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Subject: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
GENERAL RULES
Never take a beer to a job interview.Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.It's tacky to take an esky to church.If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take the trailer to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the wine.If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with both your hands.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN keys.Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.Use of toiletries can only delay bathing a few days.Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, as they detract from a woman's jewellery and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the 1st date.Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall 2 years ago.Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it's the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATRE ETIQUETTE
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie's ended.Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A track suit with a cummerbund
and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for the occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun's loaded and the pig's in sight.When approaching a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest tyres doesn't always have the right of way.Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.Don't burn rubber while travelling in a funeral procession.When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer, too.
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
LOTFLMAO! :D
Very witty, Fussy B.
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Hmmm...
a lot of these sound very similar to the ones listed in a Jeff Foxworthy "Redneck" comic book I bought last year.
Oh well, oldies but goodies! ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
These are really funny Fuss! ;D
Just one question, please? What's an "esky" and why is it tacky to bring it to church with you? ???
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
According to Ask Jeeves, it's either a Drink Ice Box or a Portable Freezer.
Quoting:
These are really funny Fuss! ;D
Just one question, please? What's an "esky" and why is it tacky to bring it to church with you? ???
End Quote
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Those are hilarious, Fuss! Thanks for sharing. ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
So, you guys have never heard of an Esky? Just curious - what's the American term for them?
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Australia sounds a WHOLE lot like West Virginia and Arkansas. ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
Australia sounds a WHOLE lot like West Virginia and Arkansas. ;D
End Quote
AMEN!!!
You know your states, Hossy!! ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
Australia sounds a WHOLE lot like West Virginia and Arkansas. ;D
End Quote
LOL...that is exactly what I was thinking. ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
To those who asked, and those who answered, an Esky is indeed a 'Cooler'.....why tacky in church ? Most churches would probably frown if you brought a boxload of chilled alcohol inside....
It is one of those products where the brand name has assumed the persona of the product......
In New Zealand, they are called, (hee hee) : Chilly-Bins !
"Cept when Kiwis say it, it sounds like : Chully-Buns ::)
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
And here was me thinking that Aussie etiquette was oxymoron
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
To those who asked, and those who answered, an Esky is indeed a 'Cooler'.....why tacky in church ? Most churches would probably frown if you brought a boxload of chilled alcohol inside....
It is one of those products where the brand name has assumed the persona of the product......
In New Zealand, they are called, (hee hee) : Chilly-Bins !
"Cept when Kiwis say it, it sounds like : Chully-Buns ::)
End Quote
Thanks, Fuss. Now that I know what it is, the reason you shouldn't bring it to church with you is obvious.
In my neck of the woods, they are called either "Igloos" (there's that brand-name thing again) or simply "coolers".
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
And here was me thinking that Aussie etiquette was oxymoron
;-)
Phil
End Quote
Oy !
I'm copping it from all parts of the globe here aren't I :D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Well if you need a hand FB,....give me a yell OK!
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
Oy !
I'm copping it from all parts of the globe here aren't I :D
End Quote
No, just the other side ;-)
Phil
PS Is that the world's fastest pint of guiness being poured in your sig line?
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
Well if you need a hand FB,....give me a yell OK!
End Quote
To arms Dooley, To arms !
We must repel the infidels who think we are all still like Barry McKenzie.... ::)
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
No, just the other side ;-)
Phil
PS Is that the world's fastest pint of guiness being poured in your sig line?
End Quote
More like 'sides' ;D
No Newcastle Brown Ale for this little black duck, philbo, I'm no Gazza....
That's Coke my man, the REAL thing :D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting: To arms Dooley, To arms !
We must repel the infidels who think we are all still like Barry McKenzie.... End Quote
I'm in the car and on my way matey! Just let me wipe down the keys!!
Quoting: While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN keys. End Quote
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
I'm in the car and on my way matey! Just let me wipe down the keys!!
End Quote
Ewwwww ! :P
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
I'm in the car and on my way matey! Just let me wipe down the keys!!
End Quote
...why not wax the car while your about it, then?
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
...why not wax the car while your about it, then?
;-)
Phil
End Quote
LMAO, Phil! ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Some interesting rules there, Fuss! Rather reminds me of Redneck Rules of Etiquette!!! ;) ;D
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
I can think of at least one more, especially for my part of the world:
Flannel shirts and sheep skin boots are not considered appropriate attire for weddings.
Subject: Re: AUSSIE ETIQUETTE !
Quoting:
In New Zealand, they are called, (hee hee) : Chilly-Bins !
End Quote
In New Zealand, "speed bumps" are called "shudder bars". When I was escorting several members of the band Corrosion of Conformity to their gig last year, their bass player thought that was hilarious.
;D