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Subject: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:00 am

I'm not using this message board as therapy (lol), but I'll be the first to admit I'm something of a loner (no, I'm not looking for sympathy). I had a few friends in high school, but rarely socialised outside of school, and for the first year of university really felt excluded. I saw a councillor about it, and in second year opened up a bit more, although I still sort of feel like a loner. I don't go out that often, and only occasionally see the few friends that I have. So I've spent many weekends alone, and I feel like I'm somehow 'seperated' from society...lol. I don't have a girlfriend, and have never really had a 'serious' relationship...but yeah, anyway, enough about me. And of course, it's not like this site had anything to do with it (I came here because of the Beatles, and remain here because of my interest in nostalgia, but I have made many e-buddies here and discussed many points of pop-culture at length!). Do you often feel a bit lonely, even if you don't class yourself as an 'outcast' as such? Well, I guess this is a place to share your experiences.etc lol


Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: KKay on 05/21/06 at 8:12 am

I don't think you'll find anyone that doesnt' feel that way sometimes...
I spend 80% of my free time alone..and I am married, i'm in clubs and i do volunteer...but when there is nothing assigned to me, it works out or i choose to be alone.
nothing wrong with it, unless you really don't like it.
i dont think something is wrong with me cuz im not surrounded by friends at any time...there is a time for that. I learned that if you don't make it happen it wont...
but also if y ou are trying to make things happen, this doesn't mean you'll see results over night.
hope you're not unhappy..

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:15 am


I don't think you'll find anyone that doesnt' feel that way sometimes...
I spend 80% of my free time alone..and I am married, i'm in clubs and i do volunteer...but when there is nothing assigned to me, it works out or i choose to be alone.
nothing wrong with it, unless you really don't like it.
i dont think something is wrong with me cuz im not surrounded by friends at any time...there is a time for that. I learned that if you don't make it happen it wont...
but also if y ou are trying to make things happen, this doesn't mean you'll see results over night.
hope you're not unhappy..



There was a time when I was very unhappy about it, but I've sort of learnt to accept it, and just be positive about it. I try and make new friends when possible, but don't put on a sad face when things don't work out. Uni's nearly over anyway, and while I'm not always surrounded by a group of 'mates' (I'm not a super social sort of person as well, and I need alot of alone time). I would like to get out just a bit more, however...

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:17 am

I guess I could call myself a loner but sometimes I'm just really happy not to be surrounded by loads of people,it gives me more time to think about well I dunno...loads of things I guess.
And I'm also a person who believes it's better to have a couple of really good friends who believe in you and you in them then loads of people who don't have a clue and don't give a sheesh of how you feel but then call themselves your friend.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:19 am


I guess I could call myself a loner but sometimes I'm just really happy not to be surrounded by loads of people,it gives me more time to think about well I dunno...loads of things I guess.
And I'm also a person who believes it's better to have a couple of really good friends who believe in you and you in them then loads of people who don't have a clue and don't give a sheesh of how you feel but then call themselves your friend.


I was a bit like that in school too. Had probably 2-3 good friends I did everything with (until late high school), while being quite unpopular socially otherwise. It's a pity I haven't seen them for so long...

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:20 am


I was a bit like that in school too. Had probably 2-3 good friends I did everything with (until late high school), while being quite unpopular socially otherwise. It's a pity I haven't seen them for so long...

well there you go..those are the people you should stick to,they are the ones who're there when you need help and vice versa.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:25 am


well there you go..those are the people you should stick to,they are the ones who're there when you need help and vice versa.


Yeah...I do remember this kid in high school who was sort of 'different'. I think he had some mild mental condition or something (to put it politely). Anyway, he'd always keep to himself except for the occasional discussion about school-work where he'd relate totally inappropriately, never took care of his physical appearance, always talk as if in a crowded room (not sure if he was partly deaf). I'd heard many of the schoolkids talk behind his back and tease him, and always wanted to talk to him, find out more about him. Pity I was too shy back then, and have to admit was sort of afraid of him (he was pretty weird)...I was really quiet back in H.S. so I understand why people just automatically avoid you, and how you're almost stigmatised.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:30 am


I was really quiet back in H.S. so I understand why people just automatically avoid you, and how you're almost stigmatised.

That really annoys me about people: just because you don't say much they don't want anything to do with you.
I'm not a shy person,I usually always speak my mind but I don't get the respect anyone else would because I have a different view on things.
Don't get me wrong, I respect pretty much everyone's opinion but it's just that too many people are too narrow minded,they believe everything they see on tv. That pisses me off.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:34 am


That really annoys me about people: just because you don't say much they don't want anything to do with you.
I'm not a shy person,I usually always speak my mind but I don't get the respect anyone else would because I have a different view on things.
Don't get me wrong, I respect pretty much everyone's opinion but it's just that too many people are too narrow minded,they believe everything they see on tv. That pisses me off.


In high school, most people just can't really accept differences (despite what say they). They may tolerate them, but other than that don't want anything to do with people who are different. That's why people of different ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientations.etc are still given a hard time in the 21st century...bullying has gone more covert. It's often said that teens will grow out of it when they reach their 20s, but believe me, alot of them (not saying 'most') don't. I guess it's just human nature... :-\\

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: danootaandme on 05/21/06 at 8:38 am


Yeah...I do remember this kid in high school who was sort of 'different'. I think he had some mild mental condition or something (to put it politely). Anyway, he'd always keep to himself except for the occasional discussion about school-work where he'd relate totally inappropriately, never took care of his physical appearance, always talk as if in a crowded room (not sure if he was partly deaf). I'd heard many of the schoolkids talk behind his back and tease him, and always wanted to talk to him, find out more about him. Pity I was too shy back then, and have to admit was sort of afraid of him (he was pretty weird)...I was really quiet back in H.S. so I understand why people just automatically avoid you, and how you're almost stigmatised.


Classic signs of autism. 

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:39 am


Classic signs of autism. 


Were there people like that at your school?

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:40 am


Classic signs of autism. 

what do you mean "classic signs of autism"?!

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:44 am


what do you mean "classic signs of autism"?!



There are different 'levels' of autism. In real severe cases, the autistic person virtually withdraws, and is not really aware of the outside world (from my knowledge). I think in the case of so-called 'high functioning autism' (I know cos' I was sort of 'diagnosed' with Asperger's when I was really young, but anyway) it can be a bit less obvious, like Rainman. Personally, I'm not socially handi-capped etc in that sense cos If I really try I can socialise, relate normally, and understand so-called 'normal' human feelings.etc, just I tend to have very low confidence, and am a bit paranoid that people don't want me around them...but enough about me

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:45 am


There are different 'levels' of autism. In real severe cases, the autistic person virtually withdraws, and is not really aware of the outside world (from my knowledge). I think in the case of so-called 'high functioning autism' (I know cos' I was sort of 'diagnosed' with Asperger's when I was really young, but anyway) it can be a bit less obvious, like Rainman. Personally, I'm not socially handi-capped etc in that sense cos If I really try I can socialise, relate normally, and understand so-called 'normal' human feelings.etc, just I tend to have very low confidence, and am a bit paranoid that people don't want me around them...but enough about me

don't worry,I know all about this (unfortunately);my brother's autistic.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:47 am


don't worry,I know all about this (unfortunately);my brother's autistic.


Really? How does he cope with it?

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: danootaandme on 05/21/06 at 8:48 am

My son is autistic.  High functioning, manifests itself in severe speech delay.  He could read at 3 is fully functional, understands 99% of what is said, but can't have a converstation.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:49 am


Really? How does he cope with it?

He's 22...well how should I put it?
He can speak a few languages,he can read,do some maths,play the piano etc but he's not independent because of his communication problems.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: danootaandme on 05/21/06 at 8:50 am

Just when I want to carry on with a thread I have to leave, we are going out for the day, I hope that one
of you will carry this conversation on with me at another time.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:50 am


My son is autistic.  High functioning, manifests itself in severe speech delay.  He could read at 3 is fully functional, understands 99% of what is said, but can't have a converstation.


Is that because his speech is usually incomprehensible to other people? Is there any way to train oneself to at least alleviate this?

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:50 am


My son is autistic.  High functioning, manifests itself in severe speech delay.  He could read at 3 is fully functional, understands 99% of what is said, but can't have a converstation.

Same with my brother,he can speak but it's quite hard for him to talk to people;most of the times people ask the questions and he does his best to answer.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:51 am


Just when I want to carry on with a thread I have to leave, we are going out for the day, I hope that one
of you will carry this conversation on with me at another time.

I would be glad to.
It helps to talk with people who have to deal with this every day.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 8:54 am


I would be glad to.
It helps to talk with people who have to deal with this every day.


When was it apparent that your brother had autism? Was it detected from an early age? What were the main signs?

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 8:56 am


When was it apparent that your brother had autism? Was it detected from an early age? What were the main signs?

He was diagnosed at around 3-4 years old.
The main sign was lack of speech.
Doctors said he would never be able to read and write well luckily they were wrong.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/21/06 at 9:01 am


He was diagnosed at around 3-4 years old.
The main sign was lack of speech.
Doctors said he would never be able to read and write well luckily they were wrong.


Oh yeah, no parent would want to hear something like that. Was the relationship between you and him and his peers at school significant changed because of his condition?

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/21/06 at 9:07 am


Oh yeah, no parent would want to hear something like that. Was the relationship between you and him and his peers at school significant changed because of his condition?



Well to me it makes no diffence.That's the way my brother is and I love him just as much as I love other brother and sister.
I'm fully aware that his condition can be really hard to cope with,the last two years were awful (long story) but you always manage,you have to manage and be strong.
He's achieved so much and even if a lot of problems still remain you have to be positive,which I admit can be really hard.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Step-chan on 05/21/06 at 2:18 pm

I'm pretty solitary myself, sometimes it gets boring though. I'm not sad about it or anything like that. I just haven't found many people that I can trust.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Bobby on 05/21/06 at 2:38 pm

Hmmmm . . . I certainly wouldn't class myself as a loner but, yeah, I get lonely sometimes - that's the way it goes for everyone.

I need a balance between being on my own and being out with friends otherwise I either get lonely or I get exasperated with the whole social thing.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: danootaandme on 05/21/06 at 4:25 pm


He was diagnosed at around 3-4 years old.
The main sign was lack of speech.
Doctors said he would never be able to read and write well luckily they were wrong.


Jake was three when he was diagnosed as PDD(Pervasive Development Delay) but I argued that, pervasive means he is delayed in all areas, and he isn't.  Then at age 7 it was Autism, autism is an umbrella term because there are so many variations.  Now (15) it is Dyspraxia, meaning he essentially delayed in the area of expressive language, which means he can't carry a conversation.  He understands everything that is said, but a glitch keeps him from finding the words to carry on a conversation, as a result he repeats things he can say.  He also is uncomfortable in social situations, basic things like giving an order at Burger King.  Luckily I have found that most people are very nice, and I believe there is a greater awareness of what autism is, so people are much kinder than they used to be.  He can do math, on paper, like fractions, and some geometry, but he can't make change.  Wierd stuff like that.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: CatwomanofV on 05/21/06 at 5:40 pm

Growing up, I was always the "new kid in town" so I never really had many friends. If I did, I usually moved on shortly after making them (and very few I have kept in touch with over the years). When I went back to school, I lived alone. After I graduated, I still lived alone for 2 more years. I didn't work so I spent the majority of my time alone-this was before I got on-line. There were sometimes when I would go days without having any interaction with anyone.  I have even spent just about every holiday alone. The time I spent Christmas alone didn't really bother me too much. I had a rough semester at school and really enjoyed the peace and quite-spent the day reading. During that time, I kept a journal and learned a lot about myself. Was I lonely? VERY MUCH SO! But I think I needed to do that. It was a transitional period of my life. I grew as a person. And one thing I learned is there are worse things than being alone. Now, that I am with Carlos, sometimes I wish that he would go out for just a bit so I can have a bit of alonetime. I think everyone needs that every now and again.




Cat

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: MidKnightDarkness on 05/22/06 at 12:26 am

Ever since I was very little, I would distance myself from everyone else. I don't have much in common with many people, and on most occasions, would just rather be alone. Like Chaka said, it gives me time with my thoughts.. and there's nothing I love to do more than think. After work every day, I usually end up going to the cemetery, and thinking about the day, the future, certain people that have impacted my life-- everything. It's incredibly soothing.

However, I'm not saying that I don't enjoy being around others all the time. There are a handful of people who I feel so incredibly comfortable with, making it easy and fun to be around.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/22/06 at 7:50 am


After work every day, I usually end up going to the cemetery, and thinking about the day, the future, certain people that have impacted my life-- everything. It's incredibly soothing.


I wish I could do that at the end of every day,go somewhere quiet where you feel comfortable and undisturbed.Opposite my house there is a field and in summer I sometimes go there and just lie down,it's really inspiring and relaxing if you feel content but if you're depressed I somehow find it makes things worse because you feel so lonely in an empty field and surrounded by silence.
Sometimes I don't realise how important it is to be with people who accept as you are,who put a smile on your face...you have to find the balance,really..some time by yourself and the rest family,friends etc.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/22/06 at 8:33 am


I wish I could do that at the end of every day,go somewhere quiet where you feel comfortable and undisturbed.Opposite my house there is a field and in summer I sometimes go there and just lie down,it's really inspiring and relaxing if you feel content but if you're depressed I somehow find it makes things worse because you feel so lonely in an empty field and surrounded by silence.
Sometimes I don't realise how important it is to be with people who accept as you are,who put a smile on your face...you have to find the balance,really..some time by yourself and the rest family,friends etc.


Some people seem to always need to be around others...if left alone for even a short while they feel lonely. I think I'd almost go as crazy if I had too much human contact as having no human contact, lol.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 05/22/06 at 8:55 am

Yes, I would consider myself to be somewhat of a loner.  I am the type of person that likes to be around others...but only to an extent. I would usually much rather prefer being by myself...or with my family.  I am very family oriented and I would choose to be with them anyday, over friends/acquaintances.  I too find myself feeling awkward in situations where there is a group of people, although, I can pull it off to seem like I am fitting in/comfortable in the situation....but in reality, I am really not.  I am not shy, so to speak, rather...I like to spend time alone.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: Trimac20 on 05/22/06 at 8:58 am


Yes, I would consider myself to be somewhat of a loner.  I am the type of person that likes to be around others...but only to an extent. I would usually much rather prefer being by myself...or with my family.  I am very family oriented and I would choose to be with them anyday, over friends/acquaintances.  I too find myself feeling awkward in situations where there is a group of people, although, I can pull it off to seem like I am fitting in/comfortable in the situation....but in reality, I am really not.  I am not shy, so to speak, rather...I like to spend time alone.


Yes, there is a distinction between being shy and preferring to be alone. Some people are actually real quite social once they come out of their shells, while others have all the confidence but prefer not to socialise. In truth I guess I fall somewhere in between these two extremes; I'm shy, but am not too incapacitated by it, yet I'm also quite a private, contemplative, introverted person by nature.

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 05/22/06 at 10:57 am

I'd probably be considered a loner.....I only have a few really close friends and only 1 that I really get to spend "alone" time with....when I'm with the rest of them, we usually have the kids there too.  I meet alot of people through my kids, but noone that I really "hang out" with.  We make small talk at games and activities, but that's about it.  Like Erin, I prefer to spend time with my family and am not really comfortable in group situations unless the kids are around.  Somehow, I manage to seem comfortable on the outside when inside, I'm screaming "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" :-\\

Subject: Re: Loner's Thread

Written By: chaka on 05/22/06 at 11:02 am

It happens quite often to me that when I'm in a group I feel really uncomfortable and I somehow still manage to put on a somewhat "normal/expressionless" face...I hate that.
In those moments I wish I had the courage to just walk away and not give a sheesh if people talk behind my back or not.
Luckily I've noticed I'm getting better at feeling at ease around people I don't know that well but I find it also depends on the day;how you're feeling etc.

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