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Subject: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/13/12 at 11:32 am

Just came to me, thought I'd begin a thread about how it was like to grow up in your family. Was it quasi normal? Disfunctional? Insane and chaotic?

Maybe if we shared some of our stories (if we feel comfortable enough to do so), the stories might actually help others, even help yourself to discover you weren't alone growing up in a weird family. And if you grew up in a normal family, you'd be more thankful too after reading these stories.  I dunno.

I grew up in a very bizarre family. As mentioned in another thread, my dad was an unreasonable alcoholic and a perpetual liar. Occasionally he was prone to violence, but not much. My mom is the most self-centered person I ever met, exhibits traits of OCD, a violent temper and very controlling. My sister and I both suffered through periods of anxiety while in our parents home, and took it with us after we left  :-\\ Nice baggage to have, huh...

I was expected to be the perfect son, and I was punished or frowned upon whenever I didn't get 100% in tests at school. (Yes, even if I got a 98%, I wasn'r any good) When in elementary school and through high school, I was told I was too dumb & stupid to become anything and I wasn't worthy to clean public toilet washrooms, I was a disgrace to the family (even if I had one of the best marks in school all that time).  My sister despised living at home, hearing theame thing (except she was a rebel and turned to other stuff)  and moved away a few thousand miles right after high school graduation and never returned. My parents (in later years) don't even include her as part of the family anymore.

When I was young, I so longed to live in a normal family. But it didn't turn out that way. I can't change the past, but it's still a part of me. Sux.


Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: apollonia1986 on 11/13/12 at 4:37 pm

Gee...I'm so sorry you had to endure all that. I know that must have been tough. I'd have probably set the house on fire. (I'm joking!)

But my life wasn't normal. You've probably seen me mention it plenty of times that I had to take care of my mother the last 10 years of her life. (ages 12-22 for me) And I really missed so much. I never went on a date, never saw a dance, didn't attend prom. Couldn't be in debate--though the teacher begged me cause I'm so well spoken. Just alot missed. And everyday was just progressively worse. My mother was a diabetic, so really I watched as my mother went in and out of hospitals, eventually losing her legs in the process and suffering with a staph infection the last months of her life. I did EVERYTHING for my mother. Went to docs appointments. Put her on the bed pan, emptied it, put her on the potty chair, empied it. Gave doses of medicine, cooked, cleaned. I was pretty much a slave that got MJ things from time to time. Call 911 more times than I can count for various reasons because of her condition. We had helpers come in and they would frequently quit after one day because the work load was SO excessive. At times it felt like I was the mom and she was like a 130 pound infant. I didn't want to put her in an institutuion because my grandmother, who was paralyzed in 1975, spent the last six months of her life in a nursing home. (she died in 1993, and spent the last 3 years living with my mom, and mom took care of her every second like I did her in the end.)

Now, I am sick with my kidneys and doing dialysis and you think I'd be the center of the universe in my house now being the "sick" one. I am NOT. Because even in my condition, now I have to look after my father, who is 85 years old and suffering from Parkinson's Disease (the same thing Michael J. Fox has that causes him to tremor and shake) My father is also blinded in one eye basically from a botched surgery at the local VA. He's a WW2 veteran, punched a Nazi for stealing a hungry Jewish child's sandwich and he gets messed up on domestic soil.
So no matter how sick or tired I am, I still have to make groceries and cook food for the two of us to eat and look after him. I have to look after him just like mom and now at 26, I STILL DONT HAVE A LIFE OF MY DAMN OWN! I can't go to college or work because I'm so often sick, I can't date because I'm damaged goods, what man would want a sick woman? It's just all so much. I often have to put myself on hold for my dad and his needs. 2 weeks ago i fell and my knee swelled to the size of a baseball. I never went to the hospital. What if they admitted me? Who would watch/help Daddy? NO ONE! I got no help. Daddy had a pikle of nieces and nephews and sheesh, my cousins and they never see about him or look in on him. Never ask to help with anything. It's all me. All the time.

I mean this is the life I've lead since I was 12! It was not normal. Not at all. I suppose that why I hung onto Michael Jackson so hard. I understood him. The whole missing childhood thing. I often say his tune "Childhood" is my theme song because really, who in the hell HAS seen my childhood? Because I missed it!

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/13/12 at 6:47 pm

And I can say apollonia is ...and I'm at a loss for words..is WOW...
You have lived a very different and hard life that I couldn't possibly relate to.  You have been dealt a difficult hand. In all of this you seem to me a strong person, years of experience as a caregiver.  You would have to be strong to continue your life is such a positive way.  I know is sux though..wish I had more wise things to say here.  :-\\
Thank you for sharing and take care of your kidneys, do what you need to do to keep them as healthy as possible.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: apollonia1986 on 11/13/12 at 9:19 pm

It's okay Warped. I have my up days and down days. i just try to suck it up and focus on my writing or something. Some people take drugs or drink to stupidity, I write. Takes up time and when I complete something, I feel like I've accomplished something. It's free and hurts no one. (Well, I jammed my index finger, but it'll heal LOL. )

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/13/12 at 11:22 pm

There is stuff I would only talk about once my parents and my surviving sister die. 

Linda Kasabian was my babysitter....

Shall we start from there?
:o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: apollonia1986 on 11/14/12 at 12:27 am


There is stuff I would only talk about once my parents and my surviving sister die. 

Linda Kasabian was my babysitter....

Shall we start from there?
:o


Are you kidding or are you serious? Cause I just googled that chick and I am FLOORED. And glad that you're still alive man!

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/14/12 at 6:31 am


There is stuff I would only talk about once my parents and my surviving sister die. 

Linda Kasabian was my babysitter....

Shall we start from there?
:o


Nothing like having a former member of the Manson clan as a babysitter when she probably had people follow her after the trial.

I had a "bad" babysitter once. In 1970 when my mom was in the hospital for 3 months, I got the measles and was home from school. My dad was working and hired a babysitter who, when she discovered my dad's alcohol cabinet, went on a drinking rampage everyday and was sloshed by the time my dad got home from work.  My day consisted of:

8:30am babysitter arrived and dad leaves for work
8:31am. Babysitter locks me in my room and starts drinking
3:50 to 3:55pm, an inebriated babysitter unlocks door and lets me out, minutes before dad gets home. From 8:30am until 4pm, I wasn't allowed out of the room, wasn't allowed to eat anything. Wasn't allowed to go to the toilet.  Nice....

When I complained to my dad, he never believed me. He just said I was a stupid and disrespectful son and took his belt out… I was grateful when I could go back to school again.  :-\\

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: danootaandme on 11/14/12 at 7:49 am

  :o :o  I am just one lucky gal.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Don Carlos on 11/14/12 at 10:47 am

I too am lucky to have had a normal kidhood.  It was fun, but uninteresting compared to what some of you suffered

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: nally on 11/14/12 at 10:54 am


I too am lucky to have had a normal kidhood.  It was fun, but uninteresting compared to what some of you suffered

The same can be said about me, for the most part.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 11/14/12 at 11:50 am

I used to say that my family put the fun in dysfunctional. But looking back, things could have been much worse than they were. We had a lot of issues. The majority of it stemmed from our parents. My father was selfish and my mother had a lot of psychological problems (that stemmed from the way her mother treated her). The family splintered for the longest time. Everyone basically isolated themselves.

I was the youngest so for the longest time, I was basically an only child-living at home this time with my mother & step-father. They treated well-meaning they weren't abusive physically or verbally, but I was the only one to do the chores. So, I felt like a slave and I was very lonely. I left home at the age of 19 to join the Air Force.

And then about 10 years ago or so, we all started coming back together.  I think after a few decades, all of us had done a lot of healing. We all still have the scars but we see things more clearly now and understand how our parents' problems have shaped our lives. And it is truly amazing that we are as sane as we are. My brother is the one who hasn't really dealt with it all-but that is because his wife keeps feeding him all the negativity about our family-whether it is true or not. But that is another issue.



Cat

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: meesa on 11/14/12 at 12:17 pm

After the upbringing that I had, and listening to others and hearing about their lives, I have decided there is no such thing as normal. There is just varying degrees of function.

My upbringing was hell at times, dysfunctional and downright crazy miserable abusive (every kind you can think of) hell when I lived with my mother and the various stepfathers I had. It was better, safer and more stable (but extremely strict) when I lived with my grandparents because they would intercede; and altogether something I would not want to live through again, nor see anyone else have to live through. Unfortunately I carried over this mess to my adult life and into my teens, twenties and even early thirties and didn't learn how to really function in a healthy way until later.

At a couple of points in my life I almost fell off the proverbial cliff and into suicide. Both times it was close-but something stopped me, not sure to this day what it was-responsibilities to others who depended on me, maybe? Dunno. What matters is I am in a much better, stronger, stable place now, because I know who I am and have accepted myself for what I am and what I am not, and I know that the choices I make are what counts. Not what someone puts on me- but how I choose to react to it- has made the difference. Once I figured out that it was me that was repeating learned patterns from childhood that was causing issues, things got better-because I learned how to NOT follow those patterns and create better ones. It has taken years. But I am still standing.

And, I know that I am not alone. Others have had it worse, better, the same, but we all of us have had something we have had to overcome to get where we are.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/14/12 at 7:08 pm


Are you kidding or are you serious? Cause I just googled that chick and I am FLOORED. And glad that you're still alive man!


There are six degrees of separation and there are two degrees of separation.  I would rather have been more than two degrees separated from Charlie Manson, but I wasn't given the choice.

No, Manson was never in New Hampshire and we never met him, Thank God.

But here is the truth about Linda.  She really was that lost teenager from a broken home.  She drifted out to the California coast looking for the love her daddy didn't give her, and Charlie seduced her into his "Family." 

There were dozens of people wandering in and out of Charlie's realm.  Manson selected only a few to carry out the Tate-LaBianca murders in August, 1969.  Linda Kasabian got roped into driving the car.*  She didn't do any mayhem or killing.  If she didn't do what Tex Watson said, she would have been butchered and left in the desert.

Linda happened to be a New Hampshire girl.  My hippie parents had just moved to her hometown when Linda returned from the trial after testifying against the others.  The hippie community in southern NH was small but vibrant.  Everybody met everybody.  My folks must have met her in '71 or '72.  She had a couple little kids and so did my parents.  Linda and her children lived in a small apartment in town, and then in a geodesic dome in the woods with her new husband.  You wouldn't know her from any other peaceful hippie chick.  I had no adult perspective on her, but she was always very gentle and kind.  In fact, I caught no weird vibes off of her whatsoever, and most hippies gave off some weird vibes! 

My theory is in the early seventies Linda was still in shock.  I think it took a few years for the PTSD symptoms to hit her.  In 1975, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, another Manson follower, tried to shoot President Ford.  The FBI started tailing all of Charlie's followers still at liberty, including Linda.  It was also at that time she dropped out of the scene.  Her marriage fell apart. She started drinking heavily, and selling drugs to make ends meet.  Linda has been drifting around the country, laying low, and getting into occasional trouble with the law since the seventies.  Her children suffered for it.  They've had hard lives and legal troubles of their own.  Maybe it isn't altogether fair to Charlie (HA!), but I see his sickness injuring a second generation in the fifth decade after his evil deeds.  I'm interested in Manson because he's an interesting person in very scary ways, but I have zero respect for him.  He's got his fans and that's their stupid problem.  I hope he burns in hell.

I always assumed my parents didn't know about Linda at first and then believed she was an unwilling participant.  I thought if I was a parent I wouldn't leave my kids alone with Linda Kasabian no matter how nice a girl she seemed to be, but no harm no foul, right? 

Thirty years later I was astonished and horrified to find out my parents had thought Linda was indeed a murderess and they invited her into our home and left us children in her care all the same. 

I was discussing the case with my mother about ten years ago and I questioned their judgment about Linda.

"But, of course you and dad believed she was innocent," I said.
My mother replied nonchalantly, "Oh, no, we thought she killed people."

My jaw dropped.  I saw red.  I don't even remember the rest of the conversation.  It led me to conclude the worst things I thought about my parents were true.  To this day I am asking over and over, "Just what the hell kind of people brought me into this world?"  I just can't wrap my head around it.
:o :o :o

* Just another puzzling note.  All accounts report Charlie picked Linda because she was the only one at the ranch who had a valid driver's license.  What the f**k would the Manson Family care about a driver's license, valid or otherwise?
:D

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/15/12 at 7:00 am


I was discussing the case with my mother about ten years ago and I questioned their judgment about Linda.

"But, of course you and dad believed she was innocent," I said.
My mother replied nonchalantly, "Oh, no, we thought she killed people."



My parents would have hired her as a babysitter. The fact she killed people might move her to the top of the potential candidate list.


To this day I am asking over and over, "Just what the hell kind of people brought me into this world?"  I just can't wrap my head around it.


I’ve come to realize over the years that my parents had “no idea, no concept” on how to be a parent. They did what they thought they wanted to do. They had no observation skills (observing other parents) and never acquired any parental “learning” skills. That’s just they way they were. I can't change that.
In hindsight, I wish I'd attended more therapy sessions in my lifetime. And I know it's not too late now.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/15/12 at 7:10 am



At a couple of points in my life I almost fell off the proverbial cliff and into suicide. Both times it was close-but something stopped me, not sure to this day what it was-responsibilities to others who depended on me, maybe? Dunno.


This is hard for me to say but in the last 25 years I have been close to those places at times.  Over the years I have looked online for suicide prevention material, and read about others and how they felt when they had those "type" of thoughts. Sometimes that helps me a little.

Whether this is the right way to put it or not, but I don’t have the intestinal fortitude…the “guts”  to go through with it. I just don't, and I suppose that's a good thing. It's just a thought in my head at times.  :-\\

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Henk on 11/15/12 at 9:15 am

After reading the heavy stuff some of you posted here, I realize my childhood was a breeze compared to what you had to endure.

Sure, I've had the occasional beating (though my younger brother suffered more). Sure, my dad was strict and unpredictable at times - but looking back I've come to realize it was mainly due to him following in his parents footsteps.
Neither my father nor my mother was an alcoholic. They didn't do drugs either, and they did not suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or any other mental disease. And I remember birthday parties that were great fun - with pictures to prove it. So, in all... my childhood wasn't that bad at all.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: 80sfan on 11/15/12 at 10:53 am

If a parent has a mental disorder or illness, there's a big chance I'll forgive them and not hate them. I won't cut them off, but keep a distance maybe.

Hell, I think I'm close to a decision about my parents. I'm not going to be estranged from them, but I'll probably keep a distance.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/15/12 at 12:28 pm


If a parent has a mental disorder or illness, there's a big chance I'll forgive them and not hate them. I won't cut them off, but keep a distance maybe.

Hell, I think I'm close to a decision about my parents. I'm not going to be estranged from them, but I'll probably keep a distance.


Glad you have come to a decision. It wasn't easy I'm sure.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Foo Bar on 11/15/12 at 9:00 pm


After reading the heavy stuff some of you posted here, I realize my childhood was a breeze compared to what you had to endure.


Yeah.  Utterly boring and conventional childhood here.  The rest of y'all with the heavy stuff have coped with your respective situations better than I would, or could have.  In fact, I think you've all done pretty damn well for yourselvles.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/15/12 at 11:29 pm


Yeah.  Utterly boring and conventional childhood here.  The rest of y'all with the heavy stuff have coped with your respective situations better than I would, or could have.  In fact, I think you've all done pretty damn well for yourselvles.


Maybe you're repressing something.  You'll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it, so why don't you talk about?
:o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: 80sfan on 11/16/12 at 9:16 am

For those of you who love your parents and get along with them, be grateful. I can't even be in the same room with them without getting into a fight.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: 80sfan on 11/16/12 at 9:20 am


Glad you have come to a decision. It wasn't easy I'm sure.


Well, I finally came to a decision, after thinking about it for hours (4 or 5) last night. And it doesn't look like my parents are going to be a part of my life in the future.  :-\\
With my last post/comment about this, I was still in the middle of making a decision, and I was still in limbo. But after weighing things, why be with people you can't get along with in the same room, especially when you leave the room feeling sick and angry? Yeah, not the kind of relationship I want with my parents.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/16/12 at 10:45 am


For those of you who love your parents and get along with them, be grateful. I can't even be in the same room with them without getting into a fight.


I second that. You know, sometimes I watch these TV movies or watch other friends and the relationship between "Mother/Daughter" or "Father/Son" and how nice things are between them, how much they care for each other, help each other and I just...scratch my head...I don't know..it seems so alien to me, like a fantasy...like it couldn't possibly exist coz it's made up...it's totally unreal.

"You mean your mom WANTS to spend time with you"  ??? 
"Your dad actually helps you with something?"  ??? ???
"You mean you have parents who actually planned ahead for your future" ??? :-\\
"So your parents don't tell you that you are useless all the time? They don't steal money from you?"  :-[

Now you know why I wished so much to be adopted into a TV family.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/16/12 at 12:20 pm


For those of you who love your parents and get along with them, be grateful. I can't even be in the same room with them without getting into a fight.


In my family you don't get into a fight.  The fight's been there for forty years!
:o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: 80sfan on 11/16/12 at 12:40 pm


I second that. You know, sometimes I watch these TV movies or watch other friends and the relationship between "Mother/Daughter" or "Father/Son" and how nice things are between them, how much they care for each other, help each other and I just...scratch my head...I don't know..it seems so alien to me, like a fantasy...like it couldn't possibly exist coz it's made up...it's totally unreal.

"You mean your mom WANTS to spend time with you"  ??? 
"Your dad actually helps you with something?"  ??? ???
"You mean you have parents who actually planned ahead for your future" ??? :-\\
"So your parents don't tell you that you are useless all the time? They don't steal money from you?"  :-http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/files/2010/03/Brady-Bunch-Grid.jpg

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: 80sfan on 11/16/12 at 12:41 pm


In my family you don't get into a fight.  The fight's been there for forty years!
:o


So you 'got' into the fight 40 years ago!  ;D

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/16/12 at 1:14 pm


http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/files/2010/03/Brady-Bunch-Grid.jpg


(In a happy place)

http://i381.photobucket.com/albums/oo252/crazauntie/Disney/snow-white-dance.gif

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/16/12 at 6:53 pm


So you 'got' into the fight 40 years ago!  ;D


And then some!
:o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: belmont22 on 11/22/12 at 6:35 am

Ah, normal-ish. I don't think there's a such thing as a normal family. My family did some weird sh*t. One fourth of July, my parents decided it would be cool if we lit a table on fire outside since fireworks was illegal in the state we were living in (probably still is, 15 years later). Looking back, that was f***ing bizarre.  :o And my mom is very OCD, but she's a good person and I have OCD too so it's never upset me too much.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Inertia on 11/22/12 at 8:58 am

My family? I definitely have an abnormal one.

My mother used to make us go jogging with umbrellas so neighbors going by couldn't see our faces. -.-

I live in a house with very strange and unusual rules.

I also have poor relations with the vast majority of my extended family members.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: danootaandme on 11/22/12 at 9:30 am

Thanksgiving....when all the abnormal comes out in full force.  ;)

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Dagwood on 11/22/12 at 10:13 am

Isn't that the truth. ;D

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/23/12 at 8:00 pm



My mother used to make us go jogging with umbrellas so neighbors going by couldn't see our faces. -.-



Was it to hide the act of jogging or hide from the dangerous neighbors?
:D


Thanksgiving....when all the abnormal comes out in full force.  ;)


I had TG with friends this year, but I'll see the parade of horribles on xmas!
:o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/26/12 at 8:01 pm

When you grew up in an abnormal family, did you find get-togethers (Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Birthdays)  very socially awkward, uncomfortable, and wondered WTF you were doing there? And that you would rather be anywhere else but there? You even felt that way as a child?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 11/26/12 at 9:33 pm


When you grew up in an abnormal family, did you find get-togethers (Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Birthdays)  very socially awkward, uncomfortable, and wondered WTF you were doing there? And that you would rather be anywhere else but there? You even felt that way as a child?


Some people do estrange their entire families for good.  It's rare though.  As social creatures, we want families.  I didn't speak to my father for eight years.  My surviving sister (U) hasn't spoken to him for a decade is unlikely ever to again.  The thing is, my sister is as big a monster as my dad.  They both can play the "you're dead to me" game. 

I broke the silence with my dad when I went to my brother's wedding.  I had to ask myself whether it was more important to hate my dad than to love my brother and form a relationship with my new sister-in-law.  So I went to the wedding and stood behind my brother at the ceremony like he hoped I would.  I only had to say hello to dad and exchange some smalltalk.  My sister (N) was at the wedding, but my sister (U) refused to go because dad was going to be there.

Two years after my brother got married, my sister (N) committed suicide.  Dad did not show at her memorial service.  He did not go to either of my sisters' weddings.  He's a coward and he's deeply ashamed of himself.  He can't face my mother or anyone from her family, that's for sure.  My sister (U) is cut from the same cloth.  I haven't spoken to (U) for a year and a half.  The difference between her and my father is with my father I can disengage emotionally and just talk politics and whatnot.  He doesn't pry into my personal life and I don't pry into his.  (U) is constantly digging her talons into the back of my neck and it's so futtin' unpleasant, I just don't want to see her even though she lives twenty minutes away.  I feel sorry for my niece too.  I hope she isn't growing up to the the same kind of monster. 

All but the worst families in the world were not monsters all the time.  You find yourself in midlife with alliances, loyalties, and idiosyncratic motives for seeing family on holidays. 
::)

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: belmont22 on 11/26/12 at 9:35 pm

I feel like our families give us hell to test us. If love was easy, it wouldn't be worth much, would it?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: AL-B Mk. III on 11/26/12 at 9:47 pm

I'm one of the lucky ones.  :-\\

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 11/27/12 at 6:56 am


Some people do estrange their entire families for good.  It's rare though.  As social creatures, we want families.  I didn't speak to my father for eight years.  My surviving sister (U) hasn't spoken to him for a decade is unlikely ever to again.  The thing is, my sister is as big a monster as my dad.  They both can play the "you're dead to me" game. 

I broke the silence with my dad when I went to my brother's wedding.  I had to ask myself whether it was more important to hate my dad than to love my brother and form a relationship with my new sister-in-law.  So I went to the wedding and stood behind my brother at the ceremony like he hoped I would.  I only had to say hello to dad and exchange some smalltalk.  My sister (N) was at the wedding, but my sister (U) refused to go because dad was going to be there.

Two years after my brother got married, my sister (N) committed suicide.  Dad did not show at her memorial service.  He did not go to either of my sisters' weddings.  He's a coward and he's deeply ashamed of himself.  He can't face my mother or anyone from her family, that's for sure.  My sister (U) is cut from the same cloth.  I haven't spoken to (U) for a year and a half.  The difference between her and my father is with my father I can disengage emotionally and just talk politics and whatnot.  He doesn't pry into my personal life and I don't pry into his.  (U) is constantly digging her talons into the back of my neck and it's so futtin' unpleasant, I just don't want to see her even though she lives twenty minutes away.  I feel sorry for my niece too.  I hope she isn't growing up to the the same kind of monster. 

All but the worst families in the world were not monsters all the time.  You find yourself in midlife with alliances, loyalties, and idiosyncratic motives for seeing family on holidays. 
::)


Thanks for sharing all that Max. Your post makes me feel better, although I'm sorry your family dynamic is like that.  :-\\, there are similarities between your family and mine. My sister estranged our family, pretty much for good when she was 19 (although she has made a few guest appearances here and there). I should have done the same and would have been spared years or torment, abuse and awful experiences.

If I had a quasi normal family, I would have sought family on the holidays. But I haven’t since I was 10 years old. I have not noticed any love there, nor love for their kids. I have questioned my parents several times and ask then why in the hell did they have kids if they just treated them like trash puppets and had no concept of being a parent, instilling any values and helping their kids in any way. Ah, at least I had a roof over my head.

Very often I wish I had never been born and never knew my parents.  8-P

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Don Carlos on 11/27/12 at 11:05 am

So sad!!!

But holidays are always stressful in any family because expectations are so high

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 12/11/12 at 8:45 pm

what exactly is "abnormal"?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 12/12/12 at 6:35 am


what exactly is "abnormal"?


Good question. That answer might depend on the individual. What do you think is abnormal?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 12/12/12 at 8:11 am


Good question. That answer might depend on the individual. What do you think is abnormal?


a crazy family?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 12/12/12 at 12:23 pm


what exactly is "abnormal"?



http://monkeyblogmonkeydo.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/abby-normal-young-frankenstein.jpg


Cat

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 12/12/12 at 1:07 pm


a crazy family?


Was your family abnormal or crazy?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 12/12/12 at 7:10 pm


Was your family abnormal or crazy?


I would say a bit dysfunctional, We weren't the most sharpest tools in the family.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 12/26/12 at 9:28 pm


Was your family abnormal or crazy?


We use clinically appropriate terms like dysfunctional or f**ked-up!
:D

Anyway, you know you're in a dysfunctional family when you can't tell someone your sister got food poisoning and keep a straight face!  Even more so when it's why she couldn't come to the Christmas party!  It's because she ate a hamburger from Florence Pizza.  Nobody should order the hamburger -- or anything else -- at Florence Pizza because everything at Florence Pizza smells like it's going to kill you when it gets under your nose.  So, I'm like, U. is such a miserable person she probably went to Florence Pizza deliberately to consume a miserable person's Christmas Eve dinner!

I felt evil and guilty choking back a chuckle and smirking into my collar.

http://image.funscrape.com/images/d/devil-8533.gif

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Goodogbadog on 12/26/12 at 10:40 pm

You little debbil, you!  :D

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Inertia on 12/27/12 at 5:48 am


Was it to hide the act of jogging or hide from the dangerous neighbors?
:D

I had TG with friends this year, but I'll see the parade of horribles on xmas!
:o


It was to hide from the neighbors. She told us to turn around and face the cars with our umbrellas so they couldn't see who we were, but I think it just brought even more attention to us.  :-[

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 12/27/12 at 10:46 pm


It was to hide from the neighbors. She told us to turn around and face the cars with our umbrellas so they couldn't see who we were, but I think it just brought even more attention to us.  :-[


What if you saw the neighbors at the supermarket?
???

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Inertia on 12/30/12 at 8:35 am


What if you saw the neighbors at the supermarket?
???


I live in the country. The only stores around here have overpriced goods you can find much cheaper in town (around 20 miles away) so we rarely saw the neighbors. ;o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 01/01/13 at 4:12 am


I live in the country. The only stores around here have overpriced goods you can find much cheaper in town (around 20 miles away) so we rarely saw the neighbors. ;o


What was the problem problem with the neighbors seeing you?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 01/02/13 at 6:37 pm

I grew up for years thinking my birth date was actually in early Feb. I was told such. What I didn't know was that my parents would show me my baptism certificate (Catholic religion..I was back then) which was a couple of months after my birth, telling me it was my birth certificate.

Very weird... :-\\

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 01/02/13 at 6:51 pm


I grew up for years thinking my birth date was actually in early Feb. I was told such. What I didn't know was that my parents would show me my baptism certificate (Catholic religion..I was back then) which was a couple of months after my birth, telling me it was my birth certificate.

Very weird... :-\\



I have heard in some religions baptism date is more important than birth date. I once knew a girl who wore a colored stone. When I asked her if that was her birthstone, she told me it was her "rebirthstone."  ??? 


Cat

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 01/02/13 at 10:12 pm



I have heard in some religions baptism date is more important than birth date. I once knew a girl who wore a colored stone. When I asked her if that was her birthstone, she told me it was her "rebirthstone."  ??? 


Cat


Going back in history, a lot of kids died before baptism so they didn't get to go to heaven.  The thing is, it wasn't fair to send unbaptized babies to hell because they didn't do anything wrong.  So they let the go to limbo where they would just sort of float forever.  The Catholic church doesn't do limbo anymore.  However, Catholic priests do their best to fill emergency baptismal requests on the neonatal unit before the kid buys the farm.
:o

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: bookmistress4ever on 01/03/13 at 12:27 am

As I tell my husband all the time, "normal" is just a "movie ideal."  Something generally unrealistic.  EVERYBODY has some kind of story to tell, some kind of "odd" aunt, or cousin or whomever.  People have varying degress of abuse, neglect, sibling rivalry, favoritism, very rarely do I ever hear of one of those Norman Rockwell family exisistances.  Sometimes I hear of stories that have Orwellian (Big Brother is watching) roots, rather then Norman Rockwell.  Every now and then I hear stories of beautiful family gatherings with no arguments and everyone gets exactly what they want from said occasion.  Usually it's a story taken with rose-colored glasses, where there were little "blips" that were glossed over because they didn't cause any permanent damage.  Other times, one detail gets blown up into a disaster (even though in the whole scheme of things, it was a few small instances.)  Both my hubby and I had some really horrific things happen that makes us appreciate one another and the commitment we have towards each other since neither had great examples of a "good relationship" to model after.  I just don't think "normal" or the general definition of it, is really practical anymore.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Bobby on 02/01/13 at 10:39 pm

Wow, reading some tough stuff here...

My childhood was fairly normal until 1985 when my mom and dad separated and mom moved house. She couldn't get over my dad having an affair early on in their marriage. I remember doing a lot of crying for dad back then. Things returned to normal a year later then my mom and dad divorced and married again after they found they got on better apart. It was quite seamless to the point where I don't remember they were divorced at all.

We were brought up in neglect, squalid housing conditions and no discipline. Mom had depression and other physical issues like thyroid and adrenaline gland problems. My lazy dad barely worked and he couldn't be bothered with anything but himself either. So I didn't even grow up in working class conditions, lol. My mom and dad separated again towards the end of 1990 where my mom chucked all his stuff in the garden. It made me laugh that mom had the motivation to do this but it also made me laugh to learn recently that my dad was so cheap, he didn't hire a van. He came around with a wheelbarrow to take his stuff.  ;D

I am one of four children, I have two sisters and one brother. My dad decided to take us boys with him and mom would keep the girls. My dad, my brother and I, while waiting for a council house, had to stay with nan, grandad and my uncle John in an extended family for the whole of 1991 and it was the best year of my life. That ended with tragedy when my nan died from a blood clot as a result of a broken ankle slipping on the stairs in November that year. It single-handedly changed the family dynamic.

During that year my dad met a lady from Trinidad and he married her around January in 1992. She was heavily pregnant with someone else's child and I started getting depressed around this time. After the best year of my life with my now deceased nan, grandad and Uncle John, I realised moving into the new house meant nothing was ever going to be the same again. This depression got worse as my dad's wife gave birth to a baby girl. So my brother and I had to cope with a marriage and a step-daughter all within the space of about 6 months. I got the feeling dad was embarrassed by his sons in front of his wife and, story of his life, he neglected us. He didn't care about us while his wife was in the house but was happier when she took trips back to London or Trinidad to see her family. This made me more angry about the situation, coming to the conclusion that she was was the reason dad was turning on us.

Things came to a head and my dad chucked me out during my further education, something I didn't forgive him for for a long time. This only compounded the feelings I already had of him that he was a lazy, insensitive, selfish, neglectful person. By this time, my mom moved to the south of England where I am now so my dad was generous enough to buy me a coach ticket to live with my mom who didn't have much time to learn that I was leaving the Midlands. I then had the same problems of severe neglect from my mom (we would usually eat properly 4 days out of 7) and this resulted in me getting chucked out of my mom's home by getting the police after we had a fight. The police were very nice to me and found me some accommodation while I stayed in a cell for a few hours. It was that bad between my mom and I, it wasn't enough she wanted me out of the house she wanted me to live on the streets and she actually cried when I found a place to live.

So yeah, being able to trust, neglect and abandonment issues were the theme of my life I guess. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1998 as a result of what had happened during my life. However, I turned things around by seeing a counselor who was so impressed with how articulately I could reason things out. She wanted me to hit a cushion and pretend it was my dad and I said to her; "It doesn't matter how much I hit that cushion, it isn't my dad that I'm hitting...A pointless waste of time and energy"  ;D

Anyhow, my mom and I, through hard work, have a really good relationship now. We have grown up a lot and dealt with things. I recently forgave dad for his stupidity but that was for my own benefit. I visited him last year and learnt that he has split from his present Trinidadian wife and now lives on his own in a little flat. Last year I saw how his wife reacted when she saw him in the street, dad was trying to make conversation with her and she barely made eye contact with him. The anger quickly dissolved and all that was left was genuine pity for him. It was saddening to realise he has learnt and gained absolutely nothing in the last 30 years...

All in all, I don't consider my childhood to be anything like Dave Pelzer's but I had to overcome some serious mental and emotional obstacles to get to where I am now which has made me more resolute. I don't have clinical depression anymore, in fact I am a very positive person as a result of my experience. I have learnt to express myself emotionally, love myself and others. Importantly, I have learned to accept things as they were and even are, move on and forgive. Without doing this we will always be at square one.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 02/02/13 at 7:23 am


Wow, reading some tough stuff here...

My childhood was fairly normal until 1985 when my mom and dad separated and mom moved house. She couldn't get over my dad having an affair early on in their marriage. I remember doing a lot of crying for dad back then. Things returned to normal a year later then my mom and dad divorced and married again after they found they got on better apart. It was quite seamless to the point where I don't remember they were divorced at all.

We were brought up in neglect, squalid housing conditions and no discipline. Mom had depression and other physical issues like thyroid and adrenaline gland problems. My lazy dad barely worked and he couldn't be bothered with anything but himself either. So I didn't even grow up in working class conditions, lol. My mom and dad separated again towards the end of 1990 where my mom chucked all his stuff in the garden. It made me laugh that mom had the motivation to do this but it also made me laugh to learn recently that my dad was so cheap, he didn't hire a van. He came around with a wheelbarrow to take his stuff.  ;D

I am one of four children, I have two sisters and one brother. My dad decided to take us boys with him and mom would keep the girls. My dad, my brother and I, while waiting for a council house, had to stay with nan, grandad and my uncle John in an extended family for the whole of 1991 and it was the best year of my life. That ended with tragedy when my nan died from a blood clot as a result of a broken ankle slipping on the stairs in November that year. It single-handedly changed the family dynamic.

During that year my dad met a lady from Trinidad and he married her around January in 1992. She was heavily pregnant with someone else's child and I started getting depressed around this time. After the best year of my life with my now deceased nan, grandad and Uncle John, I realised moving into the new house meant nothing was ever going to be the same again. This depression got worse as my dad's wife gave birth to a baby girl. So my brother and I had to cope with a marriage and a step-daughter all within the space of about 6 months. I got the feeling dad was embarrassed by his sons in front of his wife and, story of his life, he neglected us. He didn't care about us while his wife was in the house but was happier when she took trips back to London or Trinidad to see her family. This made me more angry about the situation, coming to the conclusion that she was was the reason dad was turning on us.

Things came to a head and my dad chucked me out during my further education, something I didn't forgive him for for a long time. This only compounded the feelings I already had of him that he was a lazy, insensitive, selfish, neglectful person. By this time, my mom moved to the south of England where I am now so my dad was generous enough to buy me a coach ticket to live with my mom who didn't have much time to learn that I was leaving the Midlands. I then had the same problems of severe neglect from my mom (we would usually eat properly 4 days out of 7) and this resulted in me getting chucked out of my mom's home by getting the police after we had a fight. The police were very nice to me and found me some accommodation while I stayed in a cell for a few hours. It was that bad between my mom and I, it wasn't enough she wanted me out of the house she wanted me to live on the streets and she actually cried when I found a place to live.

So yeah, being able to trust, neglect and abandonment issues were the theme of my life I guess. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1998 as a result of what had happened during my life. However, I turned things around by seeing a counselor who was so impressed with how articulately I could reason things out. She wanted me to hit a cushion and pretend it was my dad and I said to her; "It doesn't matter how much I hit that cushion, it isn't my dad that I'm hitting...A pointless waste of time and energy"  ;D

Anyhow, my mom and I, through hard work, have a really good relationship now. We have grown up a lot and dealt with things. I recently forgave dad for his stupidity but that was for my own benefit. I visited him last year and learnt that he has split from his present Trinidadian wife and now lives on his own in a little flat. Last year I saw how his wife reacted when she saw him in the street, dad was trying to make conversation with her and she barely made eye contact with him. The anger quickly dissolved and all that was left was genuine pity for him. It was saddening to realise he has learnt and gained absolutely nothing in the last 30 years...

All in all, I don't consider my childhood to be anything like Dave Pelzer's but I had to overcome some serious mental and emotional obstacles to get to where I am now which has made me more resolute. I don't have clinical depression anymore, in fact I am a very positive person as a result of my experience. I have learnt to express myself emotionally, love myself and others. Importantly, I have learned to accept things as they were and even are, move on and forgive. Without doing this we will always be at square one.



One thing I learned a long time ago-that which does not break you, makes you stronger. And you are VERY STRONG, My Friend.



Cat

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Bobby on 02/02/13 at 8:06 am


One thing I learned a long time ago-that which does not break you, makes you stronger. And you are VERY STRONG, My Friend.


Thank you, Cat. :)



Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 01/02/14 at 2:51 pm

I don't know what I would call growing up with my family, probably abnormal.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Ripley on 01/02/14 at 5:29 pm

I grew up knowing one half of my family, maternal, and that one half seems pretty normal.  As for the paternal half, I haven't met a lot of it but I have heard so many often disturbing stories.  I could care less about knowing them for that and other reasons.  Therefore that half is indeed abnormal. 

As a kid I got on well with my mom's family.  I would play with my cousins and have the best of times.  We were so close we were practically best friends.  As we grew up we all grew apart.  It happens.  The only family I see often are my mom whom I live with, sister and her husband, my awesome grandparents, who helped raise me, and one of my uncles.  While I don't see the rest quite as often they're still a great normal family. 

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 01/02/14 at 6:52 pm


I don't know what I would call growing up with my family, probably abnormal.


What was abnormal about it, Howard?

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: MaxwellSmart on 01/02/14 at 11:34 pm


Wow, reading some tough stuff here...

My childhood was fairly normal until 1985 when my mom and dad separated and mom moved house. She couldn't get over my dad having an affair early on in their marriage. I remember doing a lot of crying for dad back then. Things returned to normal a year later then my mom and dad divorced and married again after they found they got on better apart. It was quite seamless to the point where I don't remember they were divorced at all.

We were brought up in neglect, squalid housing conditions and no discipline. Mom had depression and other physical issues like thyroid and adrenaline gland problems. My lazy dad barely worked and he couldn't be bothered with anything but himself either. So I didn't even grow up in working class conditions, lol. My mom and dad separated again towards the end of 1990 where my mom chucked all his stuff in the garden. It made me laugh that mom had the motivation to do this but it also made me laugh to learn recently that my dad was so cheap, he didn't hire a van. He came around with a wheelbarrow to take his stuff.  ;D

I am one of four children, I have two sisters and one brother. My dad decided to take us boys with him and mom would keep the girls. My dad, my brother and I, while waiting for a council house, had to stay with nan, grandad and my uncle John in an extended family for the whole of 1991 and it was the best year of my life. That ended with tragedy when my nan died from a blood clot as a result of a broken ankle slipping on the stairs in November that year. It single-handedly changed the family dynamic.

During that year my dad met a lady from Trinidad and he married her around January in 1992. She was heavily pregnant with someone else's child and I started getting depressed around this time. After the best year of my life with my now deceased nan, grandad and Uncle John, I realised moving into the new house meant nothing was ever going to be the same again. This depression got worse as my dad's wife gave birth to a baby girl. So my brother and I had to cope with a marriage and a step-daughter all within the space of about 6 months. I got the feeling dad was embarrassed by his sons in front of his wife and, story of his life, he neglected us. He didn't care about us while his wife was in the house but was happier when she took trips back to London or Trinidad to see her family. This made me more angry about the situation, coming to the conclusion that she was was the reason dad was turning on us.

Things came to a head and my dad chucked me out during my further education, something I didn't forgive him for for a long time. This only compounded the feelings I already had of him that he was a lazy, insensitive, selfish, neglectful person. By this time, my mom moved to the south of England where I am now so my dad was generous enough to buy me a coach ticket to live with my mom who didn't have much time to learn that I was leaving the Midlands. I then had the same problems of severe neglect from my mom (we would usually eat properly 4 days out of 7) and this resulted in me getting chucked out of my mom's home by getting the police after we had a fight. The police were very nice to me and found me some accommodation while I stayed in a cell for a few hours. It was that bad between my mom and I, it wasn't enough she wanted me out of the house she wanted me to live on the streets and she actually cried when I found a place to live.

So yeah, being able to trust, neglect and abandonment issues were the theme of my life I guess. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1998 as a result of what had happened during my life. However, I turned things around by seeing a counselor who was so impressed with how articulately I could reason things out. She wanted me to hit a cushion and pretend it was my dad and I said to her; "It doesn't matter how much I hit that cushion, it isn't my dad that I'm hitting...A pointless waste of time and energy"  ;D

Anyhow, my mom and I, through hard work, have a really good relationship now. We have grown up a lot and dealt with things. I recently forgave dad for his stupidity but that was for my own benefit. I visited him last year and learnt that he has split from his present Trinidadian wife and now lives on his own in a little flat. Last year I saw how his wife reacted when she saw him in the street, dad was trying to make conversation with her and she barely made eye contact with him. The anger quickly dissolved and all that was left was genuine pity for him. It was saddening to realise he has learnt and gained absolutely nothing in the last 30 years...

All in all, I don't consider my childhood to be anything like Dave Pelzer's but I had to overcome some serious mental and emotional obstacles to get to where I am now which has made me more resolute. I don't have clinical depression anymore, in fact I am a very positive person as a result of my experience. I have learnt to express myself emotionally, love myself and others. Importantly, I have learned to accept things as they were and even are, move on and forgive. Without doing this we will always be at square one.


Thanks for the story, Bobby. 

My dad was a soul-murdering bastard when I was growing up, but now he seems like a pitiable old fool.  I can visit with him and my stepmother and have a nice time.  He STILL doesn't know my older sister is suffering from a devastating psychiatric breakdown.  My stepbrother will probably tell him...when I tell my stepbrother.  Mental illness, drug addiction, alcoholism, and suicide. There's just no reprieve from trouble in my family.
::)

Of my parents' three biological children, I am for once the best off.  Not high stakes here.  I am:
a. Still alive.
b. Not psychotic.

Out of curiosity, Bobby, how is the council housing in the UK?  I guess it depends from region to region.  Here in the U.S. "public housing" is often deplorable and when it is available, it can take years to get assigned.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 01/03/14 at 9:39 am


What was abnormal about it, Howard?


We were sometimes rambunctious, sometimes get into trouble and My parents would lose their patience and we'd get screamed at.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Dagwood on 01/03/14 at 7:09 pm


We were sometimes rambunctious, sometimes get into trouble and My parents would lose their patience and we'd get screamed at.


That's not abnormal, Howard.  That is a typical family.  :)

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 01/03/14 at 7:14 pm


That's not abnormal, Howard.  That is a typical family.  :)


Dang, I was just gonna say that. You beat me to it  ;)

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 01/07/14 at 5:56 am


We were sometimes rambunctious, sometimes get into trouble and My parents would lose their patience and we'd get screamed at.



That's not abnormal, Howard.  That is a typical family.  :)


Howard, I'll give you an example of an abnormal family...hope you can see the difference:

If your dad was an alcoholic and called you "garbage" all the time and both parents verbally abused you by telling you that you would never amount to anything because you were useless and stupid...and your dad physically abused you, your mom and your siblings and wanted to see and touch your junk and stole money from you...and your mom was so afraid of being hit or abused by a drunk husband that she lived in fear of him 24 hours a day, but instead worshipped the ground he walked on and pretended he was the greatest guy in the world...but took out her frustrations of him on you to make your life miserable...and giving you ONLY a bag of potato chips for dinner quite often (coz she wanted to see you become unhealthy) that would be an example of an abnormal family.
But it's just one example.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 01/07/14 at 7:59 am


Howard, I'll give you an example of an abnormal family to try and explain the difference:

If your dad was an alcoholic and called you "garbage" all the time and both parents verbally abused you by telling you that you would never amount to anything because you were useless and stupid...and your dad physically abused you, your mom and your siblings and wanted to see and touch your junk and stole money from you...and your mom was so afraid of being hit or abused by a drunk husband that she lived in fear of him 24 hours a day, but instead worshipped the ground he walked on and pretended he was the greatest guy in the world...but took out her frustrations of him on you to make your life miserable...and giving you ONLY a bag of potato chips for dinner quite often (coz she wanted to see you become unhealthy) that would be an example of an abnormal family.
But it's just one example.


My Father never was an alcoholic, he was just bitter throughout life and became that throughout his older years, he became a "modern day" Archie Bunker, but the only time he hit me was when I was a small boy. He did that out of being frustrated for me growing up. After that he a became a bitter old man and started to yell at certain situations.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: c_keenan2001@hotmail.com on 01/07/14 at 8:56 pm

Normal? Are you kidding me? What's that? ;D

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Howard on 01/08/14 at 8:15 am


Normal? Are you kidding me? What's that? ;D


There's no such thing as normal.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: c_keenan2001@hotmail.com on 01/09/14 at 11:35 am


There's no such thing as normal.


Not for me there wasn't.

I haven't been "normal" since I was 6 years old.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: annimal on 01/09/14 at 12:09 pm

I was told by my mom how everyonr was out to screw me over and everything was wrong.  I was treated very disfunctional.  Mom got better over the years though and didn't do the everything and everyone is horrible stuff with my brothers.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: c_keenan2001@hotmail.com on 01/12/14 at 2:01 am

I had my father who abused me mentally when he was drunk.  My grandmother said sh!t about my father right in front of us and didn't really care.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: XYkid on 01/12/14 at 2:20 am

Normal family? Do those exist?
No I'm just kidding, but seriously, every family is strange in their own way, and every family is dysfunctional to an extent.
I'd say my upbringing was fairly 'normal' by most American standards, being the white middle class guy that I am. The only really weird thing about us is that my mother love health food and gluten free stuff.
I also moved a lot, and most people I know have lived in their town for a long time. My dad had temper issues, so I grew up being scared of what I said or did, but I never saw him as 'abusive' really. I was an only child too, which I guess isn't really 'normal'.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: valleyroads on 01/21/14 at 6:53 pm

I've grown comfortable enough with admitting it to people to post it publicly on inthe00s instead of on my FB where it is only accessible to friends and FB admins. So here goes...

I was raised by a far-right hunting obsessed gun nut dad who imposed excessive expectations of masculinity on me and wanted me to be his hunting and fishing buddy, which didn't work out considering that I grew up to be a very progressive artist with more feminine tendencies than masculine, and a hoarder mom with borderline personality disorder and a strange attachment to me. Our house was, for a lot of years, the grodiest on the street, we had one house trailer, 3 boats, 4 cars (would have been 5 if I had gotten the Dodge Magnum that was my childhood dream car and I came close to getting), 2 pickup trucks, all in varying states of disrepair, most of the cars and 2 boats in the yard so my mom could fill the driveway with junk in plastic tubs and 55-gallon drums under 2 portable carports, and me evicted from my bedroom into the garage when I was 13 because of my mom's hoarding. The place was ordered cleaned up by the county in 2006 and the place now looks normal on the outside but with a trashed front yard and the fenced-off backyard a nasty mess.

I was held up to a lot of family traditions and expectations that had carried on since my parents' generation and was disliked for not meeting or living up to them, and my mom refused to acknowledge that I had autism, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and fairly deep mental illness, which was a nightmare I won't go into details of.

So in short, abnormal

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: The Valley Goth on 03/02/14 at 11:30 am

Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

My family life wasn't normal (I was born with a medical condition, my father came from a divorce situation, and there were a few other bad issues), but I've always been furious about the fact that my life wasn't MORE abnormal!  I was a teen of the 1990s, and I KNOW that I'd have fit in more successfully if ONLY...

* my parents had divorced (The fact that they've been married for 37 years makes me a "spoiled" OUTCAST in our society!)
* my mother had been Anorexic or Bulemic (Of course, MY flirtation with Anorexia makes me more normal than I would otherwise have been)
* I had done Heroin
* I had slit both of my wrists (To this day, I wish that I had done that, just so that I could have fit in with "teens of the 1990s"  Of course, my heart condition would never allow me to get away with that...)
* I had attempted suicide
* I had snuck out of the house to have unprotected sex with teenaged boys (That was the LEAST that any "normal" 1990s teen girl could have done)
* one, or both of my parents had been alcoholics (I wonder if the alcoholism in my father's family could have won me any recognition...)
* my father had been in jail at one time or another
* I had become pregnant
* I had gotten an abortion
* I had been hospitalized for a terminal illness, and/ or for a mental illness
* I had been molested as a child (A popular claim during college.  Couldn't I have had at LEAST ONE perverted uncle?)
* I had been raped (Another popular claim during college)
* my father had neglected me (A few years ago, I told him that he had prevented me from fitting in, because he HADN'T neglected me!  I've always sort of resented the fact that he didn't neglect me, because if you're a woman from my generation, you HAVE to have..."Daddy Issues", or you're NOT normal!)
* I had become an alcoholic

If ALL of the aforementioned situations had been a part of my life, I would have been the most normal 1990s teenager in the world.

In my opinion, 95% of 1990s teens slit their wrists (I need to research that, because, right now, I feel as though I'm one of the only people who didn't do that during the 1990s), and, to this day, I feel as though I should have done so, too.  Being imperfect was NEVER enough, and it's NEVER enough today.  If you're a woman, your American duty is to self-destruct (We watch movies in order to see the heroines self-destruct, and that's the same reason that we watch reality shows, wherein women fight, destroy themselves, debase themselves, etc.  America seems to enjoy watching women who are in the process of killing themselves in some way or another, so, if you're a woman, you'd better be hurting yourself, or... NOBODY WILL EVER CARE ABOUT YOU!).  When you destroy yourself, then, and ONLY then, will America claim that YOU have suffered, or that YOU'RE "normal", in ANY way, shape, or form.

It's too bad that good health, good marriages, and good mental health aren't popular anymore.  I SWEAR that someday, roasting yourself on a spit will be the ONLY way to prove that you're suffering enough to be..."normal"!

Eponine FOREVER!
>:(     

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: 2kidsami on 03/02/14 at 10:16 pm


Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

My family life wasn't normal (I was born with a medical condition, my father came from a divorce situation, and there were a few other bad issues), but I've always been furious about the fact that my life wasn't MORE abnormal!  I was a teen of the 1990s, and I KNOW that I'd have fit in more successfully if ONLY...

* my parents had divorced (The fact that they've been married for 37 years makes me a "spoiled" OUTCAST in our society!)
* my mother had been Anorexic or Bulemic (Of course, MY flirtation with Anorexia makes me more normal than I would otherwise have been)
* I had done Heroin
* I had slit both of my wrists (To this day, I wish that I had done that, just so that I could have fit in with "teens of the 1990s"  Of course, my heart condition would never allow me to get away with that...)
* I had attempted suicide
* I had snuck out of the house to have unprotected sex with teenaged boys (That was the LEAST that any "normal" 1990s teen girl could have done)
* one, or both of my parents had been alcoholics (I wonder if the alcoholism in my father's family could have won me any recognition...)
* my father had been in jail at one time or another
* I had become pregnant
* I had gotten an abortion
* I had been hospitalized for a terminal illness, and/ or for a mental illness
* I had been molested as a child (A popular claim during college.  Couldn't I have had at LEAST ONE perverted uncle?)
* I had been raped (Another popular claim during college)
* my father had neglected me (A few years ago, I told him that he had prevented me from fitting in, because he HADN'T neglected me!  I've always sort of resented the fact that he didn't neglect me, because if you're a woman from my generation, you HAVE to have..."Daddy Issues", or you're NOT normal!)
* I had become an alcoholic

If ALL of the aforementioned situations had been a part of my life, I would have been the most normal 1990s teenager in the world.

In my opinion, 95% of 1990s teens slit their wrists (I need to research that, because, right now, I feel as though I'm one of the only people who didn't do that during the 1990s), and, to this day, I feel as though I should have done so, too.  Being imperfect was NEVER enough, and it's NEVER enough today.  If you're a woman, your American duty is to self-destruct (We watch movies in order to see the heroines self-destruct, and that's the same reason that we watch reality shows, wherein women fight, destroy themselves, debase themselves, etc.  America seems to enjoy watching women who are in the process of killing themselves in some way or another, so, if you're a woman, you'd better be hurting yourself, or... NOBODY WILL EVER CARE ABOUT YOU!).  When you destroy yourself, then, and ONLY then, will America claim that YOU have suffered, or that YOU'RE "normal", in ANY way, shape, or form.

It's too bad that good health, good marriages, and good mental health aren't popular anymore.  I SWEAR that someday, roasting yourself on a spit will be the ONLY way to prove that you're suffering enough to be..."normal"!

Eponine FOREVER!
>:(   
stop making a mockery out of other peoples misery!!!!

There are people (many right on this board) who are truly suffering from the afflictions you spoke of above.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: c_keenan2001@hotmail.com on 03/03/14 at 12:12 am


Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

My family life wasn't normal (I was born with a medical condition, my father came from a divorce situation, and there were a few other bad issues), but I've always been furious about the fact that my life wasn't MORE abnormal!  I was a teen of the 1990s, and I KNOW that I'd have fit in more successfully if ONLY...

* my parents had divorced (The fact that they've been married for 37 years makes me a "spoiled" OUTCAST in our society!)
* my mother had been Anorexic or Bulemic (Of course, MY flirtation with Anorexia makes me more normal than I would otherwise have been)
* I had done Heroin
* I had slit both of my wrists (To this day, I wish that I had done that, just so that I could have fit in with "teens of the 1990s"  Of course, my heart condition would never allow me to get away with that...)
* I had attempted suicide
* I had snuck out of the house to have unprotected sex with teenaged boys (That was the LEAST that any "normal" 1990s teen girl could have done)
* one, or both of my parents had been alcoholics (I wonder if the alcoholism in my father's family could have won me any recognition...)
* my father had been in jail at one time or another
* I had become pregnant
* I had gotten an abortion
* I had been hospitalized for a terminal illness, and/ or for a mental illness
* I had been molested as a child (A popular claim during college.  Couldn't I have had at LEAST ONE perverted uncle?)
* I had been raped (Another popular claim during college)
* my father had neglected me (A few years ago, I told him that he had prevented me from fitting in, because he HADN'T neglected me!  I've always sort of resented the fact that he didn't neglect me, because if you're a woman from my generation, you HAVE to have..."Daddy Issues", or you're NOT normal!)
* I had become an alcoholic

If ALL of the aforementioned situations had been a part of my life, I would have been the most normal 1990s teenager in the world.

In my opinion, 95% of 1990s teens slit their wrists (I need to research that, because, right now, I feel as though I'm one of the only people who didn't do that during the 1990s), and, to this day, I feel as though I should have done so, too.  Being imperfect was NEVER enough, and it's NEVER enough today.  If you're a woman, your American duty is to self-destruct (We watch movies in order to see the heroines self-destruct, and that's the same reason that we watch reality shows, wherein women fight, destroy themselves, debase themselves, etc.  America seems to enjoy watching women who are in the process of killing themselves in some way or another, so, if you're a woman, you'd better be hurting yourself, or... NOBODY WILL EVER CARE ABOUT YOU!).  When you destroy yourself, then, and ONLY then, will America claim that YOU have suffered, or that YOU'RE "normal", in ANY way, shape, or form.

It's too bad that good health, good marriages, and good mental health aren't popular anymore.  I SWEAR that someday, roasting yourself on a spit will be the ONLY way to prove that you're suffering enough to be..."normal"!

Eponine FOREVER!
>:(   


I don't know how to properly respond to this but here I go.

My life, both personally and emotionally, has been pretty hard.  Here's something for you to sink your teeth into.

My dad was a rip roaring drunk from the time that I was 6 until I was 19 when I cut him off from my life.  I never wanted to persue a relationship of anykind with my dad at all because of all of the drama and bullsh!t he creates.

With that said I neither appreciate this particular post being here nor do I appreciate what this post implies. This post adds nothing to the convesation and only serves to stir up the pot of people who have real problems and want to discuss about them.  Everything that you joshed about is not worthy of such mockery.  If you want to mock about things then please take your crude sense of humour ELSEWHERE so I and others who have real problems don't have to listen to it! Or at least stick it where the sun don't shine.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: warped on 03/03/14 at 10:34 am


I don't know how to properly respond to this but here I go.




O0  You did great.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: c_keenan2001@hotmail.com on 03/03/14 at 11:33 am


O0  You did great.


Thank you. :D

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: The Valley Goth on 03/03/14 at 5:04 pm

Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

Crude sense of HUMOR?  If somebody's laughing, it isn't ME!

I don't think that you'd have liked MY childhood; THAT'S fer shurr.  I don't think that you'd have enjoyed dealing with medical situations, etc., and THEN being told, at every turn of the road, by seemingly everybody whom you encountered, that you HADN'T REALLY suffered.

Do you REALLY like our society, wherein extremism and self-destruction are REWARDED...with glorification through the media, with awe and wonder (which are more fit for a magic show), and with the kind of news coverage that our news teams WON'T give to any OTHER types of stories?

I'm not lying when I say that when I was in, like, the 6th grade, or something, and some new girl was mean towards me, somebody else actually excused her inexcusable rudeness with the fact that her parents were going through a divorce.

I couldn't have IMAGINED MYSELF bullying another child, and then saying something like, "Well, I recently went through a surgery, so you'll just have to be understanding while I stand here and call you a stupid, uncool moron!"

Oh, but THAT'S America for you.  Ya' know, I'm surprised that the situation from "The Purge" isn't REAL these days, because America GLORIFIES suffering, and that glorification DOES make a mockery of suffering, because it turns suffering into a CONTEST, a "My flu was worse than YOUR flu, and I nearly DIED, so YOU'RE not worth as much as I am, as a PERSON, because YOU never REALLY suffered!" kind of situation, if you will. 

When the people within your society literally judge you to be "normal" or "abnormal" based upon weather you have suffered as much as, and/or in the specific ways in which THEY have suffered, your social survival becomes dependent upon..."keeping up with the self-destructive Joneses"; the more that you've suffered, the more that you "fit in", and the more "normal" (and worthy of human recognition?) you are.  As sick as THAT entire situation is (It reads just like a "Who can lose more weight by starvation?" kind of contest between girls), it's the situation that America built, and it seems to have been one of America's proudest theologies...for the past, say, 40 years, or so...(?)

At least when people used to exclude others because they weren't RICH, the snobbishness of the wealthy DIDN'T inspire the poor to starve themselves, or to divorce, or to purposely injure themselves, for the simple sake of belonging to society.

I'm sorry, but a classic example is the year 1997.  Princess Diana.  Mother Teresa.  Princess Diana. Mother Teresa.  You tell ME who got more media coverage.  You'll find that sensationalism and self-destruction ALWAYS outshine progress...in America.

Another classic example is the subject of American divorce.  The general American attitude about divorce seems to be, "Oh, how awful!  Would you look at THAT?  Cal and Gladys are DIVORCING?  Well, I NEVER..."/ "OMG!  Like, The JoeShell (Joe and Shelley) celebrity union is BREAKING UP!  I could just DIE!", instead of, "Oh.  Another divorce.  When will people grow up and realize that marriage is supposed to be a commitment?"/ "Well, I'M not going to marry for all of the wrong reasons."

A third example is the behavior of SOME of today's parents, who, by themselves, misdiagnose normal childhood behavior as mental illness, and/ or, DEMAND mental meds for their sick (or their wrongly-diagnosed) kids, and bully doctors, teachers, and other caregivers into giving their "challenged" children special privledges, etc., even though some of those children hit, bite, kick, and otherwise endanger both children and adults alike.     

We also live in a society wherein flaunting one's OWN suffering is not enough!  I swear that some Americans are driven to make claims that their CHILDREN are suffering/ suffering more than they actually are, because they (the parents) KNOW that it's currently "COOL" to flaunt your child's suffering in everybody else's face, in order to prove that YOUR child has suffered MORE than everybody ELSE'S child. I won't be surprised if 50% of all parents have been SOCIALLY driven to "develop" Munchausen's Syndrome by the year 2020.  When an entire neighborhood seems to resent you, simply because Little Johnny and Little Sally just HAPPENED to be born healthy and average, you KNOW that if your family is going to fit in anytime soon, Little Johnny and Little Sally had BETTER come down with/ "come down with" SOME types of a conditions...and FAST, because it just won't DO for them to be, like, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, or anything like THAT.
8) 

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: CatwomanofV on 03/03/14 at 5:56 pm


Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

Crude sense of HUMOR?  If somebody's laughing, it isn't ME!

I don't think that you'd have liked MY childhood; THAT'S fer shurr.  I don't think that you'd have enjoyed dealing with medical situations, etc., and THEN being told, at every turn of the road, by seemingly everybody whom you encountered, that you HADN'T REALLY suffered.

Do you REALLY like our society, wherein extremism and self-destruction are REWARDED...with glorification through the media, with awe and wonder (which are more fit for a magic show), and with the kind of news coverage that our news teams WON'T give to any OTHER types of stories?

I'm not lying when I say that when I was in, like, the 6th grade, or something, and some new girl was mean towards me, somebody else actually excused her inexcusable rudeness with the fact that her parents were going through a divorce.

I couldn't have IMAGINED MYSELF bullying another child, and then saying something like, "Well, I recently went through a surgery, so you'll just have to be understanding while I stand here and call you a stupid, uncool moron!"

Oh, but THAT'S America for you.  Ya' know, I'm surprised that the situation from "The Purge" isn't REAL these days, because America GLORIFIES suffering, and that glorification DOES make a mockery of suffering, because it turns suffering into a CONTEST, a "My flu was worse than YOUR flu, and I nearly DIED, so YOU'RE not worth as much as I am, as a PERSON, because YOU never REALLY suffered!" kind of situation, if you will. 

When the people within your society literally judge you to be "normal" or "abnormal" based upon weather you have suffered as much as, and/or in the specific ways in which THEY have suffered, your social survival becomes dependent upon..."keeping up with the self-destructive Joneses"; the more that you've suffered, the more that you "fit in", and the more "normal" (and worthy of human recognition?) you are.  As sick as THAT entire situation is (It reads just like a "Who can lose more weight by starvation?" kind of contest between girls), it's the situation that America built, and it seems to have been one of America's proudest theologies...for the past, say, 40 years, or so...(?)

At least when people used to exclude others because they weren't RICH, the snobbishness of the wealthy DIDN'T inspire the poor to starve themselves, or to break up their own families, or to become alcoholics, for the simple sake of belonging to society.

I'm sorry, but a classic example is the year 1997.  Princess Diana.  Mother Teresa.  Princess Diana. Mother Teresa.  You tell ME who got more media coverage.  You'll find that sensationalism and self-destruction ALWAYS outshine progress...in America.

Another classic example is the subject of American divorce.  The general American attitude about divorce seems to be, "Oh, how awful!  Would you look at THAT?  Cal and Gladys are DIVORCING?  Well, I NEVER..."/ "OMG!  Like, The JoeShell (Joe and Shelley) celebrity union is BREAKING UP!  I could just DIE!", instead of, "Oh.  Another divorce.  When will people grow up and realize that marriage is supposed to be a commitment?"/ "Well, I'M not going to marry for all of the wrong reasons."

A third example is the behavior of some of today's parents, who, by themselves, misdiagnose normal childhood behavior as mental illness, and/ or, DEMAND mental meds for their sick (or their wrongly-diagnosed) kids, and bully doctors, teachers, and other caregivers into giving their "challenged" children special privledges, etc., even though some of those children hit, bite, kick, and otherwise endanger both children and adults alike.  We live in a society wherein flaunting one's OWN suffering is not enough!  I swear that some Americans are driven to make claims that their CHILDREN are suffering/ suffering more than they actually are, because they (the parents) KNOW that it's currently "COOL" to flaunt your child's suffering in everybody else's face, in order to prove that YOUR child has suffered MORE than everybody ELSE'S child. I won't be surprised if 50% of all parents have been SOCIALLY driven to "develop" Munchausen's Syndrome by the year 2020.  When an entire neighborhood seems to resent you, simply because Little Johnny and Little Sally just HAPPENED to be born healthy and average, you KNOW that if your family is going to fit in anytime soon, Little Johnny and Little Sally had BETTER come down with/ "come down with" SOME types of a conditions...and FAST, because it just won't DO for them to be, like, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, or anything like THAT.
8)


You are correct that there are some people who believe their brand of suffering is worse than others but that is not what this thread is about. ALL of us have had something in our past (and present) that is very difficult to deal with. With you, I would guess it is your medical problems. But, you seem to have assumed that everyone here is trying to one-up each other which is not the case. This thread is about reaching out to others on the board and try to find some solace and maybe find some way to deal with issues and possibly do some healing. There have been many times when I have reached out to board members when I have something that is on my mind or that is bothering me and I have received feedback & advice. There have been times when other board members have reached out to me, too. It is a give & take situation. With your original post in this thread, you seem like you were trying to alienate people here and mocking some serious issues that people here have had to deal with. You should be grateful that you didn't have to deal with a lot of the sh!t that you listed. I know I'm grateful for the sh!t that I didn't have to deal with. 




Cat

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: ladybug316 on 03/03/14 at 6:49 pm


Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

Crude sense of HUMOR?  If somebody's laughing, it isn't ME!

I don't think that you'd have liked MY childhood; THAT'S fer shurr.  I don't think that you'd have enjoyed dealing with medical situations, etc., and THEN being told, at every turn of the road, by seemingly everybody whom you encountered, that you HADN'T REALLY suffered.

Do you REALLY like our society, wherein extremism and self-destruction are REWARDED...with glorification through the media, with awe and wonder (which are more fit for a magic show), and with the kind of news coverage that our news teams WON'T give to any OTHER types of stories?

I'm not lying when I say that when I was in, like, the 6th grade, or something, and some new girl was mean towards me, somebody else actually excused her inexcusable rudeness with the fact that her parents were going through a divorce.

I couldn't have IMAGINED MYSELF bullying another child, and then saying something like, "Well, I recently went through a surgery, so you'll just have to be understanding while I stand here and call you a stupid, uncool moron!"

Oh, but THAT'S America for you.  Ya' know, I'm surprised that the situation from "The Purge" isn't REAL these days, because America GLORIFIES suffering, and that glorification DOES make a mockery of suffering, because it turns suffering into a CONTEST, a "My flu was worse than YOUR flu, and I nearly DIED, so YOU'RE not worth as much as I am, as a PERSON, because YOU never REALLY suffered!" kind of situation, if you will. 

When the people within your society literally judge you to be "normal" or "abnormal" based upon weather you have suffered as much as, and/or in the specific ways in which THEY have suffered, your social survival becomes dependent upon..."keeping up with the self-destructive Joneses"; the more that you've suffered, the more that you "fit in", and the more "normal" (and worthy of human recognition?) you are.  As sick as THAT entire situation is (It reads just like a "Who can lose more weight by starvation?" kind of contest between girls), it's the situation that America built, and it seems to have been one of America's proudest theologies...for the past, say, 40 years, or so...(?)

At least when people used to exclude others because they weren't RICH, the snobbishness of the wealthy DIDN'T inspire the poor to starve themselves, or to divorce, or to purposely injure themselves, for the simple sake of belonging to society.

I'm sorry, but a classic example is the year 1997.  Princess Diana.  Mother Teresa.  Princess Diana. Mother Teresa.  You tell ME who got more media coverage.  You'll find that sensationalism and self-destruction ALWAYS outshine progress...in America.

Another classic example is the subject of American divorce.  The general American attitude about divorce seems to be, "Oh, how awful!  Would you look at THAT?  Cal and Gladys are DIVORCING?  Well, I NEVER..."/ "OMG!  Like, The JoeShell (Joe and Shelley) celebrity union is BREAKING UP!  I could just DIE!", instead of, "Oh.  Another divorce.  When will people grow up and realize that marriage is supposed to be a commitment?"/ "Well, I'M not going to marry for all of the wrong reasons."

A third example is the behavior of SOME of today's parents, who, by themselves, misdiagnose normal childhood behavior as mental illness, and/ or, DEMAND mental meds for their sick (or their wrongly-diagnosed) kids, and bully doctors, teachers, and other caregivers into giving their "challenged" children special privledges, etc., even though some of those children hit, bite, kick, and otherwise endanger both children and adults alike.     

We also live in a society wherein flaunting one's OWN suffering is not enough!  I swear that some Americans are driven to make claims that their CHILDREN are suffering/ suffering more than they actually are, because they (the parents) KNOW that it's currently "COOL" to flaunt your child's suffering in everybody else's face, in order to prove that YOUR child has suffered MORE than everybody ELSE'S child. I won't be surprised if 50% of all parents have been SOCIALLY driven to "develop" Munchausen's Syndrome by the year 2020.  When an entire neighborhood seems to resent you, simply because Little Johnny and Little Sally just HAPPENED to be born healthy and average, you KNOW that if your family is going to fit in anytime soon, Little Johnny and Little Sally had BETTER come down with/ "come down with" SOME types of a conditions...and FAST, because it just won't DO for them to be, like, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, or anything like THAT.
8)


I'm coming from a place of genuine concern when I say that if you are serious in your posts, I truly hope you are seeking professional help.  That's too much darkness and putrid festering to be healthy for anyone to carry around - especially when you counter it with the incongruent valley talk.  Help yourself.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: c_keenan2001@hotmail.com on 03/03/14 at 6:51 pm


Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

Crude sense of HUMOR?  If somebody's laughing, it isn't ME!

I don't think that you'd have liked MY childhood; THAT'S fer shurr.  I don't think that you'd have enjoyed dealing with medical situations, etc., and THEN being told, at every turn of the road, by seemingly everybody whom you encountered, that you HADN'T REALLY suffered.

Do you REALLY like our society, wherein extremism and self-destruction are REWARDED...with glorification through the media, with awe and wonder (which are more fit for a magic show), and with the kind of news coverage that our news teams WON'T give to any OTHER types of stories?

I'm not lying when I say that when I was in, like, the 6th grade, or something, and some new girl was mean towards me, somebody else actually excused her inexcusable rudeness with the fact that her parents were going through a divorce.

I couldn't have IMAGINED MYSELF bullying another child, and then saying something like, "Well, I recently went through a surgery, so you'll just have to be understanding while I stand here and call you a stupid, uncool moron!"

Oh, but THAT'S America for you.  Ya' know, I'm surprised that the situation from "The Purge" isn't REAL these days, because America GLORIFIES suffering, and that glorification DOES make a mockery of suffering, because it turns suffering into a CONTEST, a "My flu was worse than YOUR flu, and I nearly DIED, so YOU'RE not worth as much as I am, as a PERSON, because YOU never REALLY suffered!" kind of situation, if you will. 

When the people within your society literally judge you to be "normal" or "abnormal" based upon weather you have suffered as much as, and/or in the specific ways in which THEY have suffered, your social survival becomes dependent upon..."keeping up with the self-destructive Joneses"; the more that you've suffered, the more that you "fit in", and the more "normal" (and worthy of human recognition?) you are.  As sick as THAT entire situation is (It reads just like a "Who can lose more weight by starvation?" kind of contest between girls), it's the situation that America built, and it seems to have been one of America's proudest theologies...for the past, say, 40 years, or so...(?)

At least when people used to exclude others because they weren't RICH, the snobbishness of the wealthy DIDN'T inspire the poor to starve themselves, or to divorce, or to purposely injure themselves, for the simple sake of belonging to society.

I'm sorry, but a classic example is the year 1997.  Princess Diana.  Mother Teresa.  Princess Diana. Mother Teresa.  You tell ME who got more media coverage.  You'll find that sensationalism and self-destruction ALWAYS outshine progress...in America.

Another classic example is the subject of American divorce.  The general American attitude about divorce seems to be, "Oh, how awful!  Would you look at THAT?  Cal and Gladys are DIVORCING?  Well, I NEVER..."/ "OMG!  Like, The JoeShell (Joe and Shelley) celebrity union is BREAKING UP!  I could just DIE!", instead of, "Oh.  Another divorce.  When will people grow up and realize that marriage is supposed to be a commitment?"/ "Well, I'M not going to marry for all of the wrong reasons."

A third example is the behavior of SOME of today's parents, who, by themselves, misdiagnose normal childhood behavior as mental illness, and/ or, DEMAND mental meds for their sick (or their wrongly-diagnosed) kids, and bully doctors, teachers, and other caregivers into giving their "challenged" children special privledges, etc., even though some of those children hit, bite, kick, and otherwise endanger both children and adults alike.     

We also live in a society wherein flaunting one's OWN suffering is not enough!  I swear that some Americans are driven to make claims that their CHILDREN are suffering/ suffering more than they actually are, because they (the parents) KNOW that it's currently "COOL" to flaunt your child's suffering in everybody else's face, in order to prove that YOUR child has suffered MORE than everybody ELSE'S child. I won't be surprised if 50% of all parents have been SOCIALLY driven to "develop" Munchausen's Syndrome by the year 2020.  When an entire neighborhood seems to resent you, simply because Little Johnny and Little Sally just HAPPENED to be born healthy and average, you KNOW that if your family is going to fit in anytime soon, Little Johnny and Little Sally had BETTER come down with/ "come down with" SOME types of a conditions...and FAST, because it just won't DO for them to be, like, HEALTHY AND HAPPY, or anything like THAT.
8)


You seem to misunderstand what this post is about.  I don't think anybody in this particular thread is trying to say that their problems are worse than anybody else's problems.  I'm happy with where I am and how healthy I am.  No doubt I count my blessings wherever I can find my blessings.
But you have to remember that not everybody has it as good as you do. I've read things in this particular thread that would make you cringe.
I wasn't trying to make my problems out to be better or worse than other people's.  I just had so much garbage unloaded on me all at once that I repressed it and forgot about it.
But here I am some 31 years later and I turned out okay.  So you can't say that people are trying to one up each other when the truth of it is that we all have our idosincracies and stuff that we wish hadn't happened to us in the past.
Yes! Yes! Yes! There are things that happened in my life that I wish hadn't happened, what those things are I'd rather keep to myself, but at the same time I feel better when I talk about it.

Subject: Re: Did you grow up in an abnormal family? Normal family?

Written By: Step-chan on 03/04/14 at 12:02 am


Like, Hi, Fer Shurr,

My family life wasn't normal (I was born with a medical condition, my father came from a divorce situation, and there were a few other bad issues), but I've always been furious about the fact that my life wasn't MORE abnormal!  I was a teen of the 1990s, and I KNOW that I'd have fit in more successfully if ONLY...

* my parents had divorced (The fact that they've been married for 37 years makes me a "spoiled" OUTCAST in our society!)
* my mother had been Anorexic or Bulemic (Of course, MY flirtation with Anorexia makes me more normal than I would otherwise have been)
* I had done Heroin
* I had slit both of my wrists (To this day, I wish that I had done that, just so that I could have fit in with "teens of the 1990s"  Of course, my heart condition would never allow me to get away with that...)
* I had attempted suicide
* I had snuck out of the house to have unprotected sex with teenaged boys (That was the LEAST that any "normal" 1990s teen girl could have done)
* one, or both of my parents had been alcoholics (I wonder if the alcoholism in my father's family could have won me any recognition...)
* my father had been in jail at one time or another
* I had become pregnant
* I had gotten an abortion
* I had been hospitalized for a terminal illness, and/ or for a mental illness
* I had been molested as a child (A popular claim during college.  Couldn't I have had at LEAST ONE perverted uncle?)
* I had been raped (Another popular claim during college)
* my father had neglected me (A few years ago, I told him that he had prevented me from fitting in, because he HADN'T neglected me!  I've always sort of resented the fact that he didn't neglect me, because if you're a woman from my generation, you HAVE to have..."Daddy Issues", or you're NOT normal!)
* I had become an alcoholic

If ALL of the aforementioned situations had been a part of my life, I would have been the most normal 1990s teenager in the world.


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Zs7txRhqyVo/UkRgo7gu2CI/AAAAAAAAEXw/f34sD97Hffg/s320/shovel+gnome.gif

K'


In my opinion, 95% of 1990s teens slit their wrists (I need to research that, because, right now, I feel as though I'm one of the only people who didn't do that during the 1990s), and, to this day, I feel as though I should have done so, too.  Being imperfect was NEVER enough, and it's NEVER enough today.  If you're a woman, your American duty is to self-destruct (We watch movies in order to see the heroines self-destruct, and that's the same reason that we watch reality shows, wherein women fight, destroy themselves, debase themselves, etc.  America seems to enjoy watching women who are in the process of killing themselves in some way or another, so, if you're a woman, you'd better be hurting yourself, or... NOBODY WILL EVER CARE ABOUT YOU!).  When you destroy yourself, then, and ONLY then, will America claim that YOU have suffered, or that YOU'RE "normal", in ANY way, shape, or form.

It's too bad that good health, good marriages, and good mental health aren't popular anymore.  I SWEAR that someday, roasting yourself on a spit will be the ONLY way to prove that you're suffering enough to be..."normal"!

Eponine FOREVER!
>:(   


http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/183/5/a/mabel_is_confused____by_montatora_501-d55peu8.png

I know this sounds like the pot calling the kettle black, considering my habit with energy drinks, soda and such, but I implore you.... Please switch to decaf!!!

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