I know I can't stop people talking about me.. I just don't like it, especially when things are a bit funny.. I always think people are plotting. It's my fault.. the whole DTA mentality. (Don't Trust Anybody!)

I wish I could just sit down with him and discuss it, but alas, all that would do is aggravate the situation as far as I can see. He'd accuse me of meddling, saying I'm trying to f**k with him etc. It's very annoying.
How long have you known her? I'd be inclined to say 'look I've known her 10 years and haven't jumped her yet it would have happened by now if it was going to!' Seriously though, sadly this is a no win situation. The only person who can deal with his jealousy is the guy himself. If he won't trust you and her then he probably never will. It does also depend I guess on just how close you are and exactly how much time you do spend together, ie if she's with you more than she's with him then he's kind of justified! 
As to the other's talking that's human nature......... :-\\

Yes, I get very easily annoyed...and I sometimes keep it in...but sometimes I can't. I let things build up a lot too...and then it just bursts! :-\\


Sounds like a fart.    ;D

Ok.. so I have a question.

Normally, I wouldn't say much, but I figure it couldn't hurt to get some other opinions on this, plus it's nice to get things off your chest, right?

Ok - Here's the thing -

Most of the people I know, know each other right, that's always the case (or at least normally). Well, I get on great with most of them, but.. as per usual.. recently I've been getting a bit paranoid regarding some of them. I keep hearing things like "Oh, such and such was saying so and so about you." Not bad you understand.. but talking none the less. I dislike that intensely. Like, really intensely, I either want people to talk to me if they want to discuss something about me, or just shut the f**k up.
Now.. this guy I know.. I wouldn't really call him a friend, more an acquaintance, has a girlfriend who IS a good friend of mine. Now, he's made it clear that he dosen't like that we spend time together, well, both of us (me and her) were of the opinion that he just needs to grow up and get over himself.. but the issue is not going away.. and it's like.. the hostility is clearly rising. Well, my thought is that if I decide to just say "Whatever." and not see her without him around, there'll be animosity towards him from some people.. and vice versa. Now, on the other hand, I tell him to blow it out his ass.. and we probably end up coming to blows or something.. and that just creates a whole other can of worms.
Thing is, he's a good guy, just.. jealous or something I guess.. so.. I'm not sure what to do with the situation? Any ideas?!



Damned if you do, Damned if you dont.  What a predicament.  Its seems like whatever you may choose, someone is going to be pissed off.  If she is spending more time with you than him, that is not entirely your fault.  However, she has to decide herself what she wants out of that relationship.  If she wants to spend more time with you because she is not happy with the relationship, then she should not be in it.  If she wants to remain in the relationship, then she can still see you, but not to the point where it may seem threatening.  They are dating but that doesn't mean that you cant be friends with her.  I could see if you were doing more than the "just friends" thing.  Talking might help, but if he doesn't listen to reason, then that is really not an option.  So, you are stuck with the dialema of losing the friendship with this girl.  Why would you end a friendship because of this guy when he is just more an acquaitance?  If he is guy is not mature enough to understand that you are friends, then he definitely has alot of growin up to do.  Hes a decent guy with 1000 insecurities maybe.  Kind of sounds like me...anyway.  LoL.  Have you talked to her about this as well?  Im not the best to be giving advice, but I do not like when someones friendship is put in jeopardy because of the person he/she is dating.  I would say screw it, remain friends with her and get your brass knuckles and read up on whooping A$$ for dummies.  ;D

How long have you known her? I'd be inclined to say 'look I've known her 10 years and haven't jumped her yet it would have happened by now if it was going to!' Seriously though, sadly this is a no win situation. The only person who can deal with his jealousy is the guy himself. If he won't trust you and her then he probably never will. It does also depend I guess on just how close you are and exactly how much time you do spend together, ie if she's with you more than she's with him then he's kind of justified! 
As to the other's talking that's human nature......... :-\\


And that's true. Never have, never really considered it. It was just.. not an option, but of course, it's not like you can explain that to somebody.

"Nah man, I wouldn't wanna f**k her." *Thud!*  ;D

The other thing is.. and I didn't mention this before.. this guy is basically terminal, as in.. gonna shuffle off the mortal coil, within the next few years... and I don't want to be the one to say "Hey, sorry about you're death sentence, by the way, I'm gonna wreck what joy you have left."

So I don't know, I'll mull it over for the next week or so I suppose.



Damned if you do, Damned if you dont.  What a predicament.  Its seems like whatever you may choose, someone is going to be pissed off.  If she is spending more time with you than him, that is not entirely your fault.  However, she has to decide herself what she wants out of that relationship.  If she wants to spend more time with you because she is not happy with the relationship, then she should not be in it.  If she wants to remain in the relationship, then she can still see you, but not to the point where it may seem threatening.  They are dating but that doesn't mean that you cant be friends with her.  I could see if you were doing more than the "just friends" thing.  Talking might help, but if he doesn't listen to reason, then that is really not an option.  So, you are stuck with the dialema of losing the friendship with this girl.  Why would you end a friendship because of this guy when he is just more an acquaitance?  If he is guy is not mature enough to understand that you are friends, then he definitely has alot of growin up to do.  Hes a decent guy with 1000 insecurities maybe.  Kind of sounds like me...anyway.  LoL.  Have you talked to her about this as well?  Im not the best to be giving advice, but I do not like when someones friendship is put in jeopardy because of the person he/she is dating.  I would say screw it, remain friends with her and get your brass knuckles and read up on whooping A$$ for dummies.  ;D


Right, the one thing I know here, is I have tried to be nice and considerate.. I really don't ever call her up and plan anything anymore, but it dosen't stop her getting hold of me etc.

I don't get why he'd be jealous I really don't. They were seeing each other before I moved back to town, I guess maybe the idea that I've been gone a while and am now back on the scene is a bit of a threat to him? Like he thinks he was a second option or something? But nothing ever happened before, so why he'd think that, I really don't know.

I think he's very insecure and if I could just sit down for 10 minutes and talk to him without it erupting in to an incident (which it would) I'd just sit down and say "Look, there is nothing happening.. I haven't tried to get a hold of her, I've said I've been busy when I've not been, short of avoiding her I've done my best to keep the peace, gimme a f**kin break here."

Here is my take on the situation. He sees you as a threat-whether it is real or perceived, but a threat nevertheless. That is HIS problem and jealousy is a form a insecurity. He is insecurity with his relationship with her and is using you as a target of that insecurity. However, he is making HIS problem her problem and yours. I think he had better get over it or he may lose her-not to you per say but because she may not want to put up with his insecurities. That is something SHE is going to have to decide for herself. He is basically giving her an ultimatum-either him or you and he (and she) are going to have live with that decision-whichever way the pieces fall.

Maybe you should talk to both of them and tell them to work things out between them and leave you out of it.



Cat

Here is my take on the situation. He sees you as a threat-whether it is real or perceived, but a threat nevertheless. That is HIS problem and jealousy is a form a insecurity. He is insecurity with his relationship with her and is using you as a target of that insecurity. However, he is making HIS problem her problem and yours. I think he had better get over it or he may lose her-not to you per say but because she may not want to put up with his insecurities. That is something SHE is going to have to decide for herself. He is basically giving her an ultimatum-either him or you and he (and she) are going to have live with that decision-whichever way the pieces fall.

Maybe you should talk to both of them and tell them to work things out between them and leave you out of it. 


Thanks Cat, that does make a lot of sense.

I made the decision to leave things totally alone.. as in.. be very very 'busy' for a few weeks, if you follow and see how things work out. Maybe a cooling off period will be a good idea.

I have discussed it with her, and her thought was, as I said before - He needs to grow up. I'm hesitant to discuss anything with him because I'm pretty sure that one of us would phrase something wrong and it would all kick off.. and as I've said before.. I like him, he's a good guy.

Yes, I get very easily annoyed...and I sometimes keep it in...but sometimes I can't. I let things build up a lot too...and then it just bursts! :-\\


Erin,for me with certain people I just scream.Like with Robin for instance when she pisses me off,I stuff it in cause I wouldn't yell or burst in anger with her,I know better not to take it out on women.

Thanks Cat, that does make a lot of sense.

I made the decision to leave things totally alone.. as in.. be very very 'busy' for a few weeks, if you follow and see how things work out. Maybe a cooling off period will be a good idea.

I have discussed it with her, and her thought was, as I said before - He needs to grow up. I'm hesitant to discuss anything with him because I'm pretty sure that one of us would phrase something wrong and it would all kick off.. and as I've said before.. I like him, he's a good guy.
I think the "being busy" idea is a good one.  However, I don't think that will help much from the sound of this guy.  If you stop seeing her for a while, then start again, he's just going to be more jealous.  Have you spent much time with the two of them together?  Maybe just see her when he's there too.  Or, have her talk to him and explain that she's not going to make a choice between the two of you (if that's how she sees it, which it seems like it is) and have HER tell him that he needs to deal with it.  Either way, it shouldn't be your problem.

I think the "being busy" idea is a good one.  However, I don't think that will help much from the sound of this guy.  If you stop seeing her for a while, then start again, he's just going to be more jealous.  Have you spent much time with the two of them together?  Maybe just see her when he's there too.  Or, have her talk to him and explain that she's not going to make a choice between the two of you (if that's how she sees it, which it seems like it is) and have HER tell him that he needs to deal with it.  Either way, it shouldn't be your problem.


Well, I actually zinged her a voicemail earlier, saying that basically - I didn't want to make an issue out of anything, if she wanted to.. for lack of a better term.. prep him and then I'd just have a word. See, what you say makes sense.. and in the rational world would work, but ugh, I'm beginning to learn that he's not particularly rational.

I do however feel that my progress is astounding.. a year ago I would have just lured him in to the alley and beat him up.  ;D

Sounds like a fart.    ;D



hahaah....didn't realize that until you pointed it out! ;D

I know maybe I shouldn't bring up a certain someone on here but I thought once in a while not to cause any arguements. :(

How do you deal with a girl who's anxious and nervous about stuff like carbs,her weight,scared about getting diabetes,her complexion and feeling fat.She suffers from low-self esteem,depression and has Aspergers as well.So I try to help her out emotionally as best as I can.Anything else I can help her out with,I don't want to see her upset. :(

I know maybe I shouldn't bring up a certain someone on here but I thought once in a while not to cause any arguements. :(

How do you deal with a girl who's anxious and nervous about stuff like carbs,her weight,scared about getting diabetes,her complexion and feeling fat.She suffers from low-self esteem,depression and has Aspergers as well.So I try to help her out emotionally as best as I can.Anything else I can help her out with,I don't want to see her upset. :(


Well, although I've made the point before that I think Robin is just stringing you along, the fact that she has somebody who cares so much about her must make her feel better, let her know that!

I know maybe I shouldn't bring up a certain someone on here but I thought once in a while not to cause any arguements. :(

How do you deal with a girl who's anxious and nervous about stuff like carbs,her weight,scared about getting diabetes,her complexion and feeling fat.She suffers from low-self esteem,depression and has Aspergers as well.So I try to help her out emotionally as best as I can.Anything else I can help her out with,I don't want to see her upset. :(


Well, to tell you the truth, most girls feel this way. It's just how it is. All you can do is tell her that she's not fat, has great complexion, etc. She probably won't ever stop, but your saying that sometimes makes them feel better! And if not... then at least you're not making her feel worse.

Well, although I've made the point before that I think Robin is just stringing you along, the fact that she has somebody who cares so much about her must make her feel better, let her know that!



I love her a lot and never have I felt so much compassion in my life.She's a beautiful and wonderful girl.That's why I make her feel good about herself and I'm glad to be the one to do it. :)

That girl who I asked out for coffee(Kamika),said she would do it when she comes back from her 2 week vacation from Jamaica,West Indies.I'm looking forward to see what she has in store of where she wants to go to eat.From what I do know about her,she likes Hot Chocolate all year round,likes The Golden Krust(Caribbean Bakery),enjoys spicy stuff sometimes.After that,we'll exchange e-mails. :)

That girl who I asked out for coffee(Kamika),said she would do it when she comes back from her 2 week vacation from Jamaica,West Indies.I'm looking forward to see what she has in store of where she wants to go to eat.From what I do know about her,she likes Hot Chocolate all year round,likes The Golden Krust(Caribbean Bakery),enjoys spicy stuff sometimes.After that,we'll exchange e-mails. :)



sounds like a plan. :) Take it slow Howard and be her friend. Get to know her and her interests and don't be pushy.

sounds like a plan. :) Take it slow Howard and be her friend. Get to know her and her interests and don't be pushy.



I'll try not too.I just don't why my buddies decided to ask a co-worker for me to talk to her and ask her out out for a date,It may be dangerous and risky but I'll take the risk and see what happens.It may bring good stuff.Maybe in the future,It could become serious.But one thing at a time,take it slow. ;)

I'll try not too.I just don't why my buddies decided to ask a co-worker for me to talk to her and ask her out out for a date,It may be dangerous and risky but I'll take the risk and see what happens.It may bring good stuff.Maybe in the future,It could become serious.But one thing at a time,take it slow. ;)



doesn't hurt to try.

doesn't hurt to try.



Yeah,this could be my first black girlfriend if this winds up becoming serious,Hey you never know.

Yeah,this could be my first black girlfriend if this winds up becoming serious,Hey you never know.


I think a person's race really doesn't matter.  Good luck Howard. :)

I think a person's race really doesn't matter.  Good luck Howard. :)



Thanks,you're right,race or religion doesn't matter,I'll date anyone.But I hope it does turn out to be something.I just don't want my co-workers to let the word get out that Her And I become an item in the near future,just need to keep it in one place and that's it.

My pal Kamika will be in the Jamaica West Indies for 2 weeks,can't wait for her to come back and teach me some patious. :)