Pluck my leg hairs out, then watch the football game tonight.

... Exulcerate my flesh with a broken beer bottle than watch another 'celebrity - reality show'.

Drive a rod thru my eye, then see another 'wonky' eyed Paris Hilton pic.

Suck rancid tuna salad from Donald Trump's ass through a straw made of splintered balsa wood than hear another Nelly 'song'.

... be asleep when a bug bites me than be awake.

Suck rancid tuna salad from Donald Trump's ass through a straw made of splintered balsa wood than hear another Nelly 'song'.


EWWW

That was good though  ;D

EWWW

That was good though  ;D


True.

I'd also rather cut off my own nose, deep fry it and insert it anally as a suppository than ever go to church again.

stay with Robin than to break up with her because I can't provide her and her Family with 40 hour weeks.

...vote for a Republican for President than post in L.T.E.

get up early than sleep all day

I would rather slide down a bunch of razors and land in salt, then have to go to church.

my MySpace profile could edit itself, but ain't gonna happen ;D

be home watching tv, then at work

I would rather slide down a bunch of razors and land in salt, then have to go to church.


We should party, sounds fun.. if you're in to that sorta thing.

We should party, sounds fun.. if you're in to that sorta thing.



I'd rather choke on my own vomit.


j/k  :D ;D ;D ;D

I would rather watch Bill Clinton get his butt shaved than endure another reality show.

I'd rather choke on my own vomit.


j/k  :D ;D ;D ;D




S'ok, I'd rather pay another visit to the morgue.


That's a point...

I'd rather be a Necrophiliac than normal.

I would rather go to Church than root for the Red Sox.

I would rather go to Church than root for the Red Sox.


I'd rather go down on David Ortiz than go to church.

I'd rather go down on David Ortiz than go to church.



;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Conversely I could say that I'd rather root for the Red Sox than go to Church. 

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D



Conversely I could say that I'd rather root for the Red Sox than go to Church. 


It's one of those lose lose situations really isn't it.

It's one of those lose lose situations really isn't it.



Yes, yes it is.



I would rather starve and be broke than prostitute myself for the money to buy a meal.

Yes, yes it is.



I would rather starve and be broke than prostitute myself for the money to buy a meal.


It's not so bad when you get used to the kinky customers.

Lick all the toilets in Grand Central Station with my tongue, than spend one more minute with you.

Heh, that's a Weird Al quote.

Walk around the south pole naked than wear a Forest shirt.

Suck rancid tuna salad from Donald Trump's ass through a straw made of splintered balsa wood than hear another Nelly 'song'.


THE ARISTOCRATS!

I would rather Listen to K-Fed sing then Yoko Ono :D

I would rather Listen to K-Fed sing then Yoko Ono :D
I'd rather stick sharpened pencils in my ears than listen to either of them.

I'd rather stick sharpened pencils in my ears than listen to either of them.


Po Po Zao or whatever its called.  ;D

OK. I would rather go deaf then hear them both sing.

watch paint dry than another Thomas the Tank Engine video.

work than volunteer

I would rather suck on a thumb tack then watch Jerry Springer dance

Pluck my leg hairs out, then watch the football game tonight.


I agree, I can't stand sports myself.

I agree, I can't stand sports myself.



Why?


To me there's nothing more fun that watching a good baseball game with my friends.

I would rather suck a fart than live in the same place with Jack Thompson.

Why?


To me there's nothing more fun that watching a good baseball game with my friends.


That's the one thing about me, I could never grasp what was so appealing about sports. It's just something I couldn't get into. I don't even like playing sports.

That's the one thing about me, I could never grasp what was so appealing about sports. It's just something I couldn't get into. I don't even like playing sports.




That's so odd.  I'd tell you to watch the baseball on ESPN, but you don't even have cable.

That's so odd.  I'd tell you to watch the baseball on ESPN, but you don't even have cable.


It wouldn't change my opinion, school(plus a few other factors) already caused me to make up my mind long ago.

You should see the responses I've gotten from other people.

Sleep in, then have to go to work.

be living with Robin than live in a group home after my Mother & Father move to Florida

... be outside nice and warm, than in this freeze hole called work.

go home and do chores than be bored at work

8) Be in Australia right now to go to the mass funeral for Steve-O

I would rather endure 5 root canals then have to listen to another speech.

work alone in a silo tower in the utah desert than listen to this co-worker chat.

put horseradish on oysters than have to wait until December for my 1st gig!

Suck a bucket of maggots through a curly straw than have to listen to one more goddam Kaiser Chiefs 'song'.

Suck a bucket of maggots through a curly straw than have to listen to one more goddam Kaiser Chiefs 'song'.


I can just see them going through the loops in the straw. ;D

I can just see them going through the loops in the straw. ;D


I wanna do it now, just to see what they'd look like.

I wanna do it now, just to see what they'd look like.



I wonder if they would be all excited to take a ride in a crazy straw? I can see them lifting up their tiny hands screaming like a kid on a roller coaster :D

Have my penis run over by a Sherman Tank, than hear Whitney Houston EVER sing again...

Have my penis run over by a Sherman Tank, than hear Whitney Houston EVER sing again...


Thats gonna hurt.

...be sleeping right now!  :-\\

Thats gonna hurt.


It may, but it'd be worth the price.

I am sorry, but I have NO respect for that crack ho.

date Courtney Love than live in the same place with Simon Cowell.

(Same theme, different pattern)

date Courtney Love than live in the same place with Simon Cowell.

(Same theme, different pattern)


Courtney Love & a Sherman Tank are alike?

???

Courtney Love & a Sherman Tank are alike?

???


No, I meant my previous one....

Which said: I would rather suck a fart than live in the same place(or house, whatever) with Jack Thompson.

I wonder if they would be all excited to take a ride in a crazy straw? I can see them lifting up their tiny hands screaming like a kid on a roller coaster :D


I'd be totally up for it.


Have my penis run over by a Sherman Tank, than hear Whitney Houston EVER sing again...


Actually.. I'd rather have it run over by a tank than a bike.. the treads spread the weight whereas the Bike, weighing far less.. would still hurt more due to their being far FAR less surface area on contact.


Courtney Love


He he... hehehe he he... Hole.

it be warm than hot

Be forced to eat sushi than live in Kansas.

Be dipped in cinnamon and eaten by my sister-in-law, than to have to beg for an old job back.

Be dipped in cinnamon and eaten by my sister-in-law, than to have to beg for an old job back.



Incest! :o

Incest! :o




It wouldn't legally be incest.  Incest is sexual relations between blood relatives.  An in-law is only related through marriage, not blood.

Be dipped in cinnamon and eaten by my sister-in-law, than to have to beg for an old job back.


"Cake or death?"

"Cake or death?"



"Church of England....cake or death?"



I LOVE Eddie Izzard.

It wouldn't legally be incest.  Incest is sexual relations between blood relatives.  An in-law is only related through marriage, not blood.
what about spouse's cousins?  ???


...spend my time at inthe00s.com than any other website  8)

what about spouse's cousins?  ???


No, that wouldn't be incest.  Slightly creepy and inappropriate, but not incest. 

No, that wouldn't be incest.  Slightly creepy and inappropriate, but not incest. 
;D  no reason, just curious.

The bad thing is, I dated this sister-in-law for about 3 months before my wife & I got together!

Let's just say no one warned this sailor about THAT port!

The bad thing is, I dated this sister-in-law for about 3 months before my wife & I got together!

Let's just say no one warned this sailor about THAT port!
that makes me think of Brandy.   
"There's a port on a western bay, And it serves a hundred ships a day
Lonely sailors pass the time away, And talk about their homes

And there's a girl in this harbor town, And she works layin' whiskey down
They say "Brandy, fetch another round", She serves them whiskey and wine

Well, this psycho hose beast is the reason I can't even smell cinnamon anymore, let alone eat it.

Interesting use of a Wayne's World phrase.

...push needles into my eyes than watch another Pop Idol episode.

work that delivery job and still keep Au Bon Pain Saturdays then having to volunteer

Have a morbidly obese woman with B.O. sit on my face, than hear another bad rendition of "Picture".

Have a morbidly obese woman with B.O. sit on my face, than hear another bad rendition of "Picture".


You seem to like these big girls Hawk.

You seem to like these big girls Hawk.


Not necessarily...I just seem to have attracted more of them.
Sad, really...I have never had a date with anyone under 155 lbs.

So, scrogging a toothpick is an experience I can't relate to...kind of like how I have never dated a woman with less than a 40 D.

that makes me think of Brandy.   
"There's a port on a western bay, And it serves a hundred ships a day
Lonely sailors pass the time away, And talk about their homes

And there's a girl in this harbor town, And she works layin' whiskey down
They say "Brandy, fetch another round", She serves them whiskey and wine

GOD I love the song Brandy...That was almost my name..

work 40 hours a week with benefits than receive Disability benefits

work 40 hours a week with benefits than receive Disability benefits


You've made up yer mind, then?

kind of like how I have never dated a woman with less than a 40 D.


Let me follow your lead.

...go hungry than eat a donut.

...go hungry than eat a donut.



You don't like.........donuts?

[quote author=

For the past three years, I've been trying to avoid them...and I've been successful. I just like to eat healthy foods whenever possible, that's all.



A donut every now and again isn't going to kill you.  Deprivation is worse than moderation.

A donut every now and again isn't going to kill you.  Deprivation is worse than moderation.

I suppose not. :) If I'm gonna eat junkfood, it would be somethin' else.

I suppose not. :) If I'm gonna eat junkfood, it would be somethin' else.



I've been on every diet in the book and I was a vegetarian for over a decade.  I've learned that the hard way. 



You sure you don't want a yummy donut?



http://www2.kinneret.ac.il/english/oldarchives/hanukah/donuts.jpg

...eat junk food in moderation than cut it out all together.

.. eat junk food, get fat, die of a heart attack and be happy than jog to canada daily and eat something that reminds me of the bottom of a sceptic tank.  :)

[quote author=

...be making my Oh face

...be making my Oh face









;D ;D    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me too...I have a Red Swingline I could add in the mix..DAMN..That would HURT...LOL!!!

;D ;D    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me too...I have a Red Swingline I could add in the mix..DAMN..That would HURT...LOL!!!
http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0Je5qe9Ew5FhbIAO9ajzbkF;_ylu=X3oDMTA4NDgyNWN0BHNlYwNwcm9m/SIG=124gstck3/EXP=1158636861/**http%3a//www.gothamist.com/images/milton_looks.jpg

Have my testicles pounded flat with a ruber mallet, than ever have to deal with my sister-in-law Kimberly ever again!

...be home watching tv. then be here at work.

Have my testicles pounded flat with a ruber mallet, than ever have to deal with my sister-in-law Kimberly ever again!

You really are quite the masochist... I have some websites I think I ought to share with you.

I'd rather cut open a corpse and feast on the fetid, putrid cadaver juice inside than watch the 700 club.

You really are quite the masochist... I have some websites I think I ought to share with you.

I'd rather cut open a corpse and feast on the fetid, putrid cadaver juice inside than watch the 700 club.



You'd rather do that? :o

You'd rather do that? :o



The 700 Club is the bottom of the barrel, TV-wise. 

[quote author=

Wow,gruesome. :o  :P



Do you even know what it is?

[quote author=

What,What is? ???




What we were just talking about, Howard.  That's what I was talking about.

[quote author=

The Christian TV show.

The Christian TV show.


I've heard of it

I've heard of it



Then why did you ask what we were talking about if you knew what we were talking about?

[quote author=

Pretty much.


I agree too.

Pretty much.
What could possibly be worse?

[quote author=

What could possibly be worse?



I don't know.  I can't imagine anything worse than The 700 Club.

[quote author=

Who ran that show? ???


Some nut, think of Jack Thompson on sedatives.....

Some nut, think of Jack Thompson on sedatives.....



He still alive?

He still alive?


I think so.

I think so.



Pat Robertson? ???

Pat Robertson? ???


Yeah, that's him!

Couldn't think of his name.

Yeah, that's him!

Couldn't think of his name.



Oh You're Welcome

What could possibly be worse?


Being in the audience.

That's it..

I wanna run through the set of the 700 club screaming 'EVOLUTION IS A VALID THEORY... JESUS SLAVES!' and then get beat up by angry baptists.

Being in the audience.

That's it..

I wanna run through the set of the 700 club screaming 'EVOLUTION IS A VALID THEORY... JESUS SLAVES!' and then get beat up by angry baptists.



If you ever decide to do that, let me know so I can tune in.

watch a funny comedy than to watch Star Wars and Star Trek

Go hungry than eat lamb.

[quote author=

you a vegetarian?



No.

[quote author=

but you'd rather not eat meat?



I said lamb Howard, not meat.  I eat meat.  I don't eat lamb.  Hence why I said, "I'd rather go hungry than eat lamb".

crap at home than to crap in a public restroom. :P

Vote Howard for President over Jack Thompson, Pat Robertson or Arnold Schwarzennegger.

Stay up and post than go to bed......but I promised my dad I'd do the shopping with him in the morning.

Vote Howard for President over Jack Thompson, Pat Robertson or Arnold Schwarzennegger.



Thanks. O0

I would rather sleep in than get up early.

set myself on fire with napalm than listen to Country music.

Save a horse, than ride a redneck.

8) HEY..I am a rednack..I resent that!! ;)

a 40 hour week then to do nothing all week

Have my mouth, eyes and ears sewn shut than forgive my ex-stepfather, right now.

Perhaps one day, when he is made to buck up and take responsibility for what he did...

dry hump than have no sex at all. ;D

I would rather cook my own dinner than eat take-out.....although I do eat my fair share of take-out.

[quote author=

...be making tea.

Be itchy than be tickled.

i would rather fly to the moon, than run to the sun

...drinking tea

be living in NYC.

...be resting today!

...be naked

8) Not answer this question..at this time ;)

.....be pleasantly plump...than look like Nicole Richie! :o :D

.....be pleasantly plump...than look like Nicole Richie! :o :D
  8) I agree, she looks like a skeleton!

  8) I agree, she looks like a skeleton!


I know....ew! :P

I know....ew! :P
8) my husband always says.." I like a woman with some meat on her bones"...I like that ;)

.....be pleasantly plump...than look like Nicole Richie! :o :D


Me Too I like buxom zaftig women. ;)

Considering who my mother is...I think that's where I get my preference for busty women.

Considering who my mother is...I think that's where I get my preference for busty women.
8) SOOO.you have a mom fetish??.. ;)

8) SOOO.you have a mom fetish??.. ;)


Nooooo...I just notice that since my mom was a Dolly Parton Lookalike, I seem to have the taste for women with bigger globes, is all.

I am neither Norman Bates, nor am I Ed Gein! :D

Nooooo...I just notice that since my mom was a Dolly Parton Lookalike, I seem to have the taste for women with bigger globes, is all.

I am neither Norman Bates, nor am I Ed Gein! :D
dude, is your mom hot  :o   











J/K  ;D










.....be sitting in my hot tub  8)

I seem to have the taste for women with bigger globes, is all.



he hehe.....globes.

never heard that one.  i'm cracking up.

he hehe.....globes.
never heard that one.  i'm cracking up.


"The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from 'er pullover,
I think 'er name was June 'cos she was bustin' out all over!"

Wait'll you 'ear it in Ivor Biggun's Demented classic Bras on 45. 

And on top of that, the lyrics sneak in references to Ian Dury, Trans-X, Amii Stewart, and Jerry Lee Lewis (and at least half a dozen other songs/artists) without skipping a beat.

Bette Midler was once at the Golden Globes ceremony.

She grabbed her breasts, in front of the press, and declared, "I'll give ya some Golden Globes!"

And, yes, I am quite familiar with Ivor Biggun's "Bras On 45"- I have a copy on tape, via the great Dr. Demento.

B-F: Did you consider Dolly Parton hot, before all the plastic surgery?
One of these days, I may post a picture of her.

Bette Midler was once at the Golden Globes ceremony.

She grabbed her breasts, in front of the press, and declared, "I'll give ya some Golden Globes!"

And, yes, I am quite familiar with Ivor Biggun's "Bras On 45"- I have a copy on tape, via the great Dr. Demento.

B-F: Did you consider Dolly Parton hot, before all the plastic surgery?
One of these days, I may post a picture of her.
I've always thought she had pretty eyes, and loved her sweet country voice, and yes, even without the massive jugs and the audacious wigs, I like her and was only teasing about your mom

Hey, man-

Some people think my mom's STILL hot, at the age of 56!

She has several male friends of good acquaintance.
One example is a semi-retired pro wrestler, named Adnan al-Kaissey, a.k.a. "The Sheikh", "General Adnan", "Chief Billy White Wolf", etc.

She's in better shape than most of her competitors, I can guarantee it.
If you want, I will seriously try to post a pic of her, in the near future.

Hey, man-

Some people think my mom's STILL hot, at the age of 56!

She has several male friends of good acquaintance.
One example is a semi-retired pro wrestler, named Adnan al-Kaissey, a.k.a. "The Sheikh", "General Adnan", "Chief Billy White Wolf", etc.


Wait.. wait wait.. are we talking about the same Sheikh here. The same guy who came running through the airport saying 'Hey, waddiz vong wif you bruddah, jeez, it's de sheikh bebeh.'

Considering who my mother is...I think that's where I get my preference for busty women.



Me Too

Vote Howard for President over Jack Thompson, Pat Robertson or Arnold Schwarzennegger.


Applaud

... eat turds, than drink diahrrea

sorry.  I just felt like posting something gross, dumb, stupid, and moronic that made mo sense what so ever :D

... eat turds, than drink diahrrea

sorry.  I just felt like posting something gross, dumb, stupid, and moronic that made mo sense what so ever :D



gosh, that would be a tough decision between the two! :D ;D

eat a spider than give up my catgirl fetish.

I'd rather have Foot Cheese and Crackers than live to see the Mets take the series.

I'm still recovering from the redsox winning.

Wait.. wait wait.. are we talking about the same Sheikh here. The same guy who came running through the airport saying 'Hey, waddiz vong wif you bruddah, jeez, it's de sheikh bebeh.'


No, I think you're talking about Muhammad Solomei.

The Sheikh to which I refer is a man who wrote the book "The Sheikh Of Baghdad"- his autobio.
I recommend that book to anyone- he went through some tough sh-tuff getting to where he is now.

...stay at home with this foul weather.

...not say what I would rather be doing

dance on hit coals than watch or play a game of golf.

...be doing a crossword.

...get up late than early.

dance on hit coals than watch or play a game of golf.


You have a choice.

Either cover your feet in asbestos now.. or become the final player in our foursome tomorrow afternoon.

get full time then having to work part time