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    A little more than 10 years ago, on September 7, 1992, my Father passed away.
    A little less than 4-1/2 years ago, on April 17, 1998, my son died.
    A year ago today-well, you know-some friends, a few acquaintaces, and thousands of just plain folk were killed.
    "What is your point?' you may wonder.  Well, it's this:  three different situations, three different kinds of grief.
    When my Father died, I thought my grief was great.  We were close as only a father and daughter could be...sometimes loving, sometimes argumentive(!), sometimes bitter...but always cherished.  I thought my grief was mine alone, my own pain to bear...and I was right-and wrong.
    One year ago today, countless people died.  I am not going to dwell on the fact that this has been re-visted many times by both the media and this board-but I am going to point out that I knew some of the people involved, and felt I knew many more through the countless profiles of the victims and their families.  My heart goes out to them all.  I was-and am still-horrified and so very, very sad because of this.  Because I knew a few of them, my grief is personal; because I didn't know all of them, my grief is abstract. It is still grief, and I weep for all.
    Four and one-half years ago, my son passed.  The way was horrible, the reason-well I'll never know, will I?  The fact is, losing a child is the one grief no person should ever have to face.  There is nothing to compare it to.  You may be close to a parent-and when they pass, experience inconceivable pain.  You may have lost a cherished friend, or a close sibling-and felt the pain of loss.  It is nothing compared to the mind-numbing pain of losing a child.  That it is an all-consuming feeling of helplessness and loss is something few people on this board know about.  Thankfully, I might add.  I would not wish this feeling on anyone!!!  There were days that I just wanted to die, drink myself into oblivion, or just plain go out of my mind.  I have my ways of coping, and fortunatly they do not include any of the above any longer.  That being said, I must add:
    My therapist says I need to let things out, and so I have...in a fashion.  I rant and rave to my husband, my freinds, my Mother, and, occasionally, you.  This is my way.  I am getting better.   But please, if I occasionally bore you, please be wise and kind enough not to say so.  I need your support.  If you cannot give it, fine.  I understand.  However, please do not tell me to 'move on', 'get through it', or 'get over yourself'.  Most of you have no clue what losing a child feels like, and believe me, it is not like losing a beloved parent or friend.  Those are bone-crushing losses, but not even in the same stratasphere as losing a child.  It is an elite club whose membership should be denied every parent.  No parent should EVER outlive their child, for whatever reason. Believe me when I say that I am not belittling anyone's loss...only that it can never be compared to the feeling of losing a child.  Only a person who has experienced the same pain can possibly understand what I am talking about.  
    So I am getting this out.  And if you choose to support me, fine.  If you are tired about hearing a parent's grief, also fine.  This is our way of dealing.  I can tell you that I am pretty sick and tired of all the inane BS that sometimes goes on here at these boards, but usually I would never say so for the public to see.  As I see it, it is your right to spout off, as it is mine.  As with any topic, it is your right to either read it, or not.   However, most of you have absolutely no idea what it is like to lose a child that you have either sired or gave birth to.  Pretending otherwise is not only counterproductive, but useless.  Additionally, telling me to move on may be well-intentioned, but feels spiteful.  I can never move on, get over it, etc. etc., I can only try to get through it.  This includes posting my feelings.  If you are tired of this, please, please....for once keep your good intentions to yourself, and don't tell me.  Let me wallow in my own self-pity and grief.  Because doing so helps me sometimes.
    Really.
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This includes posting my feelings.  If you are tired of this, please, please....for once keep your good intentions to yourself, and don't tell me.  Let me wallow in my own self-pity and grief.  Because doing so helps me sometimes.
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You know, I'm trying very hard, but for the life of me I don't recall you taking up a lot of board space doing this.

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You know, I'm trying very hard, but for the life of me I don't recall you taking up a lot of board space doing this.
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You know, I'm trying very hard, but for the life of me I don't recall you taking up a lot of board space doing this.
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Out of respect for the nicer people on this board, I will keep my mouth shut on this comment. :-X

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Out of respect for the nicer people on this board, I will keep my mouth shut on this comment. :-X
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Uh, I haven't been here for a while, and I may be talkin' out my hiney, but I don't think WL was being sarcastic. I too have only noticed Banasy's reference to her pain when it is applicable and generously vulnerable. She has allowed her grief to transfer into some very tender wisdom which I, for one, frequently benefit from.

Bananananasy, I honor and respect your experience and thank you for allowing me to be a part of how you heal yourself.

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You know, I'm trying very hard, but for the life of me I don't recall you taking up a lot of board space doing this.
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and I thought I was ignorant........

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Uh, I haven't been here for a while, and I may be talkin' out my hiney, but I don't think WL was being sarcastic. End Quote

Thanks lang. What I said was a truthful observation. Banasy has not made a lot of posts about her son's death. My comments were about a very specific part of her post. Her post.  ::)

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Thanks lang. What I said was a truthful observation. Banasy has not made a lot of posts about her son's death. My comments were about a very specific part of her post. Her post.  ::)
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You know, I'm trying very hard, but for the life of me I don't recall you taking up a lot of board space doing this.
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And the responses:

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Out of respect for the nicer people on this board, I will keep my mouth shut on this comment. :-X
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and I thought I was ignorant........
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I know he's the last person who needs anyone to come to his defense (and it seems lang already set the record straight anyway), but I just have to ask you...  Ummm, HELLO, do you two KNOW Wicked Lester?  He's that guy who's been a valuable member here for longer than most of us, since the days of the old board.  You know, the guy who is honest and sincere, with a fabulous sense of humor that I have never witnessed him misuse.  One of the people here who respects the other members, and if he doesn't have something nice to say, tends to keep his mouth shut.  

I don't know how his comment here came across as anything but a friendly gesture of support, but even if that's how you read it, was it really necessary to make the comments you did?

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You know, I'm trying very hard, but for the life of me I don't recall you taking up a lot of board space doing this.
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I read this thread in order.  When I came across this comment, I thought : "This is a message of support - it says I haven't seen you taking up a lot of space on the board with your issues".  I saw it as an affirmation of Banasy's desire to have her say/state her piece.  I saw it as an acknowledgement to Banasy that she does not 'wallow in her own self-pity and grief'.

That's how I saw it.  What I then saw were some comments that I frankly couldn't believe, and reading and re-reading Lester's comments, I'm sorry, I don't see any other way of interpreting them.  (One of the comments has since been recinded, and I think that was great).

What I did see was an example of the very "inane BS that sometimes goes on here at these boards" to which Banasy referred in her original message.  

Please, people, how about having a think before you launch into writing with the first thought that comes into your heads.

Sometimes there is more than one answer to a question.  Or more than one reason for a statement made.  Sometimes they are all correct, sometimes none of them are.

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but even if that's how you read it, was it really necessary to make the comments you did?
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Yes. You know, I could go back and say I'm sorry about what I said, but I'm not. And quite frankly, I don't care. I knew I'd take flak for what I said, but there's no point in erasing it or apologizing for it. Everyone's already seen it, and they know how I feel. The only person I WILL apologize to is Banasy for hijacking her thread. Sorry.