As mentioned in another thread, I was adopted.  Got me to thinking it would be nice to see if there are any other adoptees out there...  Please note these questions are not designed to offend or upset anyone or start any drama, just curiosity from another adoptee.

If you were adopted, at what age?  How did your parents tell you?  How old were you when they told you?  Did you ever want to find your birth parents?  If you wanted to, did you try and were you successful?

I don't know if this thread is going to go anywhere, but I thought I would throw it out there anyway  :)

since I wasn't adopted but I find the concept fascinating I will ask you


At what age were you adopted? 
How did your parents tell you? 
How old were you when they told you? 
Did you ever want to find your birth parents? 
If you wanted to, did you try and were you successful?


really i just copied and pasted your questions but they're the ones I would've asked.


I think adoption is one of the most selfless things you can do.

I say that because I have know for nearly 30 years that I don't ever want to be a parent EVER... it started just as I don't want to give birth but then I realized I just don't have it in me to commit to another human being that way... but I think its great that other people open their hearts and their homes like this.

since I wasn't adopted but I find the concept fascinating I will ask you


At what age were you adopted? 
How did your parents tell you? 
How old were you when they told you? 
Did you ever want to find your birth parents? 
If you wanted to, did you try and were you successful?


really i just copied and pasted your questions but they're the ones I would've asked.


I think adoption is one of the most selfless things you can do.

I say that because I have know for nearly 30 years that I don't ever want to be a parent EVER... it started just as I don't want to give birth but then I realized I just don't have it in me to commit to another human being that way... but I think its great that other people open their hearts and their homes like this.




Anyone who knows they were adopted should try to find out their birth parents' medical history.

My current mother-in-law was adopted, and recently found her birth siblings.  They are all delighted.

Anyone who knows they were adopted should try to find out their birth parents' medical history.

My current mother-in-law was adopted, and recently found her birth siblings.  They are all delighted.



Yeah, what he said.


My mother grew up as an only child but upon finding her birth family, she has more siblings than I do.  :o :o :o  She has a sister on her father's side & I don't know how many brothers on her mother's. She was given a photo of her mother (who died before my mother could find her as well as her father) and the resemblance is uncanny. So, I now have several aunts & uncles I didn't know I had until a few years ago. I still think my mother should write her story but she hasn't, nor will I think she ever will.


The thing was, my mother was never told that she was adopted, she just knew. Yeah, I get my ESP from her.



Cat

I found out two years ago I may have a brother out there. An older brother...

My father's girlfriend from when he was a teen or in his early twenties died two years ago and someone from his family said her son "looks just like Jimmy"

My father was conflicted about whether to contact him or not... to this day he still hasn't told me... I only know because my mom said something.

It's weird knowing I could be related to someone I've never met....and never know existed before.  :-\\

I found out two years ago I may have a brother out there. An older brother...

My father's girlfriend from when he was a teen or in his early twenties died two years ago and someone from his family said her son "looks just like Jimmy"

My father was conflicted about whether to contact him or not... to this day he still hasn't told me... I only know because my mom said something.

It's weird knowing I could be related to someone I've never met....and never know existed before.  :-\\






Especially having grown up an only child...

Another thing I forgot to tell about my mother's story-one of her brothers told me that several years ago, his wife discovered a long lost sibling and little did he know that there was one in his family, too. I guess it happens a lot. Of course during my mother's generation, adoptions were more "hush-hush". Now-a-days, adoptions are more open.



Cat

I'm adopted. :)  I was adopted when I was three.  My adoption was of mutual agreement.  When my future parents left the foster-home to do the paper work they left my future brother there as my hostage.

I did find my biological Father.  All though I have never seen him face to face, he's acknowledge me to the best of his ability.  I found out, he is Jewish and my Mother was not.  They were going to marry and she was willing to convert to Judism.  My maternail Grandmother was an antisemitic bitch.  She made their lives a living hell and had Children Services take me away. 

My biological Mother died in 2001.  I communicate with my bio-Father via my cousin who lives near him.  Being an Orthodox Jew he is restricted in how he can communicate with me.

My adopted parents are fine with everything.  They know no matter what they are my parents.

I'm adopted. :)  I was adopted when I was three.  My adoption was of mutual agreement.  When my future parents left the foster-home to do the paper work they left my future brother there as my hostage.

I did find my biological Father.  All though I have never seen him face to face, he's acknowledge me to the best of his ability.  I found out, he is Jewish and my Mother was not.  They were going to marry and she was willing to convert to Judism.  My maternail Grandmother was an antisemitic bitch.  She made their lives a living hell and had Children Services take me away. 

My biological Mother died in 2001.  I communicate with my bio-Father via my cousin who lives near him.  Being an Orthodox Jew he is restricted in how he can communicate with me.

My adopted parents are fine with everything.  They know no matter what they are my parents.


thats fascinating Kathie.

was he not Orthodox when he was with your bio mom? I mean how could he get with her then but is restricted to communicating with you now?

thats fascinating Kathie.

was he not Orthodox when he was with your bio mom? I mean how could he get with her then but is restricted to communicating with you now?




Getting with my Mom was not a religious issue being that she was willing to convert.  In more conservative forms of Judism if a child is forcibly taken away; raised in a non-Jewish environment the ties are cut.  However he does love me so he does what he can.  Sometimes being a parent is stronger than religion.

I guess the question snoz was perhaps trying to ask but didn't put into so many words is this:  If his religious rules are preventing him seeing you now how come it didn't stop him having sex with your mum before they were married?  Or is that not against the Orthodox Jewish religion?  This is not intended to be offensive, just curiosity at what seems to be double-standards

Getting with my Mom was not a religious issue being that she was willing to convert.  In more conservative forms of Judism if a child is forcibly taken away; raised in a non-Jewish environment the ties are cut.  However he does love me so he does what he can.  Sometimes being a parent is stronger than religion.


Ah now I'm starting to get it.

Btw I never meant to imply he doesn't love you... if it came out that way I am sorry.

I don't know much about Orthodox Judaism so I'm not sure what all the rules are for interacting outside of the religion.  
To be honest, I read it as she got pregnant then she was going to convert so they could marry... I was just wondering about the initial hook up...before she was going to convert... then again maybe she was going to convert then they hooked up... I don't know.

I'm just glad we have you here with us!


Warning - while you were reading a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post.

I guess the question snoz was perhaps trying to ask but didn't put into so many words is this:  If his religious rules are preventing him seeing you now how come it didn't stop him having sex with your mum before they were married?  Or is that not against the Orthodox Jewish religion?  This is not intended to be offensive, just curiosity at what seems to be double-standards


what she said.... thanks karen

I guess the question snoz was perhaps trying to ask but didn't put into so many words is this:  If his religious rules are preventing him seeing you now how come it didn't stop him having sex with your mum before they were married?  Or is that not against the Orthodox Jewish religion?  This is not intended to be offensive, just curiosity at what seems to be double-standards


From what I was told he was in college and just feel in love with her.  With age he has gotten more religious.  I do NOT insist upon meeting him.  What you may percieve as a double-standerd is his tradition and my upholding a tradition that was taken away from me.  

From what I was told he was in college and just feel in love with her.  With age he has gotten more religious.  I do NOT insist upon meeting him.  What you may percieve as a double-standerd is his tradition and my upholding a tradition that was taken away from me.  


not at all it makes sense that he has, as you say, become more religious with age. 

I really hope we, I, didn't touch on a nerve that was not my intent... like I said I don't know much about Orthodox Jews and I was just trying to understand.

According to the Jewish tradition, children are only accepted into the faith if their mother is Jewish. Since it was my father who was Jewish and not my mother, we were not accepted in some synagogues (which is why we weren't raised MORE in the Jewish religion).


Sorry, didn't mean to get off topic.



Cat

According to the Jewish tradition, children are only accepted into the faith if their mother is Jewish. Since it was my father who was Jewish and not my mother, we were not accepted in some synagogues (which is why we weren't raised MORE in the Jewish religion).


Sorry, didn't mean to get off topic.



Cat


Yeah, there are quite a few issues dealing with what defines being a Jew.  Take for instance children that were rescued by Catholic during the Holocaust.  Most Jews do not consider them one of their own.  Lawsuits have been filed against the Catholic Church claiming that they had been robbed of their birthright.

Yeah, there are quite a few issues dealing with what defines being a Jew.  Take for instance children that were rescued by Catholic during the Holocaust.  Most Jews do not consider them one of their own.  Lawsuits have been filed against the Catholic Church claiming that they had been robbed of their birthright.


that's fascinating





According to the Jewish tradition, children are only accepted into the faith if their mother is Jewish. Since it was my father who was Jewish and not my mother we were not accepted in some synagogues (which is why we weren't raised MORE in the Jewish religion).





Cat


okay so the obvious question (to me anyway) is how did they know? 

that's fascinating




okay so the obvious question (to me anyway) is how did they know? 





I was told by my dad that when we were kids, my dad took us to the local synagogue. He never lied about my mother being a "gentile" and the local rabbi said that us kids would never be accepted. So my dad said that wasn't the place for us. And that was the only synagogue in town. But we were SUPPOSED to be raised Jewish (but we celebrated Christmas & Easter-as well as Hanukkah & Passover).


Ok, now we are REALLY steering away from the topic. Sorry.  :-[ :-[ :-[

Did I tell you that my mother was adopted?  Oh, yeah, I did.  :D :D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

since I wasn't adopted but I find the concept fascinating I will ask you


At what age were you adopted? 
How did your parents tell you? 
How old were you when they told you? 
Did you ever want to find your birth parents? 
If you wanted to, did you try and were you successful?


really i just copied and pasted your questions but they're the ones I would've asked.


I think adoption is one of the most selfless things you can do.

I say that because I have know for nearly 30 years that I don't ever want to be a parent EVER... it started just as I don't want to give birth but then I realized I just don't have it in me to commit to another human being that way... but I think its great that other people open their hearts and their homes like this.





First, I ask everyone's forgiveness for post-whoring, but there are replies that I would like to respond to individually, sorry!

Q,

I was a little over 8 weeks old when I was adopted.  My brother (not my bio bro) was a little over 3 months old.  They told me when I was 5, they told Chris when he was 7 (they did it based on when they felt we could handle the information).  They did it in a very positive way.  They didn't say the people who gave you life decided they didn't want you.  Instead they focused on how they wanted to have children and chose me.  My mom even found/got a special baby book that is geared for adoption.  I don't remember the whole poem in it, but the line that I do remember is "You did not grow under my heart, but in it".  I wanted to find my birth parents when I was 17 and had a fight w/ my folks.  When I was 28 I had my 2nd scare with pre-cancer and wanted my medical history to see if I would keep going through the scares (and to see what I might have/what I might pass on to daughter).  I was informed that they didn't keep good medical records back then.  After another phone transfer, the guy told me that if I sent in a completed form and $60 I could find my biological family IF any of them had filled out the same form.  As a single mom working part time in Section 8 housing, it didn't seem like that great an investment.  My medical history is the only reason I would want to find them.  I love my parents and have no desire to find out what happened 41 years ago.  My adoption papers consist of 2 pieces of one-sided paper.

Another thing I forgot to tell about my mother's story-one of her brothers told me that several years ago, his wife discovered a long lost sibling and little did he know that there was one in his family, too. I guess it happens a lot. Of course during my mother's generation, adoptions were more "hush-hush". Now-a-days, adoptions are more open.



Cat


Yes, and I think open is the way to go.  I was adopted when the adoptions were still sealed.  It makes it a lot more difficult.

I'm VERY happy that it worked out so well and everyone was delighted with the news.  :)

I have a question for all you adoptees.....do any of you resent your birth parents for giving you up?  I gave my daughter up 18 years ago, and my biggest fear is that she will resent or hate me for it.  It wasn't because I didn't want her, but because I wanted her to have a better life than a 19 year old making $3.35 an hour could give her.

I never resented being "given up" by my biological parents.  I understood that there must have been a reason.  I know my sister who was also adopted had the "why did they leave me, I hate them" mentality.  Her constant complaining was annoying and it didn't do my parents any good.

I have a question for all you adoptees.....do any of you resent your birth parents for giving you up?  I gave my daughter up 18 years ago, and my biggest fear is that she will resent or hate me for it.  It wasn't because I didn't want her, but because I wanted her to have a better life than a 19 year old making $3.35 an hour could give her.


Speaking for myself, no, I never did.  I figured they had their reasons.  While I don't have details about them, I am guessing it was a similar situation to yours.  If I ever did meet them, I would thank them for giving me a wonderful life with 2 people who love me very much.  You just wanted her to have a better life and no one can fault you for that.  Please don't second guess yourself.  You did what you had to do and I'm sure her adoptive parents love her very much.

((hugs))

I have to agree. It certainly couldn't have been an easy decision but sounds like the right one based on the circumstances


(((((hugs))))) here too.

Speaking for myself, no, I never did.  I figured they had their reasons.  While I don't have details about them, I am guessing it was a similar situation to yours.  If I ever did meet them, I would thank them for giving me a wonderful life with 2 people who love me very much.  You just wanted her to have a better life and no one can fault you for that.  Please don't second guess yourself.  You did what you had to do and I'm sure her adoptive parents love her very much.

((hugs))


Thanks. :)

I'm not second guessing myself, I know the decision I made was the right one.  I was just wondering.

Speaking for myself, no, I never did.  I figured they had their reasons.  While I don't have details about them, I am guessing it was a similar situation to yours.  If I ever did meet them, I would thank them for giving me a wonderful life with 2 people who love me very much.  You just wanted her to have a better life and no one can fault you for that.  Please don't second guess yourself.  You did what you had to do and I'm sure her adoptive parents love her very much.

((hugs))


I find it unsettling when people demonize women for giving children up for adoption.  I have a friend who gave a child up for adoption, she said she gave her up because keeping her would have been selfish.  Her situation was not good and she wanted her daughter to have the things she couldn't provide.

Yes, and I think open is the way to go.  I was adopted when the adoptions were still sealed.  It makes it a lot more difficult.

I'm VERY happy that it worked out so well and everyone was delighted with the news.   :)



My mother kept going to this one judge for years & years & years and he refused to open the records. His secretary said very nastily to my mother one time that "As long as I'm here, you will NEVER have the records open". Then the old judge finally retired. My mother, once again appealed to the court and this time the new judge granted her permission to have the records open (she was in her 60s by that time). I wrote a letter to the judge on behalf of my mother at the time since I lived in the state (yeah, my mother was born in Vermont). My mother told the new judge what the secretary told her. The judge smiled at my mother and said, "I fired her."  ;D ;D ;D  I think it may have to do with the fact that the new judge was female and something about maternal instincts-maybe-or just more compassionate.



Cat

I will NOT judge any woman who makes the choice to give her child up for adoption. In fact, I think it is a better mother who recognizes that she cannot provide for that child-whatever the reason who is willing to go through the pain of giving away her child so that child can have a better life.



Cat

I think it is a better mother who recognizes that she cannot provide for that child-whatever the reason who is willing to go through the pain of giving away her child so that child can have a better life.

Cat


I agree with you, Cat.  I'm sure that's why most people do it.  I can't imagine doing it myself, but if I hadn't kept Micah adoption would have been my choice, because I know how grateful I am to the people who gave me the parents who raised me.



I have a friend who gave a child up for adoption, she said she gave her up because keeping her would have been selfish.  Her situation was not good and she wanted her daughter to have the things she couldn't provide.


True maternal love....want what is best for the child, regardless of how much it will hurt.

True maternal love....want what is best for the child, regardless of how much it will hurt.







ah yes... the wisdom of Solomon

As most of you know, I have been raising my nephew Vaughn for 5 1/2 years now..I did not legally adopt him (yet), but I consider him my own anyway. There are days when I have to remind myself that I didn't actually birth him, he and I are so much alike. He gets confused sometimes and asks me questions about when he was small...but I have recently had a talk with him about his biological parents, about how they love him so much that they made the decision to let me raise him, knowing that it would be better for him in the long run. He sees my sister (his mom) usually every other week..but sadly he has not seen his bio dad in about a year (although he has a really good relationship with his grandma on that side of the family).

I would love someday in the near future to be able to have foster children in my home, and/or be able to give a good life to a child again. I don't have any children of my own, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to...but if I can change the path of another child, one that would have had a life of misery....than that is so much worth it to me.

I would love someday in the near future to be able to have foster children in my home, and/or be able to give a good life to a child again. I don't have any children of my own, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to...but if I can change the path of another child, one that would have had a life of misery....than that is so much worth it to me.


The world needs more people with this attitude.  :)

Well I can add a slightly different situation here.
My sister, is actually my half sister and up until I was 27 I thought she was my cousin. She lived in Germany with my Gran and Great Grandmother, who it turns out was an evil,evil, sadistic woman. She tormented and mentally tortured my Gran, my Mum and my Sister up until her death and they were all terrified of her. After that my aunt and uncle and my cousins moved into the house which was why I grew up thinking Gabi was my cousin.
My Mum worked on an R.A.F camp to support my sister and met and married my Dad, they were posted back to the U.K and my Gran and Great Grandmother coerced my mother into leaving my sister behind, she was 18 months old then. It's hard to understand why my Mum did leave her in some ways, but she was so cowed by these two women and they convinced her noone would accept her illegitimate child, they also convinced my Dad that it would be unfair to take my sister away from all she had known and to a new country where she didn't speak the language. Of course with hindsight noone would have thought twice about a young couple with a toddler and a new baby on the way but I digress.
My sister had a tough and miserable childhood, She was never let forget she was a bastard (they actually used to tattoo illegitimate children back then so everyone could know what you were! My sister has that tattoo) On top of that she had her face rubbed in the fact that over in England we had such a happy life without her and her mother didn't want her and that that was all my Dad's fault. Also that her real father was a nasty piece of work who had beaten my mother so badly she nearly died and was hospitalized for a long time.
She grew up with a huge amount of anger and resentment.
She finally met and married an airman herself when she was 17 and also moved to the U.K.

Anyway it all finally came out, and my poor sister then had her world tipped upside down, to find my mother had wanted her and had come back to Germany on a few occassions determined to fetch her but she had been hidden away and my Mum bullied into going back home. Also that my Dad was not some evil beast who hated her, but the wonderful man he is, who cried when he found out what really went on and has never to this day forgiven himself for leaving her behind. I still do find it a bit hard to understand why my Mum didn't just storm in there unannounced one day and fetch her back and I think my sister does too, but that is the nature of someone who has been filled with self doubt and lack of self worth all their life and up until my Dad has had abusive relationships. 

Maybe if my Mum would have had her adopted, Gabi would have had a wonderful and loved childhood, but she didn't, and as demented as she drives me on occassions I am happy that she is in my life. We both say at least we found each other young and not when we were in our 70's or something! Also at least the forgivness and healing has been done. Gabi got very close to my Nan (Dad's Mum) before she died and she now has a very close relationship with my Dad.

Wow, Gis.  That sounds like a story you would only see in a movie.  I'm glad things have worked out okay for your sister despite her childhood. 

Wow, Gis.  That sounds like a story you would only see in a movie.  I'm glad things have worked out okay for your sister despite her childhood. 
I know, you couldn't make it up people would think you were exagerating! 

As most of you know, I have been raising my nephew Vaughn for 5 1/2 years now..I did not legally adopt him (yet), but I consider him my own anyway. There are days when I have to remind myself that I didn't actually birth him, he and I are so much alike. He gets confused sometimes and asks me questions about when he was small...but I have recently had a talk with him about his biological parents, about how they love him so much that they made the decision to let me raise him, knowing that it would be better for him in the long run. He sees my sister (his mom) usually every other week..but sadly he has not seen his bio dad in about a year (although he has a really good relationship with his grandma on that side of the family).

I would love someday in the near future to be able to have foster children in my home, and/or be able to give a good life to a child again. I don't have any children of my own, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to...but if I can change the path of another child, one that would have had a life of misery....than that is so much worth it to me.


Vaughn is such a lucky kid to have someone such as yourself caring for him.  You may not be his biological Mom, but you're his Mom.  You're the one who knows him inside and out.  You're the one he can always count on.

Oh yeah, if you can give another child a wonderful childhood and a sense of belonging please do. :)

Well I can add a slightly different situation here.
My sister, is actually my half sister and up until I was 27 I thought she was my cousin. She lived in Germany with my Gran and Great Grandmother, who it turns out was an evil,evil, sadistic woman. She tormented and mentally tortured my Gran, my Mum and my Sister up until her death and they were all terrified of her. After that my aunt and uncle and my cousins moved into the house which was why I grew up thinking Gabi was my cousin.
My Mum worked on an R.A.F camp to support my sister and met and married my Dad, they were posted back to the U.K and my Gran and Great Grandmother coerced my mother into leaving my sister behind, she was 18 months old then. It's hard to understand why my Mum did leave her in some ways, but she was so cowed by these two women and they convinced her noone would accept her illegitimate child, they also convinced my Dad that it would be unfair to take my sister away from all she had known and to a new country where she didn't speak the language. Of course with hindsight noone would have thought twice about a young couple with a toddler and a new baby on the way but I digress.
My sister had a tough and miserable childhood, She was never let forget she was a bastard (they actually used to tattoo illegitimate children back then so everyone could know what you were! My sister has that tattoo) On top of that she had her face rubbed in the fact that over in England we had such a happy life without her and her mother didn't want her and that that was all my Dad's fault. Also that her real father was a nasty piece of work who had beaten my mother so badly she nearly died and was hospitalized for a long time.
She grew up with a huge amount of anger and resentment.
She finally met and married an airman herself when she was 17 and also moved to the U.K.

Anyway it all finally came out, and my poor sister then had her world tipped upside down, to find my mother had wanted her and had come back to Germany on a few occassions determined to fetch her but she had been hidden away and my Mum bullied into going back home. Also that my Dad was not some evil beast who hated her, but the wonderful man he is, who cried when he found out what really went on and has never to this day forgiven himself for leaving her behind. I still do find it a bit hard to understand why my Mum didn't just storm in there unannounced one day and fetch her back and I think my sister does too, but that is the nature of someone who has been filled with self doubt and lack of self worth all their life and up until my Dad has had abusive relationships. 

Maybe if my Mum would have had her adopted, Gabi would have had a wonderful and loved childhood, but she didn't, and as demented as she drives me on occassions I am happy that she is in my life. We both say at least we found each other young and not when we were in our 70's or something! Also at least the forgivness and healing has been done. Gabi got very close to my Nan (Dad's Mum) before she died and she now has a very close relationship with my Dad.


It's amazing how far some people will go to maintain that a person deemed a "bastard" or unfit be annihilated from family.  Your Great-Grandmother and my Maternal biologically Grandmother are proof of that.  I'm glad you and Gabi are close now.  *sigh*  I know what I want to say I just don't know how to put it in words. :-[

Vaughn is such a lucky kid to have someone such as yourself caring for him.  You may not be his biological Mom, but you're his Mom.  You're the one who knows him inside and out.  You're the one he can always count on.

Oh yeah, if you can give another child a wonderful childhood and a sense of belonging please do. :)


Bio doesn't make a mom.  A true mom is the one that cares for the child and loves the child.    I know I said it before, but Erin you are doing a great thing and help as many kids as you can.  I applaud you for being a great parent to Vaughn. :)

Well I can add a slightly different situation here.
My sister, is actually my half sister and up until I was 27 I thought she was my cousin. She lived in Germany with my Gran and Great Grandmother, who it turns out was an evil,evil, sadistic woman. She tormented and mentally tortured my Gran, my Mum and my Sister up until her death and they were all terrified of her. After that my aunt and uncle and my cousins moved into the house which was why I grew up thinking Gabi was my cousin.
My Mum worked on an R.A.F camp to support my sister and met and married my Dad, they were posted back to the U.K and my Gran and Great Grandmother coerced my mother into leaving my sister behind, she was 18 months old then. It's hard to understand why my Mum did leave her in some ways, but she was so cowed by these two women and they convinced her noone would accept her illegitimate child, they also convinced my Dad that it would be unfair to take my sister away from all she had known and to a new country where she didn't speak the language. Of course with hindsight noone would have thought twice about a young couple with a toddler and a new baby on the way but I digress.
My sister had a tough and miserable childhood, She was never let forget she was a bastard (they actually used to tattoo illegitimate children back then so everyone could know what you were! My sister has that tattoo) On top of that she had her face rubbed in the fact that over in England we had such a happy life without her and her mother didn't want her and that that was all my Dad's fault. Also that her real father was a nasty piece of work who had beaten my mother so badly she nearly died and was hospitalized for a long time.
She grew up with a huge amount of anger and resentment.
She finally met and married an airman herself when she was 17 and also moved to the U.K.

Anyway it all finally came out, and my poor sister then had her world tipped upside down, to find my mother had wanted her and had come back to Germany on a few occassions determined to fetch her but she had been hidden away and my Mum bullied into going back home. Also that my Dad was not some evil beast who hated her, but the wonderful man he is, who cried when he found out what really went on and has never to this day forgiven himself for leaving her behind. I still do find it a bit hard to understand why my Mum didn't just storm in there unannounced one day and fetch her back and I think my sister does too, but that is the nature of someone who has been filled with self doubt and lack of self worth all their life and up until my Dad has had abusive relationships. 

Maybe if my Mum would have had her adopted, Gabi would have had a wonderful and loved childhood, but she didn't, and as demented as she drives me on occassions I am happy that she is in my life. We both say at least we found each other young and not when we were in our 70's or something! Also at least the forgivness and healing has been done. Gabi got very close to my Nan (Dad's Mum) before she died and she now has a very close relationship with my Dad.



Wow. I don't know what to say-but at least it has a happy ending.



Cat

As most of you know, I have been raising my nephew Vaughn for 5 1/2 years now..I did not legally adopt him (yet), but I consider him my own anyway. There are days when I have to remind myself that I didn't actually birth him, he and I are so much alike. He gets confused sometimes and asks me questions about when he was small...but I have recently had a talk with him about his biological parents, about how they love him so much that they made the decision to let me raise him, knowing that it would be better for him in the long run. He sees my sister (his mom) usually every other week..but sadly he has not seen his bio dad in about a year (although he has a really good relationship with his grandma on that side of the family).

I would love someday in the near future to be able to have foster children in my home, and/or be able to give a good life to a child again. I don't have any children of my own, and I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to...but if I can change the path of another child, one that would have had a life of misery....than that is so much worth it to me.



Like Kathie said... Vaughn is definitely lucky to have you! It is apparent to anyone who spends even 5 minutes chatting with you how much you love him... and it has nothing to do with your sig pic.  You speak about him with so much love. 

I have to tell you. For about the first year and a half I was here I had no idea Vaughn was your nephew.  That's how endearing your posts about him are.

If you don't mind my asking... and you can decline if its too personal...what does V call you?

Q

Wow, Gis.  That sounds like a story you would only see in a movie.  I'm glad things have worked out okay for your sister despite her childhood. 


I was totally thinking Flowers in the Attic...


Wow Gis that is some story. Like everyone else... I'm glad there was some peace and goodness to come out of the pain and horror

thank you all for the wonderful things you said about me..that means so much to me. :)

Q....V calls me either one of two things: Erin (he never says "aunt")....or mamma/mom.  It gets kind of confusing for others around us (who don't know that he is actually my nephew)...because sometimes he will say Erin and other times mom....and they sort of look at us like, "huh...this lady lets her kid call her by her first name?" LOL :D ;D Makes life interesting, I suppose. I told him that he can call me mom anytime he wants to...and he seems to have gotten more comfortable with it.  He usually refers to my sister as "Brandy"...and I can't blame him.

thank you all for the wonderful things you said about me..that means so much to me. :)

Q....V calls me either one of two things: Erin (he never says "aunt")....or mamma/mom.  It gets kind of confusing for others around us (who don't know that he is actually my nephew)...because sometimes he will say Erin and other times mom....and they sort of look at us like, "huh...this lady lets her kid call her by her first name?" LOL :D ;D Makes life interesting, I suppose. I told him that he can call me mom anytime he wants to...and he seems to have gotten more comfortable with it.  He usually refers to my sister as "Brandy"...and I can't blame him.



I'm sure for a 6 year old, it would be extremely confusing. But, I'm sure he is not confused as to who takes care of him. I know when he gets older and really understands the deal, he is going to love you even more for what you have done for him all these years.



Cat

I'm sure for a 6 year old, it would be extremely confusing. But, I'm sure he is not confused as to who takes care of him. I know when he gets older and really understands the deal, he is going to love you even more for what you have done for him all these years.



Cat



Definitely! 

There is a possibility that my niece may come to live with us. Granted she is 20 years old but she is not very mature right now. So now I find myself doing things that I never thought I would ever have to-figure out health insurance & college tuition.



Cat

Erin, I would like to echo the sentiments from the others.  V is very lucky to have you for his mom.  It's cool that he calls you Mom, but remember, labels don't mean anything.  What matters is that he KNOWS you are his mom in the most important ways.

Gis, words fail me.  I, like the others, are so happy that your sister's story has a happy ending and that she is able to find joy and happiness in her relationships now.

Cat, your niece is very lucky that you are willing to do this for her.  It sounds like you and Carlos are just what she needs right now.  More power to you.

  I was adopted by my paternal grandparents after my parents divorced, age of five.  The arrangement wasn't that different since I was at my grandparents' house most of the time, anyway.  They told me they wanted to adopt me and asked my how I felt about it (I still remember that day) and added that my mom or dad could come and take me away any time they wanted for any reason and there's nothing they could do about it if I wasn't adopted.  My grandparents saved my life...

  Difference is I knew both my parents and dad was never far away.  Mom I haven't seen since I was four.  Godspeed to those who still search for theirs...


  @ Quirk - Wow, I didn't know Vaughn was your nephew.  Good job, keep grooving...

  @ Dagwood - That's right.  It's the difference between a mother and a "Mom" and a father and a "Dad".  The first is circumstance, the second is earned...
 

   @ Dagwood - That's right.  It's the difference between a mother and a "Mom" and a father and a "Dad".  The first is circumstance, the second is earned...
   


nicely stated!

    @ Dagwood - That's right.  It's the difference between a mother and a "Mom" and a father and a "Dad".  The first is circumstance, the second is earned...
  


Couldn't have put it better myself.  Case in point.  Micah's biological father walked out on her just before she turned 3 months old.  Fast forward to age 4:  A friend of mine was a student at Ferris when I was here.  He signed up for tutoring because I was doing it (he was getting an A in the class but knew if no one came, I didn't get paid).  If he was the only one, he'd ask a question or 2.  If someone who really needed tutoring came, he entertained Micah in the back of the classroom.  He made sure we had tickets to every football game, he introduced her to all of his friends/teammates (one of them because a coach at Ferris and is responsible for hiring Micah for work study), he paid for her rocket football uniform (wasn't cheap).  He asked my permission to send her a playstation for her birthday/Christmas, he picked her up after school and took her to the park (and ice cream) before dinner.  He always asks how conferences went, how the grades are, how she is doing.  He is the one I called this summer when I thought I was losing it with her.  He is the one she calls to check in with.

Which man do you think she calls "Daddy"..... ;)

   I was adopted by my paternal grandparents after my parents divorced, age of five.  The arrangement wasn't that different since I was at my grandparents' house most of the time, anyway.  They told me they wanted to adopt me and asked my how I felt about it (I still remember that day) and added that my mom or dad could come and take me away any time they wanted for any reason and there's nothing they could do about it if I wasn't adopted.  My grandparents saved my life...

   Difference is I knew both my parents and dad was never far away.  Mom I haven't seen since I was four.  Godspeed to those who still search for theirs...


   @ Quirk - Wow, I didn't know Vaughn was your nephew.  Good job, keep grooving...

   @ Dagwood - That's right.  It's the difference between a mother and a "Mom" and a father and a "Dad".  The first is circumstance, the second is earned...
   



thanks Dave. :)

Couldn't have put it better myself.  Case in point.  Micah's biological father walked out on her just before she turned 3 months old.  Fast forward to age 4:  A friend of mine was a student at Ferris when I was here.  He signed up for tutoring because I was doing it (he was getting an A in the class but knew if no one came, I didn't get paid).  If he was the only one, he'd ask a question or 2.  If someone who really needed tutoring came, he entertained Micah in the back of the classroom.  He made sure we had tickets to every football game, he introduced her to all of his friends/teammates (one of them because a coach at Ferris and is responsible for hiring Micah for work study), he paid for her rocket football uniform (wasn't cheap).  He asked my permission to send her a playstation for her birthday/Christmas, he picked her up after school and took her to the park (and ice cream) before dinner.  He always asks how conferences went, how the grades are, how she is doing.  He is the one I called this summer when I thought I was losing it with her.  He is the one she calls to check in with.

Which man do you think she calls "Daddy"..... ;)


its great that he would do that for her....and for you!

I was adopted as well...at three months old.  I don't remember my parents sitting me down and telling me.  It's just something I've always known.  I have searched for my birthparents and was able to get medical records and family background through a confidential mediary.  I've been able to get older (high school and college) pictures of my birthparents, and information on one of the half-siblings I have.  It's been a pretty wild experience, like putting together a puzzle where I learn something new with each piece I find  :)

I was adopted as well...at three months old.  I don't remember my parents sitting me down and telling me.  It's just something I've always known.  I have searched for my birthparents and was able to get medical records and family background through a confidential mediary.  I've been able to get older (high school and college) pictures of my birthparents, and information on one of the half-siblings I have.  It's been a pretty wild experience, like putting together a puzzle where I learn something new with each piece I find  :)




that's interesting Jeff. You're right I never really thought about it like that before but it is like a puzzle.

I was adopted as well...at three months old.  I don't remember my parents sitting me down and telling me.  It's just something I've always known.  I have searched for my birthparents and was able to get medical records and family background through a confidential mediary.  I've been able to get older (high school and college) pictures of my birthparents, and information on one of the half-siblings I have.  It's been a pretty wild experience, like putting together a puzzle where I learn something new with each piece I find  :)





How did you find a confidential mediary?

How did you find a confidential mediary?


It was through the state/county department of social services where I live (and through which I was adopted).  They had a process setup to do the searches for adoptees through the confidential mediaries. 

It was through the state/county department of social services where I live (and through which I was adopted).  They had a process setup to do the searches for adoptees through the confidential mediaries. 



Interesting.  Thanks.

There is a possibility that my niece may come to live with us. Granted she is 20 years old but she is not very mature right now. So now I find myself doing things that I never thought I would ever have to-figure out health insurance & college tuition.



Cat


I wasn't very mature when I was 20 and guidance from my family ranged from stupid to non-existant.  So even though she's 20, you have the opportunity to make a positive difference in her life.

I wasn't very mature when I was 20 and guidance from my family ranged from stupid to non-existant.  So even though she's 20, you have the opportunity to make a positive difference in her life.



Thanks, but it looks like she may not be coming here after all. She knows that she has an open invitation but it appears that she has greater opportunities if she stays in Oklahoma concerning school & insurance.



Cat

Thanks, but it looks like she may not be coming here after all. She knows that she has an open invitation but it appears that she has greater opportunities if she stays in Oklahoma concerning school & insurance.



Cat


it was still a good offer. and nice to know she has a fall back if she needs it.

Just discovered I was adopted a few weeks ago.  I'll be 50 this month and never knew.  I just discovered my blood type is incompatible with both of my parents and there is no possibility I could be their natural child.  Part of me wants to know my background and part of me is afraid to find out.  Besides, I don't have any idea how to go about finding out.  How did anyone else do this?

Just discovered I was adopted a few weeks ago.  I'll be 50 this month and never knew.  I just discovered my blood type is incompatible with both of my parents and there is no possibility I could be their natural child.  Part of me wants to know my background and part of me is afraid to find out.  Besides, I don't have any idea how to go about finding out.  How did anyone else do this?


are your parents still alive and are you able to talk to them about it?

are your parents still alive and are you able to talk to them about it?





If they are, talk to them about what agency the adoption was through.  Then contact the agency.  You will probably end up contacting the state, which the agency can give you that information if they can't give you anything else.  It will also make a difference if you want to meet your biological relatives or just your medical history.  If the latter is the case, then I wish you the best of luck.  I wanted my medical history when I was 28 and going through a cervical pre-cancer scare.  They told me they didn't keep good medical records "back then".