(Okay, I haven't been here in a long time so I don't know how many people are still here that used to write in my stories, but I'll try them again.  I promise to be nice  ;))


Once there was a girl named Jane Doe.  One day Jane was sitting in her English composition class.  It was very boring. *yawn*  Finally, class was dismissed, and Jane hurried out of the building.  
See Jane run. Run, Jane, run.
BUT she had left something back in the classroom.  Something of great importance.  It was...

...the Amulet of Kroog!

Leslie Neal found it under Jane's desk.  At first she didn't know how to use it, but then she noticed that it came with an instruction manual.  She turned to the section that described the function of...

liquidating human beings.

Leslie knew that boys were never trusted at all.  "Leslie," Matt Schlompik spoke jumping in front of her, his posse of Charlie Grenich, Mike Paleto, and Johnny Cambridge stood by the door watching him try to get some.  Matt went on talking, "wanna see what color my underwear is?"  He asked, and so Leslie raised the weapon and fired, leaving just a puddle of liquid on the ground.  The male teacher approached and said, "Leslie, what the devil happoned to Matt?"  And instead of answering, Leslie...

...huddled in the corner and ate corn flakes.  But then he pulled out the burnt one.  This could only mean one thing:

the teacher was a homosexual!

Leslie knew that in order to be liquidated by the machine, you had to be a strait person, so, she frantically set the machine for girl, and picked it up, and fired.  The teacher was now a...

...Tony Blair lookalike.
"Ah well," Leslie sighed. "At least we have somewhere to stay- we can use their ears as a tent."

Then suddenly Matt's posse approached the poor girl and asked what happoned to Matt, and why Mr Blair was now in the classroom.  All the little girl did was run out the window, and far far away.  Then Jane returned and questioned the where abouts of her invintion, the class looked stunned.  Mr Blair finally answered....

"I like hamburgers and steak!"  Of course, this made absolutely no sense to Jane.  But then she turned around to see the Blue Bell Dairy cow, who began to sing:

"girl you know its, girl you know its, girl you know its."  JAne recognized it as her favorite song by Milli Vinilli.  And so everyone forgot their troubles and started to sing, when suddenly, a truck drove through the wall, and the driver got out.  The driver was none other than the world infamous...

Arnold Schwartzenegger, who after insisting to the class that he did NOT have a brain tumor, began singing a rousing rendition of Kal-IV-orn-ya heer ai kum....doo daah doo daah...

...and then Harry Potter appeared, pulled out his wand and turned Arnold into a giant, evil, talking...

Sandwich.

Then the girl took out the machine and tried to fire, but Mr Blair had taken it.  Milli Vinilli then entered and said...

"The Russian Mafia have taken over the Trojan factory, and they are holding the workers prisoner!  The Russians want the human liquidation device, or else...

Theyre gonna verbally hurt Kevin Costner.  "NO!!!!"  the girl whose name I forgot yelled(the main charactor).  And so then Mr T entered, and everyone sang...

"Sing you fools!! Sing!!", Mr. T shouted. "I pity the fool that doesn't sing!" Just then Justin, the knife wielding contestant from "Big Brother 2", pulled the knife at Mr. T, who snapped Justin's wrist like it was a twig.

Then R2D2 walked in, and everyone applauded.  So suddenly, the ceiling collapsed to reveal...

...The Flux Capacitor, finally Jane could operate her time-travelling DeLorean, and travel to the year 1967 to...

boogie like its 1969!  And so everyone started to dance.  The suddenly appeared the questionable hobbits...

from the lord of the rings movie, and they were getting stoned again!  One of the hobbits suggested they go to Loompa Land to party with the oompa loompas.  When they got there they were attacked by the snozzwankers and the vermicious knids!  Ahhh!!  There was a wangdoodle behind them!

But Merry and Pippin had no fear of the wangdoodle, because they only had to blow on their magic conch to summon the Intergalactic Paraflugiaglax Messenger whom they had befriended in the last story. He was still very sore about not being tipped for the delivery of the now long defunct electrotoggle and he was ready to take on all comers, wangdoodles included....

But right before the battle, a huge truck came and slammed into all those things that Merry said whose names i dont remember, killing them all.  The driver got out, as well as a passenger, same two charactors from the last story, they were...

Bluto and Captain Kirk, who immediately began a duet about priceline.com, causing everyone within hearing range to cringe uncontrolably....

Until William Shatner appeared, and everyone cheered, then secconds later, everyone cringed again.  Suddenly all three bad singers collapsed to a shotgun bullet, that shotgun was being held by...

....Gray Davis who began to jump up and down stomping his feet and screaming: "But I wanna be Governor! Waaaaaah!" In one swift move, Ahnold Terminated his bumblingcy, once again making the world safe for the common folk and hobbits alike....

known as Democrats.  Then Issah proceeded to tell Ihrmah about the delightful restorant she stayed at last night, while Jebidiah Smith danced happily in...

...the Moonlingt. He was feeling warm and right. It's such a fine and natural sight...

to see three frogs saying "Bud" "Wis" "Er."  "I could have a beer now!" Jebidiah said, and so he got himself a beer.  Then suddenly Merry and Pippin appeared again, and took the...

...slightly stunned Billy Florio by the hand and led him away to...

... a small deserted hut where they preceeeded to....

...a mirage of an oasis. But instead of water, it was Liam and Noel Gallagher's band who were singing...

the "Ice Cream Man" song.  Thousands of people began to rush down the street.  But they were stopped when a familiar voice was heard all over.  It was that of the Mystic of Singcratia.  Whatever happened to her anyway? Oh, that's right, she...

...had left for Themiscyra to battle Diana for the title of Wonder Woman so that she could...

successfully end her quest to kill large-breasted women whom she so hated.  Now all that was left was the QueenAmenRa.

Good thing the Mystic's not reading this?  ;)

And who were his hired assasins?  Well none other than Mikey and Jeff, the heroes of last story, and Lee Ving of course respectfully.  Although all three happoned to be...

....quickly rounded up and forcefully enrolled in the Websterian School of spelling and grammar.... ;)

Who should appear to the left now?  Well none other than Billy and Avril, Avril still a zombie of course, "Big boobies!"  Lee Ving shouted, and the three warriors rushed over.  Upon finding out she was already dead, Mikey took her to the tool shed and...

removed her silicon implants.  He needed them to...

stuff into the tail pipe...








of her car, so that she couldnt get away and...

move to Cali.  Little did she know that who awaited her was none other than...

....the entire Joad family, who asked her: "Do you know the way to San Jose?"

But she never reached San Jose, well thats what Mikey and Jeff thought, until they saw that Lee Ving was still playing with the silicone implants, and hadn't inserted them into the tail pipe yet.  The car was long gone though, and they now began the trek to find the best...

bump