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Subject: English
This makes you have even MORE respect for those for whom English is a
SECOND language!
Why is English so hard to learn?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) I did not object to the object.
9) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
10) They were too close to the door to close it.
11) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
12) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
13) I shed my clothes in the shed.
Let's face it - the English language is a crazy language, There is
no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
You cannot buy boots in Boots, you cannot buy threshers in Threshers
and the Superdrug chain is a disappointment.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it apig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth
beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while
a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.
And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you
have to hit "START"??!!!!
Subject: Re: English
Watch out people ! The above is what happens to librarians ! ;D
Subject: Re: English
Those are great Gis!
Subject: Re: English
;D
http://www.engrish.com
Subject: Re: English
Quoting:
;D
http://www.engrish.com
End Quote
I love this site!
Subject: Re: English
Quoting:
Watch out people ! The above is what happens to librarians ! ;D
End Quote
What can I say ?? I do ponder over some of these things though I have to admit it was a school teacher friend who sent the list to me !
Subject: Re: English
Quoting:
;D
http://www.engrish.com
End Quote
I want the "No Smorking" tshirt. ;D That is such a great site.
Subject: Re: English
Do you remember where the subtitles site is?
"Fatty, you with your big feet have crushed my instep!"
;D
Subject: Re: English
Quoting:
Do you remember where the subtitles site is?
"Fatty, you with your big feet have crushed my instep!"
;D
End Quote
Modified to say hey! I found a list!
The following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong:
I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken
Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.
I have been scared silly too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some but of the giant lizard person.
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
Subject: Re: English
Another one is...you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway. ;)
Subject: Re: English
Those are too funny, Shaz. In fact, I love this whole thread.
Subject: Re: English
Quoting:
I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
End Quote
YES! This is so funny ;D Hehehe..."no, please, kill me another way! So that I may be satisfied!"
Quoting:
Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot. End Quote
Is that a threat? ;)
Quoting:
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! End Quote
You sure this isn't from an Iraqi movie? ;) (Oh, SNAP!)
Quoting:
Beat him out of recognizable shape! End Quote
A blob, a blob! :D
Quoting:
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination. End Quote
I am VERY sure this makes perfect sense in the original Chinese ;)
Quoting:
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some but of the giant lizard person. End Quote
I need to say this to Watt sometime :D HA! Well, considering he's twice as big as me he'd probably beat the crap out of me if he were offended. Which he won't ::) :D
Quoting:
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
End Quote
Yes...food shall conquer all thoughts of hate and destruction.
Subject: Re: English
Quoting:
Another one is...you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway. ;)
End Quote
Or how stuff sent by car is called a shipment, but stuff sent by ship is called cargo?