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Subject: oldie but a goodie

Written By: dagwood on 03/03/03 at 05:11 p.m.

I got this joke in my email...I know it has been around, but I laugh every time.

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench talking about the bingo game the night before when a flasher walked by. The flasher stopped right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Needless to say, the first old lady had a stroke. After that, the second old lady had a stroke.

But the third old lady was on the far end of the bench and, well, she couldn't reach that far.

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: Davester on 03/03/03 at 05:29 p.m.

  LMAO!   :D ;D :o :D ;)

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: Race_Bannon on 03/03/03 at 09:47 p.m.

That was funny :D, thanks!

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: DJ Midas on 03/04/03 at 06:00 a.m.

LOL!  Thanks dag.  Keep 'em coming! (no pun intended)  :o

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: oddxsocks on 03/04/03 at 05:01 p.m.

;D ;D ;D LMFAO!  that was the first time in a while that i actually laughed out loud at something i saw on my computer...

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: Ghetto_John_2K3 on 03/04/03 at 05:15 p.m.


Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 03/04/03 at 05:29 p.m.

heehee, gigglegiggle

it's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything ;D

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: TripsMom on 03/04/03 at 06:50 p.m.

Owww, owww! Too much "ab" work at the gym for Dagny's jokes. It hurts to laugh. But I loved it. :D

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: dagwood on 03/05/03 at 06:04 a.m.

Here's another one: ;D

Subject:    Garden snakes

Moral of the story: Let the darn plants freeze.

Could this happen to you?

Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous.

Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was.

She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him on the rear. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and one of the Emergency Medical Tec! hnicians saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.

That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushion where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. An ambulance was again called when it was determined that the injury required hospitalization.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.  The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke,  it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into ! the yard on top of the family dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car and set it on fire.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing.
Neighbors had called the fire department and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder when they were halfway down the street.  The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed...

Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house was re-built. The police acquired a new car, and all was right with the world.
About a year later the original couple were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
She shot him...

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: princessofpop on 03/05/03 at 06:45 a.m.

hahahaha!  That was good dag!  I love to read jokes in the morning!  :D

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: DJ Midas on 03/05/03 at 06:53 a.m.

LOL!  Thanks, dag!  You ROCK!  :D

Subject: Re: oldie but a goodie

Written By: oddxsocks on 03/05/03 at 03:38 p.m.

LOL!  that's great!  ;D