi's esophagus. One by one, the little mushrooms were pumped out of Luigi's stomach. "I'm glad you didn't use the Drano, Brother.", Luigi wheezed.

Sadly, Luigi had also swallowed a psychedelic mushroom, and started tripping out.  Inadvertently, Luigi came into contact with a "fire flower" and, still tripping, proceeded to set the sound stage on fire...

Mario, always being the hero, says "Don't worry! I'll handle this! I'll just take a mushroom, and my jumps will put the fire out!" But, in his hurry, Mario swallows 5 mushrooms at once. The overdose on the mushrooms causes a strange chemical reaction, turning Mario into...

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/franco.gif
MEGA MARIO!!!

Little does Mega Mario know that above him Lakitu was ready to unleash an battle's dozen of spiny eggs...
http://nintendoatlantis.homestead.com/files/SMB_lakitu.gif

"You've got egg on your fact, Lakitu!" cries a voice from above the clouds. Then, down swoops

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/megaman-bird.gif

Megaman in his Beat-Cruiser to help out Mega Mario! "I'm gonna crack you just like those eggs!"

The sound stage quickly filled with Spiny Eggs and Hatched Spinys, and then from behind the curtain marched a plethora of buzzy beetles!  But no...those weren't beetles...they were Beatles, dressed from head-to-toe in fire-proof armor, ready to put out the fire with their yellow submarine!

And Peter Max took most of the credit for the Beatles successful dousing, because he drew all the Beatles and their yellow submarine. The ones that were save didn't even cared, nor did they care that the Beatles were not voiced by the band themselves. "Paul" gave credit to his "Wings", while "John" thanked God for the invention of Plastic Ono, George favored some "traveling wildberries". Ringo was just beating on his drums.  

...Then Michael Jackson came along and bought up all their songs and memorabilia, leaving the Beatles armorless and propless...

Then, as if a sign from above, the music gods smote Michael Jackson and made his nose fall off.

...and caused all his sneezes to sound like, "HOO!" which he decided to leave in some of the final versions of songs for his future albums...

...which angers Disco-Fro, the patron saint of the dance floor. "Yo, man, you can't be stealin' my groove, man!" he cries as he leaps onto the table. "It's time to throw down, jive-head sucka!"

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/jonesstance.gif

So Disco Fro and his Anglo-Saxon buddy, Disco Stu, proceeded to dance the night away, creating a Disco Inferno and causing Michael Jackson (sans nose) to have trouble Stayin' Alive.

::)

Somewhere off in the distance,  a long, loud groan is heard...

It was at this point that disco truly, finally died.

Thus giving birth to the next dance craze...BREAKDANCING!!!!

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/duck-breakdance.gif

With DJ DizzyKat on the 1's & 2's, the Windmill Ninja takes the stage:

http://www.hurrah.freeserve.co.uk/breakdance.gif

Then, sensing a battle, The Jets from West Side Story all prance in and begin their musical attack number!

In a fit of spontaneity, Professor Frink from the Simpsons stepped in and started singing about urea to the tune of "Maria"...

Lisa Simpsons, shaking her head at the blatant use of toilet humor, just trudges away to her room...

Mega Mario and Luigi were getting into an intense argument over who was better, Michael Jackson or the Beatles.  Then, along to save the day, came...well, someone who LOOKED that Russian skater who tapdances ???    To ease their troubles he began to sing: "BoYs, boYs, crazY, boYs.......keep COOL boys...got a ROCKet, in my POCKet.....OWWWW!!!!!!! MY HIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a horror! What would become of the Russian skater? What would become of the Russian skater's hip? And would the Mario Fros. ever settle their dispute?

"This is stupid", yelled the Princess to the bickering Mario Fros.
"Everyone knows that Luther Vandross is da bomb." The Fros. looked at each other and said, "Who?!"

So Luther Vandross and Barry White joined forces to show the world what reeeeeeeeeeal soul is...they slammed their bass amps to the ground and started to duet "Always and Forever" and then Barry launched into "Can't Get Enough of Your Love," attracting snakes to his sweet low voice and away from the hordes of rabid snake-wackers...

http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/mrt.gif

Mr. T, tired of the constant bickering and bashing of snakes, shows up ready to brawl. "I pity the fool who be bashin' snakes, and not callin' 1-800 COLLECT!"

And then Carrot Top comes in and says, "Dial down the center, 1-800-CALL-ATT!" and then Mr. T comes in and beats him to a pulp, all the while saying "I pity the fool who doesn't dial 1-800-COLLECT!"

http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/tmnt.gif

"Hey! We LIKED Carrot Top! It's time to shell out some whoop @$$!!!"

Just then the Noid taunted the Ninja Turtles and they followed him as they figured a Domino's Pizza should be nearby...

http://laurenharman.tripod.com/halloween/images/photos/thenoid.jpg

So as the Ninja Turles proceeded to eat pizza and say "Cowabunga, dude!" at the same time, Mr. T was beating up everyone who was either not dialing 1-800-COLLECT or if they were using a cell phone.  It seemed the only two left uninjured were QueenAmenRa and.....Russell Crowe? Hey where did HE come from? Oh thats right: Australia.  
Hmm....Queen AmenRa......and Russell Crowe......this looks quite dangerous..... :-X

It seemed that Russell Crowe had dumped Meg Ryan for Queen AmenRa, but unfortunately Queen didn't like his brutish Kiwi-ness, so she slapped him.  Crowe went into a rage, but thankfully, Dennis Quaid stepped in and busted out a can of whupass before tossing him away at 98 miles per hour...which is about what he throws a baseball at in "The Rookie".

In the meantime, our ailing hero found himself mysteriously transported away deep into the Mountains of Amnesia.  Feeling somewhat in a daze, he watched as, descending the hill, who should be approaching him, but the gloriously beautiful, immortal Mystic of Singcratia, carrying in her hand the most coveted "Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom."  (which, in appearance, is strikingly similar to a whiffle-ball...but most clearly is NOT!)  "Why hast thou sought out the most powerful Mystic of Singcratia?"

"I don't know; I think the narrator put me here...I really didn't have a choice..."

"Ah yes, thou hast had much that tormenteth thee, these past days...thy soul is in much turmoil..."

"Actually, I wasn't quite so bothered by that as much as this chronic swelling in my joint, so, if there is any way you could conjure up a quick cure and send me on my way..."

"The Mystic concerneth herself not with such petty matters; only the spiritual; come look into the 'Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom' and declare thou what thou seest.."

"Well, I can see...you...or, at least parts of you..."

"NO, You moron; look INTO it, not THROUGH it..."
(regaining composure...)

"There is much that troubleth you now, and the Sphere foreshadoweth even more torments ahead...thou shouldst take much care in your procession..."

"okay, well, whatever..." he mumbled as he slowly lturned and limped back to the main road; at which time he heard one last utterance from the Mystic..."Do not despair; there is one redeeming light; my mortal sister, ruler of the mortals of Egypt...hath an OBSESSIVE crush on you..."

(I hate u becca....but it's all good now...;D  )


"WHAT??!!!!!!!" he shouted, turning around quickly and injuring his hip once again.  :-X  

"Have you not heard? QueenAmenRa, former ruler of the mortals of Egypt, hath become a polygamist, and hath married Bluto, Popeye, and Russell Crowe.  Therefore, disgracing the name of QueenAmenRa, she has passed the crown to the Mystic of Singcratia, which is I."

The young man with the hurt hip was ASTONISHED!   :o
Now he was going to...

Then, Old Man Periwinkle arrived from "The Match Game" and got amnesia. "Hey I thought we were still on the Antarctica thread. I don't belong here." An he went back.  

Suddenly, in walks a little boy he starts saying in an annoying voice:

"I want an easter egg, I want an easter egg, I want an easter egg..." http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/bao-taunting.gif

Then Elmer Fudd, decked out in Viking armor with his spear and magic helmet, started singing to the tune of "Flight of the Valkyries":  


Kill the WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBIT!!

"Wabbit?" asks a confused Papa Smurf. "Forget Wabbits? Isn't it Smucking Season?"
http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/smurf.gif

And in came Smurfette in a see-thru teddy and a thong that defied all laws of elasticity...

http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/smurf.gif She-Ra, who wandered into this realm of reality after having a fight with her brother Prince Adam, says "Back off, BI-ATCH! Blue Boy is MINE!"

So Smurfette put on her battle armor, and then, along with her four Smurfette clones, she said:

"Form feet and legs!"

"Form arms and body!"

"And I'll form the head!"

Thus arose SMURFATRON!  

In the minute or so it took to form Smurfatron, She-Ra just stood there dumbfoundedly when she could have easily dispatched the robot.  Oh well..."Bring it on, HO!"

As Elmer Fudd looked on he said, "Oh why do Chwistina & Bwitney always have to be the center of attention?  Now pwetending they're She-Wa & Smurfatwon?!"  ::)

And then Smurfette http://www.animationlibrary.com/Animation11/Creatures_and_Cartoons/Smurfs/Female_smurf.gif threw her arms around Speedo Boy http://www.lanset.com/azazella/don%20in%20swimsuit.jpg while Speedo Boy nervously fought off her advances…

Then, Elmer remembers the autographed photo Cristina sent him

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/6674.jpg -All my love, Cristina...


"Whoops her @$$, Cwistina!" he cries.

Oh, I'm gonna get nailed for that one...

"Good Heavens!" cried Fudd. "I forgot about this undwessed photo. Now I'm feewing fwisky!"

Britney strips off her disguise and shows Cristina what she really thinks of her.

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/5745.jpg

Britney strips off her disguise and shows Cristina what she really thinks of her.

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/5745.jpg

Elmer Fudd, Cristina and all the others present experience deja vu... ;)

Queen is gonna kick all y'allz @$$es :)

So Britney and Cristina, the two former Mouseketeers, started clawing and ripping at each other's hair...You know, how girls usually fight.

I figure I should get beat up too :)

Rice Cube grabs onto one enhanced breast on each girl to steady himself, and then unleashes the dreaded pillowfight attack!

Christina looks up and says, "Oh...bedtime...let me change into my costume..."

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/6819.jpg

(It is a GOOD day to die)

Syncronos morphs into a Klingon warrior and beheads Britney and Cristina with his bat'leth!

"Ka'Plah!" ;D

Syncronos, the great Klingon Warrior, then threatened death to all those who don't watch Star Trek Nemesis this weekend in the theaters!  ;D

But then QueenAmenRa came back from her triple honeymoon, along with the Mystic of Singcratia, who was terrified, horrified, petrified, stupefied...by the people at the penguin board.  So QueenAmenRa healed the man with the broken hip and sicked him on everybody, especially Rice Cube and Sycronos, but ESPECIALLY Spear Britney and Christina Slutalera.

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:Lu2_M7B13WkC:sapporo.cool.ne.jp/sapporo/3035/Images01final/yaguex1.JPG

He trounced them left...

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:FEUA7UgEf8cC:espn.go.com/media/skating/2001/0122/photo/a_yagu_i.jpg

He trounced them right...

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:je8wwhqe8mQC:www.shanfan.com/nongymn/skating/men/yagudin/ay01sc8.jpg

And tap-danced on their heads

*oops! I didn't know it would do that if i put the "s" word*

Suddenly, Mario Lemieux and Wayne Gretzky, the most powerful hockey players in the universe, gave the skater a vicious hipcheck!  Rice Cube and Syncronos were saved!


*Sorry Queen, but you have to be corrupted sometime, and it might as well be us doing the corrupting*  ;)

(We'll try to keep it cleaner though)  ;D

Thus saith the most powerful and fearful Mystic:

"It is most unfortunate that these four men hath violated the most sacred law of the Cosmos, and hath stirred the anger of the most powerful and yet mortal Queen (those four being ML, WG, RC, and "Sync..."); for as ye findeth yourselves in much disagreeance with her new object of infatuation, ye have been fated to join forces in the new quest to rid our parallel universe of the most wicked one (who, by the way, really is NOT Ben Franklin...) "The fate of the world resteth on your journey's success..."

"What?!" exclaims the newly re-injured athlete.  "You saw how they hurt me? Why didn't you just summon your...powers...and...just, whisk them away into the 'Dark caverns of dispair'...forever...or something...I do not think that the "Queen is going to be very happy with you..."

"SILENCE, FOOL!"  
"Only by your combined resources shalt ye overcome the minions of evil which liveth in the burning hills of Shadow and Darkness; Ye shall there wrest with the most wicked himself; which person remaineth nameless...but whose initials are 'rob schneider'..."

"But," says RC..."who will protect us? Are you coming with us?"

"I must remain...for, as to thy wish that thou hath stated; from the deeps recesses in my Blessed Mount of Timbre, I shall view with my All-seeing Eye the long-expected "StarTrek:Nemesis" picture...

I like ^...she's creative ;)

Alright, time to bring out the shizzity...

So Rice Cube and Syncronos left Mario and Wayne and the now-incapacitated skater.  With Mysticofwhatever's blessing, RC and Sync charged on, leaving many a figure skater's decapitated head in their wake as a sign of their immense power and ruthlessness.  Nothing could keep them from their prize...A SIXTY-FOUR OUNCE BUCKET OF POPCORN WITH UNLIMITED REFILLS!!!
;D

So they went to their doomed destination of Rob Schneider's palace, whose butler was Tim Curry. Mr. Curry was *very* happy to see them, but when he saw Syncronos he asked for a credit card...   With a deep and slow voice, Syncronos replied with, "Credit carrrrrd?...Yewwwww GAWWWT ittttt..."   Oh what a horrible place!
Then they saw the master of disaster (a.k.a. rob schneider) who said "Welcome to the PIT of deSPAIR...don't even *cough wheeze*....don't even think about gettin' outta here."

The 4 men were forced to endure the "machine"...which, of course, was...

THE ILUDIUM Q-36 EXPLOSIVE SPACE MODULATOR!!!

http://www.toonopedia.com/martian.jpg

Good heavens!  Whatever will they do to escape the evil forces of Marvin the Martian?

"Earth obstructs my view of Venus", Marvin snidely said. "I must destroy it. Send in my Instant Martians." He reach over for a bottle of his giant Martian pills. However it was snatch in the nick of time but Keifer Sutherland, who flushed the pills down the toilet. Bad move, Keif.

Suddenly, with the force of a thousand high school standard issue cherry bombs, the pipes in the entire building exploded as ostrich-like Instant Martians popped up from everywhere!

Braveheart stepped in with his Scottish troops and addressed his men in the coming battle against the evil Martians..."They may take our lives, but they'll ne'er make us MARTIANS!!!"

Then they mooned the Martians, because as y'all know, Scots don't wear anything under their kilts.

Then Glen Campbell suddenly arrived to sing "The Scotsman", even though it was originally by some other guy. The Martians seemed very disturbed by the noise coming from Glen's mouth and they scattered. It seems like the music we know and love is death for the aliens.

They could not escape!  The Martians tried to claw their way out through the walls, but Bob Barker had designed his sound stage so that NOBODY could ever escape from his tapings.  

Then they brought in John Stamos' no-talent brother, who started to sing "Loving You".  When he hit the high note, the Martians exploded!  Everyone was buried under a heap of festering Martian carrion.

With much effort, our intrepid warriors peeled the smoldering masses of flesh off of their bodies and stood to face the remaining Martian, faces set as if in defiance.

Since my original followup to my story line involving Smurfette and Speedo Boy was deemed too racy to place on the board, I have substituted the following, which is not as racy…

Meanwhile, Smurfette http://www.animationlibrary.com/Animation11/Creatures_and_Cartoons/Smurfs/Female_smurf.gif continued making her advances to Speedo Boy http://www.lanset.com/azazella/don%20in%20swimsuit.jpg but Speedo Boy remained uninterested.  Smurfette continued her seduction of Speedo Boy, but Speedo Boy got more nervous.  Then, out of nowhere, Papa Smurf http://www.animationlibrary.com/Animation11/Creatures_and_Cartoons/Smurfs/Old_smurf_2.gif came along and said, "Smurfette!  What are you doing to that poor boy!  Can't you see he doesn't want you?  And besides, you should be seducing your own kind!  Don't you know you're the only girl Smurf?  Why are you fooling around with this boy who obviously doesn't want you?"  Smurfette said, "But Papa Smurf!  The boy looked sexy!  He's wearing a blue Speedo!  And I'm a sucker for guys in blue Speedos!  After all, I'm not blue because I'm sad!"

And all this was happening while the space modulator was trying to be diverted from Earth…

Then Drunken Smurf got into an argument with the bartender. "Gimme more Moby Cocktails.", Drunk Smurf piped. "You had enough," said Aretha Franklin as she took away his car keys. "And let the Speedo boy take you home." She didn't know that Speedo had too much vino himself and was ranting about Smurfette's passes.

In the nick of time, Bugs Bunny snatched the car keys from Aretha and said, "Eh, Doc, you shouldn't give them to this maroon..." and drove Drunken Smurf back to his mushroom.  Meanwhile, the bartender kicked Speedo Boy out of his bar because he was being obnoxious again.

As Speedo was trying to explain his side of the story, editors of The National Enquirerer jump on this story and publish a front page story titled, "Smurfette Sexually Harrassed In Bar". Speedo was infuriated, and went to the Enquierer's office with a summons and a shotgun, just in case.

Speedo Boy landed in the street, right on his speedo covered a$$. Before he could get up, Drunken Smurf (who had beat the cr@p out of Bugs Bunny and thrown him in the trunk) came tearing around the corner and mowed down Speedo Boy.

Speedo then fired a shot at Drunken's car, killing him instantly. Brainy Smurf saw everything, but he was so hyper that the courts acquitted Speedo of any wrongdoing, ignoring the tire tracks on Speedo's face. "Outrage!" Papa Smurf said. Judge Gargamel then jailed Papa for comtempt, with bailiff Aziel Catt carrying him off.

Papa Smurf, before he could be hauled out of the courtroom (which shouldn't be hard considering he's a SMURF, for Pete's sake), pulled one of those really awesome Matrix moves and escaped from Azrael, in the process stealing Azrael's gun and shooting the Speedo Boy, killing him instantly.

"This is inconceivable!" cried Fezzini.

"Of course, Fezzini!" cried Brainy Smurf.  "Cats don't carry guns.  And Papa Smurf always says..."

http://www.sunion.warwick.ac.uk/cheemu/brainysmurf.gif

And then Brainy Smurf started quoting passages from Marxist literature, as the Smurfs are a Communist nation and Papa Smurf is their fearless leader.

Just then Jokey Smurf walks into the courtroom with a present for Brainy Smurf...

http://www.geocities.com/smurfy_stephanie/11farce.gif

"Happy Birthday, Brainy Smurf!  Heeya ya yaya ha ha!"

Brainy Smurf opens the gift and...
http://www.geocities.com/smurfy_stephanie/whitesmurf15.jpg

The box exploded!  Jokey Smurf's joke box had so much punch that the landscape turned into red X's on a white background...

Brainy Smurf lost his tact and started yelling at Jokey..."You smurfing smurf!  I'll smurfing smurf you you smurfing smurf smurf smurfersmurfer!!!"

Elsewhere, Hairspray Smurf's eardrums were bleeding...

"Heeya heeyaya ya!" laughed Jokey Smurf.  "That was a special gift from geocities.com.  Hope you liked it..."

Papa Smurf couldn't help but to chuckle at Jokey's antics.

Judge Gargamel pounded his gavel in disgust.  "SILENCE!" he bellowed.  Papa Smurf was arrested and sent to jail...

Just then Hefty Smurf entered the courtroom..."Nobody's taking Papa Smurf to jail!" and he pounded Judge Gargamel on the head with his gavel.

http://members.tripod.com/~MerryJane421/pic/hefty.gif

"I HATE JAIL!"  Scowled Grouchy Smurf.

http://home.pon.net/mira/smurfs/smurf/smurf1.jpg

Just then, the Court of Gargamel was plunged into the ocean, where the surface-dwellers were besieged by an army of Snorks!

"My pants are all SMURFED!" gargled Brainy Smurf as he sat on the bottom of the ocean. "Papa Smuuur-rrrrrrf....!"

"I HATE Smurfed pants!" shouted Grouchy Smurf.

Perhaps 'tis time that we spoke
Of why even underwater, Smurfs don't croak.
You see they have special glands
To make their ocean breathing stand
So they can travel anywhere
Even in places with no air.
Magical creatures these Smurfs are,
But will this push their bodies too far?

Suddenly, Alex returned, awakened from his state of drunkenness.  "Where did YOU come from?" Smurfette asked.  "You leave that there boy alone!!" shouted Grandpa Smurf.  "I don't know," Alex stated, answering Smurfette's question.  "I just went to the bar with my peeps and next thing I know, I'm in a room full of Smurfs....no wait....I seem to remember something about a......"  
Then Bob Barker came running up. "THERE you are!!!!  Come over so I can REALLY teach ya what it means when the price is right..."    "No" shouted Alex Trebek.  "I'M taking him."     "NononoNO....body can trounce him like I can," said the skater boy.  
But Alex feared not, for he picked up the remote and turned the TV off, destroying all the creatures of the television world (yes, including the Russian skater).  But what is that light over there? He walked closer, and closer, and closer until he saw the great Whiffle Ball....I mean, the Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom.  Melefocent, I mean, the Mystic of Singcratia suddenly appeared before him and told him...

"Now, the guy is going to throw a slider low and away, but watch the whiffle-holes to get a feel for the curve too..."  Alex swung away, and hit a home run off of Roger Clemens, who at this point in his career is no better than a whiffle-pitcher anyway.

The next time up, Alex hit a short grounder to first, but as luck would have it, Bill Buckner let it roll through his legs...AGAIN.

"HOLY COW!" Exclaimed Harry Carey.  "It's been a while since we've seen that sort of mishap on the field..."

Millions (and I mean millions) of Red Sox fans stormed the field with tar, feathers and guns & ammo and beat the living daylights out of Buckner as the Mets pranced off the field to celebrate their victory, with Alex as their MVP of the Whiffle Series.

Then Sean Connery showed up.  "Alex, you most valuable b@$tard, why don't you try some of my clam chowda?  Your mother likes it..."

Alex was perplexed..."Connery!" he gasped.  "I thought I'd gotten rid of you once and for all, once Will Ferrell left SNL!"

Connery retorted: "Nevah, Trebek!  Now Shuck it hard, and Shuck it good!"

And out of nowhere Opera Man arrives to narrate the scene:

"Host of Jeopardy-o
Wiffle Ball MVP-o
Then his archrival-a
Came to give him hell-a

Talks of clam chow-da
Ruckus getting loud-a
Trebek-a has a frown-a
Sean has told him to go downtown-a!"
;D

After the angry mob was finished beating up Buckner, Matt Foley crashed through the center field wall and told Buckner, "It's okay, HOMBRE!!!  You gotta suck it in and take them out, or you'll end up like me and live in a VAN down by the RIVER!!!"

Meanwhile, Alex was curious as to why he had become trapped in a world of sports.  But he was even more curious as to why Mr. Connery had called him "Trebek."  He looked in the mirror.  "Oh! I suppose I shoot lose the facial hair...and the fro..."   So he did.
But Sean Connery tried to attack him again. Alex started to run.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran. "TAXI!" he shouted. The taxi stopped and Alex got in. "Whoo!" he sighed. "At least I'm safe in this nice warm taxi...with these 2 wh***s sitting next to me...and this bong to comfort me....WAIT a minute!" He looked at the taxi driver and SCREAMED!!!!!!! He was terrified, horrified, petrified, STUPEFIED...by the taxi driver.  It was...

...none other than Louie DePalma. "Reager!", Louie screamed. "You're supposed to be driving a cab. Where did you leave my cab?!!!" "I-I-I don't know what you mean," quizzed Alex. Louie then barked, "Don't gimme that dum-dum drivel, Reager! I know you were with Nardo and Banta in the three-way, you idiot!" "Hey, aren't you married to Carla on "Cheers"?", Alex chirped. Louie's face turned beat red. "Don't change the freakin' subject."  

Then Louie's bigger stronger twin brother, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, got into the cab...

The only problem was Schwartzenegger was carrying a baby and his water had just broke. "Let me help you Arnold", said Alex. But Arnold just gave Alex a punck in the solar plexus and said, "Get away from me, you pervert."

Except it sounded more like, "Geht ah-wehy frahm me you peh-veht" because Arnold, for some reason, had a really thick Austrian accent.

Louie then stopped for two ladies that were trying to hail a cab.  It turned out to be Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney.

"Hey Louie!" shouted Laverne.  "You's got room for two more?"

"IT'S NOT A TUMAH!!!" cried Arnold.

Then, Syncronos magically appears. "It's not a tumor," he explains. "All those steroids have taken this affect, and as a result, he's...*ahem*...shrank."

Arnold, seeing his manhood criticized, went on a Terminator-style rampage across south central Los Angeles.

...and singing, "dis is HOW we do it."  Meanwhile, LAPD  captured the rampage on video from helicopters above...

...and Rodney King, back for another 15 minutes of fame, asked once more, "Can't we all just get along...and have some Ball Park Franks?"

Just then Michael Jordan showed up with 10 cases of Ball Park Franks and Gatorade and decided to throw a barbecue at Inglewood's Siminski Park, since it rhymed with Kaminsky Park.

Arnold was instantly pacified as he remembered his childhood days in Austria, when he had bratwurst and streudels at Grandma Ah-nuld's mountain cottage...

...and there was always someone atop one of the mountains yodeling, "Ricola!"

Suddenly, one of the alphorn players fell!  If not for Mr. Fantastic's stretchiness forming a net, he surely would have met his doom that day...instead, he thanked Mr. Fantastic, saying...

"Saving my life was a stretch, even for you..."  ;D

Arnold chuckled at this memory of his childhood, and he decided to go back to Austria to his Grandma's house.  Unfortunately his niece, Gretta, (whom he had never heard of) was living there and wanted her Uncle Ah-nold to play with her.  He didn't want to, but Grandma Ah-nold started beated him with a spoon, so he was forced to.
Gretta gave Ah-nold her stuffed horse, goat and monkey to play with, while she played with her monster that was visiting "Ah-nold's Drive-In"    
"Horse feet......PLEEEEEEEEESSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no hohrss feet."
"Goat feet........PLEEEEEEEEESSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no goat feet."
"Monkey feet......PLEEEEEEEESSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no mahnkee feet."
"Ah-nold feet......PLEEEEEEEEESSSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no  *chomp*  AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The monster had chipped its teeth on Ah-nuld's Terminator endoskeleton.  Ah-nuld said, "Thaht's what you geht fohr trying to eat me, now let me take a look at thaht too-mah!"  And he ripped off the poor monster's head and kicked it all the way to Graz, his hometown, where he played Monster Soccer at Arnold Schwarzeneggar Stadium.

From deep in the hills in the Amnesia, the beautiful and compassionate Mystic of Singcratia hath looked into her sacred orb, and seeing the taunts and torments railed upon the miserable Arnold.  In her pity she transporteth him back unto her City of Serenity, where he resteth, and easeth himself, in luxurious comfort.  He hath been accompanied, at his request, by the lovely Maria Schriver, and in the midst of his journey, the Mystic hath added to his company, the most popular "Opera Man," who serenadeth them with the beloved musical number - "Maria"

"Ma-RIII-AAAAA; Maria, Maria, Ma-RIII-AAAAA..."

"Ma-RII-AAAA...I've just met a girl named Maria..."

Arnold screamed! This was no pleasant place to be!  
"I neet to go bahck to whehre I was before. I cahn be free in Amehricah."
"For a small free in America," said a strange little Puerto Rican.
Arnold screamed again. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  
When he got to the border of Europe, he jumped. He jumped so far he landed in America. Then he ran some more. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.
Finally he stopped to look at where he was.  Hmm.....that's funny....it looks awfully......animated. Then he looked up at the sign: "Welcome to Oklahoma, Native American land."

"OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Queen then appeared to greet Ah-nuld...The BAND Queen, that is.  As Ah-nuld finished screeching his last "No!" Freddie Mercury launched into the Bohemian Rhapsody...

Oh mama mia mama mia!  mama mia let me go!

Beeeeeeeeelzebub has a devil put aside for meeeeeee...for meeeeeee... for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Freddie Mercury's high note shattered windows for miles around.

As teens across the land saw the windows shatter while in their cars they knew there was only one thing left to do...and they started headbanging...

And as the tune died down, they all flicked their Zippo lighters into the air and waved back and forth in one universal motion...

Arnold watched as suddenly the teens with their lights became animated as well.  Then all the lights were thrown onto a giant bonfire.  Ah-nold was horrified! He was still on Native American land a.k.a. land of the cartoon Indians.  Ah-nold looked off to the side to see a very very young QueenAmenRa, who was also terrified of the cartoon Indians.  
But, surprisingly, Alex came along to save the day.
"Mr. Schwartzenegger, THIS....makes the red man red"
"Why, whaht iss wahhtehrmelahn, uhf corss!"

Hooray! The cartoon Indians had now disappeared to their watermelon feast and the very very young Queen no longer was frightened.  The "Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" theme played as everyone cheered for Ah-nold.

But something was still wrong........

Zaphod Beeblebrox and Trillian whisked Ah-nuld and Alex away to their spaceship and zoomed away a second before Earth exploded.  On their way to the Restaurant at the end of the Universe, Zaphod explained that Alex and Trillian would have to breed in order to further the human race.  Alex looked at Zaphod's clipboard and noted that he had crossed out the name "Arthur Dent"...

So the threesome lived happily ever after because the nice story which QueenAmenRa had begun was starting to get a bit long and stupid, thanks to her lowwwwwwwwly servant Rice Cube.  ;)

THE END

As Queen AmenRa was about to end the story, Rice Cube shouted, "Hey, this thread hasn't reached 20 pages yet. What's your hurry, Q?" Just then, the irritable Queen zapped Rice with her Story Suicide Machine, and Rice was trapped. She then took care of her other slaves Crazy Don, Race Bannon, and Sam Rice Gamgee.

And... er... the Queen ran off with Russell Crowe to live happily ever after.

Russell, however, being an Aussie, had a serious problem with monarchy.  He was quite the anarchist himself.  Can these two get along...?

(Theme from "The Odd Couple" begins to play...)

Suddenly, the Queen and Russ were visited by the ghosts of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. "Don't go on with it. I've had three mistakes due to marriage.", Lemmon shrieked. "You idiot.", piped Matthau. "It's the freaking Queen and Russell Crow." While the two were trading jabs, Tony Randall and Jack Klugman. Randall was still depressed because he lost his unrequited love Rock Hudson several years back, and Klugman couldn't speak. "Woe is me, woe is me", shrieked Randall. "You idiot," shouted back Klugman. "That was 15 years ago."

Suddenly, a light appeared.  Lemmon and Matthau looked into it and were instantly transfixed.  Then, amazingly, they recruited Jimmy Stewart, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. and created the ultimate in terror...the Ultra-Mega-Grumpy-Old-Manotron!

Who reached deep into his pockets and pulled out a crispylicious bag of.... watermelon pickles! http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/mittelgrosse/mittelgr124.gif

Russell Crowe suddenly sprang into action.  As he sang his theme song ("Makin' movies, makin' songs, and fightin' 'round the world!"), he thoroughly trounced the Ultra-Mega-Grumpy-Old-Manotron.

The Queen was impressed.  But just as she was about to cry "My hero!" and rush to his arms, Russell was distracted by a passing blonde and ran off in pursuit.

"Forget it!" said the Queen.  "This man is too macho!"

So she turned to the next on her list of prospects... a Russian figure skater.

The everlasting Mystic appeareth to the Queen, and giveth her counsel:

"Thou dearest, and misguided Queen; take heed and harken unto the counsel of thy most wise sister;

"It seemeth well that thou shouldest choose such an one as your intended, for indeed, he shareth that same quality as yourself, your sister, the Mystic, thy new-found friend Wombert, and even this thy history, which thing is that he will neither die, nor go away...

"Do consider that though he may well enclasp some semblance of intellectual thought, his limited experience in your familiar language doth not betray it; yea, verily, this day, through the sacred 'Sphere' have I seen this minimal vocabulary diplayed, as he endeavoreth to replace this short-fall with a particular knack for reading cue cards...(much in the manner of Sy Goldblum of 'Spatula City...')

"Thou shalt indeed approach this new object of infatuation with kindness, but yet, with caution...as his sexual orientation remaineth yet unconfirmed..."

"Hey!" exclaimed the Queen.  "Don't you be dissin' my man!"

The Mystic chuckled to herself (she thought "man" was overstating it a bit) and disappeared, leaving the Queen to find out for herself.

The Queen began the search for the newest object of her affections, and sure enough, he was at the local ice rink, giving skating lessons to children. ("How sweet!" she thought to herself.)

However, when she entered, she found him sitting on the ice, surrounded by a small group of young children... and he was crying.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

The man sobbed, "I've been looking all over for my darling Sasha Cohen, the ice child. But she is not there." The Queen then counselled him, "Don't you known that Miss Cohen is still a child herself and the Police will arrest you for molesting?" "Yes, I know, but Sasha makes such big splits. She has to be mine." Just then, the Queen called her royal subjects to arrest "The Man". "It's for your own good", she sighed.

By this time the Queen was getting quite suspicious......"WAIT A MINUTE!" she exclaimed. "YOU'RE not Kirk!"  She was quite furious with her sis the Mystic, and her other sis the Wombert for encouraging the Mystic to give the Queen the wrong list.  Now their punishment was to listen to "Battle Hymn of the Republic" while watching "Glory."   However, Wombert didn't have a problem with it: she just stared at Denzel Washington......while Aki cried.

Anyway the Queen went on her search for Kirk.  She finally found him trying to learn to ice skate (since swimming season was over).  Of course, she could never find Kirk without also spotting out the handsome (and very sexy) E........I mean, Bluto.  :-[    Of course, the two young men saw the Queen and started yet another argument on who would be heir to the throne.  (They knew that one of themselves stood a chance now that Russell Crowe was out of the picture)

Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise then beamed down with Mr. Spock, tricorder in hand, and said, "I heard someone down here hailed for Kirk...I am here, now where do I start shooting Klingons?"

Mr. Spock just raised one eyebrow in mock fascination.

Captain Kirk suddenly noticed the other children at the ice skate and was struck with the sudden urge to become a skating coach.

"Follow me!" cried Kirk; "I will be your new leader, my ... little friends, my... small friends."

Kirk cautiously glided to the other end of the rink followed by a stumbling bunch of toddlers struggling to stay upright.

The Queen was more than glad to be rid of the balding and overweight starfleet captain, and luckily Spock followed his lead and went to direct the children in the most logical manner of skating.

The Queen's happiness was short-lived, however, for just then the Russian figure skater entered the rink searching for her.

"I must have you, my Queen!" he proclaimed, and proceeded to perform the most beautiful routine she had ever seen, accompanied by the music to Swan Lake.  It was so moving she almost relented, but suddenly caught herself:

"No!" she said.  "Forget it! This man is too sensitive!"

The Russian, crushed by her rejection, fled sobbing into the arms of a rather manly female skating coach named Svetlana, or Tatiana, or something.  

The Queen turned back to Kirk (Let's call him Kirky to avoid confusion with James T.) and Bluto.

"I must hav