hello Bobby  ;)

It is nice when people are replying to you that they indicate who they are replying to though.  SOmetimes it gets a bit confusing following the flow when people chip in with remarks from an earlier part of the thread.  Not that they shouldn't do that.

hello Bobby  ;)

It is nice when people are replying to you that they indicate who they are replying to though.  SOmetimes it gets a bit confusing following the flow when people chip in with remarks from an earlier part of the thread.  Not that they shouldn't do that.


Heh heh. You are absolutely correct, Karen. It is very nice to see.  :)

Unfortunately, these aren't jokes, but they fit here anyway.  


These awards were originally developed to thank those who had removed
themselves from humanity's gene pool. Now they are awarded for stupid
criminals.

Enjoy!

:-)



    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
   during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
   did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
   tried the trigger again! . This time it worked.....


And now, the honorable mentions:

  2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
   machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
   insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of its
   men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
   The chef's claim was approved.


3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
   during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.


4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
   found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
   from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
   fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

(Number 4 is my personal favorite.  ;D)


  5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
   wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
   injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
   he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.


6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
   counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
   promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)


7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
   he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
   booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
at the window.   The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
   head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
   grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
   to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
   there for a positive ID.  To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's
her.    That's the lady I stole the purse from."


  9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
   Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
   demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
   clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.


  A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
   a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
   at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
   spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
   to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,
   saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.



I think my sig line is particularly pertinent here.

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Margie and Mikey, they're eighteen. And the twins, Pam & Sam, they're sixteen. And the twins, Sissy and Missy, they're fourteen." "Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?" The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'."

^  ;D

A traveling salesman went up to a farmhouse and the farmer invited him in and introduced him to his 3 children, Eeny, Meeny and Miney.  The salesman said, "I bet I can guess what you're going to name the next one."  The farmer said, "Oh no, They ain't agonna be no Mo."

Bumper stickers for women.

http://newfunpages.com/bumperstickers.php3

For all of us rednecks!

For all of us rednecks!


LMAO!

All that sheesh be true right?

A J.B. Hunt driver is heading down the interstate when he sees a hitchhiker on the side of the road. He picks the hitchhiker up and gets about 5 miles down the road when the hitchhiker pulls a .38 on him and orders him to pull into a rest area. The hitchhiker then makes the trucker take off all his clothes and bend over, and he ties the trucker's wrists to his ankles. The hitchhiker then drives off with the truck and leaves him standing there bent over and naked. He manages to hop out to the side of the road, and soon another J.B. Hunt truck pulls over. The second driver recognizes him and yells out the window, "Harry, is that you? My God, what the hell happened to you?!?"  Harry says, "Oh man, it was terrible! I picked up this hitchhiker...he pulled a gun on me, he took my clothes and tied me up, and then he took off in my truck and left me standing here all naked and bent over like this." The second driver climbs out of his truck, starts unzipping his fly, and says, "By God, Harry, this just ain't your day now, is it?"

Here are some really old jokes, here goes anyway.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
Out of professional courtesy.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.

Bad pick up tries.

newfunpages.com/badpickuplines.php3

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.  Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the  Bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts Her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

      The little boy says, "Dark in here."

      The man says, "Yes, it is."

      Boy: "I have a baseball."

      Man: "That's nice."

      Boy: "Want to buy it?"

      Man: "No, thanks."

      Boy: "My dad's outside."

      Man: "OK, how much?"

      Boy: "$250"

      In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are In the closet together.

      Boy: "Dark in here."

      Man: "Yes, it is."

      Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

      The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

      Boy: "$750"

      Man: "Sold."

      A few days later, the father says to! the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go Outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

      The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

      Boy: "$1,000"

      The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends

like that .. that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take You to church and make you confess."

      They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in

      the confessional booth and closes the door.

      The boy says, "Dark in here."

      The priest says, "Don't start that sheesh again, you're in my closet now."

^  Love that joke  ;D ;D

Bartenders Psychology:

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.


THEN, there is the MALE addendum ---- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay

:DArt Garfunkel was on his way to Safeway to complain that the pot roast was missing the key ingredient when he got pulled over. :D :D ;)

Short and sick...just how I like 'em...!

Q. How do you make a soul singer out of a duck?

A. Put it in a microwave until its Bill Withers...!!

Short and sick...just how I like 'em...!

Q. How do you make a soul singer out of a duck?

A. Put it in a microwave until its Bill Withers...!!
;D Nice one, Paul! :)

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover after the night of his office Christmas party. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-- Love you
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night."
Jack son answers "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door!"
Jack says, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a red rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed," 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!' "

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless

the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3-day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "OK, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"

the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3-day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "OK, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"


LMFAO!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL0L! I love it.

Of course the correct answer would have been 'The Prophet Chris Rock' but 'tis transferable

the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3-day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "OK, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"
;D that was great! :)

Q: What did the bra say to the top hat?
A: I'll hold up these two and you go on a head

A newly wed couple decided that they should have a signal to let the husband know when the wife was in the mood for a little romance.  The man said when you're in the mood just pull on my penis.  The woman said so what should I do if I'm not in the mood.  The man replied, pull on it 150 times.  ;D

the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3-day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing. The teacher says, "OK, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"
Ah, yes. Little Johnny. One of my heroes from my childhood. He never lets me down! ;D ;D ;D

(I wish I had a scanner--I know a classic Little Johnny joke but it's visual.)

Short and sick...just how I like 'em...!

Q. How do you make a soul singer out of a duck?

A. Put it in a microwave until its Bill Withers...!!


;D ;D  Like it!

This is an old joke, and I'm sure some of you may have heard it, but I still think it's funny.

EUROPEAN HEAVEN VS. EUROPEAN HELL

         In Heaven:
The Germans are the mechanics,
the British are the police,
the Italians are the cooks,
the Swiss are the bankers,
and the French are the lovers.

           In Hell:
The French are the mechanics,
the Germans are the police,
the British are the cooks,
the Italians are the bankers,
and the Swiss are the lovers.

;)

A newly wed couple

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.
A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.

In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened. ''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''
''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.
''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''

Here's a blonde joke:

An elderly man was mourning the death of his wife, whom he remained with for 50 years. Not only that, he had two other problems. First, he couldn't cook if his life depended on it. The second was he was very horny since his wife died that he had frequent problems with his..uh..plumbing. One day, a neighbor suggested a fancy restaurant where he would be served hand and foot. "And by the way, feel free to still in table #14. Nancy usually waiting there." At dinner time, he wasn't disappointed. Not only was he served clean plates, silverware and napkins, he was served by the most voluptuous, beautiful blonde waitress he ever had put eyes on. "My name is Nancy. I'll be your waitress for tonight." she cheerfully replied. "Can I have your order?" "Yes, Nancy", the old man beamed. "I'll have the porterhouse special." Minutes later, he was given a ridiculously large porterhouse that must have been the size of a house. He enjoyed it so much that he gave the waitress about half the cost of the expensive meal. Then he started thinking how lucky his evening went, he noticed Nancy did not have on a wedding ring, and the light bulb flashed above his head. After he was given his change , he called Nancy over nervously and whisper just audibly, "I've had a great time tonight, but I know how to make things even better for both of us. I've haven't had any since my wife died. So I was wondering maybe I could take you to my place for 'a roll in the hay.'" Nancy's eyes lit up in shock. "Well, sir, I don't know if I you should be having that," she answered. The puzzled man asked, "Why not?" The blonde waitress answered, "Well, a roll wouldn't help you get regular, and wouldn't the straw get stuck in your dentures?"



;D Thank You!!! Try the veal!  ;D

   

Like that joke before (about all these hoaxes on emails) here is an email I want you to send off (probably not even jokey.) :

I saw this amazing thing yesterday! It was so weird. The sky started to turn a sort of blacky yellow tint, and then a weird yellow substance fell from the sky! I think it was a thunderstorm with rain, yet the yellowy tint above gave it that yellow colour.
BUT today, i searched for it and it said that if you get a weird weather it means god will send ill fortune to you!
Send this to 10 people today and spread the word of god's terrors!

(Please only use on christians LOL)

Captured Cowboy

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."
The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."
The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horses ear, then slaps it on the ass.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."
The Indians bring him his horse.
The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

;D ;D

A man had been out drinking late and when he got home and got into bed with his wife, he was restless and couldn't sleep. The wife remembered reading in one of her woman's magazines that if you tied a blue ribbon around a man's balls he would fall asleep. The wife went to her sewing box and got a blue ribbon and tied it around her husband's balls and he fell soundly asleep... About 30 minutes later the dog woke the wife up, he too was restless, so the wife thought she would try the same trick on the dog. She goes to her sewing box but she only has a white ribbon, so she ties the white ribbon on the dog's balls and the dog falls soundly asleep. The next morning the man wakes up, he looks at his self and then looks at the dog and says, I don't know what you and I did last night Sport but we took first and second prize.

A man is out golfing and his ball is halfway down the first fairway. He pulls out his 5-iron and gets ready to hit the ball when he hears a frog croak, "Ribbit, 7-iron! Ribbit, 7-iron!" He thinks a moment, then puts away his 5-iron and pulls out his 7-iron, and when he hits his ball it lands three feet from the hole. He picks the frog up and takes it to the next hole. He pulls out his driver and gets ready to tee off when the frog goes, "Ribbit, 3-wood! Ribbit, 3-wood!" He switched to his 3-wood, tees off, and his ball lands perfectly on the green about 10 feet from the hole. He takes the frog along with him, listening to its advice, and he proceeds to shoot the best 18 holes of his life. "What next?" he asks the frog. "Ribbit, Las Vegas! Ribbit, Las Vegas!" the frog replies.
        So the man withdraws his life savings and flies to Vegas with the frog,  and they walk into a casino. "Ribbit, roulette wheel! Ribbit, roulette wheel!" the frog croaks. They walk over to the roulette wheel and the frog croaks, "Ribbit, Red 31! Ribbit, Red 31!" The man puts his entire life savings on Red 31 and sure enough the ball lands on it and he walks out of the casino with millions of dollars.
      Later that night the man is relaxing in his hotel room, still trying to grasp what has happened, when he asks the frog, Well. now what?" The frog replies "Ribbit, kiss me! Ribbit, kiss me!" So he leans over kisses the frog, and POOF! It turns into a beautiful 15-year-old girl.
    The next day he's standing in front of a judge when he blurts out, "I swear that's how she got there, or my name's not William Jefferson Clinton!"

Alright, I hope no one finds this offensive,  if you do just let me know and I'll remove it.

A guy is walking along a beach and finds an oil lamp.  He picks it up and rubs it and out pops two blonde genies.  He makes his three wishes and POOF!  He's standing in a mansion with 50 naked women running around.  There is a knock at the door and as he goes to answer it he realizes the floor is covered with 100 dollar bills.  He opens the door and there are two klu klux klan members standing there.  They grab him, drag him out to the nearest tree and hang him.  As they are walking away the klu klux klan members pull off their hoods and it is the two blonde genies.  One says, "You know, I can understand why he'd want to be rich and why he'd want all those women, but why on earth would he want to be hung like a black man?

A man is talking to his friend the night after he got really drunk, he said "Man, I got really drunk last night, so drunk that I blew chunks"
His friend then said "Well this is normal, many people get sick after a night of drinking"
The man then says...
"You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!!!"

Man, you're sick, but that's pretty funny. 

Jiminy talks from experience ;D

Jiminy talks from experience ;D


Lol!  ;D

This is sort of a football joke, so I don't know if everyone will appreciate it, but here goes...


After living a long, full life, Peyton Manning dies and goes to heaven. After he retired from football (after multiple MVP awards and countless Pro Bowls), he becomes a real community leader and helps a bunch of people. So when he dies, he goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter says "God has been waiting for you. You can see Him now. Now, Peyton, this is very special, because very few souls actually get to meet Him." So now Peyton is really excited. He goes to meet God, and God tells him that most people in Heaven live in heavenly apartments. But since Peyton lived such a great life and brough happiness to so many, he gets his own house. So God and Peyton are walking along a heavenly street and they get to a house. "Well, this is your house for all eternity, Peyton," says God. It's a beautiful, three story townhouse. Peyton is elated. But then he looks further down the street, and sees the biggest mansion he's ever seen. And the worst part is that the mansion and the lawn around it are absolutely covered with New England Patriots colors and flags. Peyton has to ask, "God? If I lived such a great life, how come Tom Brady gets such a nicer house than I do?"

God smiles at Peyton and says, "That's not Tom Brady's house. It's mine!"

Jiminy talks from experience ;D

Chunks is another nickname of mine  ;D

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:.....

....she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

....she thought a quarterback was a refund.

....she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

....she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

....she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

....she thought General Motors was in the army.

....she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

....she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

....under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

....she tripped over a cordless phone

....she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can  because it said "concentrate."

....she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
"DON'T WALK."

....at the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here," she put Sagittarius."

....she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.


She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

....she studied for a blood test.

....she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

....she sold the car for gas money!

....when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

....when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport  Left,"

She turned around and went home.



She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

....when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

....she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

....if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

....she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

....she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for
"Tits Go In Front!"

;D