Are there any cases in which you would disown your own family?  For instance, if they disowned you, killed somebody, gave up their religion, etc.

I don't think I would ever disown my family in a spiritual sense, but if they presented some sort of danger to my life or livelihood I would try to avoid them.

Yes.

Some crimes are unforgiveable and if a member of my family did any of those crimes, I'd do everything in my power to make it look like they were never in my family to begin with.

My immediate family? No. Everyone outside my immediate family? Pshaw, in a New York minute.

Nope.

I did.

Things are still pretty shakey.

I think 'disown' is far too strong a word to describe my situation, but we went about a year without talking.

Not that long compared to some.

Would I disown them. It would all depend I suppose, on what they did and why they did it.

Yes, if there was a good reason... although I can't see my family ever giving me a good reason.

I've thought about it. But, no...they'd still bother me and guilt me into not disowning them... ::).

Disown, no, I don't think so.  Of course I have a very small family.

'Disowning' means nothing. Your'e still the same flesh and blood. But I think parents who kick their kids out of their houses (or kids who kick their elderly parents out) obviously don't know the meaning of the word family. Of course, there are exceptions (i.e. when you fear for your safety, they are a real danger), but parents kicking out say, a daughter who became pregnant, or because their kid came out of the closet...don't understand the mentality behind that sort of thinking.

No I wouldn't unless they did something absolutely abhorrant which I would is say is very unlikely.

Depends on who we're talking about, but I really don't think there is anything that would make me disown a member of my family. Avoid them, sure, but not disown. No "you're dead to me"  Sopranos kind of stuff.

The most common reason I've heard that people disown other family members is when the family members forget you even exist until they need help (usually money).  My husband and his older sister 'disowned' their two other sisters because of that, and also because the other two sisters were drug addicts and used to make up sob stories about their kids being sick and them about to be kicked out of their homes, etc.. to try to get my husband to give them money...for drugs.  We haven't heard from those sisters in about 6 years, and nobody really misses them at all.

The most common reason I've heard that people disown other family members is when the family members forget you even exist until they need help (usually money).  My husband and his older sister 'disowned' their two other sisters because of that, and also because the other two sisters were drug addicts and used to make up sob stories about their kids being sick and them about to be kicked out of their homes, etc.. to try to get my husband to give them money...for drugs.  We haven't heard from those sisters in about 6 years, and nobody really misses them at all.


That's pretty messed up.  I can understand disowning your family if they, like in that case, disown you first in a sense.  But the whole "you're dead to me" stuff I just find really sad, the only thing worse than somebody's body dying is somebody's soul dying.

That's pretty messed up.  I can understand disowning your family if they, like in that case, disown you first in a sense.  But the whole "you're dead to me" stuff I just find really sad, the only thing worse than somebody's body dying is somebody's soul dying.


Actually when people ask my husband how many siblings he has, he says he just has one sister.  He doesn't think of them as 'dead', he just doesn't think of them as family.

Actually when people ask my husband how many siblings he has, he says he just has one sister.  He doesn't think of them as 'dead', he just doesn't think of them as family.


Ah, I see.  :)

I couldn't see disowning my immediate family, seeing as how they're the only *real* family I've got anymore. They mean too much to me. They'd never do anything that would lead me to make them persona non-grata in my eyes. Now me, on the other hand...I probably gave *them* a few reasons to kick me out of their house as teenager, but it never came to that. Thank god.  :) 

There was a while when I didn't communicate with my mother-that was because of my ex and it is a VERY long story.

I would never disown anyone for their religion (you can read about all the different religions just in my immediate family in another thread). One my nieces is a lesbian and lives with her significant other-here in our little small town-not a problem for me. In fact, her significant other calls me her aunt-which I take as a complement. So in terms of that-NEVER! (That goes with something else I always say, "It doesn't matter WHAT you are but WHO you are")

I would distance myself from ANYONE (family or not) if I felt they were a threat to me and the ones I love, but I don't know about disowning them.



Cat

People in my family used to frequently disown each other over monetary disputes and personal quibbles...my aunt disowned all of us. We just don't speak to her anymore. My great-aunt disowned my grandfather (and all of our families, by extension) my great-grandmother disowned her sister, etc. In my grandfather's family, girls got disowned when they married a sheidel (a non-Jewish male.)

^I'm from a highly dysfunctional family on both sides, but most of the "disowning" business is on my dad's side. Crazy Irish drunks. The lot of them are insufferable. There hasn't been much disowning in a monetary sense in the last 30 years. My paternal grandmother's drunken brothers squandered all the family money all partying, booze, and lavish layabout living, then her second husband ran the family business into the ground in the 1960s. Then said second husband cashed out all the bonds trying to save his ass from lung cancer, but it killed him anyway in '74! 
It was more a situation in which "we can't invite so-and-so because such-and-such and so-and-so won't speak to eachother.
My father "disowned" his half-brother in the '70s because my uncle is a paranoid azzwhole, but so is my dad.  My dad continued to run me down verbally and give me the same sh!t he started giving me when I was twelve until I was in my early 30s. I didn't "disown" him, I declared him "estranged." My sister wants me to make amends with him before he dies.  I told her I ain't ready to deal with the old SOB, but I'll give it the old college try in the next few years.  If he plays his cards right, he's got another fifteen years on his carcass. If he catches something acute and croaks before we reunite, so be it! 
:P

My immediate family? No. Everyone outside my immediate family? Pshaw, in a New York minute.


agreed...for the most part! ;)

My family 'disowned' me when my mother refused to get treatment for her alcohol, drug, and gambling addictions..leaving me in the hands of DYFS and some pretty nasty foster parents, who I wish I could have 'disowned' for their physical, verbal, and emotional abuse...

My sister has not gotten in touch with me for the last ten years...oh well, that's her loss. If she's ashamed of my mental illness, that's her problem, not mine. I am not a bad person.

My immediate family? No. Everyone outside my immediate family? Pshaw, in a New York minute.
                                                                  same here depending on the circumstances

Right now, my sister and I are debating who is our mother's favorite and who will "inherit" all. The thing is, none of us really wants to inherit what my mother has-so it is a joke. "Ha, ha. You're the favorite now, so you are going to get everything."  ;D ;D ;D




Cat

Reasons for Disownment-

My Aunt Sue and My Mom and Grandma (NJ, 1990s): My aunt Sue is schizophrenic, she's fallen in and out of touch with us for years. She goes to the same Y as my mom and lives up the street from my high school, but she only once called us up to talk about dentistry. We want to be in touch with her, she's always leaving hang-up calls...she sort of disowned my grandmother after my grandfather died and only calls her up to yell at her.

My Great-Aunt Pauline G. and My Grandma (NJ, 1970s): My great-aunt Pauline is also schizophrenic, she hated my grandmother, got divorced, and moved to Missouri from the town next to where my mom grew up, outside of Newark.

My Great-Great-Aunt Hilda and my Great-Grandma Anne Kimberg (Bronx, 1930s): Monetary controversy, my great-grandma was a pretty upper middle class person in the Bronx, and her parents ran a boarding house apart from their candy store. Disowned a whole massive side of my family, now mostly living in Westchester.

I figure if my sister really wants to get in touch with me, she could try to find me. I honestly think she's embarrassed to have a mentally ill sister....if she can't accept me as I am, I'm better off without her.

I figure if my sister really wants to get in touch with me, she could try to find me. I honestly think she's embarrassed to have a mentally ill sister....if she can't accept me as I am, I'm better off without her.


My mom tries to get in touch with her sister, but they both have longer issues. My mother has mental problems too, but they're not as severe, I suppose. They both have trouble making contact, but they both want to. They used to, but they've both given up because of all the pain. They still exchange cards and stuff.

I wish I could have disowned my biological father, especially after he beat the s*it outta my mother, breaking her ribs...But I was only eleven years old. Delmon Bach(his name) was one mean, miserable SOB. What my mom saw in that drunken bum, I'll never know!

I wish I could have disowned my biological father, especially after he beat the s*it outta my mother, breaking her ribs...But I was only eleven years old. Delmon Bach(his name) was one mean, miserable SOB. What my mom saw in that drunken bum, I'll never know!


At least you hopefully don't have to deal with him.

At least you hopefully don't have to deal with him.
He's long gone out of my life.

Being only 14 when my parents divorced never bothered me because I spent almost all of my time withr friends at their homes. I've got 2 brothers, 1 sister and my father. I wouldn't disown any, i'm still tight with my brothers and sis, but my father remarried and had children and grandchildren with his wife. I was never phased by any of it, except when I got into my late 30's something dawned on me in that I realized my father hadn't just divorced my mom, he had basically divorced our whole family. I wasn't hurt, I dont resent him or have ant regrets but I don't really consider him a father. I stll see him now and then and call him on special occcasions but he's more like an uncle or some distant relative that I neither have a fondness for , but I don't dislike him, I'm ok with it.  My wife's family is my true family now and has more than filled any void of the family I missed out on while young. I feel no allegiance to him but no need to disown him. He's been good to his 2nd family and I wish him the best.