Q. Did you take a shower?
A. Why, Is there one missing?

Q. Did you lose weight?
A. Why, did you find some?

Q. Is this the department of redundancy department?
A. Yes it is, Yes it is.

To a man who is at work and has obviously worked for the company a long time:
Q. How long have you been here?
A. All day.

At a military formation when the drill sargeant said count off:
Q. Man in first position: Are you one?
A. Man in second position: Yes! Are you?

Q. How did you sleep?
A. I don't know, I think I may have made some errors.

Drunk man and ugly woman:
Q. Were you born that ugly?
Q. Were you born that drunk?
A. No, but at least tomorrow, I'll be sober.

Q. Waiter, do you know there's a fly in my soup?
A. No, but if you hum a few bars I could probably snap it out on that piano over there. Or I could write you a parody, if you'd like.

Q. Is that your head or did your neck throw up?
A. \O/

Q. Are you kidding?
A. Are you serious?

Q. Ooh, what's that smell?
A. That's the wind blowing your breath back in your face.

Man belching loudly:
Q. Did you get any on you?
A. \O/

Q. Do you have change for a dollar?
A. Yes, but the dollar has to want to change first.

Q. Where did you find that?
A. In the precise spot where the other person lost it.

People in a helicopter with an emergency holding a sign up while hovering in front of Microsoft headquarters looking for the airport.

Sign asks:

Q. Where are we?
Microsoft people hold sign up that answers:
A. You are in a helicopter.

Q. Can you tell me how many quarters I have in my hand? If you guess right I'll give you both of them.
A. Is this some sort of trick question?

Q. Can you call 911?
A. Sure, what's the number?

Q. Could you please spell that?
A. Sure, T H A T.

Q. Could you please repeat that?
A. Sure, That That.
Q. Are you some sort of wise guy?
A. No, I work for the department of redundancy department. This is what we do, this is what we do.

Man at convienent store buying cereal:
Q. Do you want that in a bag?
A. What for, it's already in a box.

Man at gas station making purchase:
Q. OK bread and milk, that will be $3.74. Do you have gas?
A. Excuse me?

Man at super market check out:
Q. Did you find everything alright?
A. Yes, the people you hire to hide things in here are doing a lousy job.

Man at super market check out:
Q. Did you find everything alright?
A. No, some things looked depressed.

Man at super market check out:
Q. Did you find everything alright?
A. No I could not find the henways.
Q. What's a henway?
A. Oh, about 3 or 4 pounds.

Q. Does your dog bite?
A. No.
Man reaches out to pet dog. Dog bites man's hand.
Q. Didn't you say that your dog didn't bite?
A. Yes.
Q. Then why did you lie to me?
A. I didn't, he's not my dog.

Man having a sneezing fit:
Q. Did you catch a cold?
A. I tried, but they are much too quick for me.

Q. Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
A. No, we let him out yesterday.

Q. Is your refrigerator running?
A. No, I can't get it to exercise at all.

US state department official memo to the Chinese governement asking about endangered species pair of exotic birds they sent as a gift..
Q. How did you like the breeding pair of birds we sent you?
A. They were delicious.

Q. Do you have anything for a headache?
A. How about an IRS audit? This always does the trick for me.

Q. Can you get my mother on Queen for a Day?
A. Oh, that show is not on TV anymore.
Q. How can you say that? I just saw it last week.
A. Oh, that must have been a rerun.
Q. Well could you get her on one of those?
A. \O/

Waiter and man in French restaurant:
Q. Will monsieur be dining alone or maybe you are expecting a lady friend?
A. I would have my girl friend but she was injured in a dancing mishap.
Q. I am so sorry, Did you know that all the beautiful ladies in Paris, they dance in the Can Can?
A. Oh they do huh? If they had pay toilets over there like we have here there would be less dancing in there.
Q. Would monsieur like a little brandy with dinner? I'm told Napoleon loved brandy.
A. I heard he was a card cheat.
Q. Napoleon, a card cheat?
A. Yeah what do you think he was hiding under his shirt?
Q. Well monsieur, would you like the brandy?
A. Yeah, don't beat me over the head with it. just bring me some!
Q. Snifter?
A. Sorry I must have missed her. Was she headed for the can can?
Q. And how did monsieur find the entree?
A. It was easy, there was this big plate under it.

Q. How did you find my column today?
A. Easy - I have the URL bookmarked

lol

Anyone have funny Q and A to share?  

Tourist to Vermonter

"Live here all your life?"
Vermonter "Not yet".

Flatlander to Vermonter

"Hi, can you tell me how to find Mr. Jones' house?
"Sure, up the road, turn right, first house on the left".
"Is Mt Jones at home do you know?"
"Who wants to know?"
"Well, we're the Smiths, and we just bought the property across the road, and we were wondering if Mr. Jones would like to hay our fiends."
"I be he".