Hi folks.

Look....

Here's the deal ... or something like that ....

Right now ... I've had too much to drink ... and probably should not be posting ... but here goes ...

So ... once again .. I'm back a lot sooner than anticipated. However ... this is not all (as SOME of you might suspect ....)... me playing games ... trying to milk 'Karma' etc;

I have a lot of personal issues going on .. and right now  ... even though I see my Karma has gone up by 5 ... and ....currently I've no idea .. who's to be thanked .... well, I feel very depressed right now.  I'm on medication (anti-depressants)  ... and in the process of moving  from my accommodation of 7 years or so. So ... I'm somewhat embarrassed myself of my recent post / 'spitting the dummy'  ... looking 'uncool'  ... when I know intuitively that I /we/ should love ourselves ... and not be looking for this artificial karma boost. Let's face it .... 'Quirk'  (Erin) ... the most powerful amongst us .... in that regard ... .... well, all that 'karma' didn't save her from her fate. Not to say she deserved her fate/ did'nt deserve  it ...  (Oh dear .... I think you know what I mean .. ) .... but ....

In other words .. hmm. Look .... I knew/know from way back ... this 'karma' thing is not worth a hill of beans in one sense ... yet ... at the same time ... hmm ... when you guys /gals  give me some ... it's like you're saying .. we want you to stick around! Now ... I always reciprocate .. whether I like you or not ... and I think I like 98% of you . ... pretty much. Hey! Is this a competition? My points being .....  1)Karma is free .. it costs you nothing  2) If somebody made you laugh,gave you info, talked to you ...whatever ... welll ... 

I know of one person here at least .. who NEVER seems to give it out .... so ... I never encourage that person ... some of you probably know who I mean ... and ... I'm astounded by their high placing for their obvious 'meanness' in this regard ... but ... that's their problem ... and the fact that I see very few of you karma this person any more ... says .. you've cottoned on to that too!.

Anyhow.... I'm the sort of person who more or less wears their 'heart on their sleeve' ...for better or worse ... and the 'politics'  ... uhm .. I    can sometimes fail in ... through sheer honesty/bluntness (but not as bad as  former member .... I tend to be less  direct ... though still relevant ... ).       

hey there Alan...I am sorry that you are going through some problems right now. I enjoy you as a member on the boards...you always seem to bring laughter and light to the group.

I don't really take the whole "karma" thing seriously either. I mean, it's really nice to give it and receive it on the boards...but I don't believe in it...in real life.  Also, I don't believe what I am going through right now has anything to do with good or bad karma that may or may not have been given out to me, nor is any of it my fault....it's the fault of the "man" that I am with, and I refuse to take any of the blame for his mistakes/bad habits/etc.

Like I said before...I enjoy you here as a member...and I don't want to see you go. If you have something going on with another board member, take it up with them...it's better to air things out than to keep it locked up inside of you.

I wish you the best, and I hope that you feel much better soon.


Regards,

Erin :)

Hey Alan,

I know things are tough right now - moving can be pretty stressful. Once you get settled into the new place you'll probably do a lot better.

I have to say in all honesty I'm a bit concerned with "I've had too much to drink" coupled with "well, I feel very depressed right now.  I'm on medication (anti-depressants)"... might not be the best combination for a good mood, ya know?

I'm not going to preach or anything, but speaking from personal experience I can say that mix often left me a trainwreck.

"currently I've no idea .. who's to be thanked..."

You can check that here: http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=karma

Don't worry about embarassing yourself; it happens to all of us from time to time. I haven't even seen the thread to which you are referring, so you're still cool with me.  ;)

Ant

anti-depressants + alcohol , is a sure way to confuse your system Al. you're gonna short-circuit your brain :D    I've been through the depression & drinking thing about 12 years ago and my therapist refused to prescribe anti-depressants if I continued to drink. The  combination can screw a persons head up so if you're on a emotional roller coaster, that's possibly one reason why. as for taking a break away for whatever reasons you gave, it seemed to me that you were a lot more connected and interactive with people here upon your last return. it's not easy and I guess if you do wear your heart on your sleeve, then that's just how you are, as for someone like me, I tend to not reveal to many people how I feel. that's just how we are. for whatever it's worth, I appreciate your presence here at the board.

Alan,

I, too, know nothing of the thread you are referring to, so no worries there.  I do hope your move goes smoothly and everything else smooths out very soon.

I'm also w/ Erin when I say that the Karma given on the boards is more in the spirit of showing other members/friends "love" for providing comfort, laughs, advice, or maybe "just because I think you're cool".  I don't think there are any (and forgive me if I sound like I'm speaking for everyone--that is not my intent) here who think the karma given in here has anything to do with what happens offline.  It is usually just meant as a boost to someone.  As far as people not giving it to others, it took me a VERY long time to learn how to do it (I know, it seems so simple now).  Thanks to Mama K, Cat, Quirk and everyone else who walked me through it.

I'm also in agreement w/ Red Ant about mixing alcohol & anti-depressants.  I have no personal experience, but it doesn't sound like a good combination.  I hope you are ok.  And hey, I haven't been on a whole year and have embarrassed myself a few times already.   :)

Hope ya feel better soon.

I can't really add anything different then what everybody else has already said.

Just want to know I appreciate your wacky sense of humor.

Moving is so unbelievably stressfull.  I was supposed to move next month, but we never heard back from the place we were going to move to, and our apartment complex offered us reduced rent, so we just signed on again for another lease term.  It's for the better anyways since my hubby is having various health problems and I don't want him toting all over possessions here and there (and there are ALOT of possessions), only aggravating said health conditions.

Take a break if you need to, just realize you have people that care about you from all over the world and enjoy your unusual way of posting and sense of humor. 

Life should be more fun....

Patty

Hope You feel Better Alan. :)

Hi Jack (Red Ant). I am /have been entirely aware for ages about the link you provided. Earlier, I awarded karma to the people I suspected as having been most likely to have awarded me. Hopefully, I chose correctly .. if I missed you (whoever you are ... apologies ... this is only a 24 hour record).

Hey y'all ... thanks for your comments/ support here to me too!  :) 8)

I've read everything above .. it all makes sense ... but I'm a chronic drinker from way back. That's not likely to change much ... (for the better) although I know I should cut down. Alcohol is a depressant though ... so not too smart to mix them ... 'Forrest' has got nothing on me!  :D ;D

I certainly 'tied one on' last night. Hope I wasn't TOO loud. Was going through some of my mp3's. 'Hunting high and low' by 'A-ha' ... and 'That Certain Smile' by Midge Ure ... they certainly got a work out (played several times) as I sang my lungs out in accompaniment.  A double edged sword in one sense ... as I know these songs through the 'bitch from hell' that I dated for nearly a year .... so I can't help but think about her at some level when I play these ... but they are such beautiful/ fantastic songs .. I love them to death!

I should have completed the move from this current abode some time  this afternoon ... which will assist further in 'exorcising' the 'bitch' from my psyche ... as she stayed over a number of times / there are quite a number of 'bitter-sweet' memories associated with 'here'.

What's that? How long ago was she in my life? It ended February 3, 2002 ... the 'day the music died' (1959 ... Buddy Holly etc; plane crash). Well, I associate it ... as at a personal level, my happiness plumetted. Of course, I should be well over it by now ... but another double edged sword ... I am very good at trivia ... and that's because I have an excellent long term memory .... so I remember a lot, and dwell on a lot!

There's been no one in my life since. Rather pathetic, given that I'm still fairly good looking, reasonably intelligent, reasonably friendly, decent, I'd better not go on  :( :\'( ... I should be ashamed of myself!

Anyhow ... the move today ... I can get /be a lot more organised in the new place ... and it's very clean ... so... hopefully, I will start to turn the corner!

Bye for now!  :)

I hope everything is better for you, Alan. I'm sorry about what you're going through right now.