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Subject: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/10/06 at 9:51 am

So....we were all 16 once (and some of you are 16 now!).  When you got in trouble, what happened (or happens)?

What do you think is a fair response to a teen who goes to a drinking party and lies to his mom about it?

My own mother was a bit too lenient.  On the other hand, overreaction doesn't help either.  Some suggestions thusfar have been:  grounding and no phone.  grounding and no playstation (not too relevant in this case).  Making him drink a case of beer (nah -- not my style).  Grounding and driving him to and from everywhere he goes for a couple of months (tough on me but appropriate).

What do you think.  Feel free to be creative.  And tell some personal stories.  This could be fun.  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/clock.gif

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 9:58 am


So....we were all 16 once (and some of you are 16 now!).  When you got in trouble, what happened (or happens)?

What do you think is a fair response to a teen who goes to a drinking party and lies to his mom about it?

My own mother was a bit too lenient.  On the other hand, overreaction doesn't help either.  Some suggestions thusfar have been:  grounding and no phone.  grounding and no playstation (not too relevant in this case).  Making him drink a case of beer (nah -- not my style).  Grounding and driving him to and from everywhere he goes for a couple of months (tough on me but appropriate).

What do you think.  Feel free to be creative.  And tell some personal stories.  This could be fun.  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/clock.gif


I was only kidding when I said make him drink a case, we both know he couldn't do it and he'd just barf.

My suggestion is this.

He's demonstrated that he can't be trusted, so, don't trust him for a while. Trust and respect has to be earned and you need to explain this to him in clear and simple terms.
If he wants to go somewhere.. OK.. "Who are you going with, I want to speak to their parents. Where are you going? I'll pick you up at x o'clock, ON THE DOT! What will you be doing there? You need money, OK, here's x dollars, I want change."

If he's got half the sense of a gnat he'll work this out pretty fast and tow the line so as not to have even more hassle.

The other benefit of this, is it embarrasses him, it's almost like public humiliation. Being grounded isn't that bad, no matter what, there's always ways to occupy yourself around the house, but if you want to see your friends and you have to get explicit permission from Mom AND! Have her drive you there, pick you up and basically treat you like a 6 year old, soon enough you're gonna figure out "Damn this sucks.".

That's what I'd do in your position anyway.

(I italicize your, simply because I wouldn't make as big a deal out of it. I think that the drinking laws in the U.S are archaic and ridiculous and should be broken and abused at every available opportunity.)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Rice_Cube on 09/10/06 at 10:02 am

^ I'd essentially have done what Davey suggested, with a little bit of personal evil thrown in :D

I'll have to sit on this one, the little dude has 14 years to go...of course, he could get into TONS of trouble before then :P

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 10:08 am


^ I'd essentially have done what Davey suggested, with a little bit of personal evil thrown in :D

I'll have to sit on this one, the little dude has 14 years to go...of course, he could get into TONS of trouble before then :P


Things will advance by then, before you know it, you'll have a closet of pot and he'll be coming home stinking of cheap hooch at 11.  ;D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 11:34 am

We weren't "punished" as in spanked/hit.  My parents were abused as children and they vowed to never raise a hand to us and they didn't.  The most "punishment" we ever got was being sent to our rooms and having stuff taken away.  My sister and I weren't angels as kids, but we were good kids and we still are. 


As for a teen who goes to a drinking party and lies about it?  Throw the book at the kid.  No, literally.....throw a book at him.  If that was my sister.....hell would come down in my house.  My parents are not some of the people who think the laws on drinking are what's the word......archaic.....and they expect it to be followed.  If my sister came home after drinking and my parents found out?  Hoo-boy.  You'd have to restrain my father from kicking her ass. 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Apricot on 09/10/06 at 12:59 pm

Well, I'm at that age myself right now, but I'll go with this anyway.

I think I'd have been thrown out of my house for that crap.. no exaggeration, either.

I liked what Davey said above, it seems like a powerful good system.

Grounding never worked for me.. all it did was piss me off and make me think of clever ways to get around it.. and it almost always worked. A punishment that fits what has been done is most appropriate (Again going back to what Davey said.).

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Barefoot_Blues on 09/10/06 at 1:01 pm

I was grounded for 2 weeks and couldn't see, or call my boyfriend.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 1:14 pm


I liked what Davey said above, it seems like a powerful good system.
(Again going back to what Davey said.).


Davey Thrashmister - Parent to all, provider to none.  :)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Apricot on 09/10/06 at 1:15 pm


Davey Thrashmister - Parent to all, provider to none.  :)


I could see that as a campaign slogan for running for office.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 1:31 pm


I could see that as a campaign slogan for running for office.


It would fit my personal political ideals perfectly.

Harsh punishment, no social welfare.  :)

I'll send you to jail, but I won't pay your welfare check. MUHAHAHAHA!

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Apricot on 09/10/06 at 1:37 pm

So, I'm guessing the Death Penalty will be given fairly liberally?

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 1:42 pm


So, I'm guessing the Death Penalty will be given fairly liberally?


Not to thread-jack.. but.. yes.

I figure, If I killed off about 6 billion people, then the remaining 500,000,000 would have plenty of space, food, materials, wealth...etc..etc..etc.

Basically I just want to kill and hurt others and be able to justify it.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Ashkicksass on 09/10/06 at 2:43 pm

I think it's perfectly normal for high school kids to go to drinking parties.  I know I went to my fair share when I was 16, and I turned out just fine.  That's not to say that underage drinking isn't a problem, it's just saying it's pretty normal.

About a month ago, my 17 year old niece went to a drinking party and got sicker than a dog.  She called my sister to come and pick her up (I have to give her credit for that.  She could have just as easily gotten into the car with another inebriated kid.)  Needless to say, she spent the entire night on the bathroom floor.  The next morning, she woke up with a hellish hangover.  She has a job in a grocery store as a cashier, and was scheduled to work at 10:00 am.  She begged and pleaded with my sister to let her stay home, but my sister made her go in and work her 8 hour shift.  Which, of course, was miserable for my niece.  She was also grounded for a month. 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 2:50 pm


I think it's perfectly normal for high school kids to go to drinking parties.  I know I went to my fair share when I was 16, and I turned out just fine.  That's not to say that underage drinking isn't a problem, it's just saying it's pretty normal.



I don't think it's "perfectly normal".  Just because it seems like everyone and their brother goes to them doesn't mean it's normal. 

I'm one of those weird people who think underage drinking is a problem and shouldn't be condoned .

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 2:59 pm



I don't think it's "perfectly normal".  Just because it seems like everyone and their brother goes to them doesn't mean it's normal. 

I'm one of those weird people who think underage drinking is a problem and shouldn't be condoned .


Every single person I know did that. I can not think of one person that didn't. I'd say it's fairly normal, if you put something up on a pedestal and say "You can't have this!" You're gonna want it.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 3:12 pm


Every single person I know did that. I can not think of one person that didn't. I'd say it's fairly normal, if you put something up on a pedestal and say "You can't have this!" You're gonna want it.



Well every single person I know didn't do that and I can't think of one person that did.  It is normal for them to drive, hang out at the mall, babysit and act like buffoons on Halloween, but it is not normal for them to drink.  I didn't touch booze until I was 21 for several factors, two of them being I had no desire to do it and my father would have thrown me out if he found out.  I don't think my abstaining from liquor until I was of age makes me "abnormal". 

Not every teenager responds to being told they can't have something by going after it anyway.  Believe it or not there are some kids who just "Okay" and leave it at that.  I don't feel they're "abnormal" either.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Step-chan on 09/10/06 at 3:12 pm


Every single person I know did that. I can not think of one person that didn't. I'd say it's fairly normal, if you put something up on a pedestal and say "You can't have this!" You're gonna want it.


I myself didn't do it, but you don't know me. It doesn't count against you.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 3:31 pm



Well every single person I know didn't do that and I can't think of one person that did.  It is normal for them to drive, hang out at the mall, babysit and act like buffoons on Halloween, but it is not normal for them to drink.  I didn't touch booze until I was 21 for several factors, two of them being I had no desire to do it and my father would have thrown me out if he found out.  I don't think my abstaining from liquor until I was of age makes me "abnormal". 

Not every teenager responds to being told they can't have something by going after it anyway.  Believe it or not there are some kids who just "Okay" and leave it at that.  I don't feel they're "abnormal" either.


:o

Throw you out, for a chuggin' a brew.

HARSH!

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 3:34 pm


:o

Throw you out, for a chuggin' a brew.



Beer?  Are you nuts?  I don't drink that sh*t.  Never have and never will.  It looks like piss and smells worse.  There is nothing worse than the smell of someone who's been drinking beer.  It makes me feel like vomiting.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Step-chan on 09/10/06 at 3:43 pm



Beer?  Are you nuts?  I don't drink that sh*t.  Never have and never will.  It looks like piss and smells worse.  There is nothing worse than the smell of someone who's been drinking beer.  It makes me feel like vomiting.


Neither do I. :P

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Roadgeek on 09/10/06 at 3:44 pm

I'm actually 16 now, and I never get in trouble, so I don't know what my punishment would be. But it's sad to see people (especially my age) get in trouble. However, they do deserve it.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/10/06 at 3:51 pm



Beer?  Are you nuts?  I don't drink that sh*t.  Never have and never will.  It looks like piss and smells worse.  There is nothing worse than the smell of someone who's been drinking beer.  It makes me feel like vomiting.


Am I nuts... err no.

In the words of Kris Kristofferson.

'The beer I had for breakfast tasted so good I had one more for desert.'

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Jessica on 09/10/06 at 6:11 pm

My parents didn't care if I had a drink now and then....but only under their supervision. They never really punished me for much, either. I was grounded a couple of times or had privileges taken away. However, everyone has their own style of parenting, and you can't say that it's either right or wrong...unless it involves like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse or stupid human tricks. :P

CeeKay, if you feel that strongly about it, I'd go with Davey's suggestion. Not only is it a punishment, but it also teaches a lesson about trust and respecting your parent's wishes.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Roadgeek on 09/10/06 at 6:18 pm

I'm not planning on ever drinking beer. Beer is basically nasty poison.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: annonymouse on 09/10/06 at 6:32 pm



I don't think it's "perfectly normal".  Just because it seems like everyone and their brother goes to them doesn't mean it's normal. 

I'm one of those weird people who think underage drinking is a problem and shouldn't be condoned .


i wouldn't say it's normal. but it is fairly common. now it's completely unacceptable for a teenager to go out and get drunk. but i don't see any harm in having a beer or two. as long as they don't drive home, it's fine by me.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: GoodRedShirt on 09/10/06 at 6:39 pm

Meh, I was drinking at 16. But not to excess - just seeing all these 15-17 year olds stumbling 'round the place, throwing up, etc was enough for me to limit myself. I was never punished because I was always truthful with my parents. But I vowed to never get "drunk" until I felt responsible enough to handle it... my first drunk experience was at 18 which resulted in alcohol poisoning and being bed-ridden for a week.  ::)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: loki 13 on 09/10/06 at 8:02 pm

In a situation like this, education would be the worst form of punishment meted out,
yet the most effective. You could check with school or a local hospital, sometimes they
have programs that show kids the affect of alcohol use. I think all kids should have to
watch someone detox, see someone suffering DT's. It's not a pretty sight and it should
be a great deterrent. Yes, education would be the most effective.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 09/10/06 at 8:22 pm



Well every single person I know didn't do that and I can't think of one person that did.  It is normal for them to drive, hang out at the mall, babysit and act like buffoons on Halloween, but it is not normal for them to drink. 
You know absolutely NOONE who drank before they were 21?  Not even in college?  I find that hard to believe ???  AFA what's "normal", it depends on where you are......in IL, someone who is <18 can only have 1 unrelated person < 18 in the car with them at any time, most malls now have rules against "loitering" so "hanging out" there is off limits, and if you live in a rural area like I did growing up, there wasn't much TO do on weekends other than drink.  I'm not saying I did it all the time, but there was a party EVERY weekend I was in high school that I could have gone to.

Back OT, I like the ideas already given.  Take away EVERYTHING:  phone (including cell phone), computer, video games, etc.  If they want to go to the movies or something, go WITH them, don't just drive them, be present the ENTIRE time and explain that every time this happens, this is what the consequences are.  I think a couple of weeks should be long enough to get your point across. ;)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 9:25 pm

I removed my other posts from this thread because it descended to fights and that's not what Connie wanted, I don't think. 


If you have issues with me, take it PM. 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: annonymouse on 09/10/06 at 9:31 pm

^ so you knew people thank drank but didn't know they drank???  ???

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: annonymouse on 09/10/06 at 9:32 pm


I removed my other posts from this thread because it descended to fights and that's not what Connie wanted, I don't think. 


If you have issues with me, take it PM. 


or did you delete them in order to destroy the evidence???  :D 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 9:34 pm


so she knew people thank drank but dindn't know they drank???  ???



Oh for God's sake.....hearing someone's name ONCE in passing conversation doesn't mean I know them.  If all it takes to know someone is to hear their name once, I know everyone whose name I've ever heard in the 24 years I've been alive. 


I deleted my previous posts to get off this inane conversation so can we please get back on topic?

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 9:36 pm


or did you delete them in order to destroy the evidence???  :D 



Hush.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: annonymouse on 09/10/06 at 9:41 pm



Oh for God's sake.....hearing someone's name ONCE in passing conversation doesn't mean I know them.  If all it takes to know someone is to hear their name once, I know everyone whose name I've ever heard in the 24 years I've been alive. 


I deleted my previous posts to get off this inane conversation so can we please get back on topic?


wait a second. you said you'd known people who drank but not long enough to know that they drank. so... how did you figure out that they drank??? ???  as you once said to me, quit backtracking your heels are on fire!!! :)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 9:51 pm


wait a second. you said you'd known people who drank but not long enough to know that they drank. so... how did you figure out that they drank??? ??? 



Okay....here's the story for the last f*cking time so pay attention.  I heard stories about girls I went to school with who drank.  I only heard ONE name ONCE.  The other times it was "This girl in my study hall...." or "This girl in Ms. Wolfe's bio class.....".  Biology was a freshman class.  I was a senior.  I would never meet this girl.  I went to school with 900 other girls......the chances of me ever knowing what she looked like were .0000000000000000001% probability.  Hearing a passing story with no name or hearing someone's name once doesn't mean I know them.  It doesn't.  I didn't know half the people in my senior class, much less some random freshman girl or some random girl whose name I do not know.


I do not want to have to repeat myself again.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: annonymouse on 09/10/06 at 9:58 pm

i just love making you mad. how does it feel morphie??? (and that's not what you said) 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Dominic L. on 09/10/06 at 10:00 pm


i just love making you mad. how does it feel morphie??? (and that's not what you said)   



Oooooh... You better be careful what you say!

*Kicks up feet and takes popcorn*.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 10:02 pm


i just love making you mad. how does it feel morphie???



Morphie?  My name's Beth, you fool.



And you're not making me mad.  My sister's laughing at you right now, actually.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Dominic L. on 09/10/06 at 10:04 pm



Morphie?  My name's Beth, you fool.



And you're not making me mad.  My sister's laughing at you right now, actually.


You should've called him Kiddie.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 10:06 pm


You should've called him Kiddie.



I should PM Connie and tell her to delete the thread.  I make one comment and it's turned into a page and a half of this nonsense because people want to pick apart my posts and start fights with me because of it.  Her thread was supposed to be about her kid and that situation and now look at it.



I thought "fool" made more sense.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: DJ Midas on 09/10/06 at 10:17 pm



I should PM Connie and tell her to delete the thread.  I make one comment and it's turned into a page and a half of this nonsense because people want to pick apart my posts and start fights with me because of it.  Her thread was supposed to be about her kid and that situation and now look at it.


I don't want to start a fight with you, but you're going to tell her versus asking her?   ???

Back OT, Davey's suggestion is great.  I'd say your son has to earn your trust and it will probably take awhile, CeeKay.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 09/10/06 at 10:21 pm



I should PM Connie and tell her to delete the thread.  I make one comment and it's turned into a page and a half of this nonsense because people want to pick apart my posts and start fights with me because of it.  Her thread was supposed to be about her kid and that situation and now look at it.



I thought "fool" made more sense.
Then why bring up YOUR experience?  Why should she have to delete the thread because YOU don't like what people have been saying?  It's not like this is the FIRST thread in HISTORY to go off topic....

Back OT, I used to drink before I was 21.  It was no big deal.  I didn't do it all the time and didn't get wasted (well, at least not in high school), but I'm not going to say I never did and knew NOONE who did.  I was still a straight A student, a cheerleader, an athlete, had a part time job, and was considered "a good kid" by almost everyone (parents included, well, except for my ex-s parents, but that's a different story ;).)  I'm not condoning it, but almost all of us have "been there, done that."  If I had gotten caught by my parents, I'd STILL probably be grounded, but I never was ;) 


Oh, and you're a good one to talk about "picking apart people's posts".....Pot, meet Ms. Kettle ::)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 10:21 pm


I don't want to start a fight with you, but you're going to tell her versus asking her?  ???



No, I asked her in a PM if she would delete the thread and that it was my fault that it got carried away.  How is she supposed to get any good advice when it's 1

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/10/06 at 10:22 pm


Then why bring up YOUR experience?  Why should she have to delete the thread because YOU don't like what people have been saying?  It's not like this is the FIRST thread in HISTORY to go off topic....

Back OT, I used to drink before I was 21.  It was no big deal.  I didn't do it all the time and didn't get wasted (well, at least not in high school), but I'm not going to say I never did and knew NOONE who did.  I was still a straight A student, a cheerleader, an athlete, had a part time job, and was considered "a good kid" by almost everyone (parents included, well, except for my ex-s parents, but that's a different story ;).)  I'm not condoning it, but almost all of us have "been there, done that."  If I had gotten caught by my parents, I'd STILL probably be grounded, but I never was ;) 


Oh, and you're a good one to talk about "picking apart people's posts".....Pot, meet Ms. Kettle ::)




I asked her to delete it and start it over again......minus all the petty squabbling that's been going on.  It's my fault it got carried away and I told her that.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 09/10/06 at 10:23 pm

I wanna know what the sentence was CeeKay, did you give em a good rap on the mouth, or what  ;D
Having a 17 year old, I understand your situation & trying to decide what I would do and it's not easy. I'm thinking your kid is a good kid and got caught up in peer pressure with alcohol. I'd go 3 weeks, extra chores, no cell phone, no AIM, Myspace, Xanga. No social activites with friends for 3 weeks would be my verdict. and maybe bust that ass a couple times  ;D  j/k

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/10/06 at 11:56 pm


I wanna know what the sentence was CeeKay, did you give em a good rap on the mouth, or what  ;D
Having a 17 year old, I understand your situation & trying to decide what I would do and it's not easy. I'm thinking your kid is a good kid and got caught up in peer pressure with alcohol. I'd go 3 weeks, extra chores, no cell phone, no AIM, Myspace, Xanga. No social activites with friends for 3 weeks would be my verdict. and maybe bust that ass a couple times  ;D  j/k


You are right about my kid being a good kid and all.  He is mad that he is the one in his crowd that hardly ever does anything wrong and he's always the one to be caught.  Oh well.  I did exactly what you said above, but only for two weeks rather than three.  Why only two?  Because (a) he was actually honest enough to face up to what he did when the cops showed up rather than run like most of the other kids did; (b) he'll have to do some kind of class and/or community service on top of that to get rid of the ticket; (c) yes, he had a beer, but only one and he wasn't at all drunk -- so he was not, in my mind, *abusing* the alcohol.  The only thing that will extend beyond the two weeks is that I will have to speak to a parent whenever he is staying overnight somewhere, and I will be the one to drive him there and pick him up (I had slacked on this recently because he was being so trustworthy, so now I'll get back to it).

Not so bad.  I was more upset at 1 a.m. than I am now.

As for the rest of this thread -- chill out folks.  I asked about discipline measures.  And I thought I might get some fun stories out of you guys.  Doesn't have to have anything to do with drinking.  I got busted when I was 15 for smoking cigarettes.  I was grounded for one week.  It was completely ineffective.

Can we keep the thread but just move forward with it, ignoring the previous issue?  Take any fussy stuff to PM and we can all be friends, thanks.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 09/11/06 at 12:02 am


You are right about my kid being a good kid and all.  He is mad that he is the one in his crowd that hardly ever does anything wrong and he's always the one to be caught.  Oh well.  I did exactly what you said above, but only for two weeks rather than three.  Why only two?  Because (a) he was actually honest enough to face up to what he did when the cops showed up rather than run like most of the other kids did; (b) he'll have to do some kind of class and/or community service on top of that to get rid of the ticket; (c) yes, he had a beer, but only one and he wasn't at all drunk -- so he was not, in my mind, *abusing* the alcohol.  The only thing that will extend beyond the two weeks is that I will have to speak to a parent whenever he is staying overnight somewhere, and I will be the one to drive him there and pick him up (I had slacked on this recently because he was being so trustworthy, so now I'll get back to it).

Not so bad.  I was more upset at 1 a.m. than I am now.


Sorry, I didn't realize the specifics.  I think you handled it appropriately.  It's probably a good idea that you waited to discipline him so you could think about what to do.  Wouldn't you know it, it's usually the ones who do the least who get caught the most....maybe this will teach him a little bit of a lesson.



oh, and kudos to him for only having 1 beer and not trying to run

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/11/06 at 12:09 am

Applause to those who gave advice.  Momma's tired now.  Sleepy time....

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 09/11/06 at 1:25 am


You are right about my kid being a good kid and all.  He is mad that he is the one in his crowd that hardly ever does anything wrong and he's always the one to be caught.  Oh well.  I did exactly what you said above, but only for two weeks rather than three.  Why only two?  Because (a) he was actually honest enough to face up to what he did when the cops showed up rather than run like most of the other kids did; (b) he'll have to do some kind of class and/or community service on top of that to get rid of the ticket; (c) yes, he had a beer, but only one and he wasn't at all drunk -- so he was not, in my mind, *abusing* the alcohol.  The only thing that will extend beyond the two weeks is that I will have to speak to a parent whenever he is staying overnight somewhere, and I will be the one to drive him there and pick him up (I had slacked on this recently because he was being so trustworthy, so now I'll get back to it).

Not so bad.  I was more upset at 1 a.m. than I am now.

As for the rest of this thread -- chill out folks.  I asked about discipline measures.  And I thought I might get some fun stories out of you guys.  Doesn't have to have anything to do with drinking.  I got busted when I was 15 for smoking cigarettes.  I was grounded for one week.  It was completely ineffective.

Can we keep the thread but just move forward with it, ignoring the previous issue?  Take any fussy stuff to PM and we can all be friends, thanks.
you did pretty good there mom. I'm impressed.  2 weeks is fair & checking in with the parents is good so they know you're concerned about your kid. I let Julie have a 15th birthday garage party/dance &  invited parents in to show them the area & also to let them know that we'd  keep an eye on the kids. I'm sure they appreciated meeting us & knowing their kids were in a safe place.  Your son's gonna be OhKay CeeKay & hopefully the next time he'll decline a beer since he got into trouble this time. happy parenting  8)


Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/11/06 at 8:39 am


you did pretty good there mom. I'm impressed.  2 weeks is fair & checking in with the parents is good so they know you're concerned about your kid. I let Julie have a 15th birthday garage party/dance &  invited parents in to show them the area & also to let them know that we'd  keep an eye on the kids. I'm sure they appreciated meeting us & knowing their kids were in a safe place.  Your son's gonna be OhKay CeeKay & hopefully the next time he'll decline a beer since he got into trouble this time. happy parenting  8)


You know, throwing a party of our own is not a bad idea.  Inviting another parent or two to come over and help monitor activity.... but give the kids enough space so they don't feel watched over... might have to do that when all this dies down.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Rice_Cube on 09/11/06 at 9:47 am

^ Your method of punishment is most wise, Master Yoda 8)  Good on the kid for being honest.

I could NEVER get away with anything with my parents...so I didn't.  They had "Bad Rice Radar" or something :P

My brother, on the other hand ::) 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: KKay on 09/11/06 at 9:51 am

Con, I have to say that I would think that you and I, being the masterminds of escape that we were, cannot predict these things.


You know, I still do things I should be grounded for.  ;D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Rice_Cube on 09/11/06 at 9:54 am


Con, I have to say that I would think that you and I, being the masterminds of escape that we were, cannot predict these things.


You know, I still do things I should be grounded for.  ;D



That does it, young lady!  No 80s board, sex, chocolate, and, uh, frolicking in the woods, for a MONTH!

:D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: KKay on 09/11/06 at 9:55 am



That does it, young lady!  No 80s board, sex, chocolate, and, uh, frolicking in the woods, for a MONTH!

:D


Mooooommmmmmmmm!!!!!  It's not FAIRRRRRRRR!!!

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Gis on 09/11/06 at 1:37 pm


You are right about my kid being a good kid and all.  He is mad that he is the one in his crowd that hardly ever does anything wrong and he's always the one to be caught.  Oh well.  I did exactly what you said above, but only for two weeks rather than three.  Why only two?  Because (a) he was actually honest enough to face up to what he did when the cops showed up rather than run like most of the other kids did; (b) he'll have to do some kind of class and/or community service on top of that to get rid of the ticket; (c) yes, he had a beer, but only one and he wasn't at all drunk -- so he was not, in my mind, *abusing* the alcohol.  The only thing that will extend beyond the two weeks is that I will have to speak to a parent whenever he is staying overnight somewhere, and I will be the one to drive him there and pick him up (I had slacked on this recently because he was being so trustworthy, so now I'll get back to it).

Not so bad.  I was more upset at 1 a.m. than I am now.

As for the rest of this thread -- chill out folks.  I asked about discipline measures.  And I thought I might get some fun stories out of you guys.  Doesn't have to have anything to do with drinking.  I got busted when I was 15 for smoking cigarettes.  I was grounded for one week.  It was completely ineffective.

Can we keep the thread but just move forward with it, ignoring the previous issue?  Take any fussy stuff to PM and we can all be friends, thanks.
Great decision, spot on punishment. I wish you were my mum when I was growing up!  ;D

I have to say I was too clever by far as a child, I used to watch the way my brother did things, see how he got busted and then go about things in a completely different manner.  ;D 

Interestingly enough when I was a teen my Dad pulled me to one side and said to me 'you and I are alike, we think the same way, so always remember I will know when you are lying to me because I know how your thought process works' and I must admit from that day I never did lie to my Dad. Now my Mum was a different matter!!  ;D  ;D 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/11/06 at 1:57 pm


Great decision, spot on punishment. I wish you were my mum when I was growing up!  ;D

I have to say I was too clever by far as a child, I used to watch the way my brother did things, see how he got busted and then go about things in a completely different manner.  ;D 

Interestingly enough when I was a teen my Dad pulled me to one side and said to me 'you and I are alike, we think the same way, so always remember I will know when you are lying to me because I know how your thought process works' and I must admit from that day I never did lie to my Dad. Now my Mum was a different matter!!  ;D  ;D   


That's great -- what your dad said.  I told my son that I knew ahead of time that he was lying about just going to a sleepover.  He said,  "But how did you know?"  I said, "Always remember...your mother is psychic."  I think he believes me.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Gis on 09/11/06 at 2:02 pm


That's great -- what your dad said.  I told my son that I knew ahead of time that he was lying about just going to a sleepover.  He said,  "But how did you know?"  I said, "Always remember...your mother is psychic."  I think he believes me.
Nice one!  ;D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: KKay on 09/11/06 at 2:09 pm



  I said, "Always remember...your mother is psychic."  I think he believes me.


you're so twisted.

rock on.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 3:18 pm

When I was growing up I got strapped with a belt and had soap up in my mouth for cursing. :P

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 3:48 pm

I would have them learn from examples of devastation caused by drinking and the irresponsibility that it carries. My 15 year old cousin died in a drunk driving accident in 1991. She was thrown some 20 or more feet from the truck she was riding in. I went to her funeral when I was 9 years old and the images of her and my Aunt, Uncle and her younger sister devastated me and will never leave my memory. I have never been a drinker. I will maybe have one to two sips, but to be honest - I really don't like the flavor.

If your son did it to fit in, it is probably the oldest excuse in the world.

To discipline, (and only you know how good or bad your kid's track record is with this stuff, so if this is something out of character for him...) discipline shouldn't be out of malice or be overdone. I would take privelidges away and just be frank with the kid. Just explain to them how disappointed you are in them for 1) lying and 2) drinking under their age limit. And ask him how he feels about it.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/11/06 at 3:56 pm

When I was 15, I got busted for skipping school.  I wasn't feeling well, but I wasn't sick enough to warrant staying home.  I was achy and my nose was stuffed up, but I wasn't dying or anything. 

Our morning routine was fairly simple; parents would leave for work, taking my sister with them to drop her off at school and then I would leave and go to the bus stop to wait for one of the two buses that would take me to school.  So, I got up......put my uniform on, had breakfast and the minute they left.....put my pj's back on and went back to bed.  I got up about 1:30 to find my mom watching TV in the next room.  Apparently the systems were down at her office and they sent everyone home early.  She said she knew I was in there because she could hear my fan and radio on.....and I'd never leave them on before I left. 


I was grounded for 3 weeks, couldn't leave the apartment except to go to school or some family-sponsored activity, my TV was taken out of my room and I had to sleep with the door open so they could make sure I wouldn't try doing it again.  And I didn't. 

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: annonymouse on 09/11/06 at 5:51 pm



Morphie?  My name's Beth, you fool.



And you're not making me mad.  My sister's laughing at you right now, actually.


i chose the name morphie because i've seen it used in another topic. and you got mad. (or atleast annoyed) as you can see, i've done my research BETH

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 5:53 pm

Sometimes My Father punched me in the arm or slapped my head back in the 80's.He doesn't do that anymore cause he mellowed out after my brother passed away in 1995

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/11/06 at 5:54 pm


I would have them learn from examples of devastation caused by drinking and the irresponsibility that it carries. My 15 year old cousin died in a drunk driving accident in 1991. She was thrown some 20 or more feet from the truck she was riding in. I went to her funeral when I was 9 years old and the images of her and my Aunt, Uncle and her younger sister devastated me and will never leave my memory. I have never been a drinker. I will maybe have one to two sips, but to be honest - I really don't like the flavor.

If your son did it to fit in, it is probably the oldest excuse in the world.

To discipline, (and only you know how good or bad your kid's track record is with this stuff, so if this is something out of character for him...) discipline shouldn't be out of malice or be overdone. I would take privelidges away and just be frank with the kid. Just explain to them how disappointed you are in them for 1) lying and 2) drinking under their age limit. And ask him how he feels about it.


To me, this is the big issue at hand.

I really can't see what the big deal with a few kids (who are more than likely physically able to handle it) having a few beers is.

However, when they decide to drive home, that's where the trouble starts.

It's hard to tread the thin line.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 5:55 pm

Has anyone ever gotten soap in their mouth as a punishment?

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 6:01 pm

^ I did Howard. I refused to wash my hands when I was young and my Dad got fed up with me.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 6:05 pm


^ I did Howard. I refused to wash my hands when I was young and my Dad got fed up with me.



Did he like punch your arm or slap your head? :o

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 6:07 pm



Did he like punch your arm or slap your head? :o


Oh, no. The soap thing was probably one of the worst things my Dad ever did. But, usually, he had very good reason for his punishments. He was never that bad to us. The only other time my Dad got really upset with me is when I slipped and said a foul word. He pushed me up against the wall and said to never say it again and not to talk back. I look back now, and I realised I was being mouthy and I felt bad.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 6:09 pm


Oh, no. The soap thing was probably one of the worst things my Dad ever did. But, usually, he had very good reason for his punishments. He was never that bad to us. The only other time my Dad got really upset with me is when I slipped and said a foul word. He pushed me up against the wall and said to never say it again and not to talk back. I look back now, and I realised I was being mouthy and I felt bad.



I hated the soap bit.My Mother forced into my mouth the big chunk. :P

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 6:10 pm



I hated the soap bit.My Mother forced into my mouth the big chunk. :P


Was it Ivory soap? That's what my Dad gave me. It tasted awful  ;D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 6:10 pm


Was it Ivory soap? That's what my Dad gave me. It tasted awful  ;D



Coast Deodarant Soap

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 6:12 pm



Coast Deodarant Soap


That stuff is pretty awful, too.  :(

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 6:12 pm


That stuff is pretty awful, too.  :(



Did you ever swallow some?

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/11/06 at 6:16 pm



Did you ever swallow some?


Woooww.. Howard, slow down.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 6:17 pm


Woooww.. Howard, slow down.



I meant soap,Damn You. ::)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/11/06 at 6:18 pm



I meant soap,Damn You. ::)


Sure ya did big guy.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/11/06 at 6:18 pm


Sure ya did big guy.



What did you think I meant? ::)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 09/11/06 at 6:20 pm


Was it Ivory soap? That's what my Dad gave me. It tasted awful  ;D
I use liquid soap with my kids.....the even BETTER part is when my son was mouthing back to me at our lake house, I made HIM go up to the house to get it.....one of the other moms that was there was AMAZED that he did it (since there's no way in he|| her son would ever do that.....not that she'd ever even threaten it ::)).

The first time, I just make them lick the spout, the second time they do it, they get a full pump ;)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/11/06 at 6:22 pm


I use liquid soap with my kids.....the even BETTER part is when my son was mouthing back to me at our lake house, I made HIM go up to the house to get it.....one of the other moms that was there was AMAZED that he did it (since there's no way in he|| her son would ever do that.....not that she'd ever even threaten it ::)).

The first time, I just make them lick the spout, the second time they do it, they get a full pump ;)


You're freakin evil.

That's total psychological mind fu.ckery.

I'm impressed.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 6:27 pm



Did you ever swallow some?


;D Poor Howard, when he's really being serious, people take it the wrong way anyway... it's okay..

I probably swallowed a little. But, it was a bar, so it didn't disintegrate all that much.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: La Roche on 09/11/06 at 6:28 pm


I probably swallowed a little.


Not what I heard.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/11/06 at 6:32 pm


Has anyone ever gotten soap in their mouth as a punishment?



Nope.  My grandmother did that to my mom when she was a little girl and she got so sick she had to go the hospital.  My mom said she'd never do that to her kids.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Step-chan on 09/11/06 at 6:36 pm


Has anyone ever gotten soap in their mouth as a punishment?


I haven't, thank god.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 09/11/06 at 6:44 pm


Not what I heard.


So wrong, man - so wrong  ;D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: velvetoneo on 09/12/06 at 1:05 am

Being a 16-year old at the moment who does not drink, I think you should take the Carrie route and lock him in a closet and make him pray, until he passes out, and beat him with the bible. Either that, or chain him to you, and sitcom fun would ensue.

But, seriously...last year, when I was 15, three "upstanding kids" got caught on an elementary school field, drunk. One of them, a star student and athlete headed for Harvard (with a legacy), was high, drinking beers and shots, and fell asleep and almost choked on his own vomit. The three girls there with him called the police and got the book thrown at them. In my town, kids get their stomach pumped every week, and parents don't care less. When somebody tried to start a "Safe Homes", their houses got egged and toilet papered. Actually, I think a halfway decent punishment for drinking and driving would be taking him down to look at the winos in the bad part of town.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 09/12/06 at 2:29 am


Being a 16-year old at the moment who does not drink, I think you should take the Carrie route and lock him in a closet and make him pray, until he passes out, and beat him with the bible. Either that, or chain him to you, and sitcom fun would ensue.

But, seriously...last year, when I was 15, three "upstanding kids" got caught on an elementary school field, drunk. One of them, a star student and athlete headed for Harvard (with a legacy), was high, drinking beers and shots, and fell asleep and almost choked on his own vomit. The three girls there with him called the police and got the book thrown at them. In my town, kids get their stomach pumped every week, and parents don't care less. When somebody tried to start a "Safe Homes", their houses got egged and toilet papered. Actually, I think a halfway decent punishment for drinking and driving would be taking him down to look at the winos in the bad part of town.
;D LOL  that's funny James, & as for the winos, when I was 13-14 we'd give them money to buy us booze, so not sure thats a good idea. I started out gettin drunk very young and was one of the bad kids parents wouldn't like their kids running around with, and now I'm the good guy and have learned a thing or 2 and hope my wife & I have raised our 17 year old daughter to make good choices in life. But they're her choices & i know there will be times she will be offered, and hopefully she won't be interested in that because I've done enough partying for 250 of of us and got the dead brain cells to prove it.  :D I think CeeKay did as good as any parent can in administering a fair and just punishment for her son.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Foo Bar on 09/12/06 at 3:58 am


What do you think is a fair response to a teen who goes to a drinking party and lies to his mom about it?


Late to the thread, hate to swing it back on topic, but wotthehell...

Dumb@ss question:  As a non-parent, but as someone who remembers his parents, why should the kid feel he has to lie about it?  If I were a parent, I'd go with "Grounding and driving him to and from everywhere he goes for a couple of months",  but with the deliberate loophole that there's no punishment  if the kid calls and says "Yo, Mom?  At this great party, but there was drinking.    Can't drive.  The last sober dude left an hour ago.  So I either need a ride home tonight from you, or I need to sleep here and come home tomorrow morning." 

'Cuz those were basically the options my folks gave me, and it seemed to work out OK.

Back in my young'un days, my folks made it pretty clear that they preferred that I not drink. But they also made it clear that that if I drank, the right thing to do was to either call and ask for a ride home, or that if I was so far gone that I couldn't face 'em (even knowing there would be no punishment involved!), that I could I call and tell 'em that I'm sleeping over.  As long as the keys stayed out of the ignition,  and as long as I wasn't lying about it, there was no harm, no foul. 

The important part is that by giving me those three options (1: lay off the booze.  2: call and ask for a ride home.  3: call and let 'em know I've really screwed up and am sleeping it off) as "no harm, no foul" options, they didn't have to tell me that "option" 4: weaving my way home half-buzzed, hoping not to get busted while and hoping not to kill someone just to make curfew -- was simply not an option

Result for me was that 90% of the time, I stayed off the bottle altogether and made curfew, fair and square.  5% of the time, the party really did run on for an hour or two later than expected, and/or as the designated driver, I wound up doing taxi duty for my inebriated friends and missed curfew for a darn good reason.  But the other 5% of the time, I'd had a beer or two - and wanted to give myself the time to be sure I was sober.  So those 10% of the parties, I called 'the folks and told 'em I was gonna be late. I gave them the courtesy of a phone call, and they gave me the courtesy of pretending to stay asleep when I came home late, and the courtesy of not being picky about why i was late.  Didn't really realize until college (when I saw people getting dangerously stupid with alcohol) that zero% of the time was I drinking enough to need a ride myself, nor to sleep it off overnight.   

There's an old pilot's saying: "24 hours from bottle to throttle".  I won't BS anyone and claim I'm a 24-hour guy (when it comes to cars), 'cuz I'm not.  But I will claim that there's nothing more freakin' boring than having "one more beer" around midnight, feeling sober at 1:00 in the morning... and watching late-night infomercials as the last sober dude amidst a sea of drunks until around 3:00 because "2 hours of  time" after the DMV-issued weight/drinks/BAC chart says you're sober is your personal limit. I was probably more at risk from driving tired than driving drunk.

It's been a decade or two since those days, and I love the b00ze, but I drink for the taste, not the buzz.  I'd rather have a one-ounce sip of my favorite craft brew than an entire keg of swill, on account of most of what's out there ain't worth drinkin'.  If it's Bud, Coors, Milller, or tap water, I'll take the tap water!  But when I do indulge, I still hold to my old limits, even though there are no longer any curfews to follow, nor parents to whom I must answer. Because I still have to answer to myself.

Looking back, I think my parents were a lot smarter than I ever gave 'em credit for.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/12/06 at 9:10 am


Late to the thread, hate to swing it back on topic, but wotthehell...

Dumb@ss question:  As a non-parent, but as someone who remembers his parents, why should the kid feel he has to lie about it?  If I were a parent, I'd go with "Grounding and driving him to and from everywhere he goes for a couple of months",  but with the deliberate loophole that there's no punishment  if the kid calls and says "Yo, Mom?  At this great party, but there was drinking.    Can't drive.  The last sober dude left an hour ago.  So I either need a ride home tonight from you, or I need to sleep here and come home tomorrow morning." 


Well then, Foo, we think alike.  Because I had that exact conversation with all my children around the dinner table yesterday.  :)

It's been a decade or two since those days, and I love the b00ze, but I drink for the taste, not the buzz.  I'd rather have a one-ounce sip of my favorite craft brew than an entire keg of swill, on account of most of what's out there ain't worth drinkin'.  If it's Bud, Coors, Milller, or tap water, I'll take the tap water!  But when I do indulge, I still hold to my old limits, even though there are no longer any curfews to follow, nor parents to whom I must answer. Because I still have to answer to myself.



I agree here too.  And I'm glad to hear that the approach your parents took led to that result.  I'm kinda counting on that being the case for me and my young ones.  Time will tell....

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: bj26 on 09/12/06 at 10:48 am

When I was about 16, I got drunk, wrecked my Mom's car by crashing into a parked car.  The policeman stared angrily into my eyes.  When I got home, my Dad gave me the same angry stare and said I was lucky the cop didn't throw me in jail.  It was years ago but I still see their eyes staring at me, and I have the same feeling of shame :-\\.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 09/12/06 at 11:19 am


Well then, Foo, we think alike.  Because I had that exact conversation with all my children around the dinner table yesterday.  :)

I agree here too.  And I'm glad to hear that the approach your parents took led to that result.  I'm kinda counting on that being the case for me and my young ones.  Time will tell....
Hubby and I have talked about this and we had come to the same conclusion.  When our kids get to the age where they'll be going to parties and such (although, most of their friends are pretty "straight as an arrow"), we're going to tell them that if they're honest with us, they won't get in (much) trouble, but if we catch them lying (which we ALWAYS manage to do, even now), the punishment will be HARSH.  There WILL be punishment for doing something they know they shouldn't, but they get "credit" if they're honest about doing it.  I hope that they will continue to be honest (even now, we tell them that they're in less trouble for telling the truth than lying and it's nothing even close to the drinking/driving/drugs issues) and open with us.  Sounds like you've done a pretty good job with your kids O0

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Rice_Cube on 09/12/06 at 1:38 pm



The important part is that by giving me those three options (1: lay off the booze.  2: call and ask for a ride home.  3: call and let 'em know I've really screwed up and am sleeping it off) as "no harm, no foul" options, they didn't have to tell me that "option" 4: weaving my way home half-buzzed, hoping not to get busted while and hoping not to kill someone just to make curfew -- was simply not an option


Foo Bar = smart.  I will take this in mind when the boy comes "of age"...which might not be too long in the future considering his mama :D :D :-*

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Jessica on 09/12/06 at 2:16 pm


Foo Bar = smart.  I will take this in mind when the boy comes "of age"...which might not be too long in the future considering his mama :D :D :-*


Bite me. I was a good kid.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Marian on 09/12/06 at 3:35 pm


So....we were all 16 once (and some of you are 16 now!).  When you got in trouble, what happened (or happens)?

What do you think is a fair response to a teen who goes to a drinking party and lies to his mom about it?

My own mother was a bit too lenient.  On the other hand, overreaction doesn't help either.  Some suggestions thusfar have been:  grounding and no phone.  grounding and no playstation (not too relevant in this case).  Making him drink a case of beer (nah -- not my style).  Grounding and driving him to and from everywhere he goes for a couple of months (tough on me but appropriate).

What do you think.  Feel free to be creative.  And tell some personal stories.  This could be fun.  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/clock.gif
Depending on how much he drank ,he may have already learned a lesson.beer has about half the  alchohol as wine,so any more than the equivalent of 2 cans can really make you barf!Making him drink a case is obviously illegal,and he's sure to tell his friends,who will be impressed.Grounding is probably the safest option,or unearthing some horoe stories about drinkers from your own youth.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/12/06 at 5:34 pm



Nope.  My grandmother did that to my mom when she was a little girl and she got so sick she had to go the hospital.  My mom said she'd never do that to her kids.


When she grew up and had kids did she mellow out?

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/12/06 at 5:36 pm


When she grew up and had kids did she mellow out?



Who, my mother?  My mother was not a bad child.  My grandmother was a sh*tty mother.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/12/06 at 6:38 pm


I haven't, thank god.



I hope you do ;D

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Foo Bar on 09/12/06 at 10:01 pm


Foo Bar = smart.  I will take this in mind when the boy comes "of age"...which might not be too long in the future considering his mama :D :D :-*


Foo Bar's Mom And Dad = smart.  Foo Bar = lucky.  (Fixed that for ya.)

Poster "Marian" also has a good point:  Why not have a glass or two of wine over a family dinner (or cook good burgers/chili and use  good beer!) every once in a while.  Depending on what state you live in, it might even be legal to do so at a restaurant, so long as his/her parents are present and have ordered it for him/her.

In much of Europe (France, Italy, Spain in particular), there's a culture where everyone gets a glass of wine with dinner.  Whatever fun we may want to make of the French, they seem to have fewer problems with teen drunkenness than we do in North America.  And as for the Italians and Spaniards, they join the French when it comes to having fantastic culinary traditions.  The wine's part of it.  (Just try cooking without it!)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: velvetoneo on 09/13/06 at 1:48 am

My parents never punished me, really...I mean I used to get time-outs and stuff, but that was it. They just yelled at me and berated me until I apologized. And whoa-boy, do my parents know how to berate me/yell at me.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Brian06 on 09/13/06 at 1:50 am


My parents never punished me, really...I mean I used to get time-outs and stuff, but that was it. They just yelled at me and berated me until I apologized. And whoa-boy, do my parents know how to berate me/yell at me.


My parents were like that too pretty much.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/13/06 at 1:54 am


My parents never punished me, really...I mean I used to get time-outs and stuff, but that was it. They just yelled at me and berated me until I apologized. And whoa-boy, do my parents know how to berate me/yell at me.



My parents' idea of punishment was not physical.  As I said, they both were abused as children and they vowed never to hit their kids.  We got spanked maybe twice in our entire childhood.  And it wasn't even a bad spanking.  My parents punished us by taking things away, severely curtailing our freedoms , stuff like that.  I think if we had been treated the way they were, neither of us would be talking to them today.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Gis on 09/13/06 at 3:00 am



My parents' idea of punishment was not physical.  As I said, they both were abused as children and they vowed never to hit their kids.  We got spanked maybe twice in our entire childhood.  And it wasn't even a bad spanking.  My parents punished us by taking things away, severely curtailing our freedoms , stuff like that.  I think if we had been treated the way they were, neither of us would be talking to them today.
Interesting. My mother was treated appalingly as a child by her grandmother who brought her up, without going into detail if that woman were about today she would have been sectioned.However dispite that my mum did hit us as kids, alot.With hindsight even she is ashamed and given her time over wouldn't do that again, especially with things like clogs or wooden spoons(OWWww). My brother is the same as you parents due to it and has only ever spanked my nephew once in his life so far.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 09/13/06 at 3:13 am

OK...here is my $.02 worth-

Going to a party- Natural for a teenager.
Drinking- Not smiled on, but also natural to experiment.
Lying to a parent- A lie is a lie.

I did this once, myself.
The only difference is, with me, I was also stranded in Tahoe, and I lived in Sparks (95 miles away).

When I DID get home, I was talked to, slapped, hit with a belt, and grounded- all at once.
It got worse, because I attempted to wrest the belt away from my now ex-stepfather...BIG mistake.

Pearl of Wisdom: Never piss off a Railroader in their home.
I ended up with a scar on my head, which doubles as a part of my widower's peak.
I also couldn't walk for a week, because the son-of-a-b***h stomped on my ankle, which he claimed he did on impulse...knowing of my birth condition...

I suggest curtailing the freedom, and if it persists, "Tough Love" may be in order.
No hitting...the world is vicious enough...

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/13/06 at 1:12 pm



I suggest curtailing the freedom, and if it persists, "Tough Love" may be in order.
No hitting...the world is vicious enough...


I'm sorry for what your stepdad did.  That's awful.  I would never hit my kids.  (Okay, a slap on the hand or the butt in a few necessary situations and that's that.)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: deadrockstar on 09/13/06 at 1:23 pm

Wow, I have to say you guys are surprsingly right-minded on this issue.

Even in this day and age, in chat rooms and other forums when this topic is brought up there's always a lot of people who extoll on the benefits of beating your kids, and say "that the only way you can reason with them!".  And then precede to tell me the only reason I'm against it is I'm a punk kid and not a parent yet so I "couldn't possibly understand". ::)

Personally, I think these people are actually just incredibly stupid and cannot think of more nuanced and civilized ways of dealing with their children. My parents never had to hit me, they coud always sit me down and explain stuff to me. Then again, my parents had IQs with three digits.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: CeeKay on 09/13/06 at 1:27 pm



Personally, I think these people are actually just incredibly stupid and cannot think of more nuanced and civilized ways of dealing with their children. My parents never had to hit me, they coud always sit me down and explain stuff to me. Then again, my parents had IQs with three digits.



I think you've hit the nail on the head here..... We're clearly an intelligent crowd!

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 09/13/06 at 1:31 pm



I think you've hit the nail on the head here..... We're clearly an intelligent crowd!


My father-in-law was once quoted by CPS as saying, "You don't beat a kid 'til they cry because they hurt. You beat them 'til they cry because they're sorry for what they did."

(He now says that "that wasn't necessarily the right thing to do".)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Roadgeek on 09/13/06 at 3:20 pm

I've only been grounded two times. I was 7 back around 1997 in 1st grade.

What happened was that I didn't do my school work. What we didn't know at that time was that I had ADD. So everyone assumed I was just being stubborn. We didn't find out about the ADD until the beginning of 2nd grade. Come to think of it, I don't think I've been punished since. Surprisingly, this is a 16 year old writing this.

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 09/13/06 at 4:39 pm


Wow, I have to say you guys are surprsingly right-minded on this issue.

Even in this day and age, in chat rooms and other forums when this topic is brought up there's always a lot of people who extoll on the benefits of beating your kids, and say "that the only way you can reason with them!".  And then precede to tell me the only reason I'm against it is I'm a punk kid and not a parent yet so I "couldn't possibly understand". ::)

Personally, I think these people are actually just incredibly stupid and cannot think of more nuanced and civilized ways of dealing with their children. My parents never had to hit me, they coud always sit me down and explain stuff to me. Then again, my parents had IQs with three digits.
There's a HUGE difference between a "spanking" and "beating your kids."  I've spanked my kids, but I've always explained to them WHY they were getting spanked.  I know a few kids that could use a good spanking at times.  One of my sons' 11 year old friends called him a "MotherF'er" (right in front of his mother) and the ONLY thing that happened was he was told "We don't want to ever hear that again." :o  I'm sure the next time (and I'm sure there WILL be) he says it he'll probably hear the same thing and nothing more. ::)

Subject: Re: Punishment

Written By: Howard on 09/13/06 at 4:43 pm

I've gotten punched in the arm or slapped in the head by my Father back when I was growing up. :(

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