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Subject: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 8:32 pm

No..I'm not speaking about Rick Springfield's song...lol. I'm just curious to see what your opinions are regarding this. Do you think that an affair of the heart or a sexual affair is worse? Do you consider an affair of the heart technically cheating? Have any of you experienced this..and what was the outcome?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/13/08 at 9:06 pm


No..I'm not speaking about Rick Springfield's song...lol. I'm just curious to see what your opinions are regarding this. Do you think that an affair of the heart or a sexual affair is worse? Do you consider an affair of the heart technically cheating? Have any of you experienced this..and what was the outcome?



Is HOWARD banned from THIS thread ?  ???









NOT again !  :o

















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:-X    :(

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/13/08 at 9:09 pm



Is HOWARD banned from THIS thread ?  ???


lol ;D ;D ;D






NOT again !  :o

















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:-X    :(

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:22 pm



Is HOWARD banned from THIS thread ?   ???









NOT again !   :o

















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:-X    :(



huh? what does it have to do with Howard?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/13/08 at 9:24 pm



I believe they thought of Howard, because it deals with Relationships (and broken relationships) and Howard always goes to - you know where!!!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:26 pm


I believe they thought of Howard, because it deals with Relationships (and broken relationships) and Howard always goes to - you know where!!!



oh gosh...I wasn't thinking of that. Ugh. ::) 8-P

Ok..everyone BUT Howard reply please. ;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/13/08 at 9:27 pm


I believe they thought of Howard, because it deals with Relationships (and broken relationships) and Howard always goes to - you know where!!!



Exactly ! ANY 'excuse' !  












:(    ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/13/08 at 9:28 pm


Ok..everyone BUT Howard reply please. ;)



If he does (and talks about  :-X  )   ... we'll soon be saying 'uncle' .... 'mercy' ... or whatever !  



















:P

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/13/08 at 9:29 pm

In a way I think an affair of the heart (taking this to mean loving someone without having slept with them) is worse.  I can see how it is possible to disconnect 'the act' with the feelings you share with someone.  Therefore loving another person is more of a betrayal

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:29 pm

so enough of Howard..I wanna hear experiences! ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/13/08 at 9:31 pm

No experience - but I feel both are equally destructive to a relationship!!!  I do not know how one can ever trust again, if you gave yourself or your heart to someone else :-\\ :-\\ :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:33 pm


No experience - but I feel both are equally destructive to a relationship!!!  I do not know how one can ever trust again, if you gave yourself or your heart to someone else :-\\ :-\\ :-\\



here's another scenario. What if someone's spouse actually cheated on them...and then over some time...they remained not very close to their spouse (still married though)...but found themselves getting very close to someone else?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/13/08 at 9:34 pm

Erin

Do you really think this board is the appropriate place to have this discussion?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:37 pm


Erin

Do you really think this board is the appropriate place to have this discussion?



why wouldn't it be? Haven't we all discussed much worse and controversial topics on here in the past?  I just want to know other people's opinions and/or if they have experienced things like this. I have been very open about this the entire time....why should I not be now?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/13/08 at 9:37 pm

Because I remember a discussion on here between you and Beth and how messy it got that's why

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:38 pm


Because I remember a discussion on here between you and Beth and how messy it got that's why



Beth doesn't come around here anymore. She and I are cool anyway.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:39 pm

I'm sorry if I offended anyone by creating this topic. I really was just looking for other's opinions or maybe similiar situations...that's all. I didn't mean to cause any trouble.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/13/08 at 9:46 pm

I'm just not comfortable sharing that personal an experience on the boards here.  :-\\

But if you want to...



here's another scenario. What if someone's spouse actually cheated on them...and then over some time...they remained not very close to their spouse (still married though)...but found themselves getting very close to someone else?


When the first affair happened why did the couple stay together?  Do the couple still sleep together? 

If the marriage has truly broken down and separate lives are being lead then perhaps it isn't so bad. 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 9:49 pm


I'm just not comfortable sharing that personal an experience on the boards here.   :-\\

But if you want to...

When the first affair happened why did the couple stay together?  Do the couple still sleep together? 

If the marriage has truly broken down and separate lives are being lead then perhaps it isn't so bad. 





not to be rude..but maybe there are others that ARE willing to.

And fyi, the reason that we stayed together was merely for convenience and for the simple fact that my nephew has only known HIM as a father (his real father abandoned him)....so, ya, it's not that simple to just take another person out of his life. I am doing it for him...and only him.

How can it NOT be so bad....if there is no connection any longer? That is nowhere near being in a loving relationship.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/13/08 at 9:55 pm

backing out quietly :-\\ :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/13/08 at 9:58 pm

O.K. this is sort of personal to me.

My dad left home twice whilst I was growing up.  Once when I was seven he left for a while to live with another woman.  I don't recall how long he was gone then but it was maybe a few months.  When I was fifteen or so he left to live in his own rented place for a while.  Maybe two years he was gone that time.  I don't know if there was another woman.  Some bloke came to where both my mum and I worked at the time (Woolworths) and asked me to give my mum a message that my dad was having an affair.  Apparently he also rang my mum at work and told her.  :o  Mum said she asked dad and he denied it.  :-\\

Anyway, for whatever reason, my mum and dad got back together and stayed together in a loving relationship till my mum died this summer.  

So just because one of a couple has an affair it doesn't mean that the whole relationship is over for ever.  I genuinely believe they loved each other to the end

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 11/13/08 at 9:59 pm



not to be rude..but maybe there are others that ARE willing to.

And fyi, the reason that we stayed together was merely for convenience and for the simple fact that my nephew has only known HIM as a father (his real father abandoned him)....so, ya, it's not that simple to just take another person out of his life. I am doing it for him...and only him.

How can it NOT be so bad....if there is no connection any longer? That is nowhere near being in a loving relationship.


If I step over the line here, please just smack me down.  ;)

If there is no connection any longer, and you have worked on it and whatever, then it shouldn't matter.  You tried your best, it didn't work, the end.  Each situation is different, however, and in most cases I'd say that an affair of the heart is a bad thing.  But in this case, it is not relevant because of what went on before.

The next question for you would be: what happens now?  And no one is qualified to answer that except for yourself and the people involved.  My opinion may be unpopular, but you know what I have gone through already, so I know you'll understand where I'm coming from and what I'm saying.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/13/08 at 10:00 pm

I can't help wondering if ANYTHING is 'appropriate' on this site ... given what I've seen lately. Hopefully a certain person will NEVER become 'lead mod' here ... and  given their constant reminders of how this ain't appropriate, THAT aint  appropriate (to VARIOUS members)  ... well !  ::)  Yes  ... our self appointed police person .. does a GRAND job of all this.  In the sad event .. I'll be outta here SO fast !  8-P

*Farts*  ... allow me to adjust fan ... (it's blowing the wrong way. )



This guy has LITTLE time for party poopers / wet blankets !

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 10:00 pm


O.K. this is sort of personal to me.

My dad left home twice whilst I was growing up.  Once when I was seven he left for a while to live with another woman.  I don't recall how long he was gone then but it was maybe a few months.  When I was fifteen or so he left to live in his own rented place for a while.  Maybe two years he was gone that time.  I don't know if there was another woman.  Some bloke came to where both my mum and I worked at the time (Woolworths) and asked me to give my mum a message that my dad was having an affair.  Apparently he also rang my mum at work and told her.  :o  Mum said she asked dad and he denied it.  :-\\

Anyway, for whatever reason, my mum and dad got back together and stayed together in a loving relationship till my mum died this summer.  

So just because one of a couple has an affair it doesn't mean that the whole relationship is over for ever.  I genuinely believe they loved each other to the end


thank you for sharing your story Karen..I really do appreciate hearing it. I do understand that "some" couples can overcome a lot of obstacles in their life...however, they BOTH have to be willing to try to better the situation. Only one person working at it is not going to cut it. Sometimes it just comes to the point where you just get really tired of being the one that is trying to make it all better.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Red Ant on 11/13/08 at 10:01 pm

Worse is subjective... I would think a physical affair would be worse than one from the heart, with stds, angry lovers coming home early, and all the cloak-and-dagger stuff that usually goes with affairs.

I dunno - I love Nicole enough that if she found a 'better' love, I'd let her go for it. At least I'd like to think that I would.



here's another scenario. What if someone's spouse actually cheated on them...and then over some time...they remained not very close to their spouse (still married though)...but found themselves getting very close to someone else?


In this purely hypothetical scenario, the seemingly best choice would be to split the failing relationship and pursue the better partner. In the real world, kids, jobs, financial security and property often add heart-breaking complications to something as simple a concept as love.

Life can get crazy in a minute: my friend, let's call him S, has a brother, called R. R is married to a much younger woman (let's call her C) and has three children with her. Great relationship until a few months ago, when C gets sorta crazy, even going so far as to hint at killing their kids. Fast foward a few months: while S and R are out of town, C gets an emergency restraining order against R, barring him from his own home and children. Upon hearing this news, R attempts to commit suicide. C is currently living with another man, her whereabouts only determined with the help of a PI. Story ends here for now...

My thoughts on ^: this is about as dysfunctional as a relationship can get. Both R and C need to get the hell away from each other before they go from Jerry Springer material to CNN headline news.

Ant

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/13/08 at 10:03 pm


If I step over the line here, please just smack me down.  ;)

If there is no connection any longer, and you have worked on it and whatever, then it shouldn't matter.  You tried your best, it didn't work, the end.  Each situation is different, however, and in most cases I'd say that an affair of the heart is a bad thing.  But in this case, it is not relevant because of what went on before.

The next question for you would be: what happens now?  And no one is qualified to answer that except for yourself and the people involved.  My opinion may be unpopular, but you know what I have gone through already, so I know you'll understand where I'm coming from and what I'm saying.


thanks for your input Jess. I can't even honestly answer that question right now either. It's difficult when two people have started a life together..and own things together, etc...but it's even harder when there is a child (children) involved. It makes it that much more difficult.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 11/13/08 at 10:06 pm


thanks for your input Jess. I can't even honestly answer that question right now either. It's difficult when two people have started a life together..and own things together, etc...but it's even harder when there is a child (children) involved. It makes it that much more difficult.


I dig.  This is something that is complicated, and will no doubt take a long while to work out. :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Ashkicksass on 11/13/08 at 10:14 pm

My sister was in a loveless marriage for a long time.  She and her husband stayed together only for their kid's sake.  They actually got divorced at one point, but then remarried because neither of them could stand living away from the children.  Since they remarried in 2003, they've had separate bedrooms, and more or less separate lives.  It has "worked" to a certain degree, but neither my sister or her husband has been remotely happy.  She met a really wonderful guy a while back that she worked with, and finally told her husband and kids about him, and officially divorced her husband (again) last summer.  But she can't leave her kids.  She still lives at the house with her ex husband.  They don't want to live with her and her new boyfriend, and she can't leave them.  (One is away at college, one is 16 and one is 12.)  It's a terrible situation, because they are all more or less in limbo right now.  The kids like her boyfriend and spend time with him - he has kids too, so they all do things together, but they don't want to leave their home and schools.  Anyway, she finally found love, which she is thrilled about, but hasn't really "started" her life with him.  I don't know what's going to happen.

Personally, I'm happy for her that she found love.  She was so afraid to tell her kids - thinking that they would hate her, but they are actually pretty cool with the whole thing.  There was nothing left in her marriage, and ultimately, I think it was worse for the kids to see both of their parents so unhappy than it would be to see them apart.  I just wish she'd figure out what she wants to do now.  The way it is just isn't working.  

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Tam on 11/13/08 at 11:36 pm

There is actually a lot to be said for one side or the other.
I am going to have to think about this one, possibly write it out on paper first so that I get my point across without sounding terribly evil.

Good thread idea Erin.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of each individual on the boards. Viewer discretion is advised. ;D 8)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Davester on 11/14/08 at 12:06 am


  Affair of the Heart - I think people cheat because the person they were at 25 is not the same person they are at 45.  So they grow apart.  They don't want to be with the person they are with, but they don't want to get divorced.  So they cheat...

  Passion (Sex) - Doesn't matter, IMO.  Nobody is unconscious when they're cheating and, sometimes, sex is just sex...

   

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 11/14/08 at 12:37 am


No..I'm not speaking about Rick Springfield's song...lol. I'm just curious to see what your opinions are regarding this. Do you think that an affair of the heart or a sexual affair is worse? Do you consider an affair of the heart technically cheating? Have any of you experienced this..and what was the outcome?
I don't think an affair of the heart (AOTH) is worse than sexual cheating, however if feeling like you're in love or falling in love with someone other than your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, or SO , if that is what you're referring to as an AOTH, then it's definitely cheating, but of a lesser degree. the physical consumation is so complete. I think many of these types of AOTH are like the Florence Nightengale effect. You go thru a bad experience & a friend happens to be there at just the right time when you need someone to listen to you, someone you can trust, compassionate & caring. I think it's easy to develop romantic feelings for that someone if you don't have strong boundaries. It could be someone at school, work, the internet, church, bowling league, or maybe a treatment center/hospital. I mean think about it, all you get from them is positive feedback and conversations. You don't get any negative at all, just the good stuff so of course it seems wonderful and right. all you have to gauge the AOTH relationship by is the comfort you feel with that person.  It's all that until you eventually move in together  ;D  whoa boy, and then the honeymoon is over because you now live together & have to deal with the things all couples go through,  I had a situation many years ago where I got very close to a co-worker, she was there at a crucial time in my life. we were already close friends, & one night I got scared that I may be falling in love with her & she revealed she had similar feelings. eventually me and my wife got close again (& I'm so glad we did). that friend is still a close friend & co-worker. we've reminisced about the past & are even amused at our brief AOTH & how we almost got carried away. anyways, married people have made a committment to one another & if one partner has eff'd that up, then you either do what you can to repair it, heal, & make it work, or you sadly end it which can injure children, family & friends, but that may be the best thing to do.
....anyways, I don't think you can't have both marriage and AOTH; it will never work.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 11/14/08 at 1:00 am

damn....  ::)  that was too long  ^    ;D 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/14/08 at 6:45 am


so enough of Howard..I wanna hear experiences! ;D


What do you want to know?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Midas on 11/14/08 at 8:44 am


I don't think an affair of the heart (AOTH) is worse than sexual cheating, however if feeling like you're in love or falling in love with someone other than your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, or SO , if that is what you're referring to as an AOTH, then it's definitely cheating, but of a lesser degree. the physical consumation is so complete. I think many of these types of AOTH are like the Florence Nightengale effect. You go thru a bad experience & a friend happens to be there at just the right time when you need someone to listen to you, someone you can trust, compassionate & caring. I think it's easy to develop romantic feelings for that someone if you don't have strong boundaries. It could be someone at school, work, the internet, church, bowling league, or maybe a treatment center/hospital. I mean think about it, all you get from them is positive feedback and conversations. You don't get any negative at all, just the good stuff so of course it seems wonderful and right. all you have to gauge the AOTH relationship by is the comfort you feel with that person.  It's all that until you eventually move in together  ;D  whoa boy, and then the honeymoon is over because you now live together & have to deal with the things all couples go through,  I had a situation many years ago where I got very close to a co-worker, she was there at a crucial time in my life. we were already close friends, & one night I got scared that I may be falling in love with her & she revealed she had similar feelings. eventually me and my wife got close again (& I'm so glad we did). that friend is still a close friend & co-worker. we've reminisced about the past & are even amused at our brief AOTH & how we almost got carried away. anyways, married people have made a committment to one another & if one partner has eff'd that up, then you either do what you can to repair it, heal, & make it work, or you sadly end it which can injure children, family & friends, but that may be the best thing to do.
....anyways, I don't think you can't have both marriage and AOTH; it will never work.


I agree.  Well said, Mike. :)

I was accused of AOTH by my ex-wife right before my 10-year HS reunion when I started talking online to a female classmate that I didn't know all that well in high school.  I wasn't secretive about it; my ex was pretty insecure and had trust issues.

I've seen the loveless marriages; I tried to make one work.  It doesn't.  I think it's actually worse to stay in one (even if it's for children(s)' sake) and have an AOTH.  Get out of that unhappy real relationship if you're not happy and you want to be with someone else, whether it be physically or otherwise.  You (and any children) will survive.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Midas on 11/14/08 at 8:48 am


What do you want to know?


http://www.admit-one.net/webimages/shhh.jpg

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: CatwomanofV on 11/14/08 at 11:41 am

In Carlos' first marriage, his ex had a "dry affair" as he called it. She was obsessed with this guy and he AND his wife were basically exploiting her. She basically flaunted the entire thing in front of Carlos. She finally kicked him out and he sought comfort in someone else's arms-me. THEN she wanted him back. By this time the damage was already done even though they tried to mend it. I met the guy at Carlos' daughter's wedding and my reaction was "She gave you up for THAT!!?" I am sorry for all the pain he went through but if she didn't do that to him, I wouldn't have him now.  ;)


As for if a relationship can be mended after an affair-whether it be physically or not, it depends on the two people and how much BOTH of them want to make the relationship work. It takes a while for wounds to heal-and they may never be completely healed. And there is no such thing as forgive & forget. You may forgive but you NEVER forget.



Cat

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: thereshegoes on 11/14/08 at 1:52 pm

^
I think that if you don't forget then you never really forgive.


Erin,if in your heart you're wondering if you're cheating or not it probably means that you believe you are. It's harsh to admit it and i say it 'cause i've been there but when you keep a relationship when your heart belongs to someonelse you're being untrue to your new love,to your old one and to yourself.
There are a million reasons why people who don't love eachother anymore keep being married and to me none of those reasons arevalid. Not the kids, not the money situation, not the family. Living a lie is so much worse than any pain Vaughn might feel with your separation now.

Hope it all works out for the best for you. In my case because i waited too long to make a decision i was abandoned by both guys and although at the time i couldn't admit it now i know that i had it coming.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/14/08 at 4:27 pm


In Carlos' first marriage, his ex had a "dry affair" as he called it. She was obsessed with this guy and he AND his wife were basically exploiting her. She basically flaunted the entire thing in front of Carlos. She finally kicked him out and he sought comfort in someone else's arms-me. THEN she wanted him back. By this time the damage was already done even though they tried to mend it. I met the guy at Carlos' daughter's wedding and my reaction was "She gave you up for THAT!!?" I am sorry for all the pain he went through but if she didn't do that to him, I wouldn't have him now.  ;)


As for if a relationship can be mended after an affair-whether it be physically or not, it depends on the two people and how much BOTH of them want to make the relationship work. It takes a while for wounds to heal-and they may never be completely healed. And there is no such thing as forgive & forget. You may forgive but you NEVER forget.



Cat
There is always scar tissue when any wound heals!!!!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Gis on 11/14/08 at 4:39 pm

Personally I think it is very bad to stay in a miserable relationship 'for the sake of the kids'. Children aren't stupid, they pick up on atmospheres. It makes far more sense to have two parents happy and apart than together tearing shreds off each other.

Of my friends who have developed feelings for someone else whilst their current relationship ends, I can't think of any who are still with that person. I think you have to give yourself room rather than dive straight into yet another relationship.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: CatwomanofV on 11/14/08 at 4:52 pm


Personally I think it is very bad to stay in a miserable relationship 'for the sake of the kids'. Children aren't stupid, they pick up on atmospheres. It makes far more sense to have two parents happy and apart than together tearing shreds off each other.

Of my friends who have developed feelings for someone else whilst their current relationship ends, I can't think of any who are still with that person. I think you have to give yourself room rather than dive straight into yet another relationship.



I agree with you.

I was so afraid when Carlos & I starting dating because I fell VERY hard for him and I was so afraid he was on the rebound and I know they don't usually last. We took things slow. I tried not to smother him and gave him a lot of space. We dated for about 4 years before I finally moved in here with him and finally got married 5 years after that. So by the time I moved in, it was fair to say that I didn't get him ONLY on the rebound.  ;)



Cat

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Foo Bar on 11/17/08 at 11:17 pm


I think people cheat because the person they were at 25 is not the same person they are at 45.  So they grow apart. 


A man marries a woman hoping she'll never change.
A woman marries a man hoping he will change.

Corollary:  I'm going to die, never having had a relationship with a woman who was smart, hot, and sane.  I'm also going to die never having ridden on a hippogriff.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ultraviolet52 on 11/18/08 at 12:36 am

An affair of the heart vs. physical? This is a difficult one for me. I mean, first of all, it often comes down to the root of things. Are they spending time with a "friend" more than you? Are they exchanging dreams, hopes and what ifs for the future with this "friend"? Having deep conversations that they'd usually have with you? I think these sorts of "affairs" can be stopped before they may get out of control, but how does one know when that will happen? Is the spouse not being loving and responsive? If so, physical cheating may be the outcome.

I think if one can keep things cool and a foundation of trust can be built and secured, then the thought of cheating probably would never come up. But, if trust is not built (trust is usually built by continuous honesty, compliments, reinforcement of love, demonstrations of love, etc.) then one may never feel secure in the idea that this person may or could be cheating.

I hope I haven't made this any more confusing for you, Erin. I think I've pretty much confused myself over it.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/23/08 at 11:25 am

I have dreams sometimes that involve other attractive women (but none more attractive than my wife :D :-*) and at the end of the dream I always come back to the wife.  Which makes me think that I will probably never have an affair of the heart because I know where my heart is supposed to be.

Do YOU know where your heart is supposed to be?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/23/08 at 4:27 pm


Do YOU know where your heart is supposed to be?




I think I might have left it ... in San Francisco ... or was it in Sam Clam's disco ? Is Sam Clam's disco in San Francisco ?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/23/08 at 8:31 pm




so once again I am late to the party.... Erin I have to agree with Gis. You are doing V. a great disservice if you stay in a loveless joyless marriage. 

Excuse me if I sound like Oprah or Doc Phil here but the message you are sending him is that you do not deserve any better. And what he needs to learn most from you is that you have to love yourself enough to get the life you deserve.  He's a kid he'll bounce back from not having a fulltime 'father' and what is he learning from dad anyway if dad doesn't respect you & you don't respect yourself then how will V. respect you and how will he grow up to have a loving healthy relationship if he's not given the opportunity to see one in action.... okay I'm stepping off the soapbox now.


I love ya girl but I gotta say any time you lie to your mate its cheating whether there is sex involved or not.... (I still had one foot on the box  ;) )


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/24/08 at 6:06 am

but I gotta say any time you lie to your mate its cheating whether there is sex involved or not....


But what if someone tells you they're going speed dating,"Are you going to be angry",goes and does it then doesn't call you for 2 days then has you worry thinking they brought a new mate home to have sex and then you feel better that it wasn't the case later? ???

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: danootaandme on 11/24/08 at 6:15 am





But what if someone tells you they're going speed dating,"Are you going to be angry",goes and does it then doesn't call you for 2 days then has you worry thinking they brought a new mate home to have sex and then you feel better that it wasn't the case later? ???



Sounds like you are setting yourself up for a fall.  If this person is speed dating, then they have passed on you and are on to the next.  You are worrying about something that means more to you than it does to them.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/24/08 at 6:22 am

Hmm.  Erin and McFly have never actually met in person ? There might be an age difference .. but .... you NEVER know ?




(they ARE scheduled to meet very soon !  :D )

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Ashkicksass on 11/24/08 at 12:07 pm




so once again I am late to the party.... Erin I have to agree with Gis. You are doing V. a great disservice if you stay in a loveless joyless marriage. 

Excuse me if I sound like Oprah or Doc Phil here but the message you are sending him is that you do not deserve any better. And what he needs to learn most from you is that you have to love yourself enough to get the life you deserve.  He's a kid he'll bounce back from not having a fulltime 'father' and what is he learning from dad anyway if dad doesn't respect you & you don't respect yourself then how will V. respect you and how will he grow up to have a loving healthy relationship if he's not given the opportunity to see one in action.... okay I'm stepping off the soapbox now.






I have to agree with this - you absolutely deserve happiness.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 11/24/08 at 2:55 pm

I agree with Snoz 100%. 

You may still be "there" but frankly, you're already gone, as I assume is the case for your husband.

Sure a father figure is important to a child, it depends on who that father is, though.  My parents divorced when I was two, and it didn't take me long to figure out why; my father was a hothead!  Oh, he was awesome with me and all, but other people... not so much  :-\\.

My step-father, on the other hand, was a kind and patient man and when I chose a husband, I looked for THOSE qualities in a man. 

Your son is more likely to grow up healthy exposed to a better situation.

By the way, a failed marriage does not make you a failure  :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/24/08 at 3:05 pm




By the way, a failed marriage does not make you a failure  :)




good point wish I'd said it 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Marty McFly on 11/24/08 at 3:34 pm

^ Very very true. :)

I can't promise everything, but I know I'll be the best person I can be - for you. Even if by some chance we don't get to be together, it's still worth it to me to move out to Pennsylvania (probably in 2012ish) just to be around you as like a super best friend. That's how much I care and I'll never stop as long as I live.



P.S. I think from a distance I can understand why you guys are saying "Hey just leave him, its a loveless marriage and a bad situation" and even though I agree with that, it's not that easy (and hey this is coming from the MOST likely person to be saying that!).

There's some things that are 100% unexcusable to even happen once IMO (like hitting a woman or hurting a kid in any way), and if that were the case I'd be saying ditch him now too. But beings that it's at least livable now (even if the guy is a jerk) sometimes when there's not an easy choice and you don't have anywhere to go, you have to ride it out until you have a better alternative.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/24/08 at 4:50 pm


Sounds like you are setting yourself up for a fall.  If this person is speed dating, then they have passed on you and are on to the next.  You are worrying about something that means more to you than it does to them.



I guess you know which person I was referring to? ::)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 12:46 am



I guess you know which person I was referring to? ::)



She doesn't need to Howard...its actually good advice period.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Gis on 11/25/08 at 3:12 am




P.S. I think from a distance I can understand why you guys are saying "Hey just leave him, its a loveless marriage and a bad situation" and even though I agree with that, it's not that easy (and hey this is coming from the MOST likely person to be saying that!).

There's some things that are 100% unexcusable to even happen once IMO (like hitting a woman or hurting a kid in any way), and if that were the case I'd be saying ditch him now too. But beings that it's at least livable now (even if the guy is a jerk) sometimes when there's not an easy choice and you don't have anywhere to go, you have to ride it out until you have a better alternative.
Noone is saying it's easy to walk away! Most of us have been in situations to know *exactly* just how bloody hard it is. We are just saying it is the best thing for everyone long term and it's a goal to aim for. I wouldn't wish long term misery on anyone, which is what you get if you stay in a situation like that. 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/25/08 at 7:38 am



She doesn't need to Howard...its actually good advice period.


In what way was that good advice,Hey she turned her back on me,not I,I was too busy to do what she did,I work,come home but I don't surf the web for girls or guys(in her case),She just had a lot of worriness.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 11/25/08 at 7:47 am


In what way was that good advice,Hey she turned her back on me,not I,I was too busy to do what she did,I work,come home but I don't surf the web for girls or guys(in her case),She just had a lot of worriness.

Snoz was saying D&Me's advice would suit whomever was in a similar situation as your own.  ;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Dagwood on 11/25/08 at 7:52 am


In what way was that good advice,Hey she turned her back on me,not I,I was too busy to do what she did,I work,come home but I don't surf the web for girls or guys(in her case),She just had a lot of worriness.


The advice was if she is into that stuff, she isn't as into you as you are into her.  She isn't worth it, especially now.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/25/08 at 7:56 am


The advice was if she is into that stuff, she isn't as into you as you are into her.  She isn't worth it, especially now.


I think she's more happy now than she was a year ago,could be anxiety or fearing her own future.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 11/25/08 at 7:59 am


I think she's more happy now than she was a year ago,could be anxiety or fearing her own future.

Whatever her deal is - move on!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/25/08 at 8:02 am


Whatever her deal is - move on!



Thanks LB. :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 12:30 pm



In what way was that good advice,


Please Howard for everyone's sake READ THE FOLLOWING VERY CAREFULLY...... 


Quoting Howard:

But what if someone tells you they're going speed dating,"Are you going to be angry",goes and does it then doesn't call you for 2 days then has you worry thinking they brought a new mate home to have sex and then you feel better that it wasn't the case later? Huh



you said she told you she was going speed dating and then didn't call for two days.

you worried she met someone else.




Sounds like you are setting yourself up for a fall.  If this person is speed dating, then they have passed on you and are on to the next.  You are worrying about something that means more to you than it does to them.



Danoota said YOU set yourself up for a fall.

If you are in a relationship and the person tells you she is going speed dating

Then what she is really telling you is that she has moved on...

You chose not to read between the lines

And YOU waited for two days after

She Said she was done (even tho she only hinted as much)





HOWARD. It Doesn't matter who you are talking about.... IF any woman tells you she is going speed dating she has ABSOLUTELY no interest in you... Any woman interested in a man does not go speed dating while seeing him.... and certainly doesn't tell him she's speed dating.





Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 12:32 pm


I think she's more happy now than she was a year ago,could be anxiety or fearing her own future.



Be happy that she is happy now...its the manly thing to do... and for the sake of everyone here  do what LB said and move on .....


PLEASE  :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 11/25/08 at 1:16 pm

She Said she was done (even tho she only hinted as much)


Some people only need a couple of bricks to fall on 'em, some need the whole damned house.  ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 2:18 pm


Some people only need a couple of bricks to fall on 'em, some need the whole damned house.  ;D



or two houses... maybe an entire block of Queens Brownstones might do the trick?



I don't know why I try so hard... maybe its my own personal form of OCD.... I can't tell you why I'm just compelled to try...  ;D


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/25/08 at 2:42 pm

you said she told you she was going speed dating and then didn't call for two days. you worried she met someone else.



She caused me stomach pains,headaches,couldn't sleep and eat well,I was so nervous couldn't even think straight,I didn't know what was going inside my mind,went over my head.  :(

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 3:13 pm




She caused me stomach pains,headaches,couldn't sleep and eat well,I was so nervous couldn't even think straight,I didn't know what was going inside my mind,went over my head.  :(



did you read the rest of what I wrote or did you just stop there?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Step-chan on 11/25/08 at 5:51 pm

Yes, Howard.... Please don't pull a Dash Jr.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/25/08 at 8:06 pm


Some people only need a couple of bricks to fall on 'em, some need the whole damned house.  ;D





Just KEEP moving Howard. I'm SURE you can outrun it.



























                                                       http://www.loanswithrob.com/Clipart/House%20Falling.gif



http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/2295/captainoblivioustj4.jpg


Just POSITIVE !     8)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 8:11 pm



Is HOWARD banned from THIS thread ?  ???

NOT again !  :o


http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/07/nopity.gif
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:-X    :(
And we were worried that this might happen :-[ :-[ :-[  Why would we worry :-\\ :-\\ :-\\



Howard, Howard, Howard - it is time baby, start looking for a new person ;)

No one, and I mean No one, that you care about should cause you to be physically ill with worry (unless it is their safety issue - fireman, policeman, etc...) 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/25/08 at 10:07 pm



did you read the rest of what I wrote or did you just stop there?





I stopped there,I am sorry.  :(

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/25/08 at 10:09 pm

no one, and I mean No one, that you care about should cause you to be physically ill with worry


Well,she did,I don't know why I worry so much,maybe it's just me,I don't know. :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 11/25/08 at 10:14 pm

^ trapped in the quote box. ;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 10:22 pm


^  & <  trapped in a never ending circle of hell

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 10:24 pm


^  & <  trapped in a never ending circle of hell
who????? US or Howard?????

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 10:25 pm


who????? US or Howard?????



Well it was Jess and me... but you and a lot of other people here...... because of Howard... sorry Howard... go back and read the rest of that post.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 10:27 pm


no one, and I mean No one, that you care about should cause you to be physically ill with worry


Well,she did,I don't know why I worry so much,maybe it's just me,I don't know. :-\\
Howard, the rule of thumb is

If it hurts, don't do it! 


That applies to lots of things in life!  Move on and find something that Feels good!!!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 10:28 pm


Howard, the rule of thumb is

If it hurts, don't do it! 


That applies to lots of things in life!  Move on and find something that Feels good!!!
^^^^^^DOH!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 10:28 pm



its fun inside that box huh?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 10:30 pm



its fun inside that box huh?
It is definitely a tricky box :o :o :o

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/25/08 at 10:35 pm


It is definitely a tricky box :o :o :o



I've been caught in there a few times myself...especially answering alan.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 11/25/08 at 10:36 pm

Eh, it's padded in there, so it's all good.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 10:42 pm


Eh, it's padded in there, so it's all good.
Sorry, you can't repeat a karma action without waiting 24 hours.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/25/08 at 11:07 pm



I've been caught in there a few times myself...especially answering alan.



And I have NO idea














































why that might occur ?







:P



;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: 2kidsami on 11/25/08 at 11:25 pm



And I have NO idea














































why that might occur ?







:P



;D

Trickckckckckckckckaaaaaaaaay, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/26/08 at 7:13 am



Well it was Jess and me... but you and a lot of other people here...... because of Howard... sorry Howard... go back and read the rest of that post.


Thank You,I read the rest of the post. :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Marty McFly on 11/26/08 at 11:13 pm

Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 12:02 am

^

Tiresome .... just tiresome !


Being 'lectured' .... by a 27 year old.  ::)


Arrogant !


Please do NOT post in PLAYFUL penguin place ... anymore !   8-P


















:P



;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 11/27/08 at 12:25 am


Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).


You do realize that the more you bitch about it, the more people are going to act up, right?  Srsly.

Here then, if you want on topic: I had an affair of the heart and I got burned in the end because he was a married man who decided to dump both ME and his wife and get with someone else.  I know some of the elder board members on here know who I'm talking about and probably still communicate with him, but you know what?  I really don't f*cking care at this point.  Am I still hurt by it? No, because I found someone who treats me with respect and love and doesn't want to change me to suit his personal agenda.  Am I hurt by the fact that he considered himself my best friend and confidante, even after what happened, yet conveniently disappeared when I was having troubles a few months ago?  Yes.

So there's an affair of the heart story for you.

Hmmm....I must be more bitter than I thought.  Oh the f*ck well.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 12:30 am

^ It's alright, I always thought he was a bit of a manipulative douchebag anyway :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 11/27/08 at 12:33 am


^ It's alright, I always thought he was a bit of a manipulative douchebag anyway :D


And you TOLD ME, TOLD ME, that before that crap went down.  I should have listened.  However, that's not what bothers me anymore.  I think I knew subconsciously that it was going nowhere, despite all the assurances of love and devotion.  What is really hurting is the, "Oh, I'm your best friend I'll always be there for you.....except when you decide to have a nervous breakdown and contemplate suicide and actually have real problems...but let's talk about me some more!"

Feck, I hella lucked out.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 12:35 am

Me too!  :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: bookmistress4ever on 11/27/08 at 1:01 am

I guess you have to decide WHY you wanna stay with someone that you don't love or respect anymore.  I know you feel comfortable with someone new now and that might turn out to be an everlasting thing...or it might not.

Are you staying with your husband because financially, they can take care of V, because maybe he'll still take care of him, if you split up.  When you were seperated before, did he still take an interest in V?  I just don't see "staying because of the kids" is ever right.  My parents did it, and now they are so used to each other but bitch about one another to me so much, I wish they'd have seperated long ago.  Maybe they'd have had better chance to be happy, or maybe not, but it certainally doesn't seem like they are happy now (unless complaining about one another makes them happy...who knows?)

I know it's a complicated issue, and certainally not something to just make a snap decision about, but only you can decide if there is something there in your marriage worth saving, nobody else.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 3:12 am

When Quirk FIRST started this topic ... in this area of the board .... it bothered me not a bit. I was actually annoyed that it seemed her freedom of choice ... on where she opted to do so ... was maybe being questioned /leaned on.

Since I've found Quirk to be someone who is quite easy going / nearly ALWAYS  up for a laugh ... well, it seemed .... harmless enough ?

On having a FURTHER look ... at how this board is currently divided into topics .... in truth, I can't say that there's a NATURAL 'no question' ... she SHOULD have posted in THAT section   area .... if she wanted a SERIOUS at all times type / no hijacking etc; etc;  sort of discourse.

To accommodate the likes of those ... who might want that sort of thing ... perhaps we should approach the mods / Chucky (when I'm feeling myself) ... to get a new 'sub-board' ... for this type of thing ?


About the only place I see where you might alternatively have  thought about starting this thread .... is 'More than a decade' .... although that's supposed to relate to popular culture.

Maybe the new sub-board, or board ... would be called 'Deadly serious' ... or the like ... with a 'sticky' that posts to THAT section ... are MEANT to be .... STAY ...  serious / 'Please do not hijack' / 'please stay on topic' .......... and the like !  ???

THAT way .... people like McFly  COULD be accommodated  8)  ... and when 'shallow' thinking, immature jerks like me ... try to step in THERE .... well, you could RIGHTLY chide me !

However, being in truth ... a DEEP thinker ... more than some would give me credit for ... I actually thought this all out for myself !  I didn't just come back into this thread ... get back up on my 'soap box' .... and start  making the SAME kinda digs .... all over again .... at those immature 5O + year olds  ::)    ..... after 'sincerely'  ::)  apologizing to them   (well, one at least ) . An apology is USELESS if you're just gonna carry on doing the same old crap  ...... and so SOON !  8-P

A 'deep thinker'    ::)  TRULY contrite  ::)    .... would actually think about the repercussions ... before shooting their mouth off .. yet again, ... allow the 'dust to settle' a little bit ?


Anyway ... personal observations aside .... I do think I've made some CONSTRUCTIVE  good suggestions, in this post ?  ???    ???      :P

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 11/27/08 at 3:22 am


When Quirk FIRST started this topic ... in this area of the board .... it bothered me not a bit. I was actually annoyed that it seemed her freedom of choice ... on where she opted to do so ... was maybe being questioned /leaned on.

Since I've found Quirk to be someone who is quite easy going / nearly ALWAYS  up for a laugh ... well, it seemed .... harmless enough ?

On having a FURTHER look ... at how this board is currently divided into topics .... in truth, I can't say that there's a NATURAL 'no question' ... she SHOULD have posted in THAT section   area .... if she wanted a SERIOUS at all times type / no hijacking etc; etc;  sort of discourse.

To accommodate the likes of those ... who might want that sort of thing ... perhaps we should approach the mods / Chucky (when I'm feeling myself) ... to get a new 'sub-board' ... for this type of thing ?


About the only place I see where you might alternatively have  thought about starting this thread .... is 'More than a decade' .... although that's supposed to relate to popular culture.

Maybe the new sub-board, or board ... would be called 'Deadly serious' ... or the like ... with a 'sticky' that posts to THAT section ... are MEANT to be .... STAY ...  serious / 'Please do not hijack' / 'please stay on topic' .......... and the like !   ???

THAT way .... people like McFly  COULD be accommodated  8)  ... and when 'shallow' thinking, immature jerks like me ... try to step in THERE .... well, you could RIGHTLY chide me !

However, being in truth ... a DEEP thinker ... more than some would give me credit for ... I actually thought this all out for myself !  I didn't just come back into this thread ... get back up on my 'soap box' .... and start  making the SAME kinda digs .... all over again .... at those immature 5O + year olds  ::)    ..... after 'sincerely'  ::)  apologizing to them   (well, one at least ) . An apology is USELESS if you're just gonna carry on doing the same old crap  ...... and so SOON !   8-P

A 'deep thinker'    ::)  TRULY contrite  ::)    .... would actually think about the repercussions ... before shooting their mouth off .. yet again, ... allow the 'dust to settle' a little bit ?


Anyway ... personal observations aside .... I do think I've made some CONSTRUCTIVE  good suggestions, in this post ?   ???    ???      :P
  a serious board for serious topics, because Penguins can't help but play here in the PPP. It just might work.

that's a pretty good & thoughtful idea Al,  not bad for a shallow thinking M.A.P.    J/K   

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 3:26 am

By the way ... if such an area / sub-board WAS established ... well ... you COULD still start such 'serious' threads here ..... but with NO justification to whine, once people like me 'hi-jack' your thread .... go 'off topic'  ::)  .... treat you 'disrespectfully'  ::) . Your respect towards me, McFly  ::)    .... much appreciated !   :P  ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 3:26 am


  a serious board for serious topics, because Penguins can't help but play here in the PPP. It just might work.

that's a pretty good & thoughtful idea Al,   not bad for a shallow thinking M.A.P.    J/K   





Thanks, Mike ! 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 11/27/08 at 3:31 am


By the way ... if such an area / sub-board WAS established ... well ... you COULD still start such 'serious' threads here ..... but with NO justification to whine, once people like me 'hi-jack' your thread .... go 'off topic'  ::)  .... treat you 'disrespectfully'  ::) . Your respect towards me, McFly   ::)    .... much appreciated !   :P   ;D
true, but probably best to have them moved to the appropriate section & avoid the headaches & heartaches because hijacking happens.   


http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0S020praC5Je6cALZajzbkF/SIG=11lp65mb9/EXP=1227864555/**http%3A//2zod.com/news/Beavis_2.jpg hehhehhehhehheh  you said jacking  heh heh hehheh




Thanks, Mike !  
you're welcome and hopefully it will happen.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 4:47 am


true, but probably best to have them moved to the appropriate section & avoid the headaches & heartaches because hijacking happens.   


http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0S020praC5Je6cALZajzbkF/SIG=11lp65mb9/EXP=1227864555/**http%3A//2zod.com/news/Beavis_2.jpg hehhehhehhehheh  you said jacking  heh heh hehheh

you're welcome and hopefully it will happen.


I WILL make the appropriate noises ... in the  RIGHT  place.  So ... 'chill' McFly  .... don't get your 'knickers in the twist' .. I'd say it's just a matter of time (not long,  I hope ...  )  ... before you  GET the space  YOU / ( other's ? )   want !

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 11/27/08 at 5:39 am


Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).
Serious chat I keep to the Politics and Religion board. On any PPP topic it is set out for "Discuss preening tips, how to avoid walruses, and famous penguins throughout history. Announce your new ranking status here. Discussions amongst regulars about non-penguin related subjects are also welcome here." So if penguins are to the fore, it is a light hearted matter in PPP. Many a time topic have gone off-topic but do return to the orginal theme. The topic of the thread can easily returned to by posts a reply/post on the subject.

btw, have you try out the BTTF forum yet?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Dagwood on 11/27/08 at 8:18 am


Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).


Yet another post of mine for you to ignore but I am going to say it anyway.  Get a grip.  It didn't fly too far off topic and it came right back.  Seriously, if you want people to like or at least respect you, you need to quit chastising them at the drop of a hat.  It is very rude.  Like I said before, you point a finger at someone you have 3 more pointing back at you. 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/27/08 at 9:28 am


When Quirk FIRST started this topic ... in this area of the board .... it bothered me not a bit. I was actually annoyed that it seemed her freedom of choice ... on where she opted to do so ... was maybe being questioned /leaned on.




It wasn't the location of the thread I was questioning more the thread as a whole.  I know that people here discuss personal topics but I wasn't sure that a discussion about two/three board members personal lives where only one seemed interested in starting the topic was appropriate.  It just struck me as a minefield.





Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.



Stop doing that about nally.  Adding lol doesn't stop it being an insult you know.

Also I don't see much threadjacking going on.  It might not have been discussing you and Quirk but it was advice to Howard about his past 'love affairs'

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 9:29 am


Yet another post of mine for you to ignore but I am going to say it anyway.  Get a grip.  It didn't fly too far off topic and it came right back.  Seriously, if you want people to like or at least respect you, you need to quit chastising them at the drop of a hat.  It is very rude.  Like I said before, you point a finger at someone you have 3 more pointing back at you. 




And now, ladies and gentlemen .... please allow me to present my analysis of this thread ... as it has unravelled ..







Synopsis of thread:

Page 1 ...

Quirk starts thread ... seems light hearted enough .... 'lol ... I'm just curious'



Mister comes in straight away ... makes connection to Howard/ex .... turns into a  joke.



Receives backing in that vein ... from 2kidsamI


Quirk gets the joke .... cool.



Then says ... enough of Howard ... (half joking) ... let's get sorta serious.



Page 2 ...


KidsamI gets serious .... Quirk responds same vein   .... then Karen suggests that maybe the topic was better placed NOT in Playful Penguin Place (or maybe she meant anywhere on the board ?


They debate this ...  a serious tone.



Page 3 ...


In full swing ... 'Mister' makes an appearance on a side issue that bothers him  ... it gets 'missed' ... and the serious discussion continues (no harm done).



Page 4 ...


Pretty much serious ... with some light hearted moments from Badfinger-fan, and Midas .... to lighten the mood ? (Cool)




Page 5 ...


Pretty much on topic ... with Mister making a couple of mild attempts at humor .... but certainly not disruptive.




Page 6 ....


Late comer to the thread ... our 'hero' .... McFly  ::)  .... sticks his oar in  (no ... let's try to stay objective) ... he promises undying love / devotion to Quirk ...


Howard starts talking about YOU know who ... (well I DID try to warn her  :P    ;D ) .....



As usual ... he gets an audience for this old, old story   :(  .......



Page 7 ...


When Howard CONTINUES with all this .... (been analyzed /advised to death) .... we (Ladybug, Snoz, 2kidsamI, Mister ...   start to make some jokes .... coz he's played that record to death .... and driving us insane !


Page 8 ...



Howard is chastened .... apologies for his talking about her .... YET again ... fumbles .. a joke is made by Jessica ..... we have a page then joking about how he got stuck in the quote box (members also involved in the joke snoz / 2kids )



Page 9 ....


The joking continues .. for another page ...with further contributions from ladybug, mister, and those ALREADY involved.


It is at THIS point .... with absolutely NOBODY being ignored .... disrespected (did I MISS something ?   ???   ???  ) .... that McFly takes us to task  ... who (REMINDER)  did NOT start the thread ... .he ONLY appeared on page 6 ... and now has the audacity ... to tell us to 'behave'  !  In other words ... this thread is SACRED territory ... and UNLESS you've got something to say .... seriously related to this topic ... get the f*** out (according to him )   ::)



'Mister' SNAPS ... gives him a piece of his mind ...  the discussion continues.


Page 10 and 11 ... well you can do your OWN from here !   :P






YEP ..... I'd say that's a pretty fair, accurate analysis .... of how this thread developed.  Anyone disagree / agree ?    ???

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 11/27/08 at 11:51 am

Wow, I must have been drunker than I thought last night, because I sure in the hell don't remember typing any of what I typed a page ago.

Damned Andria syndrome. ;D

My story and assessment still stand though.  I also agree with Dagwood and karen and everyone else who said to chill the f*ck out, McFly.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 12:01 pm

This is heavy, Doc...

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 11/27/08 at 12:08 pm

I'm wating till they make the film.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 12:46 pm


Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).



first you call me middle aged then you say I'm in my fifties  >:(  you're seriously treading very dangerous ground Marty.


For the record...we were having a serious discussion...Erin never came back and well in the course of our discussion the discussion shifted.... its called tangents it happens... and if Erin chooses to respond to us then we'll get back on track... at the very least you can thank us for keeping her topic at the forefront for others to see.  and respond to.  <that will also help it get back on track....




Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 12:55 pm


When Quirk FIRST started this topic ... in this area of the board .... it bothered me not a bit. I was actually annoyed that it seemed her freedom of choice ... on where she opted to do so ... was maybe being questioned /leaned on.

Since I've found Quirk to be someone who is quite easy going / nearly ALWAYS  up for a laugh ... well, it seemed .... harmless enough ?

On having a FURTHER look ... at how this board is currently divided into topics .... in truth, I can't say that there's a NATURAL 'no question' ... she SHOULD have posted in THAT section   area .... if she wanted a SERIOUS at all times type / no hijacking etc; etc;  sort of discourse.

To accommodate the likes of those ... who might want that sort of thing ... perhaps we should approach the mods / Chucky (when I'm feeling myself) ... to get a new 'sub-board' ... for this type of thing ?


About the only place I see where you might alternatively have  thought about starting this thread .... is 'More than a decade' .... although that's supposed to relate to popular culture.

Maybe the new sub-board, or board ... would be called 'Deadly serious' ... or the like ... with a 'sticky' that posts to THAT section ... are MEANT to be .... STAY ...  serious / 'Please do not hijack' / 'please stay on topic' .......... and the like !   ???

THAT way .... people like McFly  COULD be accommodated  8)  ... and when 'shallow' thinking, immature jerks like me ... try to step in THERE .... well, you could RIGHTLY chide me !

However, being in truth ... a DEEP thinker ... more than some would give me credit for ... I actually thought this all out for myself !  I didn't just come back into this thread ... get back up on my 'soap box' .... and start  making the SAME kinda digs .... all over again .... at those immature 5O + year olds  ::)    ..... after 'sincerely'  ::)  apologizing to them   (well, one at least ) . An apology is USELESS if you're just gonna carry on doing the same old crap  ...... and so SOON !   8-P

A 'deep thinker'    ::)  TRULY contrite  ::)    .... would actually think about the repercussions ... before shooting their mouth off .. yet again, ... allow the 'dust to settle' a little bit ?


Anyway ... personal observations aside .... I do think I've made some CONSTRUCTIVE  good suggestions, in this post ?   ???    ???      :P



it won't help to create a sub board... if you think about it this thread only went off topic 3 times....

1) to talk about Howard  ::)  (and even that was sort of on topic since we discussed his relationship )
2) to talk about getting stuck in the quote box....which happened here so it got discussed here
3) to talk- oddly enough- about going off topic....this one is Jesse's fault...if he hadn't said anything things would have gradually gone back on task once Patty replied.

And I think only Erin should be the one to say if she doesn't like that we went astray in her board.  Of all the threads I've gone off topic in...I think this was the least offensive/offending of the lot... because it didn't stray that far.

 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 1:01 pm



I will amend my last post slightly.....


I don't think if we had a sub board for serious topics we'd stay on track there any more than we do anywhere else....  however a serious board might be nice for it felt strange posting the In honor of Cat's sister thread in Playful Penguin Place  :-\\


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 1:39 pm

I think we can be playfully serious...I think most of us have enough tact to know when to be playful and silly and when to tone it back a notch.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 2:26 pm


Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).


OOOOOH...I see.

No wonder Snoz was mad :(  McFly fail.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 2:29 pm


OOOOOH...I see.

No wonder Snoz was mad :(  McFly fail.



Especially since I feel I was the instigator in the first two jackings... if you can call them jackings....  ::)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/27/08 at 2:29 pm

Actually I think he was aiming this at one person in particular.  :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 2:31 pm


Actually I think he was aiming this at one person in particular.  :-\\



but that person, in this case didn't jack the thread... that person made one innocent comment to something I said... so its my fault (in this case) not his...

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 2:31 pm


Actually I think he was aiming this at one person in particular.  :-\\


Well, if it's the person I'm thinking of then I think I'm inclined to agree, but said person also makes a good point subsequent to the posting :D :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/27/08 at 2:32 pm


Well, if it's the person I'm thinking of then I think I'm inclined to agree, but said person also makes a good point subsequent to the posting :D :D


True dat

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 2:33 pm



and for the record.... what we've been doing since Mcfly's post is totally thread jacking.... Sorry Erin.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 11/27/08 at 2:36 pm

Our bad.

Where is your heart today?  Mine is with the wife's pies and turkey :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/27/08 at 2:38 pm



and for the record.... what we've been doing since Mcfly's post is totally thread jacking.... Sorry Erin.




Only after someone poked their nose in to comment on the threadjacking that had been going on.  And we were discussing how little there had been and waiting for the original complainant to show us exactly where the thread had gone astray.  I have previously asked him to do this in the other thread (What Happened to inthe00s (long)) but got no response.  Doubt we will this time either.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 2:38 pm


Our bad.

Where is your heart today?  Mine is with the wife's pies and turkey :D



mine is with the yams... always with the yams!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/27/08 at 2:39 pm


Only after someone poked their nose in to comment on the threadjacking that had been going on.  And we were discussing how little there had been and waiting for the original complainant to show us exactly where the thread had gone astray.  I have previously asked him to do this in the other thread (What Happened to inthe00s (long)) but got no response.  Doubt we will this time either.



he's become a selective responder

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Midas on 11/27/08 at 3:07 pm


Hey guys, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about in terms of immature threadjacking. I don't wanna sound like an uptight nally type lol, but when it's a serious minded thread and people muck it up with pointless spam I think that's kinda disrepsectful.

I'm not saying delving off topic is a bad thing (you'd expect it to kinda happen and yeah we've all done it), but not to the point where staying on topic is literally impossible.

People might rip on youth for being immature, but the irony is that the people who do this are like in their 50s (ie can't construct a sentence properly or take constructive crticism).


I would think most people in their 50s can construct a sentence properly.  But like, whatever.  lol



:D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 4:00 pm

So much for my 'synopsis' of this thread. Nobody could be bothered to say whether they agreed, or disagreed.  :-[

Am I being ignored ? Man .... I feel like starting a thread !  >:(























'What the hell happened to the 00s .... MACH 2 ! '
















:P



:D



;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 11/27/08 at 4:29 pm


So much for my 'synopsis' of this thread. Nobody could be bothered to say whether they agreed, or disagreed.   :-[



I think that the silence was agreement with your post.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/27/08 at 5:43 pm

When Howard CONTINUES with all this .... (been analyzed /advised to death) .... we (Ladybug, Snoz, 2kidsamI, Mister ...  start to make some jokes .... coz he's played that record to death .... and driving us insane !


I know,I shouldn't have brought up that situation. :(

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 5:51 pm





I know,I shouldn't have brought up that situation. :(




I just KNEW you WOULD (see post 2 in this thread ) .......... AND ....... you CAN'T help yourself !


















:D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/27/08 at 5:53 pm




I just KNEW you WOULD (see post 2 in this thread ) .......... AND ....... you CAN'T help yourself !


















:D



I tried to help myself.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/27/08 at 5:58 pm

Ah...bloody freaking hell. http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/madgo.gif

Everybody chill..please!  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/krach.gif

At this point I don't really care if we are talking about hairy taxi drivers named Moe, OR affairs of the heart.

This is getting crazy...is it not?

Oh, and Patty...btw..karma to you, I think your comments were right on the nose. ;) http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/luxhello.gif

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 5:59 pm



he's become a selective responder





The hallmarks ..... of a would be control-freak ?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 6:01 pm


Ah...bloody freaking hell. http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/madgo.gif

Everybody chill..please!  http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/krach.gif

At this point I don't really care if we are talking about hairy taxi drivers named Moe, OR affairs of the heart.

This is getting crazy...is it not?

Oh, and Patty...btw..karma to you, I think your comments were right on the nose. ;) http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/06/luxhello.gif



There you have it ... it's official ... the THREAD starter .... don't care ... so ... 'butt out' ... McFly !  :P    ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/27/08 at 6:02 pm



There you have it ... it's official ... the THREAD starter .... don't care ... so ... 'butt out' ... McFly !   :P     ;D



be nice Alan....let's all agree to disagree now! ;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 6:05 pm



be nice Alan....let's all agree to disagree now! ;)


I certainly will agree to disagree .... and coz I STILL like YOU, Erin   :-*    :-*      .... I'll try to be 'nice'  !     :)    ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/27/08 at 6:07 pm


I certainly will agree to disagree .... and coz I STILL like YOU, Erin   :-*    :-*      .... I'll try to be 'nice'  !     :)    ;D



thank you very much!!  ;) :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 6:10 pm



thank you very much!!  ;) :D


You're more than welcome.



P.S.

























Feel free to 'hi-jack' your OWN thread ANYTIME !












:D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/27/08 at 6:10 pm


You're more than welcome.



P.S.

























Feel free to 'hi-jack' your OWN thread ANYTIME !












:D


w00t!!! I just might! :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/27/08 at 6:13 pm

How can someone hi-jack their own thread?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 11/27/08 at 6:16 pm


How can someone hi-jack their own thread?


one can do anything...if they put their mind to it! ;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/27/08 at 6:25 pm


one can do anything...if they put their mind to it! ;)



Who needs a woman .... a man .... anybody, .... any THING .... when ... if you put your mind to it ... you can even go F*** yourself .... and I'm sure you sometimes feel like  inviting  some of us to do JUST that.  8)    ;D






In the MEAN time .... I WILL experiment with that interesting idea ( but I think it has to be of John Holmes proportions,  :-X    :-[    and a bit more flexible ? )     ???    ???



???      ::)      :o






















:P




:D



;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Gis on 11/28/08 at 3:23 am



Who needs a woman .... a man .... anybody, .... any THING .... when ... if you put your mind to it ... you can even go F*** yourself .... and I'm sure you sometimes feel like  inviting  some of us to do JUST that.   8)    ;D






In the MEAN time .... I WILL experiment with that interesting idea ( but I think it has to be of John Holmes proportions,  :-X     :-[    and a bit more flexible ? )     ???    ???



???      ::)       :o


:P




:D



;D
WAY, WAY too much information at this time in the morning  8-P

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Marty McFly on 11/28/08 at 4:25 am



first you call me middle aged then you say I'm in my fifties  >:(  you're seriously treading very dangerous ground Marty.


For the record...we were having a serious discussion...Erin never came back and well in the course of our discussion the discussion shifted.... its called tangents it happens... and if Erin chooses to respond to us then we'll get back on track... at the very least you can thank us for keeping her topic at the forefront for others to see.   and respond to.   <that will also help it get back on track....



Oh gosh no, of course not (and all apologies if I insinuated that it was about you). Youre one of the few people I usually thoroughly enjoy talking with (even when we may disagree on an issue). I was referring to Mr Mister - and for the record I've got nothing against him as a human being, I just happen to dislike his posting style. There's a difference between the person's actions and the person themselves.

BTW, I'm not ignoring anyone. I've been busier lately (looking for a job, selling stuff on ebay and hanging out with people - i cant help it if I'm not at home).






Look, it's like Jerry Springer says "Till next time, take care of yourself and each other" - that's how the board used to be back in the day. I'm not even begging for it to return to that (I know things change, and I'm personally busier these days), it's just the principle of it I was trying to get across in the whole thread.

Was everything analytical or super serious 2-3 years ago? Of course not, it just seemed more communal and less cliquey (ie the "Keep ninny broken" type threads).

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Marty McFly on 11/28/08 at 4:29 am


Serious chat I keep to the Politics and Religion board. On any PPP topic it is set out for "Discuss preening tips, how to avoid walruses, and famous penguins throughout history. Announce your new ranking status here. Discussions amongst regulars about non-penguin related subjects are also welcome here." So if penguins are to the fore, it is a light hearted matter in PPP. Many a time topic have gone off-topic but do return to the orginal theme. The topic of the thread can easily returned to by posts a reply/post on the subject.

btw, have you try out the BTTF forum yet?


Oh yeah I get what you're saying Phil, and hey I don't have anything against "playful" or jokey threads existing (I've done several myself). All I'm saying is that they now seem to be the MAJORITY - like probably 80% of the board.

Beings that the PPP is a general off topic board, people are gonna sometimes want to talk about something from their life or ask an opinion or just have general questions about something. Is it always serious? Of course not (I'd usually say it averaged about half and half) but there should be SOME more personalized stuff. It can be hard to make a post here without the thread getting buried and (maybe unintentionally) ignored.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Marty McFly on 11/28/08 at 4:39 am


I guess you have to decide WHY you wanna stay with someone that you don't love or respect anymore.  I know you feel comfortable with someone new now and that might turn out to be an everlasting thing...or it might not.

Are you staying with your husband because financially, they can take care of V, because maybe he'll still take care of him, if you split up.  When you were seperated before, did he still take an interest in V?  I just don't see "staying because of the kids" is ever right.  My parents did it, and now they are so used to each other but bitch about one another to me so much, I wish they'd have seperated long ago.  Maybe they'd have had better chance to be happy, or maybe not, but it certainally doesn't seem like they are happy now (unless complaining about one another makes them happy...who knows?)

I know it's a complicated issue, and certainally not something to just make a snap decision about, but only you can decide if there is something there in your marriage worth saving, nobody else.


Thanks for actually caring, and I basically agree. :)

Yeah, it's a hard situation all around. I know V is a big part of why they're still together (the poor kid has been through alot in only 6 and a half years, and it would be difficult to be torn apart from him - even if the guy is a jerk and not that attentive he still at least provides and raises V, that's all he knows as a dad). There's also the idea of being able to get a place on your own and a career that can sustain that - getting back on your feet is harder than it sounds.

It's easy for casual observers on the outside to say "Oh just ditch him and move out" (and I'm not knocking that), but it's the day to day simple things like that which don't get as much attention. That's harder for people to understand, and ironically you would think I would be the most critical person to be telling her to take off (because of my personal feelings).

But I think aside from extreme stuff (like if he were violent) sometimes you have to go with the lesser of two evils and only stay long enough for you to get away later and have a better life.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 11/28/08 at 6:23 am

Why stay with someone who you have no feelings for.In the long run not only are you hurting and cheating yourself from love,but you are also hurting your son. Children can be very intuitive and know when parents are upset and hurting.Lots of kids are very emotional,and take it to heart and they start feeling sad.
You can only do what you feel is right,so good luck to you,and I hope everything turns out for the best.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/28/08 at 6:17 pm



Oh gosh no, of course not (and all apologies if I insinuated that it was about you). Youre one of the few people I usually thoroughly enjoy talking with (even when we may disagree on an issue). I was referring to Mr Mister - and for the record I've got nothing against him as a human being, I just happen to dislike his posting style. There's a difference between the person's actions and the person themselves.

BTW, I'm not ignoring anyone. I've been busier lately (looking for a job, selling stuff on ebay and hanging out with people - i cant help it if I'm not at home).


Look, it's like Jerry Springer says "Till next time, take care of yourself and each other" - that's how the board used to be back in the day. I'm not even begging for it to return to that (I know things change, and I'm personally busier these days), it's just the principle of it I was trying to get across in the whole thread.

Was everything analytical or super serious 2-3 years ago? Of course not, it just seemed more communal and less cliquey (ie the "Keep ninny broken" type threads).



I guess I just took offense because Alan wouldn't have even made the post you're referring to if I hadn't called on him to do so.



I guess if you're not here every day (or every few days) the boards could seem cliquey... I just don't find them to be cliquey I think its just that our conversations carry on over several threads..... so 2kidsami, ladybug and myself might start a conversation in one place and then carry it over to some other post.  Tam, Jessica and I do the same thing.  Then gibbo, alan and I also do it. I could have 5 different conversations carrying on in 15 different threads.  I suppose it can get confusing. But usually some one comes in, asks what we're talking about and we tell them and then they join in. 

I think you have to start putting yourself out there Jessie. You've been around long enough you know most of the members. You keep saying that people need to know you (or you need to know them) before you're comfortable. I say let your hair down and get comfortable. Life is kicking most of us in the ass. This is how we deal with it... It may seem immature but I would prefer talking about spankings and other nonesense here than dealing with the reality that is my life... I'm not ready to kill myself or anything but some days  :-\\  some days are really bleak.. so  ease up on Alan. You may like his style but he makes me laugh when I need it.  And Philip is always here when I need company in the middle of the night because the insomnia won't go away.  And as for nally- nally's pretty cool. He has never uttered one mean thing against anyone on this board. I don't think any of us can claim the same.



Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 11/30/08 at 5:27 am



Oh gosh no, of course not (and all apologies if I insinuated that it was about you). Youre one of the few people I usually thoroughly enjoy talking with (even when we may disagree on an issue). I was referring to Mr Mister - and for the record I've got nothing against him as a human being, I just happen to dislike his posting style. There's a difference between the person's actions and the person themselves.

BTW, I'm not ignoring anyone. I've been busier lately (looking for a job, selling stuff on ebay and hanging out with people - i cant help it if I'm not at home).






Look, it's like Jerry Springer says "Till next time, take care of yourself and each other" - that's how the board used to be back in the day. I'm not even begging for it to return to that (I know things change, and I'm personally busier these days), it's just the principle of it I was trying to get across in the whole thread.

Was everything analytical or super serious 2-3 years ago? Of course not, it just seemed more communal and less cliquey (ie the "Keep ninny broken" type threads).

The Keep ninny broken is there for everybody to comment on,for the last couple of months it has been pictures that go with the word of the day. Anyone can go on and post pics or make comments.I wish more people would :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/30/08 at 9:47 am


The Keep ninny broken is there for everybody to comment on,for the last couple of months it has been pictures that go with the word of the day. Anyone can go on and post pics or make comments.I wish more people would :)


what? we're not goood enough company for you  >:(


;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 11/30/08 at 10:00 am


what? we're not goood enough company for you  >:(


;)

Your great company :) I just don't want people to think that they can't contribute to the thread..The more the merrier ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Gis on 11/30/08 at 11:41 am


Thanks for actually caring, and I basically agree. :)

Yeah, it's a hard situation all around. I know V is a big part of why they're still together (the poor kid has been through alot in only 6 and a half years, and it would be difficult to be torn apart from him - even if the guy is a jerk and not that attentive he still at least provides and raises V, that's all he knows as a dad). There's also the idea of being able to get a place on your own and a career that can sustain that - getting back on your feet is harder than it sounds.

It's easy for casual observers on the outside to say "Oh just ditch him and move out" (and I'm not knocking that), but it's the day to day simple things like that which don't get as much attention. That's harder for people to understand, and ironically you would think I would be the most critical person to be telling her to take off (because of my personal feelings).

But I think aside from extreme stuff (like if he were violent) sometimes you have to go with the lesser of two evils and only stay long enough for you to get away later and have a better life.
I will repeat what I posted way back on page 5........

'Noone is saying it's easy to walk away! Most of us have been in situations to know *EXACTLY* just how bloody hard it is! We are just saying it is the best thing for everyone long term and it's a goal to aim for. I wouldn't wish long term misery on anyone, which is what you get if you stay in a situation like that.'
I certainly don't comment as a 'casual observer' I concider Erin a good friend and I am sad about her situation. 
I'm sure you have no idea how bloody patronising you sound sometimes!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 11/30/08 at 11:48 am


I will repeat what I posted way back on page 5........

'Noone is saying it's easy to walk away! Most of us have been in situations to know *EXACTLY* just how bloody hard it is! We are just saying it is the best thing for everyone long term and it's a goal to aim for. I wouldn't wish long term misery on anyone, which is what you get if you stay in a situation like that.'
I certainly don't comment as a 'casual observer' I concider Erin a good friend and I am sad about her situation. 
I'm sure you have no idea how bloody patronising you sound sometimes!



I'm going to echo this because yes it is hard but staying is also hard so which is going to be better for her emotional health because. The best way for Erin to love Vaughn is to show him that she loves herself.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 11/30/08 at 4:57 pm


The Keep ninny broken is there for everybody to comment on,for the last couple of months it has been pictures that go with the word of the day. Anyone can go on and post pics or make comments.I wish more people would :)



yeah,we need to keep that thread going.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 11/30/08 at 5:44 pm



yeah,we need to keep that thread going.


If EVERYONE on this site posts there ... well ALMOST everybody (think I've one person in mind  ... )  ... WELL we could ALL have ONE big  HAPPY 'clique'  ....................


TOGETHER ? ?    ???    ???
















:D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 12/01/08 at 6:05 am

One big happy family.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/01/08 at 6:16 am


One big happy family.
A worldwide family

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 12/02/08 at 12:38 pm


One big happy family.

Like The Duggars
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff203/normanstuff/duggars17andcounting.jpg
17 kids and one on the way
Joshua - 20
Jana & John David -Turn 19 in Jan.
Jill - 17
Jessa - 16
Jinger -Will be 15 in Dec
Joseph - Turns 14 in January
Josiah - 12
Joy-Anna -11
Jedidiah & Jeremiah- Turn 10 in December
Jason - 8
James- 7
Justin - 6
Jackson- 4
Johanna-3
Jennifer-1

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 12:39 pm



^ that's too many damn kids  >:(


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/02/08 at 1:01 pm

...but that's one efficient vagina!  :o

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 1:25 pm


...but that's one efficient vagina!  :o


:-X

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 1:31 pm


Like The Duggars
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff203/normanstuff/duggars17andcounting.jpg
17 kids and one on the way
Joshua - 20
Jana & John David -Turn 19 in Jan.
Jill - 17
Jessa - 16
Jinger -Will be 15 in Dec
Joseph - Turns 14 in January
Josiah - 12
Joy-Anna -11
Jedidiah & Jeremiah- Turn 10 in December
Jason - 8
James- 7
Justin - 6
Jackson- 4
Johanna-3
Jennifer-1


They should name the 18th Jesus, lady, tie your tubes!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 1:35 pm


Like The Duggars
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff203/normanstuff/duggars17andcounting.jpg
17 kids and one on the way
Joshua - 20
Jana & John David -Turn 19 in Jan.
Jill - 17
Jessa - 16
Jinger -Will be 15 in Dec
Joseph - Turns 14 in January
Josiah - 12
Joy-Anna -11
Jedidiah & Jeremiah- Turn 10 in December
Jason - 8
James- 7
Justin - 6
Jackson- 4
Johanna-3
Jennifer-1
...and still growing?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 1:38 pm


They should name the 18th Jesus, lady, tie your tubes!



http://i422.photobucket.com/albums/pp305/Meeposmini/floor-laughing-smiley.gif

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 1:39 pm


...and still growing?


yes the mom is pregnant.... again....


I don't even know how she keeps those kids from sliding out when she walks


BAM! 


finally a comment for Rice's last post!  ;)


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 1:41 pm


yes the mom is pregnant.... again....


I don't even know how she keeps those kids from sliding out when she walks


BAM! 


finally a comment for Rice's last post!  ;)




I'm positive she has to cross her legs when she sneezes!  :-X

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 1:41 pm


I'm positive she has to cross her legs when she sneezes!  :-X



;D



or use a sieve when she pees  ;)




Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 1:42 pm

;D ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 1:42 pm


yes the mom is pregnant.... again....


I don't even know how she keeps those kids from sliding out when she walks


BAM! 


finally a comment for Rice's last post!  ;)



The family have their page on wiki!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 1:45 pm

Sewing up the pyjamas might help ?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 1:48 pm


separate beds might be a better help

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/02/08 at 1:49 pm



;D



or use a sieve when she pees  ;)







Or a funnel.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/02/08 at 1:51 pm


separate beds might be a better help


One for her, and one for the vajayjay :D :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 2:03 pm


Sewing up the pyjamas might help ?

Not for Fertile Myrtle, over there.  I wouldn't trust anything but surgery!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 2:03 pm


One for her, and one for the vajayjay :D :D



;D


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 2:04 pm


Not for Fertile Myrtle, over there.  I wouldn't trust anything but surgery!



heck with her luck she'd come back from that pregnant too.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 2:05 pm


separate beds might be a better help
Separate rooms, in separate houses, in separate towns?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 12/02/08 at 2:06 pm

There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
She didn't know what to do

It's women like that
That make me grunt
You'd've thought by now
She'd 've sewn up her ****

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 2:10 pm


There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
She didn't know what to do

It's women like that
That make me grunt
You'd've thought by now
She'd 've sewn up her ****



http://i512.photobucket.com/albums/t325/imahippie/funny-4.jpg

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 2:10 pm


There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
She didn't know what to do

It's women like that
That make me grunt
You'd've thought by now
She'd 've sewn up her ****


:o Karen,

I'm both shocked and impressed!  ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 2:12 pm


:o Karen,

I'm both shocked and impressed!  ;D



mostly... I am impressed  ;)


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 2:31 pm


There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
She didn't know what to do

It's women like that
That make me grunt
You'd've thought by now
She'd 've sewn up her ****
Concrete would be better ?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 12/02/08 at 2:36 pm

Whilst I'd love to take credit for that little ditty it's something I heard years ago.  Maybe a Judge Dredd record?  :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 12/02/08 at 2:37 pm


One for her, and one for the vajayjay :D :D


I wouldn't want to know how big it is.  :o

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 2:37 pm


Whilst I'd love to take credit for that little ditty it's something I heard years ago.  Maybe a Judge Dredd record?  :-\\
Judge Dread, a thing of my past, I recall trying to remember the lyrics.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: karen on 12/02/08 at 2:38 pm


Judge Dread, a thing of my past, I recall trying to remember the lyrics.


one of my brothers had one or two records.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 12/02/08 at 2:38 pm


...but that's one efficient vagina!  :o


I wonder how efficient was the penis? ???

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/02/08 at 2:39 pm


one of my brothers had one or two records.
I still have a few here, do know which ones.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 12/02/08 at 2:44 pm


Sewing up the pyjamas might help ?


or her panties.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 2:49 pm


Concrete would be better ?

Concrete!  ;D ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Howard on 12/02/08 at 2:52 pm


Concrete!  ;D ;D


to cover up that hole of hers. ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 3:26 pm


to cover up that hole of hers. ;D

Or as her OBGYN calls it:  "The Abyss".

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Jessica on 12/02/08 at 3:34 pm


Or as her OBGYN calls it:  "The Abyss".


He doesn't need a speculum.  He just crawls in with a miner's helmet on.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/02/08 at 3:51 pm


He doesn't need a speculum.  He just crawls in with a miner's helmet on.

;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 5:08 pm


He doesn't need a speculum.  He just crawls in with a miner's helmet on.


;D


I really love you guys :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/02/08 at 5:10 pm

For some reason I have this image the Seven Dwarves going to work in their mine tunnel...

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Step-chan on 12/02/08 at 5:15 pm


They should name the 18th Jesus, lady, tie your tubes!


Or Jeez lady, tie his tubes. :D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: statsqueen on 12/02/08 at 7:49 pm



http://i422.photobucket.com/albums/pp305/Meeposmini/floor-laughing-smiley.gif





My sentiments exactly!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/02/08 at 8:01 pm



this thread has gone a strange yet hilarious direction. . .

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 12/02/08 at 8:22 pm

It's become a 'free for all', following Erin's blessing. LOVE it !










:D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Foo Bar on 12/02/08 at 11:25 pm


Like The Duggars


http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m90/mordantkitten/thread_is_going_bikecrash.jpg


...but that's one efficient vagina!  :o



Or as her OBGYN calls it:  "The Abyss".


http://farm1.static.flickr.com/89/249270409_664e6841fa.jpg

Please, please, people.  Can we at least agree on one thing -- the proper term is "Clown Car". 


For some reason I have this image the Seven Dwarves going to work in their mine tunnel...


...all singing John Valby's parody of Hi Ho (which would be track 02 on 1996's Super Pixies, which everyone still reading this thread really should google, because if you're still here, you're unlikely to be offended by anything.  By Dobbs, there's even some video that someone shot at a live performance.  Video safe for work, it's just a guy at a piano.  Audio, not even remotely safe for work.  Not even with headphones, because your cow orkers will be wondering why you're pounding the table while trying desperately to suppress the giggles.)   

Hey.  It's Christmas.  Go get yourself a copy of Valby's Treasury of Xxxmas Classics.  (Which, I should mention, is not his only Christmas album, just his latest...)  There's a Christmas music thread somewhere around here, right?

( Edit: Well, that's a hell of a first post to the Tenacious Tuxedo Talk board.  What I did there.  You see it?  Well, don't do that.  That sort of weirdness is supposed to be for the PPP, which was where this thread started... and where it went off the rails.  I give myself ten out of ten for style, but I think it's still a pretty good example of what not to do. )

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/03/08 at 1:47 am


For some reason I have this image the Seven Dwarves going to work in their mine tunnel...
Hi Ho!!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 12/03/08 at 2:36 am

^

Serious post < ... Hey, Philip ! ....  this thread has NOW moved to the sacred realms of TTT. Please stay on topic ... from here on in

(damn .. never thought I'D be the one, to say THAT ! ).






:D  (< sorry about this smiley).

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/03/08 at 2:47 am


Like The Duggars
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff203/normanstuff/duggars17andcounting.jpg
17 kids and one on the way
Joshua - 20
Jana & John David -Turn 19 in Jan.
Jill - 17
Jessa - 16
Jinger -Will be 15 in Dec
Joseph - Turns 14 in January
Josiah - 12
Joy-Anna -11
Jedidiah & Jeremiah- Turn 10 in December
Jason - 8
James- 7
Justin - 6
Jackson- 4
Johanna-3
Jennifer-1
What is the size of the food bill for this family?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 3:07 am


I have to echo Alan here... as much I enjoyed where this thread was going it has been moved from PPP into the new board Tenacious Tuxedo Talk and unfortunately they don't want us going off topic here.


In an attempt to stay on topic I would like to see Erin respond to some of the things that have been said... what'dya say Erin?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Green Lantern on 12/03/08 at 5:42 am

I echo the above ... out of RESPECT for what this area is all about (and appreciation to what Tam's done today).

I DO believe this will be my last post in this topic.

Please, please .... stay on topic, from now on.  8)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 12/03/08 at 6:04 am


...and still growing?

Yeah number 18 is due Jan1.
On Discovery Health you get to choose what name it should be..it's a girl
What should the Duggars name their new baby


Jasmin

Joselyn

Juliette

Julianna

Jessica

Jewel

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/03/08 at 6:07 am


Yeah number 18 is due Jan1.
On Discovery Health you get to choose what name it should be..it's a girl
What should the Duggars name their new baby


Jasmin

Joselyn

Juliette

Julianna

Jessica

Jewel


Why not Janine?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 12/03/08 at 6:10 am


What is the size of the food bill for this family?

The family grocery bill is $2,000 a month. Transportation is provided by nine vehicles, including a 21-passenger bus. To get through a week requires 63 loads of laundry, six gallons of milk, 15 dozen eggs, 12 boxes of cereal and 12 rolls of toilet paper.

They buy all their shoes and clothes at Thrift shops,They make their own laundry soap.
Why not Janine?

I know that would be perfect ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: danootaandme on 12/03/08 at 6:29 am


The family grocery bill is $2,000 a month. Transportation is provided by nine vehicles, including a 21-passenger bus. To get through a week requires 63 loads of laundry, six gallons of milk, 15 dozen eggs, 12 boxes of cereal and 12 rolls of toilet paper.

They buy all their shoes and clothes at Thrift shops,They make their own laundry soap.I know that would be perfect ;D


9 Vehicles? 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 12/03/08 at 7:44 am


9 Vehicles? 

All their older kids drive,plus they own their own car business. They just bought a bus from a hockey team
The 19-member Duggar family will now take vacations in a bus once used by Cher and the Port Huron Flags hockey team.

Fred Minnie, a charter member of the now-defunct Flags team who transported the hockey players in one of his three tour buses, sold the bus to the Duggars in early September.

There's not too many of those buses with 15 beds in it," he said. "(Duggar) couldn't get here fast enough." The Duggars have big plans for the bus. Jim Bob said the family hopes to travel north this year to visit Michelle's family in Ohio.



Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/03/08 at 7:46 am


The family grocery bill is $2,000 a month. Transportation is provided by nine vehicles, including a 21-passenger bus. To get through a week requires 63 loads of laundry, six gallons of milk, 15 dozen eggs, 12 boxes of cereal and 12 rolls of toilet paper.

They buy all their shoes and clothes at Thrift shops,They make their own laundry soap.I know that would be perfect ;D
What does the father do for a living?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 12/03/08 at 8:13 am


What does the father do for a living?

He owns a car dealship,plus he is a real estate agent and owns several properties that they rent out.
He us to be a state legislator for Arkansas from 1999-2002

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Philip Eno on 12/03/08 at 8:25 am


He owns a car dealship,plus he is a real estate agent and owns several properties that they rent out.
He us to be a state legislator for Arkansas from 1999-2002
Thanks, so the children do not go without, but what can the rota be like for the bedtime stories?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 1:31 pm




*sigh* I guess to be fair they are staying on topic... just the wrong topic  ;)

where were all these fun posts when I started a topic about this family here?


Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Tam on 12/03/08 at 1:36 pm

Everyone please..... back on the original topic. ;)

Thank you

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ladybug316 on 12/03/08 at 1:37 pm

Maybe Quirk can come get it back on track.  I had added my opinion regarding affairs of the heart quite a few pages ago.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: thereshegoes on 12/03/08 at 3:04 pm

Affair of the heart sounds like a disease name or is it just me? :-\\

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 3:38 pm



I don't know I think people put too much value on relationships. I don't really knock the idea but it seems a lot of people feel they have to be in them and determine their own self worth based on whether they are in a relationship or not.  I think one has to have an affair with oneself first and then they'll be able to better determine if a relationship (affair of the heart or not) is worthy of them.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: thereshegoes on 12/03/08 at 3:43 pm



I don't know I think people put too much value on relationships. I don't really knock the idea but it seems a lot of people feel they have to be in them and determine their own self worth based on whether they are in a relationship or not.  I think one has to have an affair with oneself first and then they'll be able to better determine if a relationship (affair of the heart or not) is worthy of them.


Dr.Phil,is that you? ;)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 3:49 pm



I don't know I think people put too much value on relationships. I don't really knock the idea but it seems a lot of people feel they have to be in them and determine their own self worth based on whether they are in a relationship or not.  I think one has to have an affair with oneself first and then they'll be able to better determine if a relationship (affair of the heart or not) is worthy of them.


How does one have an affair with oneself?  ???

Are you talking about self-stimulation, or just an introspection?

I think of relationship not as a status symbol but as something that will keep both her and myself happy. 

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 3:51 pm


How does one have an affair with oneself?  ???

Are you talking about self-stimulation, or just an introspection?

I think of relationship not as a status symbol but as something that will keep both her and myself happy. 



A love affair, a love fest. You have to learn how to be on your own and be okay with that. Base your value on your own qualities not who you are with someone else. 

Too many women run from one guy to the next because they can't bear the idea of being alone... its sad.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 3:53 pm

Ah so!  Wise.  +17 charisma.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: thereshegoes on 12/03/08 at 3:57 pm



A love affair, a love fest. You have to learn how to be on your own and be okay with that. Base your value on your own qualities not who you are with someone else. 

Too many women run from one guy to the next because they can't bear the idea of being alone... its sad.


Yes but too many women are alone because they can't bear the idea of sharing themselves with someone...it's sad too.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 4:00 pm


Yes but too many women are alone because they can't bear the idea of sharing themselves with someone...it's sad too.


sometimes that's just a choice. I just don't have a desire to share my heart with anyone.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: ninny on 12/03/08 at 4:01 pm




*sigh* I guess to be fair they are staying on topic... just the wrong topic  ;)

where were all these fun posts when I started a topic about this family here?




Everyone please..... back on the original topic. ;)

Thank you

Sorry :-[ But I thought it was rude not to answer Phil's question.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 4:03 pm


sometimes that's just a choice. I just don't have a desire to share my heart with anyone.


If the right one came along, would you? 

But if you're content with yourself I don't see why you'd have to rush to change that anyway, so I do see your point :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 4:08 pm


If the right one came along, would you? 

But if you're content with yourself I don't see why you'd have to rush to change that anyway, so I do see your point :)


I think I am too set in my ways now to let anyone in to disrupt my routine. But if I found someone I HAD to be with I would have to reevaluate this.  I grew up differently than most.. only child we moved every other year... I spent a lot of time alone so I just became accustomed to it.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 4:10 pm

It's good to be comfortable in your own skin and you seem to be capable and willing to make friends so I think you're doing fine :)

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 4:11 pm


It's good to be comfortable in your own skin and you seem to be capable and willing to make friends so I think you're doing fine :)


thx

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: thereshegoes on 12/03/08 at 4:14 pm


I think I am too set in my ways now to let anyone in to disrupt my routine. But if I found someone I HAD to be with I would have to reevaluate this.  I grew up differently than most.. only child we moved every other year... I spent a lot of time alone so I just became accustomed to it.



Alone but not lonely, i assume.

I knew someone like that, love changed him forever and it was a beautiful thing to see.

We can be happy alone but when misery strikes is good to have company imo

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 4:16 pm


Alone but not lonely, i assume.

I knew someone like that, love changed him forever and it was a beautiful thing to see.

We can be happy alone but when misery strikes is good to have company imo



alone not lonely is right... when misery strikes I come here.

Like Erin I have found good friends here but nothing I would label an affair of the heart. I haven't felt that with anyone... I've been in like but I have never been in love...

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: thereshegoes on 12/03/08 at 4:25 pm


alone not lonely is right... when misery strikes I come here.

Like Erin I have found good friends here but nothing I would label an affair of the heart. I haven't felt that with anyone... I've been in like but I have never been in love...


I wanna say love is overrated but i can't. Maybe i'm the fool but to me love and being in love is what saves me every day. I'm not talking about being with someone so just that you're not alone. My point is true love makes us better, it helps us grow and makes life easier. That's not only true for romantic love of course, but the process of falling in love is such a thrill that it's a shame not to experience it at least once.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 4:29 pm

...especially when your love is like a storybook story.

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080311/princess-bride_l.jpg

It's as real as the feelings I feel.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 4:30 pm


I wanna say love is overrated but i can't. Maybe i'm the fool but to me love and being in love is what saves me every day. I'm not talking about being with someone so just that you're not alone. My point is true love makes us better, it helps us grow and makes life easier. That's not only true for romantic love of course, but the process of falling in love is such a thrill that it's a shame not to experience it at least once.


I can relate to that and if that's how you feel about yours then you fell in love for all the right reasons... not just to "fill a void".

I'm just not wired that way. I have dated a few guys but thought (eh- I don't really enjoy this whole being with someone) so I stay on my own.  If I find someone I flip for you all will be the first to know but don't hold your breath  ;D

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 4:31 pm

^ Can't wait!  :D

Hey, where's Howard's dating advice thread?

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/03/08 at 4:31 pm


...especially when your love is like a storybook story.

http://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080311/princess-bride_l.jpg

It's as real as the feelings I feel.


I think its great you and Jess found each other. I'm not opposed to relationships in general. Just the "need" to be in one. Its two different things.



edited to add * I asked Tam to move Howard's dating advise thread to PPP I felt it was  both  fun and serious. and I didn't want to restrict people from going off topic...I don't like the restrictions feels too militant.  Real conversations go off tangent all the time... but I digresss... sorry

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Rice_Cube on 12/03/08 at 4:36 pm

^ Oh I know it's in the PPP, I just can't find it for some reason :(  I must be blind!

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Gis on 12/04/08 at 6:46 am



I don't know I think people put too much value on relationships. I don't really knock the idea but it seems a lot of people feel they have to be in them and determine their own self worth based on whether they are in a relationship or not.  I think one has to have an affair with oneself first and then they'll be able to better determine if a relationship (affair of the heart or not) is worthy of them.
I argee with this. i have know a few people with very low self worth and no love for themselves who put up with complete bas****s because they think it is 'all they deserve' If you learn to love yourself you know you deserve better.

I also have friends who plunge from one desperate relationship to the next because it's 'better than being alone', actually no it's not! Being down right miserable is not better than living a happy fulfilled life on your own.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: quirky_cat_girl on 12/04/08 at 8:08 am

I think it just boils down to the fact that I have been really realizing that I deserve to be happy for once in my life. I have not been in many relationships in my lifetime, and the two major ones that i have been in (including my present one) have not been for the good. I DO know that no one is perfect, nor are relationships...but it would be so nice for once in my life to be able to be happy. I would love to be able to have things in common with someone and just be myself. I would love it that they would LOVE the little "quirky" things about me. And most importantly, I would absolutely adore the fact that I could trust someone for once in my life...to love ME, to put ME first in their life, and not have to constantly worry about what they are doing behind my back at all times.

I can honestly say that I have tried more than most women in my position would have..BUT, a relationship cannot be just one-sided. BOTH people have to be working at it constantly to make it work. I have felt that this relationship has been totally one-sided, with me attempting to pick up bits and pieces and "save" it...while the other party does nothing to make the situation any better. The only problem is....as easy as it can be to enter a relationship...it's not as easy to exit it.  I am not expecting my life to become a "fairy tale experience" in a whirlwind of days....but to be able to let a sigh of relief and know that maybe..just maybe someone out there cares about me...in a way that I totally deserve...is such a great feeling.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: snozberries on 12/04/08 at 6:17 pm


I think it just boils down to the fact that I have been really realizing that I deserve to be happy for once in my life. I have not been in many relationships in my lifetime, and the two major ones that i have been in (including my present one) have not been for the good. I DO know that no one is perfect, nor are relationships...but it would be so nice for once in my life to be able to be happy. I would love to be able to have things in common with someone and just be myself. I would love it that they would LOVE the little "quirky" things about me. And most importantly, I would absolutely adore the fact that I could trust someone for once in my life...to love ME, to put ME first in their life, and not have to constantly worry about what they are doing behind my back at all times.

I can honestly say that I have tried more than most women in my position would have..BUT, a relationship cannot be just one-sided. BOTH people have to be working at it constantly to make it work. I have felt that this relationship has been totally one-sided, with me attempting to pick up bits and pieces and "save" it...while the other party does nothing to make the situation any better. The only problem is....as easy as it can be to enter a relationship...it's not as easy to exit it.  I am not expecting my life to become a "fairy tale experience" in a whirlwind of days....but to be able to let a sigh of relief and know that maybe..just maybe someone out there cares about me...in a way that I totally deserve...is such a great feeling.




You deserve everything you listed in paragraph one Erin.... just one little thing... you say you want someone to love you and put you first- the first person you has to put you first is you.  Instead of being the only one commited to the relationship- its obviously not working- turn your energy on yourself..no one is saying this is going to be easy...just the opposite we know how hard it will be but in some ways it'll also be so much better for you.  Hope you work it out- whatever you decide to do.

Subject: Re: Affair Of The Heart

Written By: Step-chan on 12/06/08 at 10:26 pm



I also have friends who plunge from one desperate relationship to the next because it's 'better than being alone', actually no it's not! Being down right miserable is not better than living a happy fulfilled life on your own.


A good deal of truth in your post. :)

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