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Subject: 80s humor column

Written By: Matt Wixon on 02/10/06 at 12:57 pm

A column about the '80s you might enjoy

Humor me: Like, a rad '80s letter

By MATT WIXON / The Dallas Morning News

By now, some of you have heard about, a Web site that allows people to send e-mails to themselves in the future. How innovative, cool and ingenious is the site? Well, that depends on how much the site's creators pay me for this column.

Not true, not true. I would never do anything to tarnish my writing integrity, just like I would never be a total "sellout" by saying a column is sponsored by Odor-Eaters. (Odor-Eaters only sponsored that sentence. This sentence is sponsored by Spray 'n Wash and Aunt Jemima Syrup).

Anyway, I'll get back to the topic. FutureMe gives you the chance to write up an e-mail today with all your personal goals, hopes and wishes for the future. Then, when that e-mail is sent to you as many as 30 years from now, you can see if those goals, hopes and wishes are accidentally deleted as spam.

That's a risk you take when you have the same e-mail address for 30 years. My FutureMe message will probably be spamwiched between e-mails telling me that I've won the Dutch lottery and that a "most-esteemed high prince of Congo" wants to send me 20 million bucks.

That's right, we'll still have spam in 2036. Lots of it. My only other certainty about 30 years from now is that the Rolling Stones will be planning a tour.

Actually, I'm also certain that I'll be excited to receive my FutureMe message. But I can only hope that it's as introspective as the letter I wrote to myself 20 years ago, the one I sealed in an envelope with "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2006!" written on it.

I broke the seal this week. Here it is, fresh from 1986:

Wow, 2006! It's hard to think that far in the future. I can't believe that I, a totally cool teenager, am writing a letter to a totally uncool person in his thirties. And I'm that person! That's weirder than Back to the Future, which is THE BEST MOVIE EVER.

So what should I write about? What are my hopes for 2006? Let's see ...

Well, I guess there will be flying cars by then, just like that DeLorean in Back to the Future. I'd want one that flies wicked fast and has a boss stereo. I'll probably be rocking out to Billy Idol, because I KNOW he'll still be around. Not like Madonna, who's doing her Virgin Tour right now. In 20 years, she'll be long forgotten. Kind of like that group Wham!

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