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Subject: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Marty McFly on 03/15/07 at 1:19 pm

Just thought I'd ask this because so many young adults are in different situations. While lots of people want to move out and away from their parents as soon as possible (and it's hard to blame them in some cases probably ;D ), it does seem like the automatic "hitting the street and moving out once you're 18" thing isn't really as common as it once was - unless, say you go out of town to a 4-year college right out of high school.

I think it's cool if you do, as long as you contribute and don't sit around the house all day mooching, lol.

For the record, I'm 25 1/2 and live with my parents (the Bay Area is one of the most expensive places to live in the country - actually quite a few people up even into their early 30s live at home here), although I take care of most of the household necessities, like grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. And, I am also working two jobs and taking classes for another degree, all while saving up money in the bank for when I ultimately do get my own place.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: spaceace on 03/15/07 at 1:25 pm

Till you find your stuff out on the front lawn.  Even if someone's not mooching there comes a time when parents long to have the house to themselves.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: whistledog on 03/15/07 at 1:29 pm

I'm 29 and I still live at home but only coz I can't yet afford to live out on my own.  There are people out there who can't wait to leave home when they hit 18, but quite often these same people end up living in cramped rathole apartments in slum neighbourhoods.  I would never want to do that.  My mom doesn't want me ending up like that, so she welcomes me to stay with her until I can make it well on my own :)

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/15/07 at 1:30 pm


Just thought I'd ask this because so many young adults are in different situations. While lots of people want to move out and away from their parents as soon as possible (and it's hard to blame them in some cases probably ;D ), it does seem like the automatic "hitting the street and moving out once you're 18" thing isn't really as common as it once was - unless, say you go out of town to a 4-year college right out of high school.

I think it's cool if you do, as long as you contribute and don't sit around the house all day mooching, lol.

For the record, I'm 25 1/2 and live with my parents (the Bay Area is one of the most expensive places to live in the country - actually quite a few people up even into their early 30s live at home here), although I take care of most of the household necessities, like grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking. And, I am also working two jobs and taking classes for another degree, all while saving up money in the bank for when I ultimately do get my own place.



Like you said, I think it depends on the person's situation.  There are some people who have never been close to their family...and they want to leave just as soon as they can. Then, there are others who are very close, and they want to remain with them as long as they can.  I am very close to my family, but I still like to have my privacy, etc. I don't live far from my parents though (about 10 minutes or so away).  I really don't think I could move far away from them...we are just too close knit of a family. I always said that if we decide to move south someday, that we are taking them with us.  Chris isn't close with his parents like I am. He talks to his mom here and there....but they aren't very close. As for his dad, in his eyes, he doesn't even have one...he hasn't been a part of Chris' life....well, ever, really.

I think there's nothing wrong with staying at home with your family when you are older....as long as (like yourself) you contribute to the household by helping out with chores, and money, etc.  I think if I were still single...there would be a chance that I would have stayed at home a bit longer than I did.  When you get married though, it usually becomes time to get your own place, although I do know of a bunch of people who live with their parents even after they are married, with children.  Infact, my mother-in-law lives with Chris' sister, her husband, and their 2 children...they all bought a house together. I guess it's just whatever works for the person's situation, ya know?  Hey, look at the Amish people...when they get married, they keep building on additions to their parents house...so you end up having several generations living under technically the same roof. It's all a matter of custom/tradition/and social status...I suppose.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Marty McFly on 03/15/07 at 1:43 pm


I'm 29 and I still live at home but only coz I can't yet afford to live out on my own.  There are people out there who can't wait to leave home when they hit 18, but quite often these same people end up living in cramped rathole apartments in slum neighbourhoods.  I would never want to do that.  My mom doesn't want me ending up like that, so she welcomes me to stay with her until I can make it well on my own :)



Yeah, same here. The only place I could easily afford on my own would be a studio apartment in a ghetto part of town. ;D



Like you said, I think it depends on the person's situation.  There are some people who have never been close to their family...and they want to leave just as soon as they can. Then, there are others who are very close, and they want to remain with them as long as they can.  I am very close to my family, but I still like to have my privacy, etc. I don't live far from my parents though (about 10 minutes or so away).  I really don't think I could move far away from them...we are just too close knit of a family. I always said that if we decide to move south someday, that we are taking them with us.  Chris isn't close with his parents like I am. He talks to his mom here and there....but they aren't very close. As for his dad, in his eyes, he doesn't even have one...he hasn't been a part of Chris' life....well, ever, really.

I think there's nothing wrong with staying at home with your family when you are older....as long as (like yourself) you contribute to the household by helping out with chores, and money, etc.  I think if I were still single...there would be a chance that I would have stayed at home a bit longer than I did.  When you get married though, it usually becomes time to get your own place, although I do know of a bunch of people who live with their parents even after they are married, with children.  Infact, my mother-in-law lives with Chris' sister, her husband, and their 2 children...they all bought a house together. I guess it's just whatever works for the person's situation, ya know?  Hey, look at the Amish people...when they get married, they keep building on additions to their parents house...so you end up having several generations living under technically the same roof. It's all a matter of custom/tradition/and social status...I suppose.


Yeah, I completely agree. There shouldn't be a blanket answer for something like this, since not only is every person is different, but so is their economic and living environment.

I'm close to my parents and they're very easy to live with, but like all people, I kinda long for privacy as well. I almost did move out a couple years ago when a buddy from the play I was in (I'd known him for awhile anyway) was gonna get an apartment and needed another roommate - it fell through last minute, and he's still living at home himself, long story short. But since it was obviously closeby, that would've been no problem. Honestly, I don't think I'd want to live totally alone - that'd be boring and lonely (and I'm sure I'd have the TV/computer/radio on 24/7, lol).

Yeah, marriage and a family can "up" it for the need to get your own place, even if you would've been content at home for longer. However, there's situations like that where it can work (hey, look at Full House!). ;)

P.S. That's a shame about Chris' dad, sorry to hear it.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/15/07 at 1:47 pm


Yeah, marriage and a family can "up" it for the need to get your own place, even if you would've been content at home for longer. However, there's situations like that where it can work (hey, look at Full House!). ;)




Yes....there's always something cozy about the Full House kind of situation though...I mean, I know it could get annoying to have everyone being in one house....but it would totally make the family tight.....and you would never be lonely, that's for sure!! :D

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Midas on 03/15/07 at 1:52 pm


Till you find your stuff out on the front lawn.  Even if someone's not mooching there comes a time when parents long to have the house to themselves.


;D

I lived at home until I was 22.  I think it's going to depend on the individual's situation.  This is the first time I've lived totally alone (no roomates...well, there's the dog), and sometimes it's a struggle to make ends meet but somehow I manage.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Marty McFly on 03/15/07 at 2:04 pm


Yes....there's always something cozy about the Full House kind of situation though...I mean, I know it could get annoying to have everyone being in one house....but it would totally make the family tight.....and you would never be lonely, that's for sure!! :D


Yeah, there were times you could tell Danny got on their nerves, lol (he might've been a PTA geeky type, but at least he was a nice guy and you'd feel loved and never really alone). Throughout the seasons, Jesse adapted more and more to the idea of living with the Tanners. And of course, it worked out in the better for him. Even though that's fictional, of course, I'm sure kinda similar situations have happened in real life.

I would definitely want to live with a roomate or a friend if at all possible. Not only for the loneliness thing, but it would obviously help with rent too. As long as my Goodwill stuff didn't get on their nerves too much. ;D

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/15/07 at 2:18 pm

I'm 33 and I've been living with my Parents all my life.Eventually,when I get this Pathmark job since it's a Union job,I would like to get off Social Security slowly but surely since I don't really need to be on it all my life but my Mother/Father need to be on it since they're over 60.Maybe in a couple of years or many years from now when My Parents finally move to Florida,I could either go with them or stay in New York City,Queens which I want to and have a life of my own to get my own apartment and I don't want Supportive Living with a house full of mentally retarded people since I've been surrounded by them for almost 15 years.I also may want to think about living with Robin since I'd have a challenge on my hands living with a girl.I'll just take it one step at a time and see what happens.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 03/15/07 at 3:26 pm

Like a lot of people said, it depends on the situation. For me, I was out of the house as soon as I could-just short of my 19th birthday and never looked back. To this day, I really hate going back to that house-even if it is just for a visit.



Cat

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: CeramicsFanatic on 03/15/07 at 3:44 pm

It definitely depends on the situation...

As for me, I was married when I was 25 but still lived at home until I was almost 28... :D

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: gemini on 03/15/07 at 3:55 pm

In my situation, I couldn't wait to get out, so six months after I turned 18 I moved in with my now husband. But looking back, I don't know what the big hurry was, I wish I would've waited a while. My oldest daughter lived at home until she was 23, but she had a job and was going to school, so I didn't mind at all. I loved having her here and she could've stayed longer if she wanted to. Now, my 18 year old graduates this year and is going to college and she can't wait to leave.  :( Even though we're really close. She's going to get an apartment with 2 girls that are going to the same college, even though it's only a 30 minute drive from here. I hope she can swing it, she thinks she can, so we'll see.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Gis on 03/15/07 at 3:56 pm

I left for awhile here and there but kept going back. I didn't really move out properly until I moved in with Ian at 32!

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 03/15/07 at 4:42 pm

I don't see a problem with people living at home as long as they're contributing to the household bills, cleaning, etc.  If you aren't working and can't contribute to the bills, then I think you should be doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc..  I realize there are some cases where it's not possible, but I think once you're married, you're out.  Now, if you're saving for a house or something, I think it's okay for a couple (maybe 3) years.  Regardless, you need to follow your parents rules, don't bring people home to stay the night (i.e. no booty calls), basically have respect for them, etc.  Otherwise, I don't see a reason a married couple can't afford to be out on their own.  I plan on kicking mine out as soon as they're out of college ;D
























No, I'll probably be the one with the 50 year old still living at home because I was almost kicked out at 21 (even though I was working and paying bills) and I couldn't ever do that to my kids :-\\

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Gis on 03/15/07 at 4:43 pm


I don't see a problem with people living at home as long as they're contributing to the household bills, cleaning, etc.  If you aren't working and can't contribute to the bills, then I think you should be doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc..  I realize there are some cases where it's not possible, but I think once you're married, you're out.  Now, if you're saving for a house or something, I think it's okay for a couple (maybe 3) years.  Regardless, you need to follow your parents rules, don't bring people home to stay the night (i.e. no booty calls), basically have respect for them, etc.  Otherwise, I don't see a reason a married couple can't afford to be out on their own.  I plan on kicking mine out as soon as they're out of college ;D
























No, I'll probably be the one with the 50 year old still living at home because I was almost kicked out at 21 (even though I was working and paying bills) and I couldn't ever do that to my kids :-\\
Good point. I paid rent and my part of the phone bill and all my car bills.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 03/15/07 at 4:54 pm


Good point. I paid rent and my part of the phone bill and all my car bills.
My brother lived at home with my parents and paid ONLY his car & cell phone bill until this past November when they moved into a Senior Housing Complex.  He's 24, working full time (making fairly decent $$) and is finally taking some responsibility (well, he didn't have much choice).....I made him "buy" the house from them so he's paying all the mortgage payments and paying all the utilities ;D

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: thereshegoes on 03/15/07 at 4:59 pm

I left my parent's house at 18,only because they didn't let me do it earlier.
Sometimes i regret it,mostly 'cause i also left my younger siblings behind,but the truth is if i had stayed longer it would only get worse.
By leaving i actually gained a better relationship with my parents,it's not perfect but at least a lot was forgiven and forgotten.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 03/15/07 at 5:02 pm

EVERYONE who lives in the household should contribute somehow-regardless of age. Once a kid can walk, they can contribute in small ways. My 3 year old granddaughter's jobs include, picking up her toys and throwing her used diaper away. Her responsibilty will increase with her age. If someone in the household works (even if it is mowing lawns, babysitting, etc.) they should contribute some $$ to the household. When I was teen, I used to babysit. Because of that, I had to buy my own personal stuff-shampoo and stuff. If someone has a full-time job, then they should chip in to help pay rent, utilities, etc. Regardless if someone is working full-time or not, they do have contribute in keeping the place clean. I believe that everyone is a member of a household and therefore everyone is responable for keeping that household running.



Cat

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Jessica on 03/15/07 at 5:18 pm

So....I lived at home until I was 26, the last two years including Rice and Jason. It was cramped, but we all pulled our weight around there. Now we've been living on our own for almost a year, and while I do like having my own space, I just wish it wasn't so far from our families.

I see nothing wrong with people living at home as long as 1. They're contributing SOMETHING and 2. The parents aren't fed up with them. ;D It can be expensive as hell living on your own, depending on the area you live in.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: loki 13 on 03/15/07 at 6:48 pm

I left the house when I was 18, No animosity, it's just that I was starting my own family. My wife, then girlfriend,
gave birth to our daughter 4 days after we moved into the apartment. My apartment was only three blocks away
from my parents and they help me with shopping and rent when I needed it.

I live in a new town now, four blocks away from my parents, And it's my turn to pay them back. Not monetarily,
but since my father had a stroke a few years ago and left him a shell of his former self, my mother needs me to
take her places, she don't drive, and I sit with my father while he is at dialysis, it helps keep him calm.

They took care of my needs when I was young and now it's up to me to take care of their needs when they are old.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Step-chan on 03/15/07 at 6:53 pm

I moved out when I was 24.

My mom didn't have any problems with me, but with my sister, her husband and kids living there as well, I got tired of the lack of privacy. My cousin was keeping an eye out for apartments and let me know when one popped up.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: lorac61469 on 03/15/07 at 7:25 pm


I left the house when I was 18, No animosity, it's just that I was starting my own family. My wife, then girlfriend,
gave birth to our daughter 4 days after we moved into the apartment. My apartment was only three blocks away
from my parents and they help me with shopping and rent when I needed it.

I live in a new town now, four blocks away from my parents, And it's my turn to pay them back. Not monetarily,
but since my father had a stroke a few years ago and left him a shell of his former self, my mother needs me to
take her places, she don't drive, and I sit with my father while he is at dialysis, it helps keep him calm.

They took care of my needs when I was young and now it's up to me to take care of their needs when they are old.



You're a good man!! 

My husband's father recently moved in with us, so I know what you're going through.  I take him to the store, church, and doctor's appointments.  I'd do the same for my father.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: loki 13 on 03/15/07 at 7:41 pm


You're a good man!! 

My husband's father recently moved in with us, so I know what you're going through.  I take him to the store, church, and doctor's appointments.  I'd do the same for my father.


Thanks Carol,  As you are aware, it can be very trying sometimes but we do what we have to do. I've seen so many people turn
their backs on their parents when the get old, they forget how much time and effort their parents put in when they were young.
It's good to see someone else remembers; and returns the favor.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: wildcard on 03/15/07 at 8:04 pm

I'm 24 and still living at home.  I'm somewhere in between disabled and not really.  I've been raised by a disfunctional parent. Love to get away from my family if I can work it out, but for now I'll just be helpfull.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: GoodRedShirt on 03/15/07 at 8:48 pm

I'm 21 and living at home whilst studying. With very little financial aide for students, & the fact that my job pays absolute minimum wage, I cannot afford to live elsewhere without getting a full-time job while studying full time & getting a weekly loan from the government. And with all this I'd still be living in a run down old flat, with very little spending money each week, and probably living with some other person who has no idea how to live clean & hygienicly.

So I think that as long as you are paying your way, helping out where possible & studying or working to better yourself, then your parents should be able to support you. But if all you're doing is sleeping in 'til noon, jobless & on the benefit, then time for your parents to kick you out.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 03/16/07 at 12:40 am

After high school I did 3 years in the Army and moved back in with my folks when I got back. I dropped out of college and worked crappy jobs and didn't move out until I was 25. As soon as I got my own place my relationship with my dad instantly improved 1000%.
  Really, I don't think there's anything wrong with living at home, so long as you get along well with your parents and you help out with chores (and give them some money) and that they're aware that the arrangement is only temporary.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 03/16/07 at 12:51 am

There's no set age or time limit since everyone's circumstances and situation and opportunities are different but for me, I moved out for good when I was about 19-20. Now a father of a 17 year old, I'm open to her staying at home with us as long as she wants, but she will be moving into the freshman dorm when she starts college in the fall and will be home on and off during her 4 years there. When she graduates, she can come back here or get her own place. I think she's gonna want her own place. Finding a job will help her make that decision, and if she's not working immediately out of college, she'll be staying here I hope.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Rice_Cube on 03/16/07 at 12:55 am

^ Where she going?

I lived at home during college.  UC Berkeley was only half an hour drive away.  My brother is currently living at home because his work is also about half an hour away from home...my parents want him to get uber-tax incentives by living at home, that way he can max out his 401k, IRAs, 403b etc. until he decides to go out on his own.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 03/16/07 at 1:00 am


^ Where she going?

I lived at home during college.  UC Berkeley was only half an hour drive away.  My brother is currently living at home because his work is also about half an hour away from home...my parents want him to get uber-tax incentives by living at home, that way he can max out his 401k, IRAs, 403b etc. until he decides to go out on his own.
she's gonna go to San Jose St. It's about an hour and10 min away. Lady Di is a Berkeley Alum. It's smart of your parental units and your bro to get some money set up. very good start.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Rice_Cube on 03/16/07 at 1:03 am


she's gonna go to San Jose St. It's about an hour and10 min away. Lady Di is a Berkeley Alum. It's smart of your parental units and your bro to get some money set up. very good start.


I guess so :)  I didn't really get it until I moved out why they were so stingy with money, but now that we're on our own, it sorta makes sense, although it would've been nice if they'd explained it to me so I wasn't so bitter about it :D

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 03/16/07 at 1:04 am


I guess so :)  I didn't really get it until I moved out why they were so stingy with money, but now that we're on our own, it sorta makes sense, although it would've been nice if they'd explained it to me so I wasn't so bitter about it :D
maybe they should just send some cash and you can call it even.  nobody taught me anything, I had to and am still figuring things out as I go along

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Rice_Cube on 03/16/07 at 1:07 am


maybe they should just send some cash and you can call it even.  nobody taught me anything, I had to and am still figuring things out as I go along



No no no...they send way too much cash as it is, I think we need to just restructure our budget and crash and burn here and then and learn via trial by fire.  The one thing I did learn is that I really don't like spending money...I usually only spend it on stuff the family likes, I even hate spending it on myself to get lunch...stinginess runs in the family :P

They did teach me a lot about taxes and investments and how to manage money wisely, though, which is why I'm not in even deeper financial sh!t than I am right now :D  Credit score is going up, we're starting to get settled into a routine, life is good.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 03/16/07 at 1:16 am



No no no...they send way too much cash as it is, I think we need to just restructure our budget and crash and burn here and then and learn via trial by fire.  The one thing I did learn is that I really don't like spending money...I usually only spend it on stuff the family likes, I even hate spending it on myself to get lunch...stinginess runs in the family :P

They did teach me a lot about taxes and investments and how to manage money wisely, though, which is why I'm not in even deeper financial sh!t than I am right now :D  Credit score is going up, we're starting to get settled into a routine, life is good.
there's such a thing as too much cash??  ;D  maybe.  You sound like you have a good head for thinking of your family and and a good future. now how long will you let the little one stay once he's in and out of college?

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: lorac61469 on 03/16/07 at 9:51 am


Thanks Carol,  As you are aware, it can be very trying sometimes but we do what we have to do. I've seen so many people turn
their backs on their parents when the get old, they forget how much time and effort their parents put in when they were young.
It's good to see someone else remembers; and returns the favor.


Unfortunately my husband's sister is that way.  My FIL has a mental illness and it's easier for her not to have to deal with it.  He's been here for over a month and she came once for about 10 minutes to drop off his TV.  I don't complain to my husband about it but it really bothers me.  The way husband feels is that he has to take care of his responsiblitites and he can't worry what others are or aren't doing. 

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/16/07 at 9:54 am


Unfortunately my husband's sister is that way.  My FIL has a mental illness and it's easier for her not to have to deal with it.  He's been here for over a month and she came once for about 10 minutes to drop off his TV.  I don't complain to my husband about it but it really bothers me.  The way husband feels is that he has to take care of his responsiblitites and he can't worry what others are or aren't doing. 




that's a darn shame. I can't even imagine neglecting my parents like that, no matter what the situatiion was. They raised me for years...it's only right that once the children grow up, that they all help out with taking care of the parents.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Rice_Cube on 03/16/07 at 10:02 am


there's such a thing as too much cash??  ;D  maybe.  You sound like you have a good head for thinking of your family and and a good future. now how long will you let the little one stay once he's in and out of college?


As long as he cleans up his toys afterwards he can stay :D

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: lorac61469 on 03/16/07 at 10:04 am



that's a darn shame. I can't even imagine neglecting my parents like that, no matter what the situatiion was. They raised me for years...it's only right that once the children grow up, that they all help out with taking care of the parents.


It is and the really sad part is he (FIL) makes excuses for her....She works alot.  She's taking care of the baby (her grandson).  Her husband is off today.  Hell, even before he moved in my husband went to see him at the rest home or hospital.  Hmmmm, my husband works long hours, he has two kids, he has a wife.  

Sorry for ranting.   :-[

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/16/07 at 10:20 am


It is and the really sad part is he (FIL) makes excuses for her....She works alot.  She's taking care of the baby (her grandson).  Her husband is off today.  Hell, even before he moved in my husband went to see him at the rest home or hospital.  Hmmmm, my husband works long hours, he has two kids, he has a wife.  

Sorry for ranting.   :-[



I totally understand...you're allowed to vent! :)  Ya, that's really sad. I know that when my parents get older, and God forbid, sick...I know that my sister Beth (midknightdarkness) and I will be the only ones that care for them. My other sister Brandy (who happens to be Vaughn's "mother")....won't be around...she's always been a selfish person. ::)

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/16/07 at 2:39 pm

As soon as my Parents move to Florida to retire many years from now,I'm staying in Queens to make a life of my own with or without Robin.Right Now my goal is to get a job and see how much they pay,Maybe in about a year or 2,possibly get my own apartment because I refuse to share an apartment with a person or other people in Supportive Living.Since my Parents are in their 60's,They need to have their life and let me as a 33 year old man,have mine because It's time to break away from the umbilical cord and let me have my independence.I'm sure if My Brother was alive today,He'd agree to assist me in getting my own apartment.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: BrianMannixGirl on 03/17/07 at 10:46 am

Its an interesting topic and we have actually been having discussions about it at work a lot lately.

I work with a woman who basically refuses to let her kids leave home - she finds millions of reasons to make sure they never move out. They are 21 and 24 ! She does all their laundry and cooking and cleaning - they never lift a finger - and they contribute to nothing except their personal mobile phone bills.

I have been quite up front with her and said outright that she is breeding a pair of losers who will never have a clue how to do a thing. Who would want to marry or live with either of them ?

And I have a friend who finally moved out of home last year - at age 29. The first week in her new home she had to call her mum to find out how much washing liquid to put in the machine and which button to press. And she had been out of home for just on 12 months now and has still yet to use the stove top or the oven !  She is living on takeaway because she has never had to know how to cook for herself.

I actually do shake my head and wonder how people get that far into their lives and not know these things.

Me: Well my mum moved away to a country town when I was 15.
My father prefered to work away rather than take jobs in our city so I basically put my younger brother through high school all by myself. Our father dropped in every 3 or 4 months and paid the rent up in advance and filled the freezer and paid any bills lying around and said Hi !  I was working full time and even tho he didnt technically live with us he asked me to pay board. He said "for the rest of your life it will cost a third of your wages to keep a roof over your head so you can start now" !

So I remember to this day that I was earning $89 a week and I had to give him $30 :( !

But I guess he was right - my mortgage is a third of my salary these days !

So technically I didnt "move out" - but I was managing a household and cooking, cleaning, doing laundry etc etc from 15 onwards. And we had always taken turns doing most of that in the years prior to that anyway.

Then I left the country at 19 - so that was definitely moving out !

Then I bought my first home at 23.



Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: wildcard on 03/17/07 at 11:43 am

I'm not sure what my mom wants for me.  At 21 she didn't want me to cross the street.  She asked me yesterday if I knew how to use the garbage disposal (24).  Now there may be some things I might be behind in and or maybe lazy, but I cant go pounding myself into the ground. I just got though climbing out of what I've been in in the past.  She is not what I'd call a role model and I'll leave it at that.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/17/07 at 4:53 pm

My Parents want to put me in a group home or some independent living apartment but I don't want those types of houses,I want an apartment of my own.Living with other people can get quite annoying sometimes for me.It's better to live by myself or have someone like my girlfriend to be with me and to share rent with.That'd be very interesting since Robin And I have been living with our Parents all our lives.We have to find a way to work towards it or we're going to wind up living in squalor. :(

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: mach!ne_he@d on 03/20/07 at 12:43 pm

I don't think there's anything wrong with living at home for a few years after you become an adult. I'm almost 20 now and I still live with my parents, but I also work and attend college. For me, with my low wage and limited hours that I work, It would be almost impossible for me to afford my own place, so luckily for me my parents are letting me stay here until I get my degree, which should be in about 2 years or so. Hopefully then I can move out, and get my own place.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/20/07 at 12:44 pm


My Parents want to put me in a group home or some independent living apartment but I don't want those types of houses,I want an apartment of my own.Living with other people can get quite annoying sometimes for me.It's better to live by myself or have someone like my girlfriend to be with me and to share rent with.That'd be very interesting since Robin And I have been living with our Parents all our lives.We have to find a way to work towards it or we're going to wind up living in squalor. :(



you could always look for an apt. that is based on your income, Howard.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 03/20/07 at 1:02 pm


My Parents want to put me in a group home or some independent living apartment but I don't want those types of houses,I want an apartment of my own.Living with other people can get quite annoying sometimes for me.It's better to live by myself or have someone like my girlfriend to be with me and to share rent with.That'd be very interesting since Robin And I have been living with our Parents all our lives.We have to find a way to work towards it or we're going to wind up living in squalor. :(
Okay, I can understand not wanting to live in a group home, but why not independent living?  You still have your own apartment, but there are people there that can help you if you need it.  Some even include meals.  It's not a bad deal.....My parents are currently in an independent living facility for seniors and they love it.  They get 2 meals a day, there's housekeeping available, a small store for essentials, hair salon/barber, medical care available and a bank comes to them twice a week (although they use a different bank).

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/20/07 at 1:12 pm


Okay, I can understand not wanting to live in a group home, but why not independent living?  You still have your own apartment, but there are people there that can help you if you need it.  Some even include meals.  It's not a bad deal.....My parents are currently in an independent living facility for seniors and they love it.  They get 2 meals a day, there's housekeeping available, a small store for essentials, hair salon/barber, medical care available and a bank comes to them twice a week (although they use a different bank).



that sounds like it would be a great plan for Howard. ;)

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 1:17 pm



that sounds like it would be a great plan for Howard. ;)


What's going to happen when My parents finally retire to Florida? Are they going to let me keep the house which I don't know yet and have Robin come live with me which she may not be too thrilled about or Robin's/My parents could come up with a solution to help look for a cheap apartment for us depending on our income.Or I can try independent living or Live with Robin and share the rent in a small apartment.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 1:18 pm


Okay, I can understand not wanting to live in a group home, but why not independent living?  You still have your own apartment, but there are people there that can help you if you need it.  Some even include meals.  It's not a bad deal.....My parents are currently in an independent living facility for seniors and they love it.  They get 2 meals a day, there's housekeeping available, a small store for essentials, hair salon/barber, medical care available and a bank comes to them twice a week (although they use a different bank).



I need help with my cooking skills and she needs help in both cleaning and cooking

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/20/07 at 1:19 pm


What's going to happen when My parents finally retire to Florida? Are they going to let me keep the house which I don't know yet and have Robin come live with me which she may not be too thrilled about or Robin's/My parents could come up with a solution to help look for a cheap apartment for us depending on our income.Or I can try independent living or Live with Robin and share the rent in a small apartment.



I think independent living would be a great idea. And if you didn't want to be that far from your parents...maybe you could find something like that in Florida...that way, you could still visit your parents when you wanted to...but you'd have a place of your own. ;)

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 1:24 pm



I think independent living would be a great idea. And if you didn't want to be that far from your parents...maybe you could find something like that in Florida...that way, you could still visit your parents when you wanted to...but you'd have a place of your own. ;)


I don't want to go to Florida,I need my independence and they need theirs.My Mother's been working for 15 years with the Board of Ed and My father's retired so they need the space they deserve.What I want is freedom for Robin and I.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 03/20/07 at 1:28 pm


Okay, I can understand not wanting to live in a group home, but why not independent living?  You still have your own apartment, but there are people there that can help you if you need it.  Some even include meals.  It's not a bad deal.....My parents are currently in an independent living facility for seniors and they love it.  They get 2 meals a day, there's housekeeping available, a small store for essentials, hair salon/barber, medical care available and a bank comes to them twice a week (although they use a different bank).



My 98 years young grandmother lives in a place like that. She was reluctent to leave her apartment to move there at first but then she said, "If I knew it would be as much fun as it is, I would have done it years ago." Her apartment does have a kitchen but she can go to meals (or have them delivered to her apartment) if she wants to. None of us are really worried about her because we know they take good care of her there (not to mention that 2 of my sisters, my niece and my cousin and his wife go to visit her frequently since they live in the area.)



Cat

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 1:30 pm



you could always look for an apt. that is based on your income, Howard.


She has Full Time making 12-15 K and I might be getting Part Time so what kind of apartment could we come up with?

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 03/20/07 at 1:32 pm


She has Full Time making 12-15 K and I might be getting Part Time so what kind of apartment could we come up with?



well, you could either find one that they base on the amount of money that you make...or you could go for the independent living....if I had to choose, I'd go with the independent living.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 1:38 pm



well, you could either find one that they base on the amount of money that you make...or you could go for the independent living....if I had to choose, I'd go with the independent living.


One thing at a time first. ;)

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 1:39 pm


Well, first you gotta get a job...then you gotta figure out how much you're going to be paid altogether, plus how much Social Security etc. is going to give you since you qualify for that stuff.  My guess is that you will be able to get low-income housing based on your situation and income.  But first you have to find that job and keep it.


My goal is to keep it.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 03/20/07 at 3:51 pm


What's going to happen when My parents finally retire to Florida? Are they going to let me keep the house which I don't know yet and have Robin come live with me which she may not be too thrilled about or Robin's/My parents could come up with a solution to help look for a cheap apartment for us depending on our income.Or I can try independent living or Live with Robin and share the rent in a small apartment.
Howard, I seriously doubt Robin will EVER move in with you unless you are married.....and I highly doubt that's ever going to happen either....

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/20/07 at 10:32 pm


Howard, I seriously doubt Robin will EVER move in with you unless you are married.....and I highly doubt that's ever going to happen either....


What's stopping us right now is the money situation.We both need a good amount of money to do the things we want to do.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Sister Morphine on 03/20/07 at 11:39 pm


What's stopping us right now is the money situation.We both need a good amount of money to do the things we want to do.



What's stopping you is her being a high-maintenance bitch.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/21/07 at 6:25 am



What's stopping you is her being a high-maintenance bitch.


I never said she was high maintainence,she just wants instant gratification but she has to know that you sometimes can't get what you want in life.I never said I'm going to be making $50,000 dollars,It's just money for survival.I'm tired of volunteering,It's time to work and make money! ;)

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 03/21/07 at 8:14 am


I never said she was high maintainence,she just wants instant gratification but she has to know that you sometimes can't get what you want in life.I never said I'm going to be making $50,000 dollars,It's just money for survival.I'm tired of volunteering,It's time to work and make money! ;)
ummm.....Howard, "wants instant gratification" = High maintenance.

Subject: Re: How long should people live "at home" for?

Written By: Howard on 03/21/07 at 4:39 pm


ummm.....Howard, "wants instant gratification" = High maintenance.


Well,She's not going to get what she wants at the moment,She'll have to stick to what she has on her plate now.

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