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Subject: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/23/05 at 11:48 am
Welcome to The AmIright production of “The Pirates Who Penstanzasâ€Â
The whole opera is contained in the next 4 posts on this thread.
For optimum Gilbert and Sullivanism -
 1. when you reach each song, click on its OS link, then click on the MIDI
  2. count down the intro-time to when the song (usually an oboe/trumpet-sound)
    begins (I’ve listed intro-time next to each OS name)
Huge thanks to all the contributors (listed below)
I’ll also try to post the whole opera as a parody on AmIRight, under “A Roomful Of Monkeys†- if there are no objections from prior Monkeys (and if King Chucky-G will accept it)
I chose the players’ roles according to 1: who had contributed or volunteered their name, then 2: whether the context allowed it, so please don’t be offended if you’re not mentioned – it was a seat-of-my-pants write
- Stu McArthur  ÂÂ
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/23/05 at 12:00 pm
AmIRight.com
Presents an Opera
THE  PIRATES  WHO
PENSTANZAS
Song Lyrics by the following AmIRight Parodists (in order)...
Scathe - 1
Agrimorfee - 1
Rick Duncan - 1
Johnny D - 5
Phil Alexander - 2
John A. Barry - 1
Matthias - 1
Stuart McArthur - 3
Kristof Robertson - 1
Stray Pooch - 2
Jeff Reuben - 1
Dee Range - 1
Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan
Concept, Dialogue, and hokey seamless continuity by Stuart McArthur
Dramatis Personae
Stuey Poo...............................................................a lowly palace courtier of the AmIRight Royal Palace
Major-General Johnny D...........................................brave AmIRight TTP and respected military strategist
Dee Range.....................................................................a lowly palace courtier and friend of Stuey Poo
Willie Tit-swallow Spit-swallow............................................................evil leader of the Lewd Submitters
Scathe..............................................................................................................................a minstrel
Phil Alexander...............................................................................................Mayor of AmIRight Village
Agrimorfee.................................................................................................................a noble Villager
Top Ten Parodists (TTPs)..........................................exclusive club of respected prolific AmIRight citizens
Rick D..............................................................................................................Chairman of the TTPs
Mari...........................................................................................................Rick D’s wife and co-writer
King ChuckyG..........................................................................................beloved King of the Kingdom
John A. Barry................................................................................adviser and 2i/c to Willie Tit-Swallow
Matthias.....................................................................................................................a noble Villager
Overlord Kristof........................................................................a wealthy AmIRight ex-Parodist Laureate
Leo Jay.........................................................................................................a man of many identities
Jeff Reuben................................................................................................................a noble Villager
K1chyd.......................................................................................................................a noble Villager
Arwen.............................................................................................beautiful Princess and blonde cutie
NJ. Michael.....................................................................................................a noble left-wing Villager
Stray Pooch...........................................................................................................a wise war veteran
Adam E........................................................................................................................a noble villager
The Lewd Submitters.........................................................................................................themselves
The Pirates Who Penstanzas................................................................................................themselves
plus Adagio, Spaff, Claude, Merry and Pippin, Luke, Emi, Charlie....
 ÂÂ
Act 1
SONG 1
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 5-second intro):
  "The Flowers That Bloom In The Spring"
Parody by Scathe
   "The Jokesters That Roam AmIRight"
          VILLAGERS
The jokesters that roam AmIRight,
Ha ha,
Bring promise of laughter that rhymes.
As we are laughing until we cry,
Ha ha,
We enjoy their spoofs ev'ry night,
Ha ha,
Of quirky celebrity times,
Of some blundering sublime.
This is what we see when we visit this site,
The whimsical jokesters that roam AmIRight.
Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha ha,
The jokesters that roam AmIRight.
Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
         SCATHE (and backing parodists)
We're jokesters that roam AmIRight,
Ha ha,
There's nothing that we cannot spoof.
We all change the songs just right,
Ha ha,
The humor is heavy or light,
Ha ha,
There's no song is too sacred to spoof,
We want all your laughs to raise roofs;
And that's why we all rearrange when we right,
'Cause we are the jokesters that roam AmIRight.
Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha ha,
'Cause we are the jokesters that roam AmIRight
Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dialogue 1
          DEE RANGE
‘tis another glorious day in AmIRight, Stuey Poo
    ÂÂ
          STUEY POO
You speak the truth my fellow lowly courtier. What say we see who’s enjoying the day…
          DEE RANGE
Splendid. Although I’ve enjoyed citizenship of AmIRight for longer than you, you are quite the historian and can enlighten me as to the goings-on in the kingdom
    ÂÂ
ÂÂ
          STUEY POO
       (approaching Mayor Phil)
Then first I’d like you to meet the Mayor of AmIRight, Sir Phil. Sir Phil, meet my companion Dee Range
          MAYOR PHIL
Pleased to make your acquaintance, Dee.  I trust you will find AmIRight a convivial place. It’s in the chemistry, you see. When the carbon/hydrogen balance synchronises with the nitrogen levels, and the dihydrogen monoxide count is low…
           STUEY POO
lost me, Phil…
          MAYOR PHIL
Well it’s a bit like comparing the UNIX OS of the early eighties with WINDOWS XP…
          STUEY POO
nuh...Dee?
          DEE RANGE
       (shakes head)
nuh
          MAYOR PHIL
(sigh) then let me just introduce you to our citizens. Over there, chair on a backwash, drinking humble in svelte risque, is Adagio. And over there, regaling his fans with fabulous tales of faraway places, like DementoLand and Willtopowerville, is Guru Spaff. And on yonder hill is Claude, curator of the AmIRight Museum, which houses the prestigious “Works Of SOTM" and historically-important curios like “The Bong Song†...and see those two? down that alley?
          DEE RANGE
Down that alley? Alas, there's nought there but shadows!
          MAYOR PHIL
Yes, that’s Merry and Pippin – ‘though I’m not sure which is which…..and see that big crowd of people over there, all writing "Constipated" parodies to Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" - they're the newbies...
          STUEY POO
and there, enjoying the adulation of the village, are the Top Ten Parodists, esteemed Village elders.
          DEE RANGE
The Top Ten Parodists? Tell me more, Stuey Poo…
          AGRIMORFEE
Excuse me, kind sir, but did you just enquire as to the Top Ten Parodists?
          DEE RANGE
I did indeed, although I meant no offense
          AGRIMORFEE
Nay, truly, they are the lifeblood of the kingdom. The TTP reign at the head of the AmIRight Author Index and are no less than the yardstick by which all of us are judged.
SONG 2
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after an 8-second intro):
  â€ÂThey’ll None Of ‘Em Be Missed"
    ÂÂ
Parody by Agrimorfee:
  "The Top 10 Parodists"
          AGRIMORFEE
On the Author Index as you may casually surf around
You'll find yourself a list of major parodists
The AmIRight songwriters, so prolific and profound
So now let's describe the gist--The Top 10 Parodists
There's the British Malcolm Higgins who writes it all for laughs
'Bout people who have flabby glands and other social gaffes
William Tong who hates the Red States and politics like that
'Specially for he who wrung his hands and led invasion of Iraq
And good Rick Duncan who's fun humor you cannot resist
(His wife Mari he kissed)--He's third guy on the list
They're prolific parodists, they're prolific parodists
So they made the Top 10 List, they made the Top 10 List
Now John Barry, so creative, puts a smile upon your face
He's written many hits--he's fourth here on this list
And the one named Mike Pacholek, he's from Joisey--in your face!
But he's not an egotist--he's cinco on the list
That guy, DeRito, praise him, he wrote 7 songs for "One"
Wrote "Techies Nerds and Geeks", and "Barbara Bush's Son"
And Tokusu Sentai Blessranger, a crazy kind of guy,
Who rarely matches song pace; I don't think he cares to try
Then the one named Johnny D - the cunning linguist!
That wacky satirist--he's eighth upon the list
They're prolific parodists, they're prolific parodists
So they made the Top 10 List, they made the Top 10 List
And Phil Alexander here now often writes of U.K. life
And of grammar and physics--number 9 on this here list
And Alvin Rhodes, comic man, South Park Al second life
No way he can be dissed, he's tenth guy on this list
All apologies--if you write less, you aren't quality deprived:
See Bob Pags-- Martha--Red Ant--and Agri-(never mind)
Mike Squirrel, and Spaff.com--and yes, Adagio...
The task of writing up this song is daunting, don't you know
Before I neglect to name folks who'll end up being ticked
Thank Chuck for all of this, thank Chuck for all of this
They're prolific parodists! they're prolific parodists!
So they made the Top 10 List, they made the Top 10 List!
Dialogue 2
          DEE RANGE
Then who is that couple so busily absorbed, as the other TTPs sun themselves?
          MAYOR PHIL
That, Dee, is TTP chairman Rick Duncan and his good wife Mari. Even as we watch, they busy themselves with their writing, for theirs is the fuel that stokes AmIRight’s joy, and the chairman of the TTP has broad responsibilities. Come, let’s listen.
SONG 3
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 5-second intro):ÂÂ
  “I Have a Song To Sing, O"
Parody By Rick Duncan:
  "I Have a Song To Spoof, Oh"
           RICK
I have a song to spoof, oh
           MARI
Spoof that old song so…
           RICK
I can mock this old tune and it's nigh near noon
Who wrote this old crappy song, oh?
It's the song of a better band, bend a bit
I'll make "em mad, by wrecking it
I'll twist the text and I'll hype that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
Par'dy, par'dy slappin' my knee, hack away me
I'll twist the text and I'll harm that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
          MARI:
I have a song to spoof, oh
          RICK:
Spoof that old song so…
         ÂÂ
          MARI:
It is stung with the sting of a wit in the wing
Who laughs with a laugh so strong, oh
It's the song of the poorly paid, lousy luck
Who takes a tune and then makes some muck
Of the song of a greater group, bend a bit
I'll make "em mad, by wrecking it
I'll twist the text and I'll hype that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
Par'dy, par'dy slappin' my knee, hack away me
I'll twist the text and I'll harm that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
           RICK:
I have a song to spoof, oh
           MARI:
Spoof that old song so…
           RICK:
It's about life in Hell, or a rancid smell
Or about some boobs or dong, oh
It's a song of celebrity, pain or porn
A slam on society that's torn
And the song of the poorly paid, lousy luck
Who takes a tune and then makes some muck
Of the song of a greater group, bend a bit
I'll make "em mad, by wrecking it
I'll twist the text and I'll hype that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
Par'dy, par'dy slappin' my knee, hack away me
I'll twist the text and I'll harm that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
          MARI:
I have a song to spoof, oh
           RICK:
Spoof that old song so…
           MARI:
It is writ with a wink and a really strong drink
And it scans like a pretty poem, oh
It's a song of celebrity, straight and gays
Or maybe a president's foolish ways
From the network nothingness poorly done
To trumped up movies that thrill no one
There's a fumbled fart that can win a prize
Or a song about fleas or a gal's cross eyes
It's the song of a better band, bend a bit
I'll make "em mad, by wrecking it
I'll twist the text and I'll hype that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
          BOTH:
Par'dy, par'dy slappin' my knee, hack away me
I'll twist the text and I'll harm that hit
And then send to the site of the par'dy
His spoof was o'er but we'll still write more
And submit to the site of the par'dy
Dialogue 3
           DEE RANGE
Chairman Rick takes his duties seriously, I see
           MAYOR PHIL
Yes, in the interests of preserving our kingdom for future generations. See young Luke, frolicking through the tulips with pretty Emiloca? They are our future, Dee. The TTP are building a world where youngsters like Luke and Emi and Charlie and the Hilary-h8er can prosper
          HILARY-H8ER
FCKN BTCH! GO SUK ORANJ FUZZY HAIRY BABOON-BALLS
          DEE RANGE
And may good fortune smile upon them, Mayor Phil.
          AGRIMORFEE
Now I bid you farewell, Dee and Stuey Poo
          STUEY POO
I must also away, Dee, to attend my duties serving our good and benevolent ruler, King ChuckyG. Until the morrow. Ta-ra!
          DEE RANGE
Ta-ra!
SONG 4
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 23-second intro):
   â€ÂSighing Softly To The Riverâ€Â
Parody by Johnny D:
  "Spying Stuff From Lewd Submittersâ€Â
          KING CHUCKY-G
Tormented with the stuff I've read
In parodies I'm shown
On my mouse-pad I bang my head
My stomach turns and groans
At how the pornographic gist
Of songs turned into noise
Can make one want to try to fist
Or buy oneself some "toys" !!
           ATTENDANTS
Or buy oneself some "toys" ? Ha-ha !!
          KING CHUCKY-G
Appalled, I swill,
Gin, ale, and pills,
To set my mind at ease
So ill, I'm green,
From lusty scenes,
I'm spying full of sleaze
Spying stuff from lewd submitters!
See their parodies,
Set the censors all a-quiver,
Hustling stupid sleaze!
           ATTENDANTS
Stupid sleaze!
          KING CHUCKY-G
When I look, and take their measure,
Censorship is just ---
While their Doppler-radar pleasure
Raves tornadic lust!
           ATTENDANTS
Yes it's sleazy and it's rough!
Wave away that sleazy stuff!
Censor, censor, send it hence sir!
Cast away its foul offense sir!
Heaven speed thee, Chucky G,
May thy readers happy be!
Heaven speed thee, Chucky G,
May thy read--ers haaaaap---py be!
          KING CHUCKY-G
Yet, the sleaze is but a symptom,
Of our world today
Hunter Thompson, Georgie Plimpton,
had a lot to say
           ATTENDANTS
'lot to say!
          KING CHUCKY-G
Ah! The stu--u--pid lewdly brew--ew--ing,
Of the rogues who--ooo write,
All the sleaze I'm now un--do--oooing,
Morning, noon, and night!
           ATTENDANTS
Shocking tales a rogue could write,
Writing morning, noon, and night!
AmIRight, thy bat-tle rages,
For thy smut-less spot-less pages!
Tough a job is Chucky G's,
Censoring the fickle sleaze!
Tough a job is Chucky G's,
Censoring --- the --- fiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ckle sleaze!
      ( cont..... )
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/23/05 at 12:09 pm
( cont.... )
Dialogue 4
          STUEY POO
Dee! Dee! I have some terrible news!
          DEE RANGE
What could it be my friend?
          STUEY POO
As you know, I just left for the castle. Alas, as I entered I overheard King Chucky-G discussing his daily parody surveillance duties, and I fear for AmIRight, Dee. I do!
          DEE RANGE
Whatever can you mean, Stuey Poo?
          STUEY POO
King ChuckyG is of heavy heart, and I have never heard such weariness in his voice.
         ÂÂ
          DEE RANGE
Pray tell, Stuey Poo.
          STUEY POO
As you know, King ChuckyG reads all submissions prior to posting, lest our delicate sensitivities are bruised by an untoward sentiment that a parodist, in a weak moment, may conceive.
          DEE RANGE
Yes. Occasionally a tainted work must be erased to protect the global innocence – and King ChuckyG is a man of fine judgement.
          STUEY POO
Alas, Dee, it is far far worse than you can possibly imagine.
SONG 5
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 4-second intro):
   â€ÂThe Duke of Plaza-Toro"
parody by Phil Alexander
  "Full of Smut and Porno"
         STUEY POO
On a website that's called AmIRight
These songs people were writing
Were full of naughtiness that might
Be thought (by some) exciting
Though Chucky G's a patient man
His patience might be gorn-o
They're full of thought
And so well-wrought
But rather naught-
Y Parodies
They're full of smut and porno
Those songs are downright rude, oh oh!
They ought to be eschewed, oh oh!
They're full of thought
And so well-wrought
But rather naught-
Y Parodies
They're full of smut and porno
When, to prevent ententres, nought
Of which very really "double"
He instituted rules he thought
Would save him all this trouble
But when he checked his inbox
There to greet him in the morn-o
Were Enervating
Irritating
Master baiting
Melodies
So full of smut and porno
Such very silly fools, he thought
Can't follow my new rules, he thought
Such Enervating
Irritating
Master baiting
Melodies
So full of smut and porno
When told that they would be chucked out
Unless they went up-market
Some authors the rude bits sucked out
The rest just thought "Oh, fark it"
They sent their smut submissions in
Now Chucky G's forlorn-o
We’re hafta fight
For AmIRight
The only site
For parodies
But full of smut and porno
Now Chucky'd like to say, that he
Is gonna get his way, is he
We hafta fight
For AmIRight
The bestest site
For parodies
For no more smut and porno!
Dialogue 5
          DEE RANGE
Then we must help ChuckyG. We must call a village meeting and conceive a plan that will rid AmIRight of this pestilence – this vermin – these disgusting, puerile, inconsiderate, infantile…ÂÂ
          STUEY POO
You had me at pestilence, Dee, so ease up. And in the early morn we shall!
ÂÂ
          JOHN A. BARRY
I must remark upon your great achievements, Willie. You have plumbed levels of lewdness previously considered unplumbable.
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Thankyou J.A.B. I have been watching a lot of Big Brother.
          JOHN A. BARRY
And, svengali-like, your charisma has attracted a veritable army of lewd-submitting henchmen, willing to obey your every command. Prithee, what is the secret to your clever and lewd lasciviousness? ÂÂ
SONG 6
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 38-second intro):
   â€ÂThe Captain Of The Pinnaforeâ€Â
Parody by John A. Barry
  "My Gags Crammed With Crapulous Metaphors"
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
My gags, crammed with crapulous metaphors. . .
Getting tight and getting stewed.
Bibing cherry schnapps good,
My antiheroes should
Take big bites of abundant food.
          JOHN A. BARRY
Get sated on too much beer,
Perhaps eat up a whole deer
That drips unsvelte gravy.
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Dig into a quartered quail,
Wash it down with quarts of ale--
Too much bevy and then get sickly.
          JOHN A. BARRY
"Much bevy?"
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
A bevy.
          JOHN A. BARRY
"What bevy?"
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Harp-brewed bevy.
          JOHN A. BARRY
Bevy from Guinness' brewery
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
So I'll drink three beers and twelve beers more
To get ideas for crapulous metaphors.
          JOHN A. BARRY
You'll drink three beers and twelve beers more
To help fuel crapulous metaphors.
Your tunes 'bout breasts and satiated balls
Have lewd and rude content.
Sex-secretion songs you'll write,
Get 'em up on amiright,
Sneak in terms like "con," in French.
More than one time you have rhymed
About women wined and dined
While bespermed by "congress" men.
Bad language you do use,
About genitals and booze. . .
Yet rarely tamed by Chucky G.
Though "bottoms up" you may
Say in a double way,
you will never get caught, Willie
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
"What, never?"
          JOHN A. BARRY
No, never
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
"What, never?"
          JOHN A. BARRY
You’re too clever
In entendre jocularly.
So you'll give three leers and one leer more
As you pen those randy, nasty metaphors.
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
I'm out of beer--off to the store
For fuel for crapulous metaphors.
Dialogue 6
          STUEY POO
      (shouting)
Villagers of AmIRight!! Lend me your ears!! I come here to….
          DEE RANGE
        (whispers)
psst, less theatrics, more integrity, Stuey Poo – but lace it with oomph!
          STUEY POO
Fair point Dee. Villagers! I have news to tell - news of such horror that it could threaten our very existence!
          MATTHIAS
Come off it, Stuey Poo – it can’t be that bad
          STUEY POO
But it is, Matthias – far far worse in fact. I challenge each of you after hearing this tale, to dismiss it as less than a crisis of mammoth import.
          MATTHIAS
orrright, get on with it then…
SONG 7
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a  4-second intro):
   â€ÂThe Nightmare Song"
Parody by Johnny D:
  "King Chucky's Nightmare Song"
          STUEY POO
When you run a web-site, you may try as you might
To maintain a facade of your piety
But you'll see some may use, randy language they choose
To indulge in, with loud impropriety
Porno raining like fire---the perverts conspire---
In numerous numbers to plunder you
First your motherboard goes, and surrenders to those,
Who would steal it impurely from under you
Then your firewall's rubble---your network's in trouble---
So terribly smart is their cracking
And you're now at a loss, and you fumble and floss
Ev'ry mem'ry address that they're hacking
Then the perverts all creep to the sound of a beep
And you see 'em all coming in faster
Next your keyboard resigns and politely declines
To take part in impending disaster
Well, you go get a Coke but it's warm and you choke
On that sugary ca-ra-mel brewage
While the lumbering teams with the horrible schemes
Start to bury your server in sewage
It's no dream, you are losing the battle they're choosing
You're shouting and screaming in diction
Which is something between impolite and obscene
And a very appalling affliction
And you're facing defeat from the vice-hammer-beat
Of that party of vengeful invaders
They're a ravenous horde--and your poor motherboard's
Alone there and now facing Darth Vader
You find an attorney asleep on a gurney
In your local hospital's lobby
And he says that your case is no ambulance-chase
And computers aren't his kind of hobby
Well, you're driving like mad and you're feeling real bad
As you hurry back home to your PC
Where they're playing lewd games, and they call you bad names
When you tell them they're slimy and sleazy
And this they can't stand, so they throw up a hand,
And you're staring at rude middle digital
And you're hurt and you're shocked and you're certain they've rocked
You so badly you're tempted to ditch it all
And now on your tube is a virtual boob
Which has somehow or other invaded it
And it's swelling so large it's as large as a barge
Every pixel you see has inflated it
It's a scheme of their vices, to get at low prices
Computer time free for the taking
They tickle your cable, their goal to enable,
Their filthy and foul mischief-making
You get a good filter to throw them off-kilter
(first you must re-boot with "Salute-Three")
And you beg for relief, but the Finger-of-Grief,
Flips a birdie and says " I'll compute free! "
On your screen, grosser sleaze -- nude wet apes in green trees,
Crawling flowers on apples and man-berries
While the randy hackers eat their SPAM and crackers,
Snickers, Slim Jims, and Maraschino cherries
You stare and you mourn so, as gut-wrenching porno
Is raping your CPU wildly
You bawl and you howl and to call this stuff foul
Is without a doubt putting it mildly ----
Your computer's a wreck,
And it's sicker than heck,
And a blundering whore,
Gives a thundering roar
From its screen, and within,
There's an unholy grin,
That was left by a creep,
For years deftly did sleep,
Then it woke up and rose,
And applied all its woes,
And some stuff that it flung,
Turned your hard drive to dung,
And a virus attacked,
Without warning or tact,
And you find yourself venting to Rover ----
But the hackers, at last --
Have now run out of gas --
And their blight was quite long --
-- ditto ditto my song --
-- and thank goodness they're both of them over!
Dialogue 7
          STUEY POO
Please, I beg of you, this is no time for hysteria. We must direct our energy to addressing the crisis. Does anybody know who these Lewd Submitters, evil of heart, could be?
         ÂÂ
           MATTHIAS
um…
          STUEY POO
Yes, Matthias, have you something to say?
         ÂÂ
          MATTHIAS
Well it might well be nought Stuey Poo, but do you recall, after the Great Vote WipeOut Of July 2004, Overlord Kristof reported he’d seen the mischievous Willie Tit-Swallow Spit-Swallow tampering with the website algorithms?
          DEE RANGE
Of course we do, and Good King ChuckyG arrested and banished him from our kingdom
          MATTHIAS
Correct, Dee Range, but it was I who marched him to the gates, and Willie Tit Swallow Spit-Swallow proclaimed his innocence the whole way. And as I evicted him from the kingdom, I heard the words “I’ll get you, you lowd-down, mother-f….â€Â
          STUEY POO
PLEASE, enough lewd language!
          MATTHIAS
No there was a lot lot more, Stuey Poo, then he threatened to destroy ChuckyG and bring the whole of AmIRight down with him
          VILLAGERS
GASP!
SONG 8
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a  4-second intro):
  â€ÂCriminal Cried As He Dropped Him own"
Parody by Matthias:
  “ Porn Freak Cried As Chuck Kicked Him Out"
           MATTHIAS
Tit-Swallow cried as Chuck kicked him out
Said he had got other ticked
With a swiftful slap upon his frown
Chuck shook his cyber fist
He reached him by countless E-Mails
And added Spam did king
As he cussed and swore
And bought some more Porno
He's banned for eternity, For Eternity
And we shall never
Forget that night
Or the song that parodied he
Though I miss songs dirty
But will never write thee
For banneded I shall be
He never meant well
He'll burn in Hell
Til a new name he prevails
He'll always try
To parodize
Sex but only fails
He flipped off Chuck and he maligned
With a last flip of the bird
When all of a sudden he used his mind
And he seem to come unnerved
For he shook his head and took his stand
And he wrote of fair ladies
As the same were too
Clothes see though
To serve his lower vertebrae, Low vertebrae
Though he was afraid
The song he made
Twas cheering that night was he
And oh he's glad
To read comments at
His brand new parody
With much distaste
Made the king pale
He's messing with Chucky
He must of cracked
To return from sacked
A duel's all this means
Now though you may have read what's dead is dead
(For dead was the parody)
Chuck sent a paycheck for knights in red
For white knights were too pricey
It was none but the finest AmIRight squads
And pimp butt as could be
For they clearly knew
This guy is though
Cause a man of this degree, of dis degree
Will be gone I vow
For they shall plough
Twill be deathly sight to see
This quest they're sent
Shown no respect
All songs must prove discreet
This horny youth
Chuck went to sleuth
And found his porno craze
Twill spray the mace
Upon his face
His eyes are both ablaze
His eyes, his eyes, his eyes, his eyes are both ablaze!!!
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/23/05 at 12:18 pm
( cont... )
Dialogue 8
          STUEY POO
Well, if that’s the case, Matthias, we know our enemy, and he probably has an army of Lewd Submitters to back his evil plan. We must make haste and stop him. But we need a plan and a strategic leader.ÂÂ
          K1CHYD
The man for the job is obviously Overlord Kristof, ex Parodist Laureate, and a man of great wealth
          KRISTOF
       (stepping forward)
I would consider it an honour to…
          STUEY POO
Alas, Overlord Kristof is NOT the man for the job, K1CHYD, because I have reason to doubt his loyalty to King ChuckyG
          K1CHYD
What are you saying?
          STUEY POO
K1CHYD, have you ever wondered why Kristof is no longer the Parodist Laureate?
          K1CHYD
He resigned of course.
          STUEY POO
Nay, not so. King ChuckyG appointed him as reward for identifying Willie Tit-Swallow as the Great-Vote-Deleter – but I also know that King ChuckyG terminated his tenure.
          VILLAGERS
GASP!
          STUEY POO
for committing a heinous sin – the sin of disrespect.
          K1CHYD
Disrespect?
          STUEY POO
Yes – as you know, even the TTP would not exist if it weren’t for the Authors of The OS-es….and who is King ChuckG’s favourite A.O.T.O.S.?
          K1CHYD
The Lord High CountryWesterner.
          STUEY POO
Yes, Kris Kristofferson – and to this day, Kristof Robertson has not written a single parody to the Lord High CountryWesterner!
          KRISTOF
But that’s just a matter of time, Stuey Poo
          STUEY POO
Time you say? But Kristof, you have already penned nine score parodies. When is this time of which you speak?ÂÂ
          KRISTOF
How about Tuesday?
ÂÂ
          STUEY POO
Bah!
ï€Â
SONG 9
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 15-second intro):
  â€ÂI Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"
Parody by Stuart McArthur
  “So when will Kristof Robertson do one by Kris Kristofferson?â€Â
           STUEY POO
So when will Kristof Robertson do one by Kris Kristofferson?
That Kristof has not done a Kris Kristofferson one's bothersome
It could be from the soundtrack to that chicky flick "A Star Is Born"
or spotlighting Kristofferson - how far he's come (and far he's gorn)
Now Kris (not Kristof) had addictions, some would say had maladies
while Kristof (but not Kris) is more addicted to mad parodies
For Kristof to be Kris-Kristoffer-son-free there is no excuse
though freedom's just another word, says Kris, for nothing left to lose
yes, freedom's just another word, says Kris, for nothing left to lose
(x three)
If Kris Kristoffer-son learns of this Kristof-snub he might abuse
the stuff he gave up when his options were 'drunkard' or LIFE! to choose
or maybe he will write a song detailing how it did induce
a one-way trip to Tallahassee looking for a bridge to use
or maybe he will write a song detailing how it did induce
a one-way trip to Tallahassee looking for a bridge to use
So when will Kristof Robertson do one by Kris Kristofferson?
By now he should've done one! (though I don't want to be quarrelsome)
Seems Kristof, about Kris Kristofferson, is prejudici-al
It seems he'd rather write about things mostly artifici-al
He could've been researching Kris Kristofferson's mad ancestors
or what's with Kris Kristofferson and Billy Joe McAllister?
or what's with that Rhodes Scholarship, and did it really open doors
for Kris and Rita Coolidge (just before their harrowing divorce)
for Kris and Rita Coolidge (just before their harrowing divorce)
(x three)
And furthermore, despite his standing in the music industry
Kris wasn't offered by Kristof an AmIRight-based ministry
and is it right that Kristof's done so many Kinks and Beatles songs
while Kristof's Kris-Kristofferson-count's less than Livvy Newton-John's
So is it right that Kristof's done so many Kinks and Beatles songs
while Kristof's Kris-Kristofferson-count's less than Livvy Newton-John's
Oh sure, we know he can't do plumbing - and his sink is fountain-like
and Catherine Zeta-Jones is prob'ly not her hubby's mountin' bike
and Allah, Buddah, Yoda, Odin and Jehovah, Osiris...
should rightly take priority above Kristofferson, so Kris...
it's best that you continue spending Sunday mornings coming down -
To Help You Make It Through The Night, ignore Kristof (that mean, lowdown....)
and don't be too offended that the OS Kristof chose to use
for F.C.U.K. was by Village People and not one of yours
his F.C.U.K. was by Village People and not one of yours
(x three)
If "From the coalmines of Kentucky - and the Californian sun"
don't stir the parodific juices of Kristofer Robertson
there's nothing we can do I s'pose - except hope that the day will come
when Kristof Robertson will do a song by Kris Kristofferson
there's nothing we can do I s'pose - except hope that the day will come
when Kristof Robertson will do a song by Kris Kristofferson
Dialogue 9
          KRISTOF
But I don’t like Kris Kristofferson
          LEO JAY
Enough of your indulgences, Kristof. Stuey Poo’s right.  That King ChuckyG holds The Lord High CountryWesterner in high esteem should alone warrant two parodies. Your inaction suggests evil lurks in your heart. I suspect that your interests and those of AmIRight do not intersect.
          KRISTOF
Ah! And so speaks Leo Jay! Leo Jay? You ask us to heed you, when half the time we do not know who Leo Jay is!
SONG 10
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 11-second intro):ÂÂ
   â€ÂThree Little Maids Are Weâ€Â
Parody By Kristof Robertson:
  “Wee Leo Jay; say, who is he?â€Â
          KRISTOF
Wee Leo Jay; say, who is he?
More pseudonyms than P. Diddy
Is it Leo, Leia or Lee?
He’s Leo Jay….say who?
Mistress Leola cracks the whip
Lee O’Shea likes to Guinness sip
Hey, Lee O.J., please get a grip
He’s Liao Zhe…say who?
Why this occurs, I’m still deciding
Maybe from ChuckyG, Li’s hiding
Does he wear spandex for crime fighting?
Hey, Leo Jay….’zat you?
What nom-de-pun will Leo choose?
Three syllables he doth abuse
Frank-lee, I’m real-lee-o confused…
Oui, le aux je….c’est vous!
Lee O’s written many parodies
Name-swapping schizophrenically
Is Leo/Leigh a he or she?
See, Lea? OK….it’s you!
New AmIRighters are quite wary
But Leo’s “fami-lee†ain’t scary
In on the joke? You’ve popped your cherry
Hey, Leo Jay….tres cool!!
Dialogue 10
           JEFF REUBEN
Kristof’s right, Leo – you have no right to attack him
           LEO JAY
Ah! And so speaks Jeff Reuben! Jeff Reuben? A man consumed with jealousy that I challenged and beat him for the heart of fair Princess Arwen!
          ARWEN
       (stepping forward and separating them)
Stop! the two of you – Your belligerence is ill-considered for tis another that I love.ÂÂ
          Villagers
GASP!
          ARWEN
What joy of mine to announce that my heart has become captive to that prolific TTP NJ. Michael, and I am dizzy in love with his charming ways
          NJ. MICHAEL
Dubya is a monkey’s butt.
          DEE RANGE
Enough! Enough of your in-fighting! I fear the Lewd Submitters have already managed to rent asunder the very fabric of our glorious kingdom. We need someone who can unite us. Someone who would never pen a lewd word. Someone who we respect, and who has such hatred of smut he will rid us forever of that evil scourge.
          STRAY POOCH
You speak wisely, Dee Range – and there is such a man. This man is not only a TTP, he is a master strategist, and he is pure of heart and mind. He detests smut with a passion, and he could capture and destroy the Lewd Submitters on his own. But, with volunteers to assist him, his masterful strategies will prove invincible.
          STUEY POO
Oh sage Stray Pooch! Who is this man of which you speak?
SONG 11
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 12-second intro):
  â€ÂMy Name Is John Wellington Wells"
Parody by Stray Pooch:
  "His Name is John 'Johnny D' Smalls"
          STRAY POOCH
His name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
He'll seldom use curses
in clever-filled verses
(Well, now and then "witches" or "balls.")
If you want a proud show to get "fixed"
(Or you just want a song about hicks)
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!
He's a first-rate perveyor of ditties
And for raising a "posthumon's" shade
With effects that are silly or witty
There's no better pen in the trade.
Smut-filters, he knows the ways of 'em
With such knowledge he never gets burned
He tells all the prudes they can shove 'em (We love 'im!)
And brings us uncensored returns!
For he can parody, villain or charity
Homeland security, falsified purity
Heroic histories, musical mysteries
Halloween Rhapsodies, or colonoscopies,
or colonoscopies.
With matches so magical, porno-puns tragical
Pacing spectacular, humor Star Trek-ular
Tracts gastronomical, flatulence comical
And, if you want it, he
Takes a production and spoofs it in quantity
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,
If any one's looking for kicks.
You'll find some spectacular tricks!
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!
He can raise you throngs of dongs
(And that without erectors)
And geeky herds of nerds
And crabby, cackling spectres
He can tell the truth - or spoof
The monsters we've all feared, and
He can bramage dains with pains
Or sing you a song of Cir-dan.
Then, he can speculate, on choosing flounder bait
He can make fun of hate, tell how to masturbate,
Sing of chicks who inflate, or techniques to fellate,
Or if he feels sedate
He begs his lover to brand him and flagellate.
But in totality his rationality
Has the morality of all mortality
Showing his malady, spoofing all validly,
Such are his talents, he
Isn't the man to be mired in a fallacy
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h,
His name is John "Johnny D" Smalls
He's a writer who likes curtain calls.
Nobody here curses
His pleasured-filled verses
(Though prob'ly he gets kinky calls.)
If any one's looking for kicks.
You'll find some spectacular tricks!
You have only to call on the good "Doctor Hall"
Class of 1776!
          VILLAGERS
Hoorah! Three cheers for Major-General Johnny D Smalls!
ACT 2
Dialogue 11
            WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Bwahahahaha! I have received inside information that the good pirates of AmIRight, led by Major-General Johnny D are about to attack us.ÂÂ
           JOHN A. BARRY
How do you know this Wille?
           WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Let’s just say I have a spy on the inside….
          JOHN A. BARRY
Oh Willie, you are SOOO evil, and SOOO bad!
SONG 12
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 13-second intro):
  â€ÂWhen I Was A Lad"
Parody by Johnny D
  "We're Evil And Bad"
           WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
We're evil and bad and worse than worms
And love to spread our pornographic germs!
We'll sleaze your Windows with our randy roars
And we'll punish you with porno made of pigs and whores!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
We'll punish you with porno made of pigs and whores!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
We'll punish you with porno so brazenly
You'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
We'll punish you with porno so brazenly
You'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
We scoff at light and play in the dark
And depraved we all post all our lewd remarks
Perverted wits with a smiling leer --
-- and we often scrawl it better after kegs of beer!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
We often scrawl it better after kegs of beer!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
We often scrawl it better when drunk, you see,
So bow to us Submitters of Pornography!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
We often scrawl it better when drunk, you see,
So bow to us Submitters of Pornography!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Perverted wits have gained us some fame
And our art of cruel work we'll soon proclaim
A whoring dollar, and some randy tunes,
Are your crass initiation to our crew of goons!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
Are your crass initiation to our crew of goons!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
That crass initiation made us what we be,
And now we are Submitters of Pornography!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
That crass initiation made us what we be,
And now we are Submitters of Pornography!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
In carnal knowledge I'm superlatively skilled
So they took me in their Submitters-Guild
And when their Submitters-Guild you join
Well, you on-ly think from then on with your groin!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
Well, you on-ly think from then on with your groin!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
But that way of thinking suited me,
And now I'm a Submitter of Pornography!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
And that way of thinking suited he,
And now he's a Submitter of Pornography!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
I grew so lewd that I was sent
To attack King Chucky and his Parliament
I'm always jotting down a randy scrawl
And a clever thought I'm thinking is the best of all
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
A clever thought he's thinking is the best of all
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
I thought of battle with the King Chuck-y
He'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
He thought of battle with the King Chuck-y
Who'll bow to us Submitters of Pornography!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Now lewd-men all, here's cleverness indeed --
Set your font real high, and let your free-thought breed
Let our goal be to fetter with a chain that's lewd
King Chucky, who's a liar and a golden prude!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
King Chucky is a liar and a golden prude!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Click grossly your mouse, send clever porno please,
And you may slay the pruder ruler King Chuck-y!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
Click grossly our mice, send clever porno please,
And we may slay the pruder ruler King Chuck-y!
Dialogue 12
           STUEY POO
You have now heard my story, master strategist Major-General Johnny D. What say you?
          MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
I am touched by your sorrow, Stuey Poo, and the depth of your concern for the future of AmIRight and troubled King ChuckyG
         STUEY POO
I am indeed concerned Johnny D, for I fear AmIRight’s very innocence is at stake.
SONG 13
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 36 -second intro):
  â€ÂI'm Called Little Buttercup"
Parody by Stuart McArthur
  "General J.D. and Stuey Poo Resolve to Fight"
          STUEY POO
We're playful and innocent - nay, though, we didn't think
we'd see a grave Chucky G
But lately he’s been depressed – Major-Gen J.D. lets
help him immediately
We’ll conscript an army - we've got Zone Alarm, we
have filters and Symantec tools
Against, M-G J.D, your hate of depravity
Submittors Lewd would be fools
Forgive me for fawning, but M-G. J.D. you're in
pugnacious form, it is true
We'll tear them apart, we will rip out their hearts
or else my name is not Stuey Poo
So let's go recruiting, we need to pursue some
more pirates to vanquish our foes
Make men of us, JD! We pen stanzas JD
but we’re all a-raring to go
Dialogue 13
           MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
All right, I shall help! We shall rid the world of smut and the double entendre for generations to come, so youngsters like Luke, Emi…..
          STUEY POO
       (interrupting) ÂÂ
Charlie, hilaryh8er, etc…yes, we’ve already laboured that point, JD. And I am so glad you have agreed to lead the Pirates Who Penstanzas.
SONG 14
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a  3-MINUTE intro):
  â€ÂOh Men Of Dark And Dismal Faith"
Parody by Stray Pooch:
  "Although Our Sordid Spoof"
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
Although our sordid spoof sometimes involves a lot of swearing.
Let Chucky raise the roof, we're altogether void of caring.
Although it gives him strife, we're never sorry to begin it.
For what, we ask, is life without a touch of porno in it?
POR-NO-GRAPHY!
Thou well-worn maid!
Foul, ill-penned scenes of harlots laid!
Hail, lowly songs of lewd intent!
All hail, our tales of naughty merriment!
Dialogue 14
        WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Yes, bring on The Pirates Of AmIRight, because I have prepared a trap so fiendish in its conception, that soon AmIRight and all who reside there, including my nemesis, King ChuckG, will be mine – bwahahahahah!
SONG 15
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after an 8-second intro):
  "When A Felon's Not Engaged In His Employmentâ€Â
Parody by Jeff Reuben:
  "Help The Pirates Screw The Songs Of Acts Indecent"
            JEFF REUBEN
Help the pirates screw the songs of acts indecent
          OTHER PIRATES
Acts Indecent
          JEFF REUBEN
Now the time has come for me to take a stand
          OTHER PIRATES
Take a stand
          JEFF REUBEN
When Johnny D and Stuey Poo said they need men
          OTHER PIRATES
Said they need men
          JEFF REUBEN
I volunteered to join their merry band
          OTHER PIRATES
Merry band
          JEFF REUBEN
When Lewd Submitters pound the site with smutter
          OTHER PIRATES
Site with smutter
          JEFF REUBEN
When vocabulary duty's to be done
          OTHER PIRATES
To be done.
          JEFF REUBEN
I'll take one salacious line after another
          OTHER PIRATES
Ter another
          JEFF REUBEN
And replace it with an awful groaning pun
          OTHER PIRATES
Ah!
          JEFF REUBEN & OTHER PIRATESÂÂ
When vocabulary duty's to be done, to be done,
I'll just come up with an awful groaning pun.
          JEFF REUBEN
When the Lewd Submitters write songs of my Cindy
          OTHER PIRATES
Of my Cindy
          JEFF REUBEN
Of erotic acts they banter with a grin
          OTHER PIRATES
With a grin
          JEFF REUBEN
I'll defend her from the lyrics they print, see,
          OTHER PIRATES
Rics they print see
          JEFF REUBEN
I won't let them commit the Cardinal Cin
          OTHER PIRATES
Cardinal Cin ÂÂ
          JEFF REUBEN
Fight the Lewd Ones songs of jumping on my mother
          OTHER PIRATES
On my mother,
          JEFF REUBEN
Of tasty fruits suggesting naughty fun
          OTHER PIRATES
Naughty fun
          JEFF REUBEN
I'll grab my pen and stand up with my brothers
          OTHER PIRATES
With my brothers
          JEFF REUBEN
Til songs of Fore-play mean a hole-in-one!
          OTHER PIRATES
Ah!
          JEFF REUBEN & OTHER PIRATESÂÂ
When vocabulary duty's to be done, to be done,
I'll just come up with an awful groaning pun.
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/23/05 at 12:25 pm
( cont.... )
Dialogue 15
        MAYOR PHIL
Well said, Jeff
        ADAM E
Yes, well said Jeff, and well said, Mayor Phil about how well said Jeff said it
        MAYOR PHIL
Thanks Adam. Well said.ÂÂ
       ADAM E
Thanks Phil. And it warms my heart to see you, our popular mayor, taking up arms in this way when, with all your civic duties, you could have excused yourself. ÂÂ
       MAYOR PHIL
Yes, I could have Adam. But remember, although I am Mayor of AmIRight, in my heart I will always be a noble, smut-free, clean and pure parodista
SONG 16
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a  5 -second intro):
  â€ÂA Wandering Minstrel I"
Parody by Phil Alexander:
  "A Parodista I"
         MAYOR PHIL
A parodista, I
No writer from the sewer
I write what's clean and pure
And never a titty in sight
I want my favourite site
To stop bein' oh, so mucky
That's why I'm helping Chucky
To clean up AmIRight
To clean up a-a-a-miright
Are you in a licencious mood?
Oh, shame on you!
Sha-a-a-a-a-ame on you
Why are you writing songs so crude?
You shameless crew
Sha-a-a-a-a-ame on you
I've sampled your pick-and-mix
With songs of lovers' pr..edilictions
And great big d..igits
And cheeks askew!
Sha-a-a-a-a-ame on you
So when you're writing something pornographic
Know pornographic parodies are wrong
And when it's all explicit-ally graphic
A scandalous and smutty sort of song
Instead you could try something educational
On grammar, trigonometry or light
And if it's rather silly or irrational
At least, at least it's clean, and so is AmIRight
So no big bouncing boobs for me
No buttocks firm and round
No saucy maids, no fishnet tights
Will e'er be seen here at AmIRight
Nor, never leather-bound!
No doubling entend-er-ers
And anything obscene'll
Be punish-ed with virtual whips
When the whip cracks
Around your knackers
It'll bring you to your knees, yeo ho!
For a punishment that's penal
A parodista, I
No writer from the sewer
I write what's clean and pure
Let's clean up AmIRight
Let's clean up a-a-a-miright
Dialogue 16
         SCATHE
Yes, let’s clean up AmIRight forever from these from lewd spoofs
         K1CHYD
      (doing his best Jack Nicholson)
Lewd Spoofs! You can’t handle lewd spoofs! Son, we live in a world that has balls, and those balls have to be guarded by men with puns…
         SCATHE
er, ye-es…..we’ve been saying that from the outset, K1CHYD – so what’s your point?
         K1CHYD
well, no point really, or context either, but it was such a good line, Stu said I could put it in
        ADAM E
      (standing up)
Well in that case, Well Said K1CHYD! - and well said pretty well everyone tonight. And so Gentlemen – let’s rest for the morrow, whence we shall surely return AmIRight to its rightful state of purity. Tally Ho!
        ALL
Tally Ho!
ALL THE MEN LEAVE EXCEPT NJ. MICHAEL, WHO SITS ALONE STARING INTO THE FIRE. THE LIGHTS DIM AND PRINCESS ARWEN ENTERS, SITS NEXT TO HER FIANCEE’ MICHAEL, AND TAKES HIS HAND ]
SONG 17
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 36 -second intro):
  â€ÂI’m Called Little Buttercup"
Parody by Stuart McArthur:
  "I’m Called Princess Arwen"
        ARWEN
I’m called Princess Arwen – a godsend to Darwin
a triumph of Evolution
I’m known for my beauty – I’m such a blonde cutie
Dear MP, it’s me whom you’ve won
So heed well, MP, my fears - don’t be a hero, please
come back and make me a wife
Those lewd dudes give me shivers – if you die I’ll live aÂÂ
sad pouting miserable life
I knitted you socks but then I spilt Radox on them
Then I tripped over a sleigh
Of my love that must be proof (although, in honest truth
I do that ev-ery day)
I hope those lewd writers will get smooshed like spiders
so, raising the flag, will be you
but if you get killed, my love, I guess that I will just
go back and hang with Dumb Sue
Dialogue 17
          NJ. MICHAEL
Those Dubya-voting lewd-submitters are history…
ACT 3
SONG 18
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a  10-second intro):
  â€ÂA Rollicking Band of Pirates We"
Parody by Johnny D:
  "A Rollicking Band of Perverts We"
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
A rollicking band of perverts we,
Who, tired of watching "Pay T.V.",
Are trying their hand at some parodies
Of pornographic stories!
          MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Hush - hush!ÂÂ
They've logged-on King Chuck-y's Am-i-Right!
With mouse-ly clicks the per-verts are now in sight!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
We are now writing our you-know-what!
Let General Johnny now rebut,
If he is able, our filthy smut,
'bout General Johnny's whoring!
          STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
If he is able their --
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
FILTHY SMUT!
If he is able our --
          STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
FILTHY SMUT!
         ALL TOGETHER
If he is able their/our filthy smut,
'bout General Johnny's whoring!
          STUEY POO
They post porn-o, with filthy pride!
Our Zone (A)'larm Pro will now --- us hide!
          STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Porno, porno!
Dialogue 18
          JOHN A. BARRY
Should we attack, Willie?
        WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
No, that’s just what they’re expecting us to do.
        STUEY POO
Will they attack, Major-General Johnny D?
        MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
No that’s just what they’re expecting us to expect that they will do.
        STUEY POO
Wow, you’re such a master strategist, Major-General Johnny D!
        WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Get ready to attack!
          JOHN A. BARRY
But you just said….
        WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Ah no, I said just what you were expecting me to say - Bwahahaha!!!
        STUEY POO
What now, Master Strategist Major-General Johnny D
        MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Block your ears, Stuey-Poo, for what you are about to hear may not be pleasant.
SONG 19
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a  4-MINUTE intro):
  â€ÂBattle Song - part of the Finale to P of Pâ€Â
Parody by Johnny D
  "Battle Of AmIRight"
          PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Now what is this, and what is that, and why does General Johnny sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?
Sir Johnny is, and always was, the most laconical a man!
It's his invariable rule to sing as little as he can!
What strange occurrence can it be that calls Sir Johnny now to sing
At such a time of night as this, about Chuck-y, our stalwart King?
About Chuck-y our stalward King,
At such a time of night?
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Forward, perverts, and seize that General there, before he can sing another note of that over-done opus!
          PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
The perverts! The perverts! Oh, despair!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
Yes, we're the perverts, so despair!
          MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Rodderdick, here! Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!
Summon your men and effect their capture!
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
         (sarcastically)
Rodderdick, save us!
          RODDERDICK
Dutiful Pirates,
My gun's made of wood -- alas, cannot fire it !
          LEWD SUBMITTERS
He's telling the truth, he cannot fire it !
          WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
With base conceit,
You jerked us 'round, we're reeling!
Revenge is sweet,
A pornographic feeling!
With New-Age flair,
And music played by Yanni,
For death prepare,
Unhappy General Johnny!
           MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Am I to die, unshaven, unshampooed?
          PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Oh, spare him!
          MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Is no one here in save-a-Johnny mood?
          PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Oh, spare him!
          STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
       (waving chop-sticks menacingly)
Yes, we are here, with take-out Chinese food!
          PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Oh, rapture!
          STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
FIGHT
LEWD
VOCABULARY!
FIGHT LIKE PRUDES!
          LEWD SUBMITTERS & STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
We/You triumph now, 'tis time to bow,
Your/Our on-line ca-reer's cut short;
No pervert-band will take its stand
At the Cen-tral Pro-ces-sing Court!
           STUEY POO
To gain a brief advantage you've contrived,
But your proud triumph will not be long-lived!
           WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
Don't say you are newbies, for we know that game!
           STUEY POO
On your obsession we've a stronger claim –-
We charge you yield, we charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!
           WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
You do?
           STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
We do!
We charge you yield,
In Victoria's Secret's name!
            WILLIE TIT-SWALLOW
We yield at once, with humbled mien,
Because, with all our faults, we love Drag Queens!
            STUEY POO’S SQUADRON
Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!
            ALL
Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love Drag Queens!
            MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Away with them, to the Drag Queen Bar!
Dialogue 19
             MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
I command you, Colonel Dee Range, to round up the pathetically star-struck Lewd Submitters – but make sure you catch Willie Tit-Swallow, for I fear he may have escaped.
             STUEY POO
Gee, I had my doubts about that “Victoria’s Secret†strategy of yours, Major-General Johnny D, but again you have proven to be a master strategist.
             MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Alas, our fight is not over until we capture Willie Tit-Swallow and reveal his true identity. For until we destroy the root of all evil, Stuey Poo, I fear the evil may mutate and in another form reappear. For evil can reappear in the unlikeliest form at the unlikeliest time
             STUEY POO
Wow, a master strategist and a wise philosopher, JD – you are ON fire, dude!
              STUEY POO
Crikey, Dee, that was fast. I’m beyond impressed, which is a big statement after just spending a day with Johnny D – and what news do you bring from the battlefield?    ÂÂ
              DEE RANGE
Not news, Stuey Poo, but a story – nay, an amazing tale, that a POW has just recounted for me
              STUEY POO
Well, go on Dee, spill the beans.
              DEE RANGE
It seems this particular POW met and befriended Willie Tit-Swallow when he was first evicted from AmIRight, and they used to write together. And this is his story about one particular conversation they once shared
SONG 20
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 5-second intro):
  â€ÂWillow Tit Willowâ€Â
Parody by Dee Range:
  “Will-he Tit-swallow-Spit-swallowâ€Â
          DEE RANGE
With the glee of a pervert, a little dimwit
would write Will-he Tit-swallow-Spit-swallow
And I asked of him, "Will-he, why do you submit
Using Willie-Tit-swallow Spit-swallow
Is it lewdness or just Tourettes, Willie?" I asked
That you write about porn to get Chucky Aghast?
He just flipped me the finger, returned to his task
Did Will-he Tit-swallow-Spit-swallow
"He lapped at her breast as she sat on the bed,
wond-ring, Will-he tit swallow my yabos?
And with bold desperation she fondles his head
Oh, will she, he wonders, spit/swallow?
She bobbed and he sighed, with a gargle she spits
As he purged himself be-tween her willowy lips
And a bellow arose as her incisors nip"
Wrote Will-he Tit-swallow Spit-Swallow
Now I felt I could cure such lewdness with a change
From old Will-he Tit-swallow Spit/Swallow
With his Porno affliction I'll call him DEE RANGE!
….not Will-he Tit-swallow Spit/Swallow!
But if you remove phallus, will Tourette’s then DIE?
Will GARISH and FETID just now become SLY!
“Oh, I DOUBT if it will!â€Â - I exclaimed with a CRY!
I AM WILL-HE TIT-SWALLOW SPIT/SWALLOW!!!
Dialogue 20
          STUEY POO
What the? But, but, Dee, I’ve been such a loyal friend to you.
         DEE RANGEÂÂ
You mean a good information-source, my man
         MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
AHA! - so it was YOU who was informing and forewarning YOURSELF about our battle plans?
         DEE RANGE
yeah, um DUHHHHH! But before I slay you both, I will take a minute to reveal the inner complex workings of my psyche. My lewdness all started when I was banished from AmIRight for the Great Vote Deletion, yet I was totally innocent of the crime. Innocent I tells ya.
         STUEY POO
Yeah - I kinda thought so
        DEE RANGE
      (incredulous)
WHAT? You DO?
         STUEY POOÂÂ
Yeah, well the server had been crashing a bit that week, and Kristof had been getting stuck into the bottle after being sacked by ChuckyG for not writing a Kris Kristofferson parody, so his evidence was hardly what you’d call reliable, so I never really believed it was you Willie, er, Dee.
        DEE RANGE
Well! Well that makes a huge difference to my perspective. All I’ve ever really wanted was to be understood. And maybe loved a little. And bonked a bit.
        STUEY POO
Yeah, I understand, mate. But anyway, do what you have to do, Dee Range. You’ve won this battle fair and square. Major-General Johnny D and I are prepared to die in the name of AmIRight, aren’t we, Major-General Johnny D?
        MAJOR-GENERAL JOHNNY D.
Pip Pip, Stuey Poo! Too right! I want Willie’s powerful throbbing sword thrust between my ribs like a shiny silver phallus, penetrating my heart and allowing the pure goodness of that throbbing organ to ejaculate up through his firm rigid weapon, thereby transforming it into a shaft of righteousness. An honourable death, to be talked about for generations to come, by Luke, Emi, Charlie, the Hilary-H8er….
        DEE RANGE
     (interrupting)
…yeah yeah, JD, but I dunno now. Now that Stuey Poo’s empathised with my plight, it’s kinda like my anger’s lost its edge or somethin, and I don’t feel like killing any more or somethin. Or lewd submitting neither, come to think of it. I guess all my anger and lewd submitting was just a pathetic cry for help, Stuey Poo..
       STUEY POO
Well what say we each blow the head off a pint of ale, and forget it happened. After all, I’m busting for a quick ending
       DEE RANGE
Great idea Stuey Poo.
END
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: 2nz on 07/23/05 at 1:16 pm
And no opera would be complete without the two old men from the muppets:
1st Old Man: "BRAVO"
2nd Old Man: "That was GREAT"
1st: "I loved that"
2nd: "It was wonderful"
1st: "It was very good"
2nd: "Well it was pretty good"
1st: "It wasn't bad"
2nd: "There were parts that weren't very good though"
1st: "I didn't really like it"
2nd: "It was BAD"
1st: "It was terrible"
2nd: "What an aweful WASTE"
1st: "BOO"
2nd: "BOOOO"
In jest, of course. Excellent work in creating, maintaining and arranging Stu. You are a unique and talented individual who keeps finding new ways to impress. And excellent work all you Amiright Villagers, you Pirates and Nobility. Excellent work, I say.
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: marthadtox3 on 07/23/05 at 1:25 pm
wow this is brillinat well done guys!!!
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Rick Cormier on 07/23/05 at 1:59 pm
EFFIN BASS TURDS! THAT WAS FRIKKIN' BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: deerange on 07/23/05 at 2:39 pm
Stu, I just have one question....who plays Willie Tit-Swallow on Broadway? I demand cast approval, and would suggest a Dee-Ranged look-alike.....Brad Pi.....OK, Billy Bob Thorton. I would immediately start a thread with suggestions for Hollywould/Broadway actors/actresses to play each of the parts.
And like I said in my message to you earlier, this is way beyond brilliant. It is a creative work of pure genius that will live forever, at least here on AmIRight.Congrats to each of the contributors, I'll be laughing my ass off for a month in the Colorado mountains thinking about this.
Peace out
Dee aka Willie Tit-Swallow
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Johnny_D on 07/23/05 at 3:15 pm
BRAVO, STUEY-POO!
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Rick D on 07/23/05 at 3:23 pm
I'll bet that took longer to organize, put together and write text that it took the rest of us to write the parodies. A Herculean effort. When we have our convention, I think we should perform it. When is that, by the way?
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Scathe on 07/23/05 at 4:38 pm
:o :o :o :o :o
I am blown away! This is awesome work Stu!
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: jreuben on 07/23/05 at 6:12 pm
This is fantastic ! Definitely the favorite for OOTM (Opera Of The Month). Thanks, Stu for all the time and effort you've put into this.
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Red Ant on 07/23/05 at 6:39 pm
Um, wow. WOW!! That is excellent Stu and everyone who contributed. Once I have some time Monday I'll give my PoP CDs a good listening and come back and rate all of these (well, they are all more than likely getting a 555 but I'd like to hear TOSs once or twice to keep y'all honest).
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Kristof Robertson on 07/25/05 at 3:49 am
You, sir, are truly a HERO! This is beyond brilliant,and deserves a standing ovation from every Amirighter past and present. Gilbert and Sullivan may be turning in their respective graves, but only from laughing so much....
Everyone who reads this, tell someone else....spread the word!!!!
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Luke Brattoni on 07/25/05 at 6:38 am
Freaking brilliant! ;D ;D ;D
This wasn't a barrel of laughs, it was a whole barge of 'em! Tremendous effort, Stuey Poo.
(A minor slip-up, though. Due to Emi's overwhelmingly malformed labia, she wouldn't be prancing about in a field with tulips.)
;)
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/25/05 at 5:48 pm
And no opera would be complete without the two old men from the muppets:
thanks 2nz - if I'd thought of it, I would have given them a role! ;)
thanks Martha and Rick
ÂÂ
I would immediately start a thread with suggestions for Hollywould/Broadway actors/actresses to play each of the parts.
Dee aka Willie Tit-Swallow
Thanks, Dee, and that's a great idea, although Johnny D(epp) should play Johnny D(smalls) - I'll give it some thought!
Thanks good-and-pure master-strategist Major-General Johnny D Smalls! - AND for kicking off the storyline by inventing "The Lewd Submitters"
- not since Darth Vader has evil been so terrifyingly personified :(
I'll bet that took longer to organize, put together and write text that it took the rest of us to write the parodies. A Herculean effort. When we have our convention, I think we should perform it. When is that, by the way?
Thanks Rick - it did take ages - please note, I went missing from the Comments pages for a week - but I felt duty-bound to honour the quality of all the contributions, and it was HUGE fun! - obviously I don't think it will ever be performed, but just imagining it makes me laugh :D
thanks Scathe!! and for your contribution thast kicked the intro off
This is fantastic ! Definitely the favorite for OOTM (Opera Of The Month). Thanks, Stu for all the time and effort you've put into this.
thanks Jeff, and I've never won the OOTM before! and thanks for fitting your parody into the storyline, saving me from having to create another dog-leg in the narrative!
Um, wow. WOW!! That is excellent Stu and everyone who contributed. Once I have some time Monday I'll give my PoP CDs a good listening and come back and rate all of these
Good on you, Red Ant, and knowing how conscientious you are, you will too, and I appreciate it
Thanks for the read, my fellow wombats!ÂÂ
Kristof, STOP! STOP!, you are too kind! Your role unfortunately was locked in before I started as I had to fit my OWN first parody in, which was about YOU, and required the most contrived non-continuity deviation in the story-line of the lot ::)
(A minor slip-up, though. Due to Emi's overwhelmingly malformed labia, she wouldn't be prancing about in a field with tulips.)
;)
and Luke! I thought you might like it! and pass on my apologies to Emi - I probably handled such a touchy area less than delicately :-[
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: philbo on 07/25/05 at 5:56 pm
I have to admit that the biggest laugh this masterpiece got from me was this reply:
K1CHYD
well, no point really, or context either, but it was such a good line, Stu said I could put it in
But there's some great stuff here... Given that we've got the MIDIs, is there anyone out there who wants to record their own songs and dialogue?
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: agrimorfee on 07/26/05 at 7:59 am
BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! :D
ENCORE! ENCORE! ENCORE! ;D
8) :-* ;) :) :-* 8) ;D :D
AUTHOR! AUTHOR!
(yeah, it was pretty good)
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/26/05 at 5:14 pm
Thanks Mayor Phil, and for helping me out with a critical plot-relevant parody :)
Thanks Agrimorfee - your post is truly circus-like! :D
And Dee, I'ver pondered your poser, and considered all casting options (I ran the full gamut from Orlando to Brad) - but there's only one actor that could do justice to Stuey Poo's take-no-prisoners resolve - Keifer Sutherland 8)
(you'll agree that Jack Bauer and Stuey Poo are almost indistinguishable... )
Does anybody else have casting preferences for their characters?ÂÂ
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Luke Brattoni on 07/26/05 at 10:56 pm
Orlando Bloom.
;)
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/27/05 at 12:09 am
Orlando Bloom.
;)
looking good, Luke - his agent is certain the tulips-and-Emi scene will prove irresistible to him
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Mistress Leola on 07/27/05 at 9:03 am
:o Good. Holy. um... Heck. :oÂÂ
The words 'clever' and 'inventive' are woefully insufficient.  Highly original concept, and brilliant execution all around!
And imagine my surprise to not only find myself referenced in the dialogue, but also to find an entire parody dedicated to Liao's infamous polypseudonymity! And written to one of the few G&S tunes I know besides MMG (thanks only to my great love of the film 'Chariots of Fire')!
Huge kudos to Stu and his creative co-conspirators!
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: karen on 07/27/05 at 9:38 am
Phew! what a lot of work this must have been to put together Stu. I'm not that familiar with PoP although I know one or two songs so I haven't read the whole thing through yet.
ACT 3
should the un-capitalised (if that's a word?) bit really have been P.RICKS up his ears? lol!
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: agrimorfee on 07/27/05 at 10:20 am
Cast Topher Grace, the closest Hollywood has to a lookalike of me.
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:lrw_RcI7vSwJ:www.star94.com/steve_vikki/TopherGrace
I would recommend that this work gets an album page on the website, credited to "The Pirates Who Penstanzas". I leave that to Stu.
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Johnny_D on 07/27/05 at 10:32 am
I would recommend that this work gets an album page on the website, credited to "The Pirates Who Penstanzas". I leave that to Stu.
And here's an easy way to do that:
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,10555.0.html
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/27/05 at 8:29 pm
And imagine my surprise to not only find myself referenced in the dialogue, but also to find an entire parody dedicated to Liao's infamous polypseudonymity!ÂÂ
thanks Leo - yes, I was hoping for something out of left fieild from Kristof, and he sure delivered the goods - I had to invent the internal- bickering plot development to accommodate it, but it was a highlight I thought
Subject: Re: The Complete AmIRight G&S Opera - THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/27/05 at 8:31 pm
Phew! what a lot of work this must have been to put together Stu. I'm not that familiar with PoP although I know one or two songs so I haven't read the whole thing through yet.
should the un-capitalised (if that's a word?) bit really have been P.RICKS up his ears? lol!
thanks Karen - yes you got that right - was that the only censored bit? I think it was! wow! :D
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/27/05 at 8:38 pm
Agri - I've been PM-ing Chucky about that, but he says it's too long to enter as a parody (which I was going to do under "A Roomful Of Monkeys" to avoid the 10-submissions-required-for-Author-List access problem)
Good idea, JD - I didn't think of that, although I suppose the opera already has this thread for similar permanent access - although the "ALBUM" thread will probably bob around the top for longer than this thread will, as more Albums get added - so, yes I'll do that...
any other ideas of where to store it, or what to do with it, from anyone would be appreciated :)
meanwhile, what other actors do people want playing their roles in the Hollywood production?ÂÂ
we have 3 cast already
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Spaff.com on 07/28/05 at 3:07 pm
Wow. Unfreakingbelievable. Congrats, s2art (and all y'all) on this stellar project.
xoxox
Spaff
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 07/29/05 at 8:22 am
Wow. Unfreakingbelievable. Congrats, s2art (and all y'all) on this stellar project.
xoxox
Spaff
on behalf of 's'all - thanks Grand Master Spaff :)
("A Streetcar Named Desire" was the only Stella project I knew)
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: K1chyd on 07/30/05 at 4:17 am
I have to admit that the biggest laugh this masterpiece got from me was this reply:
         K1CHYD
well, no point really, or context either, but it was such a good line, Stu said I could put it in
Scary! You guys know me better than I know myself. That line is just sooo me!
Does anybody else have casting preferences for their characters?ÂÂ
Yoda?
No?
All right, then it has got to be Owen Wilson, on a bad hair day of his he comes pretty close to me on a good one (in a dimmed room).
http://tiscali.cz/ente/images/5/9/0/2/590266.jpg  http://k1chyd.adress.eksjo.com/bilder/pa2001.jpg
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 08/01/05 at 1:29 am
All right, then it has got to be Owen Wilson, on a bad hair day of his he comes pretty close to me on a good one (in a dimmed room).
http://tiscali.cz/ente/images/5/9/0/2/590266.jpg  http://k1chyd.adress.eksjo.com/bilder/pa2001.jpg
uncanny - it's like I'm seeing double! :o
PS everyone - I've worked out a way to submit the entire thing as 20 parodies, each containing a song and chunk of dialogue.
Each submission is attributed to the name of the person who wrote the song within it, but prefaced with "Part #"
eg. the first submission is called "Part A - Scathe"
That's because I've put "Pirates Who Penstanzas" as the author for each, so the 20 parodies will appear together under that Author name on the Authors List - and the "Part A" preface ensures all chunks will appear on that page in the correct order
Check it out on tomorrow's postings.
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: agrimorfee on 08/01/05 at 2:22 pm
http://k1chyd.adress.eksjo.com/bilder/pa2001.jpg
Looking at your pic just now, I immediately thought of the talented actor David Morse ("St. Elsewhere", "The Green Mile", "Dancer In the Dark") for you. He might not sing, but he acts better than Owen.
:)http://a1259.g.akamai.net/f/1259/5586/5d/images.art.com/images/-/David-Morse--C10043731.jpeg
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 08/01/05 at 5:23 pm
Looking at your pic just now, I immediately thought of the talented actor David Morse ("St. Elsewhere", "The Green Mile", "Dancer In the Dark") for you. He might not sing, but he acts better than Owen.
or this guy
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: ChuckyG on 08/02/05 at 10:42 am
it's all up and approved.
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: bobbypags on 08/02/05 at 11:29 am
Wow. Hell of a piece of work all. I promise to read the work in its entirety when I get home tonight.
bob
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Boo Hoo on 08/02/05 at 6:33 pm
No respect...
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,11968.0.html
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 08/02/05 at 8:43 pm
it's all up and approved.
thanks Chucky! - I know it must've taken ages. I won't bother you again ;)
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 08/02/05 at 8:52 pm
No respect...
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,11968.0.html
yes, I thought I might get someone saying that
I even considered loading 5 up on 4 consecutive days, but I thought everyone would be well and truly sick of it by then, if they're not already, and I only did the mass-posting as a means of getting the whole opera onto the Parody Authors Page under "Pirates" (and to honour all the 12 contributors who put all the work in) so it will be permanently accessible to them and others, and newbies
also I noticed John A. Barry's 26-parody mass submission a few days ago didn't get any negative reaction so I thought I'd put the foot down and go for it.ÂÂ
And so finally, that's it! There will be no more imposing on AmIRighters' patience ;)ÂÂ
sorry adagio :-[ - I don't suppose the fact you scored a mention in Part B (or Part C?) helps at all
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Red Ant on 08/03/05 at 6:24 pm
Stuart, I can't download the songs in the links and don't know by name any of the songs in the operetta other than The Major General's Song.
I have enjoyed listening to the CDs I have, the 1968 D'Oyle Carte 2CD set.
The question is do you know which song is which on the CD? CD 1 has 15 tracks, the last being the "Major General's Song" and CD 2 has 25 tracks (some are instrumentals alone).
If anyone could provide a list or a link to the order I would be appreciative.
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Stuart McArthur on 08/04/05 at 2:58 am
Stuart, I can't download the songs in the links and don't know by name any of the songs in the operetta other than The Major General's Song.
I have enjoyed listening to the CDs I have, the 1968 D'Oyle Carte 2CD set.
The question is do you know which song is which on the CD? CD 1 has 15 tracks, the last being the "Major General's Song" and CD 2 has 25 tracks (some are instrumentals alone).
If anyone could provide a list or a link to the order I would be appreciative.
Red Ant - there are twenty songs in our opera but ony a few are from Pirates of Penzance. If you go to my first Pirates thread, where I asked for contributions, my first post there lists all the songs, and from which operas.
However, the easiest way to get the music is to click on the song links within the opera, which take you to the lyrics of each song, then you'll see the MIDI link near the title of the song above the lyrics, and click on that. It should automatically play.
I'd be surprised if you don't have a program that will automatically play it for you. I use QuickTime Plug-In Version 6.5.1 which is an Apple freeware program, so the best trick is to download that from Apple, then you can hear all the OS's as you're reading them from the full opera posting on this thread (I've even included intro times next to each song-link, so you know when the song part of the MIDI starts)
ciao - stu
Subject: Re: *** -- THE PIRATES WHO PENSTANZAS -- *** ( the completed 20-song Opera )
Written By: Red Ant on 08/04/05 at 6:48 am
Red Ant - there are twenty songs in our opera but ony a few are from Pirates of Penzance. If you go to my first Pirates thread, where I asked for contributions, my first post there lists all the songs, and from which operas.
However, the easiest way to get the music is to click on the song links within the opera, which take you to the lyrics of each song, then you'll see the MIDI link near the title of the song above the lyrics, and click on that. It should automatically play.
I'd be surprised if you don't have a program that will automatically play it for you. I use QuickTime Plug-In Version 6.5.1 which is an Apple freeware program, so the best trick is to download that from Apple, then you can hear all the OS's as you're reading them from the full opera posting on this thread (I've even included intro times next to each song-link, so you know when the song part of the MIDI starts)
ciao - stu
Thanks Stu. Since that accesses a different player than my SoundBlaster Live, I wasn't too familiar with the settings. Low and behold---It was on mute. I'll give 'em a listen today when I get home from work.