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Subject: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Foo Bar on 05/25/09 at 1:20 am

A toast!  To peace in our time!

http://i600.photobucket.com/albums/tt85/Pb43905/PoliticalPhotos/madeleine-albright-north-korea-kim-.jpg

Round and round the 6-table talks,
The diplo chased the weasel. 
The diplo thought it was in good faith...

http://i613.photobucket.com/albums/tt220/RedSquirrel/Clown.jpg

*BOOM* goes the weasel!

At magnitude 4.7, ya gotta tip your hat to the little fella; unlike his last fizzle, this time, he finally pulled it off.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Kim.  Unlike the simulator, this is a game that you (or your customer) can only play once.

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: LyricBoy on 05/25/09 at 7:07 am

Not to worry.  It was just a smallish 10-20 kiloton buzz bomb.

I mean it is not alike a 20-megaton "Castle bravo" or 50-megaton  :o "Tsar Bomba" fusion device.

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 05/25/09 at 11:06 pm


Not to worry.  It was just a smallish 10-20 kiloton buzz bomb.

I mean it is not alike a 20-megaton "Castle bravo" or 50-megaton  :o "Tsar Bomba" fusion device.


OK, Kim, you got a nuke.  Now how about some food for the folks?
::)

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Foo Bar on 05/26/09 at 12:09 am


I mean it is not alike a 20-megaton "Castle bravo" or 50-megaton  Shocked "Tsar Bomba" fusion device.


"It ain't the yield, it's how you deliver it, baby!"

Fortunately, he has yet to demonstrate that he can deliver such a weapon on any of his missiles.  Unfortunately, he's slowly learning how to do that part, too. 

As for the big bombs, while they stand as stupendously impressive feats of engineering, the megaton-monsters of the Cold War weren't very practical as weapons.  Damage from any sort of bomb tends to vary as an inverse cube law; ten small *booms* can be spaced out over a wide area, and will do a lot more damage to an enemy than one single *BOOM*.  From a military perspective, a building that's been knocked down is just as destroyed as one that's been vaporized, so you get more bang for the R&D buck by concentrating on deliverability over yield. 

(You can see for yourself how damage scales with yield with this cool little Google Maps hack I found.  Pick a target, select your weapon, and Nuke It!)

We (namely the US and USSR, and a few others) only built the bigg'uns because we had no effective ways of guaranteeing that smaller bombs delivered from half a world away would hit their targets with any degree of accuracy.  For cities, a "near miss" will suffice, but cities don't fight back.  If you're trying to take out an underground missile silo (a target which will fight back) in the middle of nowhere, and your warhead actually comes in half a mile off-target, the resulting detonation needs to be huge in order to still take out the silo; a "near miss" means you've just made its base commander very, very angry.

With modern guidance systems, "missing" is much less of a problem than it was in the 60s; error probabilities these days are measured in meters, not miles, so the yield required to take out even a hardened target is lower, and the clever engineering now goes into making sure that the yield can be controlled by the operator, into making sure it goes off when it's supposed to, and even more into making even more it doesn't go off when it's not supposed to.

Not so much with Kim's bombs, which require no further clever engineering beyond what he's already done.  Hell, if ever used in anger (by Kim or by whoever ends up as the highest bidder), they'll probably be delivered to their targets by cargo ship or civilian aircraft, rather than missiles.  And 5kT is still enough to ruin your whole day.


OK, Kim, you got a nuke.  Now how about some food for the folks?
::)


Yeah, about that.  I asked him too.  He sent me back this:

http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2008/7/14/633515904925722223-nuclear-secrets---gotta-catch-em-all.jpg

"Do you have any idea how f*king busy I am?"

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: JamieMcBain on 05/26/09 at 12:13 pm

We need Dr. Manhattan, now badly.

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 05/26/09 at 4:45 pm

"Why aren't more people more interrigent...rike me?"


http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=32835990

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: LyricBoy on 05/26/09 at 6:21 pm


"It ain't the yield, it's how you deliver it, baby!"

As for the big bombs, while they stand as stupendously impressive feats of engineering, the megaton-monsters of the Cold War weren't very practical as weapons. 


True, true.

But the newreels from the mega-class bombs going off sure provided great PR for the USA and the Russkies back in the good old days.   ;D

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Rice_Cube on 05/26/09 at 6:30 pm

Duck and cover!

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 05/26/09 at 8:01 pm


True, true.

But the newreels from the mega-class bombs going off sure provided great PR for the USA and the Russkies back in the good old days.   ;D


At least the Russkies gave us a run for our money.  Kim's trying win the Indy 500 with a Go-Kart!
::)

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Foo Bar on 05/26/09 at 11:50 pm


Duck and cover!


Speaking of which, everyone should put Atomic Cafe in their Netflix queues.  An absolutely hilarious glimpse into the wonderful wackiness of civil defense films of the 60s.

Bert the Turtle gets a bad rap, but the techniques presented were actually pretty good from the larger perspective.  Individually, you're either instantly toast, 10 seconds away from being a pancake, or you can survive the initial blast with little more than a few scrapes.  Collectively, a nation of turtles will place a much lower load on local health systems.

Toast:  Ducking and covering won't change anything for the toasted people.  You're toast.

Pancakes:  Far enough away that you're not vaporized, but close enough that the building still collapses.  You're pancake.  If you're unlucky, your cover protected you from the building's collapse, and you die of your injuries a few agonizing days later, but at least you didn't waste any resources under there.  If you're lucky, your cover protected you from the building's collapse, and you dig your way out of the rubble, dust yourself off, and join the zombie hordes. 

Survivors:  Far enough away that any injuries you receive are your own fault.  If you stand and stare at the pretty fireball, you get nasty lacerations when the shockwave shatters the plate-glass window a few seconds later.  If you're outside and not wearing 2-million sunblock, you also have a really bad day.  If you duck and cover, you shield yourself from flying debris and heat, and when the blast passes, you dust yourself off and join the zombie hordes. 

A population of people who panic at the flash results in a lot of walking wounded who a huge load on what remains of the remaining local medical supplies.  A population of people who duck and cover at the flash (or the earthquake) results in the same immediate casualty figures, but the people who survive the first minute are in much better shape to walk (or in the 60s, when population densities were low enough that the highways wouldn't be instantly gridlocked, to drive) away from the fallout zone during the next 48 hours.


At least the Russkies gave us a run for our money.  Kim's trying win the Indy 500 with a Go-Kart! ::)


...and ending up like Vitor Meira.  First, you catch on fire.  Then things get bad!

Meanwhile, back at the negotating table:

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g272/Satanic_Hamster/1177758311494.jpg

You try to stop me from selling this thing and I'm not kidding!  I'm gonna do it!

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Foo Bar on 05/28/09 at 12:14 am

I also found a high-resolution original version of the nuclear Pokemon poster.

Pokemon is Japanese pseudo-English for "Pocket Monster".  In a further play on words, this poster apparently refers to "Rocket monster".

Furthermore, "pikachu" refers to an "electric mouse", "lightning mouse", or "flash mouse".  This poster apparently makes a pun of the fact that the nuclear attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were originally referred to as "the flash" or the "flash bomb". 

I'm not sure whether that makes it creepier, or simply more awesome.  But then, I've been on the internet long enough that I've long ago ceased to distinguish between "disturbing" and "hilarious", so there you have it. 

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Gis on 05/29/09 at 10:38 am

Atomic Playboy is an great song from the 80's by Steve Stevens.................

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Mushroom on 05/31/09 at 12:07 pm


"It ain't the yield, it's how you deliver it, baby!"

Fortunately, he has yet to demonstrate that he can deliver such a weapon on any of his missiles.  Unfortunately, he's slowly learning how to do that part, too. 


Actually, they have.  It all depends on how far they want to throw it.

South Korea, definately.  Several of their missiles can reach Seoul.

Some of their proven medium range missiles can reach the edge of Japan.

So he can still kill millions, just not in the US.

And don't forget, bombs can also be dropped by planes.  Convert an IL-76 into a simple bomber, and it can be dropped anywhere within 3,000 miles (more if refueled).

Subject: Re: Atomic Playboy finally makes good

Written By: Foo Bar on 06/01/09 at 1:14 am


Atomic Playboy is an great song from the 80's by Steve Stevens.................


Karma for remembering the radiation Romeos...

"The bomb will not start a chain reaction in the water, converting it all to gas, and letting all the ships on all the oceans drop down to the bottom.  It will not blow out the bottom of the sea and let all the water run down the hole.  It will not destroy gravity.  I am not an atomic playboy" ((...as one of my critics labeled me, exploding these bombs to satisfy my personal whim.))
  - Vice Adm. William P. Blandy, on Operation Crossroads


Actually, they have.  It all depends on how far they want to throw it.

South Korea, definately.  Several of their missiles can reach Seoul.


True, but Seoul's mostly rubble by means of conventional artillery within the first hour of the conflict, which is why any resumption of hostilities is a no-win scenario for the rest of the world.


Some of their proven medium range missiles can reach the edge of Japan.

So he can still kill millions, just not in the US.


That I'll buy; hopefully the Japanese have something interesting in the way of ABM tech should Kim decide to flip the world the middle finger on his way out.  I wonder what their response would be.  I can imagine a little devil on Japan's shoulder saying "Just build one.  It'll take you a week", and a little angel saying "No, if the Americans want to nuke 'em, they can go right ahead.  We'll even join in with our conventional forces, but we meant it when we said 'never again'..."  Given our history with Japan, and Japan's history with Korea, I wouldn't fault Japan for making either choice.

Hopefully we never find out.


And don't forget, bombs can also be dropped by planes.  Convert an IL-76 into a simple bomber, and it can be dropped anywhere within 3,000 miles (more if refueled).


Good luck getting a bomber anywhere, but I wonder how often NorK civilian air traffic flies over target nations.  While hardly a hub for air travel, it would only take one flight.  I can think of a few ways of defeating that threat, but I can't think of any diplomatic ways of defeating it.  (read: someone's going to notice the oddly-configured escort aircraft, take naughty pictures, and write nasty letters.)

The most likely scenario is he's just bargaining for attention/food/money, and/or doing it for internal political reasons regarding his successor.  I hate to say it, but containment's worked so far, and it'd be hard for any successor to be less sane than he is.  (Anyone less sane would be toppled pretty quickly.)  Long-term, the containment strategy most likely leads to waiting them out until someone sane is in power, and then they follow South Africa's lead and retire the shiny toys for keeps.

Of course, in order to get the good long-term outcome, we have to last through the short term.  Catch-22 if he decides to go out with a bang, just for spite.

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