OK, I know I don't post much at all here, but thought I'd butt in and ask your advice or opinion since this is a pretty good all-purpose forum..... :)

I have been attracted to a man at work; I “live” near him but haven’t actually worked w/him.  It was about a year ago I 1st was attracted to him and tried to flirt.  Got not much out of it, dropped it. ::)

This man is quite cute (not gorgeous), probably a bit younger than I (not sure, but could be a decade difference), and seems exceedingly shy/reserved – he almost never turns from his work at his desk, never seems to interact w/ people or go out to lunch w/them (even worse than I!).  The 1 thing that attracts me (perhaps tied up in the aforementioned) is that he seems so sweet and innocent and nice in his eyes/face – and it’s driving me crazy! :o

In Dec I started thinking about him again and did some major flirting (albeit not anything “direct”).  I still don’t seem to be getting much out of it.  He never visits me, which is not hard to do given we "live" pretty close, altho 1 time when I was talking to him about work he offered to help me w/something (which I indulged later when needed).

But here’s why I really get confused.  If I talk to him, he’ll immediately turn to me and listen well, and talk if prodded, often w/a relaxed smile on his face.  But if I say I need to go, or I’ll let him go, etc, he’ll immediately turn back to whatever he’s doing – it’s never 1 of those “long goodbyes”.  It’s like he’ll cut me off w/o a problem.  So on the 1 hand, he pays attention immediately, and never ignores.  On the other, he’ll drop the interaction on the turn of a dime – and obviously never goes out of his way to say hello to me, or see me, etc (like I did for him).

Finally, after ignoring him a bit, I sent an e-mail to him essentially asking if he wanted to “get away for a change” (since he obviously never does) and get lunch out (I mentioned that often it’s hard to get people to go out at work  ;) ).  He wrote back a bit later saying he wouldn’t mind when he was over his current work crisis in the next week – and then specifically said “get a group together then and I’ll go”.

It’s like I’m getting 2 totally different signals.  I don’t know if he’s just a) potentially interested but inept, b) not interested but very polite and friendly when prompted, c) extremely shy and reserved, or….d) not interested cuz he’s gay?  That last inkling has been in my mind partly from the odd signals or lack thereof, and also his demeanor (the sweet look of the eyes, e.g.) - which then made me notice more his manner of speech, too, which you mite say could be stereotypical gay man – if only “slightly”.  (Please, I’m not trying to offend any1, I’m just saying what’s my gut reaction to certain things and I know mite be to many others too - whether they admit it or not.)

Any thoughts?

Sounds like he's just polite.  Does he even know you're interested?  Maybe you can go out to lunch together at some point.  Doesn't hurt to ask :)

I would have to say
b) not interested but very polite and friendly when prompted.

Since he suggested a group setting it sounds as if he just wanted to be polite.


I hope it works out for you  :)


SmithsGirl

Uh...some guys are really thick headed, and don't pick up signals well at all. I know cause I'm one of them.
When you commented that it was hard to get people to go out at work, he may have thought that's what you meant; that you wanted people to go out, not just him.
I agree, he's giving you mixed signals. If you really want to know, you're going to have to be more direct.
I didn't know my last wife was interested in me until she practically hit me over the head with a board. You've got to make it pretty obvious. Then, you'll find out one way or the other if he's interested.

Good luck to ya.

I think he likes you some guys want to seem like a mystery so women will chase him more.Ask if he has a lady if not "be a true independent woman" and ask him out!

He is carefully keeping his work life very seperate from his social world, not just you but everyone.  He maybe uncomfortable mixing the two.  You may have the correct assumption that he is gay.  Whatever the reason he's politely saying not interested.

All women should have that attitude 80s Lady! ;)

Quoting:


Best advice EVER!!!  I've always been rather assertive and even aggressive at times when I want something badly enough.  Do I always want it when I get it?  Nope!  Do I ever get my feelings hurt and heart broken?  Yup!  But I never have to sit around and wonder "what would have happened if I'd only........"!!
Good Luck!!
End Quote

Hey all, thanks for your opinions!  Looks like we have pretty much the same multi-conclusions.  That's OK; I just wanted to see if I was off-base on some of them, or if any1 had new ideas.

Another thing - he's not from around here; home is some 400 mi and college is more than that!  So I don't know by his characteristics if he's made many contacts around here yet (I'm guessing it's only been about a year).  Just another observation - besides the fact that I'm probably ancient to him!

Thanks alot!