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Subject: 2011 Igor (Movie) Award winners (I've been meaning to post, but forgot)

Written By: ChrisBodilyTM on 08/02/11 at 4:57 pm

Back in January/February, I had you guys vote for the best and worst that Hollywood movies had to offer in the past year (2010). Unfortunately, none of you bothered to vote.  :-\\  :-

As of today I have seen the following movies on the ballot:

127 Hours
Grown Ups
Hatchet II
Hot Tub Time Machine
Iron Man 2
The Killer Inside Me
The King's Speech
The Last Exorcism
Letters to God
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Paranormal Activity 2
The Rite
The Runaways
Shutter Island
Toy Story 3
Tron Legacy
True Grit
Unknown (just saw it last night. Wow!)
Why Did I Get Married Too?

So here goes nothing:

(Embarrassing musical number)

("Welcome to the Machine" by Pink Floyd)

KEVIN FLYNN (Beau Bridges): Welcome my son,
Welcome to the machine

SAM FLYNN: Where have you been?
It's all right, we know where you've been

Clu (Dave Coulier) appears.

(Parody of "Blue Da Ba Dee")

CLU: I'm Clu, a machine not a guy
A machine, not a guy
A machine, not a guy
A machine, not a guy
A machine, not a guy
A machine, not a guy
A machine, not a guyyyy

(Parody of "F**k You" by Cee Lo)

KEVIN: You see that evil young man
He is hatching a plan
We gotta... stop Clu-ooo

He's gonna rule the whole planet, real and digital world
We gotta... Stop Clu and, uh, stop him, too

He was made in my likeness, much '89-ness
Now he's turned to (bleep)
He's bretrayed his old man with his dastardly plan
We gotta... stop Clu-ooo

(Parody of "Pants on the Ground")

CLU: Flynns in the Grid
Flynns in the Grid
Gonna rule the world with the Flynns in the Grid

See the son and father
Lookin' like a fool
I'm a thrillin' villain with the Flynns in the Grid

(Scattered applause. Clu and the Flynns exit awkwardly. Luke Perry enters as Edward Cullen, Danielle Harris as Bella, and Jason David Frank as Jacob.)

EDWARD: Bella, we're leaving.

BELLA: I'm coming with you.

EDWARD: Bella, I don't want you to come.

(Edward exits)

(Parody of "Major Tom")

BELLA: Standing here alone, without my Edward
Hanging out with Jake, where's his shirt?
He turns into a wolf when he gets angry
Edward will return
I need to deport
To Italy

EDWARD: I thought that you were dead?
'Cause Alice told me
You jumped off a cliff

BELLA: That's not true
I jumped for recreation, like ESPN
I'm here to save your life
Before the eclipse
The countdown starts

EDWARD: You don't own a shirt, now do you, Jacob?
Just like Right Said Fred, from early '90s
We should put aside and stop the fighting
We should get along
Victoria dies
The new moon starts

(Awkward applause)

ANNOUNCER: Live from Antarctica, it's the 2011 Igor-Boris-whatever the hell we're gonna call it Awards. Featuring virtually every living celebrity known to man! And now, here are your hosts for this evening... non-Oscar contenders Dan Ayrkyod and Jack Black!

(Applause. Aykryod and Black walk to the podium.)

DAN AYKROYD: Who ya gonna call?!

(Wild cheers and applause.)

JACK BLACK: The only reason we're hosting tonight is because James Franco (an Oscar nominee) hosted this year's Oscars. The Igors wanted to avoid that controversy by getting two hosts who had no chance in hell of winning Oscars this year.

AYKROYD: I had the misfortune of headlining Yogi Bear.

(Audience boos)

BLACK: And I, ...Gulliver's Travels.

(Audience boos)

BLACK: Yeah, that;s why we're here... to make it up to you.

AYKROYD: Actors need money, too. John Goodman did King Ralph, The Emperor's New Groove, The Jungle Book 2, and The Flintstones.

BLACK: You and Tom Hanks did that awful rap in Dragnet.

(The audience laughs)

(Clip from "City of Crime" music video)

AYKROYD: (Hiding his face) It was the 80s. And what about you? You did Nacho Libre and Year One.

BLACK: You show any clips and I'll kill you.

(Highlights from Nacho Libre and Year One)

BLACK: Well you're not hardcore! Unless you live harcore! But the legend... of the rent... was way hardcore!!!

(Standing ovation)

AYKROYD: I  guess I can recover my reputation. Hit it!

("Ghostbusters" theme plays. Ray Parker Jr. enters and sings.)

Subject: Re: 2011 Igor (Movie) Award winners (I've been meaning to post, but forgot)

Written By: ChrisBodilyTM on 08/02/11 at 6:19 pm

That's as far as I got with the script/play thingy. I got votes from elsewhere, such as Rotten Tomatoes. So here now (without any further ado) are the winners and who would have "presented" them:

Best Art Direction
Presented by Tom Hanks
The Runaways
True Grit

Best Cinematography
Presented by Dean Cundey
Benoit Debie, The Runaways
Wally Pfister, Inception

Worst Supporting Actress
Miley Cyrus, Sex & The City 2
Betty White, You Again

Best Supporting Actress
Presented by Ernest Borgnine
Scout-Taylor Compton, The Runaways

Best Makeup
The Runaways

Best Editing
Lee Smith, Inception
(Betty White accepts the award in reference to the Census skit she did on SNL; Lee Smith = Blarfingar Blarfingar)

Best Sound Mixing
The Runaways
True Grit

Best Sound Editing
The Runaways
True Grit

Worst Screenplay
Knight and Day

Best Adapted Screenplay
The Runaways
True Grit

Best Original Screenplay

Best Original Song
"F**k You" by Cee Lo
"I Sent a Bottle of Sparkling Apple Juice to Your House" SNL

Best Unoriginal Song
"Cherry Bomb" The Runaways

Best Original Score
Daft Punk, Tron Legacy
Hans Zimmer, Inception

Best Costume Design
The Runaways
Tron: Legacy

Best Visual Effects
Tron Legacy

Best Trailer
(Films that hadn't been released yet as of nomination day)
(Good luck trying to find out if/when it's ever gonna be released  :-\\)

James Cameron Special Achievement Award
Digital Domain (Tron Legacy) for de-aged Jeff Bridges

Tim Burton Lifetime Achievement Award
Christopher Nolan

Joel Schumacher Hall of Shame Award
Rob Zombie (again)

In Memoriam
Presented by Abe Vigoda and Sinbad (Not only have they been rumored dead in the past, but they also co-starred in Good Burger. Sinbad tells the audience to demand that Good Burger be released on Blu-ray, to a standing ovation.)

Ronnie James Dio (standing ovation)
Gene Simmons Jean Simmons (footage of Gene Simmons by mistake; standing ovation)
Elizabeth Taylor (Clip from "The Flintstones")
Amy Winehouse
Leslie Nielsen (Clip of "National Anthem"; standing ovation)
Tom Bosley
Barbara Billingsley ("Jive")
Dennis Hopper (Clip from "Super Mario Bros.")
Michael Gough (Clips from "Batman" and "Batman Returns"; standing ovation)
Gary Coleman ("Whatchoo talkin' about, Willis?")
Corey Haim
Macho Man Randy Savage (standing ovation)
Clarence Clemons (standing ovation)
Peter Falk ("Just one more thing..."; Homer attempts his Columbo impression)
Betty Ford
Osama bin Laden (music changes to "Na Na Na Na Hey Hey GoodBye"; standing ovation and chants of "USA! USA!")
Sherwood Schwartz
Jackie Cooper
Sidney Lumet
Howard Stein (Clips of Howard Stern by mistake)
Peter Crampton (Clips of Peter Frampton by mistake)
Roberts Blossom (Clips from "Home Alone"; standing ovation)

In Memoriam

Subject: Re: 2011 Igor (Movie) Award winners (I've been meaning to post, but forgot)

Written By: ChrisBodilyTM on 08/02/11 at 7:21 pm

Best Cameo
Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Expendables

Best Impersonation

Worst Impersonation

Not Worthy of Their Talents
Betty White, You Again

Worst Supporting Actor
Justin Timberlake, Yogi Bear

Best Supporting Actor
Jeff Bridges, Tron Legacy
Cillian Murphy, Inception

Worst Actress

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard, Inception
Dakota Fanning, The Runaways
Stella Maeve, The Runaways
Ellen Page, Inception
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Kristen Stewart, The Runaways

Worst Actor
Dan Aykroyd, Yogi Bear
Jack Black, Gulliver's Travels
Chris Noth, Sex & The City 2

Best Actor
Jeff Bridges, Tron Legacy & True Grit
Leonardo DiCaprio, Inception & Shutter Island
Michael Shannon, The Runaways

Worst Director
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Vampires Suck

Best Director
Christopher Nolan, Inception
Floria Sigismndi, The Runaways

Worst Kids' Movie
Presented by The Cast of The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
Gulliver's Travels
Yogi Bear

Best Animated
Toy Story 3

Best Horror Movie
Presented by John Carpenter
Hatchet II

Best Leonardo DiCaprio Movie
Presented by Leonardo DiCaprio

Best Action or Thriller Movie
Presented by Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Expendables
Iron Man 2
Tron Legacy
Unknown (write-in)

Biggest Disappointment
Presented by Stallone ...Frank Stallone
Alice in Wonderland

Worst Picture
Presented by Morgan Freeman
Yogi Bear

Best Picture
Presented by Morgan Freeman
Iron Man 2
The Runaways
Toy Story 3
True Grit

So there you have it... finally!  :) Pretty exhaustive ballot, lol. Maybe I'll have to change things up next year if I continue doing this.

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