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Subject: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 9:12 am

I thought it might be fun to put together an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan musical, made up of a string of Gilbert & Sullivan parodies (new ones) linked together with some tenuous shaky narrative, which I'll come up with after the submissions.

The title will be "The Pirates Who Penstanzas" and anybody can contribute any Gilbert and Sullivan parody from any G & S musical, but the topic must be about something AmIright-related, whether it be another author, or a well-known AmIright incident (all good-natured of course)

Anyone can contribute - no limit to number of contributions per author




RULES

In keeping with G & S musicals, which DO repeat melodies throughout the opera, a maximum of three parodies of each song will go into the final musical, so if three have already been done of the one you want to do (or nominate) you'll have to look for another G & S tune.

If you want to shore up one G & S tune for your own use (to prevent putting all the work in and being beaten by another submission) do so on this thread, then you'll have a week to write and submit it.

If you haven't posted it within a week (exactly) of nominating it, then that song is up for grabs again.

Remember the theme of your parody MUST be AmIright-related (hence the title of the musical)

I've already started off with this "Modern-Major General" one that I posted today...

So When Will Kristof Robertson Do One By Kris Kristofferson

for a good resource for lyrics and midis go to here - then click on the opera, then its "web opera"




PLOT SO FAR (saturday) :

This is the plot so far.....

curtain opens to Scathe's depiction of Amiright as a Happy Kingdom, where the Pirates Who Penstanzas joyously pen their parodies, to all the ha- ha-ha-ha-has of Scathe's song.

But alas! there are dark clouds looming, as King Chucky is heavy of heart from continually having to battle the LEWD submitters, led by evil villain Penny Shortsock, who are jealously intent on breaking into Amiright and destroying the Pirates' happy smut-free existence. 

Stuey Poo, a lowly courtier, sees the sorry state King ChuckyG is in. It disturbs him and he decides to help.  He ponders his quest with the fellows in the village square, who all agree that AmIrght, whose spirit is encapsulated by the Top Ten Submittors, needs rescuing, but Stuey Poo knows he isn't powerful enough to do it on his own.  Someone suggests the good and decent Major-General Johnny D, and describes his qualities to Stuey Poo. 

Major-General Johnny D listens to Stuey Poo's proposal and agrees to help. They are determined to lift these pressures from King Chucky and restore his previously sunny disposition, so they decide to round up allies to fight the LEWD submitters.

As they reflect on the daunting task at hand, the Lewd Submitters are conceiving their most powerfull multi-pronged assault on Amiright yet - and they gleefully prepare with evil relish   

Major-General JD and Stuey-Poo consider approaching the warrior Kristo Kristo, but Stuey Poo has reservations about KK's loyalty because Kristo Kristo once offended King Chucky's old ally, The Lord High CountryWesterner, Kris Pish-Tush Kristofferson.

Despite Stuey Poo's reservations (which hint at trouble down the track) they approach Kristo Kristo, who is enjoying himself dallying with his three little maids... - one of whom begs him not to go

to come:  another ally to be approached, who promises to help (or not to help)

the battle

the twist

the victory



and that's the current state of play

Further parodies will need to sit nicely WITH-IN the plot so far - to flesh it out - eg. from within the bowels of the Lewd Submitters' Lair - now done - by Johnny D

ALSO - we need characters - from AmIright - so anybody, please volunteer your name or a G&S mock-up of your name (ala Stuey Poo) and you'll get written into the opera even if you haven't submitted a song for it, or at least as part of the Dramatis Personae





PLOT DEVELOPMENT PARODIES NEEDED

1 - parodies from POV of warriors (you) being approached by General JD and Stuey Poo, and their reflections on amiright and/or
     willingness (or not) to fight for the cause

2 - nerves on the eve of battle (altho a cyberbattle - not a physical one)

3 - possibly a declaration-of-love-by-one-of-the-three-little-maids-for-her-hero-on-the-eve-of-battle for a love interest sub-thread (not looking at anyone, ARWEN!)


battle parody is taken





OS's and MIDIS  -  I moved this from further down the thread up to here

Here are some of the more famous G and S tunes - lyrics and MIDIs - (or that I knew, anyway)
- all the other lesser know ones are at the same site

(each song can be used a maximum of three times - purple ones have already been claimed (number of times is shown)

To claim a song, claim it on this thread - the claim is good for a week



   HMS Pinnafore

I'm Called Little Buttercup (1: Stu McArthur)

I'm Called Little Buttercup (2: Stu McArthur)

The Captain Of The Pinnafore (1: John A. Barry)

When I was A Lad (1: Johnny D)



   The Mikado

They'll None Of 'Em Be Missed (1: Agrimorfee)

A Wandering Minstrel (1: Phil Alexander)

The Lord High Executioner

Willow Tit-Willow (1: Dee Range)

The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring (1: Scathe)

Three Little Maids From School Are We (1: Kristof Robertson)

The Criminal Cried As He Dropped Him Down (1: Matthias)



   Pirates Of Penzance

When A Felon's Not Engaged In His Employment (1: Jeff Reuben)

Poor Wandering One

Modern Major-General (1: Stu McArthur)

Sighing Softly To The River (1: Johnny D)

A Rollicking Band Of Pirates We (1: Johnny D)

Oh Men Of Dark And Dismal faith (1: Stray Pooch)

Now what is this and what is that..(Battle Song) (1: Johnny D)



   The Sorcerer
My Name Is John Wellington Wells (1: Stray Pooch)



   Iolanthe
The Nightmare Song (1: Johnny D)



   Gondoliers
In Enterprise Of Martial Kind (the Duke Of Plaza Toro) (1: Phil Alexander)



   The Yeoman Of The Guard
I Have A Song To Sing, O (1: Rick Duncan)






Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: The Mistress Leola on 07/12/05 at 9:14 am

Link not work.  >:(

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/12/05 at 9:20 am

Hey, check out this G & S parody site:

http://www.luxumbradei.com/parody/

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 9:23 am


Link not work.  >:(


You're too quick for me.  I'm waiting for today's postings which I need to actually get the link

(I was hoping I'd timed it right and noone would notice :-[)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 9:28 am


Hey, check out this G & S parody site:

http://www.luxumbradei.com/parody/



as we Australians say, "Crikey!" - that's unbelievable

well, there's obviously no shortage of ideas - none of which obviously are liftable due to their (probable) AmIright-free content

thanks for the great source, Johnny :)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/12/05 at 10:03 am

I claim " Sighing Softly To The River " as the song I shall parody!    ;)

" Sighing Softly To The River " is from The Pirates of Penzance.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Kristof Robertson on 07/12/05 at 10:07 am

Great idea, Mr McArthur! I'm claiming "Three Little Maids" from The Mikado.....got no idea what I'll do with it yet, but I'm sure something will come to me. ;)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: EthanM on 07/12/05 at 10:26 am

modern major general is the only one i know  :\'(

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 10:41 am



modern major general is the only one i know  :\'(



I'm a bit the same, Ethan, although I ended up knowing a lot more Mikado songs than I thought I did

If you go to the bottom line of my first post, there's a link that will lead you to MIDIs of all the songs from all the operas


Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Mistress Leola on 07/12/05 at 11:03 am


modern major general is the only one i know  :\'(


Moi aussi. 

Oh well -- a good excuse to finally become familiar with the rest of the PoP music.  (After all, everybody talkin' 'bout it.)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/12/05 at 12:08 pm

Okay, I just submitted "Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" for the next posting.

Here's a sneak preview!   ;D


"Sighing Softly To The River" Based on the perfomance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".



Tormented with the stuff I've read
In parodies I'm shown

On my mouse-pad I bang my head
My stomach turns and groans

At how the pornographic gist
Of songs turned into noise

Can make one want to try to fist
Or buy oneself some "toys" !!



Or buy oneself some "toys" ? Ha-ha !!



Appalled, I swill,
Gin, ale, and pills,
To set my mind at ease

So ill, I'm green,
From lusty scenes,
I'm spying full of sleaze

Spying stuff from lewd submitters!
See their parodies,
Set the censors all a-quiver,
Hustling stupid sleaze!



Stupid sleaze!



When I look, and take their measure,
Censorship is just ---
While their Doppler-radar pleasure
Raves tornadic lust!



Yes it's sleazy and it's rough!
Wave away that sleazy stuff!

Censor, censor, send it hence sir!
Cast away its foul offense sir!

Heaven speed thee, Chucky G,
May thy readers happy be!



Yet, the sleaze is but a symptom,
Of our world today

Hunter Thompson, Georgie Plimpton,
had a lot to say



'lot to say!



Ah! The stupid lewdly brewing,
Of the rogues who write,
All the sleaze I'm now un-doing,
Morning, noon, and night!



Shocking tales a rogue could write,
Writing morning, noon, and night!

AmiRight, thy battle rages,
For thy smutless spotless pages;
Tough a job is Chucky G's,
Censoring the fickle sleaze!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/12/05 at 1:23 pm

Free MIDI sound files for the songs of "The Pirates of Penzance":

http://www.klos.org.uk/pirates/pirates_midi.htm

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Mistress Leola on 07/12/05 at 1:29 pm



Okay, I just submitted "Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" for the next posting.



:o  Good Lord, you're fast!  Excellent stuff!   ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Mistress Leola on 07/12/05 at 2:18 pm



So When Will Kristof Robertson Do One By Kris Kristofferson




Holy schi---

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 5:11 pm


Okay, I just submitted "Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" for the next posting.

Here's a sneak preview!   ;D


"Sighing Softly To The River" Based on the perfomance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".



Tormented with the stuff I've read
In parodies I'm shown



wow!  that's positively perfect!

great work JD - we need one more commitment for this HMS Penstanzas to float

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/12/05 at 5:19 pm


wow!  that's positively perfect!

great work JD - we need one more commitment for this HMS Penstanzas to float




Thanks, Stuart!

If no one else steps up to the plate, I can probably slap together another one.  ;)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Scathe on 07/12/05 at 6:49 pm

If you're patient I can write a spoof of "The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring".  ;D ;D ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 7:30 pm



Both those would be great, Leo and Scathe - thanks

Of course, Johnny's right - he and Kristof and I could come up with 6 or so which would be enough, but it would be good to get more of an AmIright representation.

I want Poopie to be in it (hopefully as a villain), although Poop songs would not make the cut as healthy box office (imaginary) takings would pragmatically be factored into the story write - and I'm sure Poopie, a lady of refinement, would be happy with that :-*

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/12/05 at 8:36 pm



"The Crap I Dread..."



LOL!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Rick D on 07/12/05 at 11:58 pm

Johnny, did you try to submit to that site you posted? I tried and it bounced. Naturally, the parodies there are meager compared to the mighty Amiright.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/13/05 at 12:44 am


Johnny, did you try to submit to that site you posted? I tried and it bounced. Naturally, the parodies there are meager compared to the mighty Amiright.


I haven't tried submitting to that site, Rick.  I wonder how they collect their material ?

Stuart --- I submitted a corrected version of "Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters".  The first version, which I posted earlier here on this thread, was missing two chorus refrains, and was also missing some helpful pacing punctuation-notation that I added to the second version.

To my fellow AmiRight Savoyards --- please read, comment, and vote only on that second, corrected version when it posts.  I sent a PM to Chucky G asking him to post only the second, corrected version --- if he accidentally posts both, I will ask him to remove the first version.

Here is what the second, corrected version will look like when it posts:

"Sighing Softly To The River" Based on the perfomance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"Spying Stuff From Lewd Submitters" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".



Tormented with the stuff I've read
In parodies I'm shown

On my mouse-pad I bang my head
My stomach turns and groans

At how the pornographic gist
Of songs turned into noise

Can make one want to try to fist
Or buy oneself some "toys" !!



Or buy oneself some "toys" ? Ha-ha !!



Appalled, I swill,
Gin, ale, and pills,
To set my mind at ease

So ill, I'm green,
From lusty scenes,
I'm spying full of sleaze

Spying stuff from lewd submitters!
See their parodies,
Set the censors all a-quiver,
Hustling stupid sleaze!



Stupid sleaze!



When I look, and take their measure,
Censorship is just ---
While their Doppler-radar pleasure
Raves tornadic lust!



Yes it's sleazy and it's rough!
Wave away that sleazy stuff!

Censor, censor, send it hence sir!
Cast away its foul offense sir!

Heaven speed thee, Chucky G,
May thy readers happy be!

Heaven speed thee, Chucky G,
May thy read--ers haaaaap---py be!



Yet, the sleaze is but a symptom,
Of our world today

Hunter Thompson, Georgie Plimpton,
had a lot to say



'lot to say!



Ah! The stu--u--pid lewdly brew--ew--ing,
Of the rogues who--ooo write,
All the sleaze I'm now un--do--oooing,
Morning, noon, and night!



Shocking tales a rogue could write,
Writing morning, noon, and night!

Am-i-Right, thy bat-tle rages,
For thy smut-less spot-less pages!

Tough a job is Chucky G's,
Censoring the fickle sleaze!

Tough a job is Chucky G's,
Censoring --- the --- fiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ckle sleaze!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Scathe on 07/13/05 at 12:52 am

;D ;D ;D
I just submitted the spoof I promised.  I'll post it here on the next site update.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/13/05 at 1:47 am

Thanks to Johnny, the first broad brushstroke of the plot has emerged - the villains are the lewd submitters - the earnest do-gooders so far are Johnny and myself - and I'm a little peeved at Lord High Kristo-Kristo and his 3 little maids for snubbing The Lord High Exec-Country/Westerner, Kris (Pish-Tush) Kristofferson

anybody else want to cast themselves?
(name a character - either using your own name or a Gil/Sullesque one) 

better still write a G and S parody and I will twist the plot to accommodate it, and your character

looking forward to seeing where yours takes us Scathe ;)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: agrimorfee on 07/13/05 at 7:31 am

I would like to stake a claim on the Lord High Executioner's Song (aka "I have a little list") from The Mikado. In spite of my earlier claim of not being able to do parody "by commission", I hit upon an inspiration this morning. It will probably be about the Top 10 parody submittors.

I will let you folks know if it's a flop idea, but be patient. I can't spit these out lke Johnny did ( :o)!

EDIT: This is working out splendidly! Will post on the site probably by Friday!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/13/05 at 9:34 am



.... I can't spit these out lke Johnny did ( :o)!



Sure you can, Agri --- just start chewin' the same chewin' tobacco I chew --- "  Old Goofball " !    ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/13/05 at 10:10 am



I'll have to try to take 'With Cat-Like Tread' in another direction...



Here are some suggestions for free ...

Wit That I've Read

Wet-Nap Strikes Ned

With Fat-Like Spread

B i t c h-Slap My Head

Skip That Blight-Thread

Whip Fat White Bread

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Scathe on 07/13/05 at 1:17 pm

Ta-Da!   :)
http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/gilbertandsullivan56.shtml

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: K1chyd on 07/13/05 at 2:07 pm

I’m tempted to join in, but my current vacation is coming to an end in just a few days and I’m already in the process of finishing up previously started parody projects.

However, at the very beginning of this vacation I did order some CDs, including the full PoP by G&S. Unfortunately that turned out to be one of the 2/10 the company couldn’t deliver from stock in Sweden and I have not yet received it since apparently they haven’t either.

Though should it arrive in the next couple of days I will of course give it an immediate listening, and if any suitable idea should arrive alongside that listening... well, you get the point.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stray Pooch on 07/13/05 at 5:19 pm

I'd like to try "My Name is John Wellington Wells" because I am still slightly sane and that should put me over the edge.  I have no idea what I am gonna come up with yet, but it's just such a fun G&S song.  Wish me luck.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/13/05 at 5:34 pm



I'd like to try "My Name is John Wellington Wells" because I am still slightly sane and that should put me over the edge.  I have no idea what I am gonna come up with yet, but it's just such a fun G&S song.  Wish me luck.



Good luck, my friend!    ;D

I can't resist offering a couple of goofy title suggestions ...

" A Famous Song Man's What I Am "

" A Flame Can Burn Well All Your Smell "

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/13/05 at 9:04 pm

okay, thanks to 2 submissions today from Johnny D and Scathe, this is the plot so far.....

curtain opens to Scathe's depiction of Amiright as a Happy Kingdom, where the Pirates Who Penstanzas joyously pen their parodies, to all the ha- ha-ha-ha-has of Scathe's song.

But alas! there are dark clouds looming, as King Chucky is heavy of heart from continually having to battle the LEWD submitters, led by evil villain...............(possibly P. L-S.) who are jealously intent on breaking into Amiright and destroying the Pirates' happy existence.  Major-General Johhny D, and his loyal minion Stuey Poo, are determined to lift these pressures from King Chucky and restore his previously sunny disposition, so they decide to round up an army to fight the LEWD submitters.

The first person they think of approaching is the warrior Kristo Kristo, but Stuey Poo has reservations about KK's loyalty because Kristo Kristo once offended King Chucky's ally, The Lord High CountryWesterner, Kris Pish-Tush Kristofferson.

But, despite Stuey Poo's reservations (which hint at trouble down the track) they approach Kristo Kristo, who is enjoying himself dallying with his three little maids...

and that's the current state of play

Further parodies will determine where we go, so please jump aboard this happy HMS anybody - or can anyone write a parody that sits nicely WITH-IN the plot so far - to flesh it out - eg. from within the bowels of the Lewd Submitters' Lair

ALSO - we need characters - from AmIright - so anybody, please volunteer your name or a G&S mock-up of your name (ala Stuey Poo) and you'll get written into the opera even if you haven't submitted a song for it, or at least as part of the Dramatis Personae

:D





Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/13/05 at 9:10 pm

oh, also, for ALL characters, songs and MIDIs from every Gilbert and Sullivan play

go to   All G & S lyrics  / MIDIs

hint:
from the home page, mouse-over the play you want, then click on "WEB OPERA" for all the songs/lyrics/MIDIs



Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/13/05 at 11:05 pm

Submitted for the next posting:

"A Rollicking Band of Pirates We" Based on the perfomance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"A Rollicking Band of Perverts We" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".



A rollicking band of perverts we,
Who, tired of watching "Pay T.V.",
Are trying their hand at some parodies
Of pornographic stories!



Hush - hush!
They've logged-on
King Chuck-y's Am-i-Right!

With mouse-ly clicks the per-verts are now in sight!



We are now writing our you-know-what!
Let General Johnny now rebut,
If he is able, our filthy smut,
'bout General Johnny's whoring!



If he is able their --



FILTHY SMUT!

If he is able our --



FILTHY SMUT!



If he is able their/our filthy smut,
'bout General Johnny's whoring!



They post porn-o, with filthy pride!
Our Zone (A)'larm Pro will now --- us hide!



Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stray Pooch on 07/13/05 at 11:28 pm


Good luck, my friend!    ;D

I can't resist offering a couple of goofy title suggestions ...

" A Famous Song Man's What I Am "

" A Flame Can Burn Well All Your Smell "




Thank you for the suggestions, Johnny, but I must decline.  That's because instead of your suggestions I have taken YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL - BUWAHAHAHAHAH!  Oh, no wait, just your AmIRight career.  This is a tribute to the Great Johnny D - I submitted it just after midnight.  Enjoy - or cringe.  You can run . . . :D  Apparently, there is a filter on this board that changes b-itch to "witch".  I used the "B" word in the parody. 

His Name Is John "Johnny D" Smalls

Oh, his name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
He'll seldom use curses
in clever-filled verses
(Well, now and then "bitches" or "balls.")
If you want a proud show to get "fixed"
(Or you just want a song about hicks)
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!

He's a first-rate perverter of ditties
And for raising a "posthumon's" shade*
With effects that are silly or witty
There's no better pen in the trade.

Smut-filters, he knows the ways of 'em
With such knowledge he never gets burned
He tells all the prudes they can shove 'em (We love 'im!)
And brings us uncensored returns!

For he can parody, villain or charity
Homeland security, falsified purity
Heroic histories, musical mysteries
Halloween Rhapsodies, or colonoscopies,
or colonoscopies.

With matches so magical, porno-puns tragical
Pacing spectacular, humor Star Trek-ular
Tracts gastronomical, flatulence comical
And, if you want it, he
Takes a production and spoofs it in quantity
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,

If any one's looking for kicks.
You'll find some spectacular tricks!
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!

He can raise you throngs of dongs
(And that without erectors)
And geeky herds of nerds
And crabby, cackling spectres
He can tell the truth - or spoof
The monsters we've all feared, and
He can bramage dains with pains
Or sing you a song of Cir-dan.

Then, he can speculate, on choosing flounder bait
He can make fun of hate, tell how to masturbate,
Sing of chicks who inflate, or techniques to fellate,
Or if he feels sedate
He begs his lover to brand him and flagellate.

But in totality his rationality
Has the morality of all mortality
Showing his malady, spoofing all validly,
Such are his talents, he
Isn't the man to be mired in a fallacy
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,

His name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
Nobody here curses
His pleasured-filled verses
(Though prob'ly he gets kinky calls.)
If any one's looking for kicks.
You'll find some spectacular tricks!
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stray Pooch on 07/13/05 at 11:40 pm



And for raising a "posthumon's" shade*

You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"**
Class of 1776!



* Johnny coined this word in "Cacklin' Ghostie" as a synonym for "Ghost" which makes my use redundant - but whaddaya gonna do?

** Johnny played Dr. Lyman Hall in the Concord Players' (IIRC) production of "1776"

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/14/05 at 12:03 am

Here are some of the more famous G and S tunes - lyrics and MIDIs - (or that I knew, anyway)
- all the other lesser know ones are at the same site

(each song can be used a maximum of three times - purple ones have already been claimed (number of times is shown)

To claim a song, claim it on this thread - the claim is good for a week



   HMS Pinnafore

I'm Called Little Buttercup (1)

The Captain Of The Pinnafore

When I was A Lad



   The Mikado

A Wandering Minstrel

The Lord High Executioner (1)

Willow Tit-Willow

The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring (1)

Three Little Maids From School Are We (1)



   Pirates Of Penzance

When A felon's Not Engaged In His Employment

Poor Wandering One

Modern Major-General (1)

Sighing Softly To The River (1)

A Rollicking Band Of Pirates We (1)


   The Sorcerer

The Sorcerer's Song (1)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Scathe on 07/14/05 at 2:41 am


Submitted for the next posting:

"A Rollicking Band of Pirates We" Based on the perfomance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"A Rollicking Band of Perverts We" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".



A rollicking band of perverts we,
Who, tired of watching "Pay T.V.",
Are trying their hand at some parodies
Of pornographic stories!



Hush - hush!
They've logged-on
King Chuck-y's Am-i-Right!

With mouse-ly clicks the per-verts are now in sight!



We are now writing our you-know-what!
Let General Johnny now rebut,
If he is able, our filthy smut,
'bout General Johnny's whoring!



If he is able their --



FILTHY SMUT!

If he is able our --



FILTHY SMUT!



If he is able their/our filthy smut,
'bout General Johnny's whoring!



They post porn-o, with filthy pride!
Our Zone (A)'larm Pro will now --- us hide!



Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!



LMAO :D :D :D :D :D :D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/14/05 at 7:34 am


Thank you for the suggestions, Johnny, but I must decline.  That's because instead of your suggestions I have taken YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL - BUWAHAHAHAHAH!  Oh, no wait, just your AmIRight career.  This is a tribute to the Great Johnny D - I submitted it just after midnight.  Enjoy - or cringe.  You can run . . . :D   Apparently, there is a filter on this board that changes b-itch to "witch".  I used the "B" word in the parody. 

His Name Is John "Johnny D" Smalls

Oh, his name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
He'll seldom use curses
in clever-filled verses
(Well, now and then "witches" or "balls.")
If you want a proud show to get "fixed"
(Or you just want a song about hicks)
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!

He's a first-rate perverter of ditties
And for raising a "posthumon's" shade*
With effects that are silly or witty
There's no better pen in the trade.

Smut-filters, he knows the ways of 'em
With such knowledge he never gets burned
He tells all the prudes they can shove 'em (We love 'im!)
And brings us uncensored returns!

For he can parody, villain or charity
Homeland security, falsified purity
Heroic histories, musical mysteries
Halloween Rhapsodies, or colonoscopies,
or colonoscopies.

With matches so magical, porno-puns tragical
Pacing spectacular, humor Star Trek-ular
Tracts gastronomical, flatulence comical
And, if you want it, he
Takes a production and spoofs it in quantity
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,

If any one's looking for kicks.
You'll find some spectacular tricks!
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!

He can raise you throngs of dongs
(And that without erectors)
And geeky herds of nerds
And crabby, cackling spectres
He can tell the truth - or spoof
The monsters we've all feared, and
He can bramage dains with pains
Or sing you a song of Cir-dan.

Then, he can speculate, on choosing flounder bait
He can make fun of hate, tell how to masturbate,
Sing of chicks who inflate, or techniques to fellate,
Or if he feels sedate
He begs his lover to brand him and flagellate.

But in totality his rationality
Has the morality of all mortality
Showing his malady, spoofing all validly,
Such are his talents, he
Isn't the man to be mired in a fallacy
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,

His name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
Nobody here curses
His pleasured-filled verses
(Though prob'ly he gets kinky calls.)
If any one's looking for kicks.
You'll find some spectacular tricks!
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!




555!!!  ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/14/05 at 9:06 am

I claim "The Nightmare Song" from "Iolanthe" !  ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Mistress Leola on 07/14/05 at 10:05 am



His Name Is John "Johnny D" Smalls

Oh, his name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
He'll seldom use curses
in clever-filled verses
(Well, now and then "witches" or "balls.")
If you want a proud show to get "fixed"
(Or you just want a song about hicks)
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!




Outstanding! 

Alas, G&S has failed to inspire any good ideas from me, so I will decline participation.  But you guys are certainly on a roll -- looking forward to seeing the final work when it's complete.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: agrimorfee on 07/14/05 at 10:07 am

Here's mine! I'm quite proud of it.

http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/gilbertsullivan16.shtml

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/14/05 at 10:11 am

from Stray Pooch

Thank you for the suggestions, Johnny, but I must decline.  That's because instead of your suggestions I have taken YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL - BUWAHAHAHAHAH!  Oh, no wait, just your AmIRight career.  This is a tribute to the Great Johnny D - I submitted it just after midnight.  Enjoy - or cringe.  You can run . . .    Apparently, there is a filter on this board that changes b-itch to "witch".  I used the "B" word in the parody. 

His Name Is John "Johnny D" Smalls




Fantastic stuff, Stray Pooch, as I commented over on Latest Comments - I wasn't sure what (or if it was a) G&S song when you first posted it here, but it's masterfully done - and about a master!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/14/05 at 11:01 am



Fantastic stuff, Stray Pooch, as I commented over on Latest Comments - I wasn't sure what (or if it was a) G&S song when you first posted it here, but it's masterfully done - and about a master!




You're doing wonderful work here, Stuart --- keep it up!

One proofreader's note --- I believe it's "Band", not "Group", in the title, "A Rollicking Band of Pirates We".

Thanks!
JD

( P.S. -- I claimed "The Nightmare Song" from "Iolanthe" )

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stray Pooch on 07/14/05 at 12:27 pm


I claim "The Nightmare Song" from "Iolanthe" !   ;D


Is that the one that goes "When you're lying awake with a dismal headache and repose is taboo'd by anxiety . . .?"  (And that's all I remember.)  If it is, have a blast!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/14/05 at 4:45 pm



Is that the one that goes "When you're lying awake with a dismal headache and repose is taboo'd by anxiety . . .?"  (And that's all I remember.)  If it is, have a blast!



You are correct, Stray Pooch --- that is indeed the song!

Submitted it for the next posting:


"The Nightmare Song" Based on the perfomance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"King Chucky's Nightmare Song" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".

When you run a web-site, you may try as you might
To maintain a facade of your piety

But you'll see some may use, randy language they choose
To indulge in, with loud impropriety

Porno raining like fire---the perverts conspire---
In numerous numbers to plunder you

First your motherboard goes, and surrenders to those,
Who would steal it impurely from under you

Then your firewall's rubble---your network's in trouble---
So terribly smart is their cracking

And you're now at a loss, and you fumble and floss
Ev'ry mem'ry address that they're hacking

Then the perverts all creep to the sound of a beep
And you see 'em all coming in faster

Next your keyboard resigns and politely declines
To take part in impending disaster

Well, you go get a Coke but it's warm and you choke
On that sugary ca-ra-mel brewage

While the lumbering teams with the horrible schemes
Start to bury your server in sewage

It's no dream, you are losing the battle they're choosing
You're shouting and screaming in diction

Which is something between impolite and obscene
And a very appalling affliction

And you're facing defeat from the vice-hammer-beat
Of that party of vengeful invaders

They're a ravenous horde--and your poor motherboard's
Alone there and now facing Darth Vader

You find an attorney asleep on a gurney
In your local hospital's lobby

And he says that your case is no ambulance-chase
And computers aren't his kind of hobby

Well, you're driving like mad and you're feeling real bad
As you hurry back home to your PC

Where they're playing lewd games, and they call you bad names
When you tell them they're slimy and sleazy

And this they can't stand, so they throw up a hand,
And you're staring at rude middle digital

And you're hurt and you're shocked and you're certain they've rocked
You so badly you're tempted to ditch it all

And now on your tube is a virtual boob
Which has somehow or other invaded it

And it's swelling so large it's as large as a barge
Every pixel you see has inflated it

It's a scheme of their vices, to get at low prices
Computer time free for the taking

They tickle your cable, their goal to enable,
Their filthy and foul mischief-making

You get a good filter to throw them off-kilter
(first you must re-boot with "Salute-Three")

And you beg for relief, but the Finger-of-Grief,
Flips a birdie and says " I'll compute free! "

On your screen, grosser sleaze -- nude wet apes in green trees,
Crawling flowers on apples and man-berries

While the randy hackers eat their SPAM and crackers,
Snickers, Slim Jims, and Maraschino cherries

You stare and you mourn so, as gut-wrenching porno
Is raping your CPU wildly

You bawl and you howl and to call this stuff foul
Is without a doubt putting it mildly ----

Your computer's a wreck,
And it's sicker than heck,
And a blundering whore,
Gives a thundering roar
From its screen, and within,
There's an unholy grin,
That was left by a creep,
For years deftly did sleep,
Then it woke up and rose,
And applied all its woes,
And some stuff that it flung,
Turned your hard drive to dung,
And a virus attacked,
Without warning or tact,
And you find yourself venting to Rover ----

But the hackers, at last --

Have now run out of gas --

And their blight was quite long --

-- ditto ditto my song --

-- and thank goodness they're both of them over!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/14/05 at 5:09 pm


unbelievably brilliant stuff, JD - and perfect for convincing Stuey Poo exactly how dire the consequences of inaction would be - beautiful rhythm and beautifully rhymed and internal-rhymed

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/14/05 at 6:35 pm

Super, JD :D  ;D

I've had ideas for three verses so far.. unfortunately, they're from three different G&S songs: The Duke of Plaza-Toro, The Mikado's Song and There Lived a King... if I can only reserve one, I guess it'd have to be "The Mikado's Song".

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/14/05 at 7:22 pm


Super, JD :D  ;D

I've had ideas for three verses so far.. unfortunately, they're from three different G&S songs: The Duke of Plaza-Toro, The Mikado's Song and There Lived a King... if I can only reserve one, I guess it'd have to be "The Mikado's Song".




Phil, you can only reserve one at a time - but once it's done, you can reserve the next one - although as each song can be used up to 3 times (see rule change at start) being shut out from a choice shouldn't be a likely concern

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/14/05 at 7:32 pm


also, the initial posting on this thread has been updated to include plot development, midi files, and the list of songs that are taken/takeable, and there are also plot development ideas that need parodies (from anybody)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/15/05 at 12:43 am

I challenge each contributor to "The Pirates Who Penstanzas" to post a picture of themselves in the role they are playing!

I shall be foolhardy and go first ...

" Major General Johnny D reporting for duty! "  ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Scathe on 07/15/05 at 1:57 am


I challenge each contributor to "The Pirates Who Penstanzas" to post a picture of themselves in the role they are playing!

I shall be foolhardy and go first ...

" Major General Johnny D reporting for duty! "   ;D


Looking sharp.  ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/15/05 at 2:53 am


" Major General Johnny D reporting for duty! " ;D

So that's a General Johnny in D Major, is it?

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/15/05 at 2:55 am


2 - from the POV of character King ChuckyG, bemoaning, early in the opera, his losing single-handed crusade against The Lewd Submittors

I'll take that, to "The Duke of Plaza-Toro"...

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/15/05 at 6:02 am

Here we go...

"Full of Smut and Porno" to "The Duke of Plaza-Toro"

On a website that's called amiright
The songs people were writing
Were full of naughtiness that might
Be thought (by some) exciting
Though Chucky G's a patient man
His patience was soon gorn-o
They're full of thought
And so well-wrought
But rather naught-
Y Parodies
They're full of smut and porno
Those songs are downright rude, ha ha!
They ought to be eschewed, ha ha!
They're full of thought
And so well-wrought
But rather naught-
Y Parodies
They're full of smut and porno

When, to prevent entendres, nought
Of which very really "double"
He instituted rules he thought
Would save him all this trouble
But when he checked his inbox
There to greet him in the morn-o
Were Enervating
Irritating
Master baiting
Melodies
So full of smut and porno
Such very silly fools, he thought
Can't follow my new rules, he thought
Such Enervating
Irritating
Master baiting
Melodies
So full of smut and porno

When told that they would be chucked out
Unless they went up-market
Some authors the rude bits sucked out
The rest just thought "Oh, fark it"
They sent their smut submissions in
Now Chucky G's forlorn-o
He's gonna fight
For amiright
The only site
For parodies
But full of smut and porno
Now Chucky'd like to say, that he
Is gonna get his way, is he
He's gonna fight
For amiright
The bestest site
For parodies
So no more smut and porno!


(edit to spell "entendres" right... damn! I've just submitted it)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/15/05 at 7:15 am


Here we go...

"Full of Smut and Porno" to "The Duke of Plaza-Toro"

On a website that's called amiright....



Good on you, Phil - you nailed it perfectly :D

I actually wanted one from the POV of King ChuckyG, but I'll just adjust the plot to make it from the POV of a courtier observing ChuckyG trying to fight the good fight against insufferable odds - might even work better, I'm thinking




Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: K1chyd on 07/15/05 at 11:52 am

Don’t really know how to introduce this so I’ll just say that it’s a (still underdone) idea from my sketch book that might (with a little more work/help) fit in as a TALKING part between songs in this big parody project. (I’ve done some changes myself already, for this posting, but I’m not up to speed on the whole project so...)

It’s based on that famous scene in the movie ”A few good men” where Jack Nicholson delivers an early draft for the current American administrations policy and yet gets defeated by mental suicide bomber scientologist Tom Cruise.

As for this parody and in this context I’m imagining Jack’s lines to be said by the good side who are fighting against lewd parodies. Names are of course to be altered as needed to fit the project, and as I said in the beginning, this is under-cooked, so don’t hesitate to improve on it. If improved and then agreed upon here maybe it could be posted as a Room Full Of Monkeys submission?


Col. Nofun Whazzup (Nathan Jessep): You want pranksters?

Lt. Ditty Coffee (Danny Kaffee): We want lewd spoofs!

Whazzup: You can't handle lewd spoofs! Son, we live in a world that has balls, and those balls have to be guarded by men with puns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, (Insert name here)? I have a greater (don’t insert profanity here) than you can possibly fathom. You *beep* for (Insert name here) and curse the privates. You have mouth laxative. You have the laxative of not knowing what I know: that (Insert name here) breath, vile garlic, probably saved lives. And that my pencil, while sophisticated and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't need lewd spoofs — because deep down, in places you don’t strut around in panties, you know I’ve bigger balls. You need my bigger balls. You use words like hooker an’ (I_am_a_loser_who_has_no_respect_for_women), literally. We use synonyms as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the desperation to explain ourselfs to men who rises and *beeps* under the blanket of the very freedom that we defend, and then questions the manner in which we abide it! We'd rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, we'd suggest you pick up a pencil and take a shot. Either way, we don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

As I said, it's still under-cooked though, an early draft, really.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stray Pooch on 07/15/05 at 7:19 pm

This is a little something for the lewd submitters to sing.  It is from the PoP.  It's the "hymn" to poetry (Hail Poetry!)

Although Our Sordid Spoof (Por-no-graphy!)


Although our sordid spoof sometimes involves a lot of swearing.
Let Chucky raise the roof, we're altogether void of caring.
Although it gives him strife, we're never sorry to begin it.
For what, we ask, is life without a touch of porno in it?

POR-NO-GRAPHY!
Thou well-worn maid!
Foul, ill-penned scenes of harlots laid!
Hail, lowly songs of lewd intent!
All hail, our tales of naughty merriment!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/15/05 at 8:23 pm

I claim "When I Was A Lad" from "H.M.S. Pinafore".

I'm working on a parody in which the "Lewd Submitters" sing of their dastardly plan to slay King Chucky with their pornographic postings!

The parody will be titled, "We're Evil And Bad".

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/15/05 at 9:42 pm


Don’t really know how to introduce this so I’ll just say that it’s a (still underdone) idea from my sketch book that might (with a little more work/help) fit in as a TALKING part between songs in this big parody project. (I’ve done some changes myself already, for this posting, but I’m not up to speed on the whole project so...)

It’s based on that famous scene in the movie ”A few good men” where Jack Nicholson delivers an early draft for the current American administrations policy and yet gets defeated by mental suicide bomber scientologist Tom Cruise.

As for this parody and in this context I’m imagining Jack’s lines to be said by the good side who are fighting against lewd parodies. Names are of course to be altered as needed to fit the project, and as I said in the beginning, this is under-cooked, so don’t hesitate to improve on it. If improved and then agreed upon here maybe it could be posted as a Room Full Of Monkeys submission?


Col. Nofun Whazzup (Nathan Jessep): You want pranksters?

Lt. Ditty Coffee (Danny Kaffee): We want lewd spoofs!

Whazzup: You can't handle lewd spoofs! Son, we live in a world that has balls, and those balls have to be guarded by men with puns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, (Insert name here)? I have a greater (don’t insert profanity here) than you can possibly fathom. You *beep* for (Insert name here) and curse the privates. You have mouth laxative. You have the laxative of not knowing what I know: that (Insert name here) breath, vile garlic, probably saved lives. And that my pencil, while sophisticated and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't need lewd spoofs — because deep down, in places you don’t strut around in panties, you know I’ve bigger balls. You need my bigger balls. You use words like hooker an’ (I_am_a_loser_who_has_no_respect_for_women), literally. We use synonyms as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the desperation to explain ourselfs to men who rises and *beeps* under the blanket of the very freedom that we defend, and then questions the manner in which we abide it! We'd rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, we'd suggest you pick up a pencil and take a shot. Either way, we don't give a darn what you think you are entitled to!

As I said, it's still under-cooked though, an early draft, really.





I've learnt more about G and S in the last week, Peter, than in the whole of my life prior, and one of the things I've picked up is that even the dialogue between the songs in the operas broadly rhymes

- so I'll definitely put it in (especially the "You can't Handle The Truth" idea) but I might have to turn it into a shortish-lines rhyming exchange to give it that G&S feel.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/15/05 at 9:48 pm


btw, naturally I reserve the right to try to make a cohesive G and S opera out of all the contributions, and it's looking good so far.  I promise that if I do have to alter any submissions, I won't be altering (or adding to or deleting from) the content, and the only changes would be plot-functional, such as altering the tense or whether the voice is first-person, third-person, etc.

The only other housekeeping would be having to omit a submission if I have too many focussed on the one point in the plot (eg. if I get any more about how Amiright is under siege from the Lewd Submitters, I'd have to drop one of them)

It would be funny to make it as Gilbert and Sullivanesque as I can in between all the songs, and I'm looking forward to doing that bit - I think I'll probably make this Friday the last day for submissions

if you want to get your name on the authorship list, check the first post on this thread - go down to the section listing which plot developments need parodies, and below that is a list of OS's and MIDIs to choose from

or, if you just want your name in the Dramatis Personae, think of a G&S name for yourself and post it here.

:D :D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/15/05 at 10:51 pm

Submitted for the next posting:

"When I Was A Lad" Based on the performance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"We're Evil And Bad" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas".



We're evil and bad and worse than worms
And love to spread our pornographic germs!
We'll sleaze your Windows with our randy roars
And we'll punish you with porno made of pigs and whores!



We'll punish you with porno made of pigs and whores!



We'll punish you with porno so brazenly
You'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!



We'll punish you with porno so brazenly
You'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!



We scoff at light and play in the dark
And depraved we all post all our lewd remarks
Perverted wits with a smiling leer --
-- and we often scrawl it better after kegs of beer!



We often scrawl it better after kegs of beer!



We often scrawl it better when drunk, you see,
So bow to us Submitters of Pornography!



We often scrawl it better when drunk, you see,
So bow to us Submitters of Pornography!



Perverted wits have gained us some fame
And our art of cruel work we'll soon proclaim
A whoring dollar, and some randy tunes,
Are your crass initiation to our crew of goons!



Are your crass initiation to our crew of goons!



That crass initiation made us what we be,
And now we are Submitters of Pornography!



That crass initiation made us what we be,
And now we are Submitters of Pornography!



In carnal knowledge I'm superlatively skilled
So they took me in their Submitters-Guild
And when their Submitters-Guild you join
Well, you on-ly think from then on with your groin!



Well, you on-ly think from then on with your groin!



But that way of thinking suited me,
And now I'm a Submitter of Pornography!



And that way of thinking suited he,
And now he's a Submitter of Pornography!



I grew so lewd that I was sent
To attack King Chucky and his Parliament
I'm always jotting down a randy scrawl
And a clever thought I'm thinking is the best of all



A clever thought he's thinking is the best of all



I thought of battle with the King Chuck-y
He'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!



He thought of battle with the King Chuck-y
Who'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!



Now lewd-men all, here's cleverness indeed --
Set your font real high, and let your free-thought breed
Let our goal be to fetter with a chain that's lewd
King Chucky, who's a liar and a golden prude!



King Chucky is a liar and a golden prude!



Click grossly your mouse, send clever porno please,
And you may slay the pruder ruler King Chuck-y!



Click grossly our mice, send clever porno please,
And we may slay the pruder ruler King Chuck-y!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/16/05 at 12:54 am


LMAO!! That is just brilliant, JD - that could BE a G and S song

- and those Lewd Submitters just WOULD have their own Guild, wouldn't they? - pretentious bastards  ;D




btw the first post has been updated today








Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: AdamEcc on 07/16/05 at 2:08 pm

Not being good with parody by commission (and only knowing the Major General's song), I'll not put in a parody, but feel free to use my name (Or suitable G&S approximation) if you still need characters  :)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/16/05 at 2:21 pm



Not being good with parody by commission (and only knowing the Major General's song), I'll not put in a parody, but feel free to use my name (Or suitable G&S approximation) if you still need characters  :)



and with that, you're in - I'll try to make you a good guy, Adam, but alas no promises ;)


Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/16/05 at 4:56 pm


4 - the battle, (which needs to incorporate a means by which AmIright beats the Lewd Submitters at their own evil game)

What's  the trio song called, where Nanki-poo, Ko-ko and Poo-bah are arguing?  ISTM that that one would make an excellent (if somewhat difficult to write) battle song...

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Matthias on 07/16/05 at 5:33 pm

     So... if a song is claimed once already, it can't be used again by another person or what? ::)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stray Pooch on 07/16/05 at 8:02 pm


What's  the trio song called, where Nanki-poo, Ko-ko and Poo-bah are arguing?  ISTM that that one would make an excellent (if somewhat difficult to write) battle song...


I am not sure of the name, but I suspect you are talking of "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark, dock, etc."  That would be fun. I just don't know if my addled brain could handle another patter song.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/16/05 at 9:54 pm



     So... if a song is claimed once already, it can't be used again by another person or what? ::)



Matthias: maximum of three parodies per OS - the first post on this thread has all the rules

I'm closing submissions soon, and there hasn't even been 2 of an OS yet, so all are up for grabs - but they'll need to be plot-based (see first post for tips on that too) :)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/16/05 at 9:55 pm



What's  the trio song called, where Nanki-poo, Ko-ko and Poo-bah are arguing?  ISTM that that one would make an excellent (if somewhat difficult to write) battle song...



Phil: battle scene is half done, but I'll have a look at it



Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/17/05 at 1:33 am



I've learnt more about G and S in the last week, Peter, than in the whole of my life prior, and one of the things I've picked up is that even the dialogue between the songs in the operas broadly rhymes

- so I'll definitely put it in (especially the "You can't Handle The Truth" idea) but I might have to turn it into a shortish-lines rhyming exchange to give it that G&S feel.




Peter (K1) - closer inspection of a full G&S opera reveals there is plenty of non-rhyming dialogue between songs, so I'll definitiley include your idea "You can't handle Lewd Spoofs!" as there is a perfect spot for it.  Thanks!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/17/05 at 4:51 am


I am not sure of the name, but I suspect you are talking of "To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark, dock, etc." That would be fun. I just don't know if my addled brain could handle another patter song.

That's the one: I can't remember the OS, as I was in a Mikado parody a while back and the parody version of that one's stuck in the brain.. it finishes off:

You'd need to be a gloomy ghoul to gladly gloat
At the offer of an outing in a big black boat
As the guest of guys who want to find how far you'd float
Having comfortably encased you in a concrete coat
Gladly gloat - big black boat - far you'd float - concrete coat
It must me masochism
To think what you life is missin'
Is an offer to go fishin'
In the very latest fashion
In a con..
Crete
Coat

...truly sublime :)
(though the Poo-Bah part of the trio is equally good:
I've heard it said
That when you're dead
From a shot in the head
You feel no pain
Because the brain
That does all the feeling's
All over the ceiling
This seems to me
A fallacy
I could be wrong
It won't be long
Before you know for sure
)
Scary in a way: this was nearly twenty years ago, and I can still remember the words...

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/17/05 at 3:53 pm

Stu - is there room from a plot point of view for a "Wandring Minstrel, I" parody along the lines of:

A lewd submitter, I
Poster of risqué ditties
Of huge, augmented titties
etc...


Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/17/05 at 9:44 pm


Stu - is there room from a plot point of view for a "Wandring Minstrel, I" parody along the lines of:

A lewd submitter, I
Poster of risqué ditties
Of huge, augmented titties
etc...





Phil:  If you write it I'll put it in, as with all the others, although I have 3 from the Lewd Submitters POV now, and it would throw it a bit out of balance.  I do want that OS used though, as it's one of the ones that everybody knows

I still need an independent heroic ally who agrees to help us (a la Achilles in The Illiad) - and "The wandering minstrel" would be perfect for him

but if you've got it half-written, and all your lewd gags all ready, don't waste them - I'll put it in during the battle scene somewhere - straightening out this opera into a coherent narrative is already like trying to cram a dozen live snakes up an exhaust pipe - so the final result will be interesting just for that exercise alone :-\\

(hint hint) I'd love to have one of the three little maids imploring her boyfriend not to fall victim to the Lewd Submitters on the eve of battle (pity "Billy Don't Be A Hero" isn't a G&S song :()



     

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/18/05 at 10:38 am

Submitted for the next posting:

"The Battle of The Pirates of Penzance" Based on the performance by Gilbert and Sullivan
"The Battle of The Pirates Who Penstanzas" Parody by Johnny D

This is a contribution to Stuart McArthur's project, "The Pirates Who Penstanzas". Stuart might edit this parody and change some of the character-names to fit the final version of the overall story-line.





Now what is this, and what is that, and why does General Johnny sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?

Sir Johnny is, and always was, the most laconical a man!
It's his invariable rule to sing as little as he can!

What strange occurrence can it be that calls Sir Johnny now to sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?

About Chuck-y our stalward King,
At such a time of night?





Forward, perverts, and seize that General there!





The perverts! The perverts! Oh, despair!



Yes, we're the perverts, so despair!



Rodderdick, here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!
Summon your men and effect their capture!



Rodderdick, save us!



Dutiful Pirate,
My gun's made of wood -- alas, cannot fire it !



He's telling the truth, he cannot fire it !



With base conceit,
You jerked us 'round, we're reeling!

Revenge is sweet,
A pornographic feeling!

With New-Age flair,
And music played by Yanni,

For death prepare,
Unhappy General Johnny!



Is he to die, unshaven, unshampooed?



Oh, spare him!



Is no one here in save-a-Johnny mood?



Oh, spare him!





Yes, we are here, with take-out Chinese food!



Oh, rapture!



FIGHT
LEWD
VOCABULARY!
FIGHT LIKE PRUDES!





We/You triumph now, 'tis time to bow,
Your/Our on-line ca-reer's cut short;
No pervert-band will take its stand
At the Cen-tral Pro-ces-sing Court!



To gain a brief advantage you've contrived,
But your proud triumph will not be long-lived!



Don't say you are newbies, for we know that game!



On your obsession we've a stronger claim –-
We charge you yield, we charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!



You do?



We do!
We charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!





We yield at once, with humbled mien,
Because, with all our faults, we love Drag Queens!



Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!



Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!





Away with them, to the Drag Queen Bar!



One moment! Let me tell you who they are!
They are no members of the common throng;
They are all horny men who have gone wrong!



They are all horny men who have gone wrong!



No stanza-penning Pirate unmoved that statement hears,
Because, with all our faults, we love both straights and queers!
I pray you, pardon me, ex-Lewd-Submitter-King!
Leers will be leers, and you still have your thing.
Resume your pranks and pornographic duties,
And take my Dachshunds, all of whom ate Roofies!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: agrimorfee on 07/18/05 at 12:17 pm

Wowsers!  :o :D ;D ;D ;DJohnny D. You frighten me with your imagination. Gotta rent that movie again!

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: philbo on 07/18/05 at 2:25 pm


I still need an independent heroic ally who agrees to help us (a la Achilles in The Illiad) - and "The wandering minstrel" would be perfect for him

When you say "help us", do you mean help the LS, or the non-smutty crew?

Should it be:
A parodista, I
No writer from the sewer
I write what's clean and pure
And never a titty in sight
I want my favourite site
To stop being so mucky
That's why I'm helping Chucky
To clean up amiright
To clean up a-a-a-miright


but if you've got it half-written, and all your lewd gags all ready, don't waste them - I'll put it in during the battle scene somewhere - straightening out this opera into a coherent narrative is already like trying to cram a dozen live snakes up an exhaust pipe - so the final result will be interesting just for that exercise alone :-\\

One or two ideas, but nothing so exciting it has to go in


(hint hint) I'd love to have one of the three little maids imploring her boyfriend not to fall victim to the Lewd Submitters on the eve of battle (pity "Billy Don't Be A Hero" isn't a G&S song :()

To "The sun whose rays", maybe?  Or as a duet to that one that Katisha and Ko-Ko sing together (which name escapes me)... now that's a really fun one to parody :)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Johnny_D on 07/18/05 at 2:52 pm


Wowsers!  :o :D ;D ;D ;DJohnny D. You frighten me with your imagination. Gotta rent that movie again!


Thanks, Agrimorfee!  ;D

To all of my fellow Pirates Who Penstanzas --- that's it --- I'm done --- please, all of you -- carry on, to GLORIOUS VICTORY !!!  ;D

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Matthias on 07/18/05 at 6:41 pm

The Porno Freak Cried As Chuck Kicked Him Out
            From The Gilbert and Sullivan Operetta, Mikiado's
                    The Criminal Cried As He Dropped Him Down

The Porno Freak cried as Chuck kicked him out
Said he had got other pissed
With a swiftful slap upon his frown
Chuck shook his cyber fist
He reached him by countless E-Mails
And added Spam did king
As he cussed and swore
And bought some more Porno
He's banned for eternity, For Eternity

And we shall never
Forget that night
Or the song that parodied he
Though I miss songs dirty
But will never write thee
For banneded I shall be

He never meant well
He'll burn in Hell
Til a new name he prevails
He'll always try
To parodize
Sex but only fails

He flipped off Chuck as he resigned
With a last flip of the bird
When all of a sudden he used his mind
And he seem to come unnerved
For he shook his head and took his stand
And he wrote of fair ladies
As the same were too
Clothes see though
To serve his lower vertebrae, Low vertebrae

Though he was afraid
The song he made
Twas cheering that night was he
And oh he's glad
To read comments at
His brand new parody

With much distaste
Made the king pale
He's messing with Chucky
He must of cracked
To return from sacked
A duel's all this means

Now though you may have read what's dead is dead
(For dead was the parody)
Chuck sent a paycheck for knights in red
For white knights were too pricey
It was none but the finest Amiright squads
And pimp ass as could be
For they clearly knew
This guy is though
Cause a man of this degree, of dis degree
Will be gone I vow
For they shall plough
Twill be deathly sight to see
This quest they're sent
Shown no respect
All songs must prove discreet

This horny youth
Chuck went to sleuth

And found his porno craze
Twill spray the mace
Upon his face
His eyes are both ablaze

His eyes, his eyes, his eyes, his eyes are both ablaze!!!

Vote For Me At: http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/gilbertandsullivan63.shtml

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/18/05 at 9:27 pm


When you say "help us", do you mean help the LS, or the non-smutty crew?

Should it be:
A parodista, I
No writer from the sewer
I write what's clean and pure
And never a titty in sight
I want my favourite site
To stop being so mucky
That's why I'm helping Chucky
To clean up amiright
To clean up a-a-a-miright



definitely that one! - for the non-smutty crew - that's a fantastic start :) - I really want to go over the top on the wry melodrama aspect - one side's dark and evil - the AmIright side is as pure as the driven snow  (btw what IS driven snow?)



To "The sun whose rays", maybe?  Or as a duet to that one that Katisha and Ko-Ko sing together (which name escapes me)... now that's a really fun one to parody :)



I'll have to check it out, because I might do that one myself if it's that good, but if you have ideas for it, PM me, and you do it

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/18/05 at 9:35 pm

SUBMISSIONS CLOSED

I now have 14 completed parodies, and a few still coming in, so please no more submissions - I'm hereby closing it early, otherwise I won't be able to fit everyone's parody in, and I want to get them all in.

The full list of submitted parodies (with MIDIs) is on the updated first post of this thread, so let me know if I've overlooked one, or forgotten to add it to the list - note I haven't added links to everyone's actual parodies, to try to preserve some element of surprise, but they're easily findable on the AmIright New Entries pages.

Those of you still halfway through a submission, keep going and PM the finished result to me by Wednesday.

Thanks everyone!

Now to try to put order to the madness - those of you tipping that there may be some very contrived plot developments, you will NOT be disappointed ::)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Kristof Robertson on 07/19/05 at 3:47 am


SUBMISSIONS CLOSED

I now have 14 completed parodies, and a few still coming in, so please no more submissions - I'm hereby closing it early, otherwise I won't be able to fit everyone's parody in, and I want to get them all in.

The full list of submitted parodies (with MIDIs) is on the updated first post of this thread, so let me know if I've overlooked one, or forgotten to add it to the list - note I haven't added links to everyone's actual parodies, to try to preserve some element of surprise, but they're easily findable on the AmIright New Entries pages.

Those of you still halfway through a submission, keep going and PM the finished result to me by Wednesday.

Thanks everyone!

Now to try to put order to the madness - those of you tipping that there may be some very contrived plot developments, you will NOT be disappointed ::)




Darn it!!
I've actually got one finished for the OS that I nominated (Three Little Maids...) but I was away for 4 days on business so couldn't get near a PC to post. Let me know if there's room to include it, Stu...otherwise I'll post it as an independent parody.

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/19/05 at 7:11 am


Darn it!!
I've actually got one finished for the OS that I nominated (Three Little Maids...) but I was away for 4 days on business so couldn't get near a PC to post. Let me know if there's room to include it, Stu...otherwise I'll post it as an independent parody.


Yours is one of the 14, Kristof - they're listed on the first post on this thread - so in your case, read past "Submissions Closed" to "Those of you halfway through..." which applies to you and 3 others.

It's also the only "3 Little Maids" parody I'll have so I definitely need it as it's a G&S high-recognition-factor OS.

And post it as an independent parody anyway, which everyone else has done - because I might have to make minor "continuity" changes to it for the opera version, as explained above

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: jreuben on 07/20/05 at 8:05 am


Yours is one of the 14, Kristof - they're listed on the first post on this thread - so in your case, read past "Submissions Closed" to "Those of you halfway through..." which applies to you and 3 others.

It's also the only "3 Little Maids" parody I'll have so I definitely need it as it's a G&S high-recognition-factor OS.

And post it as an independent parody anyway, which everyone else has done - because I might have to make minor "continuity" changes to it for the opera version, as explained above




Stu, I'll have mine to you today (might not make Chucky's update, but I'll definitely send it directly to you...I'm about 3/4 done.)

Subject: Re: The Pirates Who Penstanzas - an AmIright Gilbert and Sullivan production

Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/21/05 at 2:52 am


Every submission is in, and I can't take any more (figuratively too) as the plot is bursting at the seams trying to accommodate the nineteen songs already.

All included submissions are listed on the first post of this thread.  (John Barry submitted a lot of Gilbert and Sullivan songs for his own amusement, and they weren't about AmIRight, so I couldn't use any of them, although I tried to bend the plot for one possibility, but I'm sure he didn't write them for the opera anyway.)

I have written half of the opera and I'll work on it over the weekend and hopefully post the full opera on Tuesday, on this message board.


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