Don Carlos had a stroke last night. We are at the hospital.


Cat

Don Carlos had a stroke last night. We are at the hospital.


Cat


Keeping you in our thoughts.

Love from all the family

Don Carlos had a stroke last night. We are at the hospital.


Cat

My thoughts and prayers Cat.

Holy cow! I hope it wasn't a serious one. I wish a speedy recovery. :(

Oh I’m so sorry Cat! I hope for a speedy recovery! *hugs*

Thanks Everyone. He is doing better but still isn't out of the woods, yet. I am staying at my step-daughter's until he can go home. His sister will be coming on Saturday.


Cat

Thanks Everyone. He is doing better but still isn't out of the woods, yet. I am staying at my step-daughter's until he can go home. His sister will be coming on Saturday.


Cat

Keeping him in my prayers.

Cat, so sorry to hear this!  Praying for him and for both of you.

He is getting stronger every day but they caught something else that I don't want to go into right now. He has a long road ahead of him.


Cat

He is getting stronger every day but they caught something else that I don't want to go into right now. He has a long road ahead of him.


Well, but at least it seems that he DOES have a road ahead of him and that is really good news.

He is getting stronger every day but they caught something else that I don't want to go into right now. He has a long road ahead of him.


Cat

Well, I'm glad to hear that he's at least improving.

He is getting stronger every day but they caught something else that I don't want to go into right now. He has a long road ahead of him.


Cat

I'm happy he's improving and it will take a long time before he gets to full strength. 

He is getting stronger every day but they caught something else that I don't want to go into right now. He has a long road ahead of him.


Cat



Well, but at least it seems that he DOES have a road ahead of him and that is really good news.


Echoing what Elor said.

Message me if you need to chat/vent

His kids have been WONDERFUL! All the local ones met us here the first night. His son brought me home yesterday (an hour & a half one way)  to pick up some clothes and such. The oldest granddaughter came with us so we could bring Carlos' car back so his sister has something to drive when she comes in this weekend.(It sucks when you don't drive.) Some of the grandkids were here, too. His daughter (the nurse) is sitting here with me watching him sleep. She has given me a room to stay for the duration.

He was supposed to get out of the ICU today but they are just waiting for a room for him. Hopefully tomorrow he will be in a room which should be quieter.

I don't know when we will be going home. A friend is watching the cats.


Cat

He is getting stronger every day but they caught something else that I don't want to go into right now. He has a long road ahead of him.

Cat



His kids have been WONDERFUL! All the local ones met us here the first night. His son brought me home yesterday (an hour & a half one way)  to pick up some clothes and such. The oldest granddaughter came with us so we could bring Carlos' car back so his sister has something to drive when she comes in this weekend.(It sucks when you don't drive.) Some of the grandkids were here, too. His daughter (the nurse) is sitting here with me watching him sleep. She has given me a room to stay for the duration.

He was supposed to get out of the ICU today but they are just waiting for a room for him. Hopefully tomorrow he will be in a room which should be quieter.

I don't know when we will be going home. A friend is watching the cats.

Cat


Cat, thanks for the updates.  I can't imagine.  Glad to hear of the support you're getting from other family and friends.  I'm continuing to pray for Carlos and all of you - including his medical staff.

Good to hear that the family is sticking together in this. That's not a given anymore and it means that you two have done a lot of things right in your lives.

Cat, thanks for the updates.  I can't imagine.  Glad to hear of the support you're getting from other family and friends.

Ditto.


I'm continuing to pray for Carlos and all of you - including his medical staff.



I'm continuing to do so as well.

Good to hear that the family is sticking together in this. That's not a given anymore and it means that you two have done a lot of things right in your lives.


I can't take much credit for his kids. I came into the picture when the youngest was about 14 or so.


Cat

I can't take much credit for his kids. I came into the picture when the youngest was about 14 or so.


Cat


But you could have been the big, bad stepmom or tried to stop Carlos having any contact with them.

I can't take much credit for his kids. I came into the picture when the youngest was about 14 or so.

If you had been a pain in the butt for them they would have probably turned away from you AND Carlos. They obviously didn't.

How'd you become a stepmom?


How do you think?


Cat

How do you think?


Cat


O0

Update: Carlos was moved to rehab yesterday which he "officially" starts today. He ate breakfast and dinner yesterday. That was more than he has eaten in the last week. And we walked a couple of times (with help). He now has his own room with a window. It is not much of a view but he can see the sky and a few trees.

I'm sure he has had a good night's sleep because no one woke him up every few hours either for him or his roommate. There weren't any buzzers or alarms or other noises to wake him up.

They say that rehab takes 7-10 days +/-. After today, they should know how long he will take before we can go home.

Yesterday Carlos was Carlos. It has been a week since I had seen him. It looks like he is coming back to me.

His daughter, sister & I celebrated by going out for Mexican & tequila.


Cat

Update: Carlos was moved to rehab yesterday which he "officially" starts today. He ate breakfast and dinner yesterday. That was more than he has eaten in the last week. And we walked a couple of times (with help). He now has his own room with a window. It is not much of a view but he can see the sky and a few trees.

I'm sure he has had a good night's sleep because no one woke him up every few hours either for him or his roommate. There weren't any buzzers or alarms or other noises to wake him up.

They say that rehab takes 7-10 days +/-. After today, they should know how long he will take before we can go home.

Yesterday Carlos was Carlos. It has been a week since I had seen him. It looks like he is coming back to me.

His daughter, sister & I celebrated by going out for Mexican & tequila.

Cat


I'm so glad to hear of Carlos' progress.  Thanks for the update.

That's a relief to hear. :)

Glad to hear he is making progress. Fingers crossed

Update: Carlos was moved to rehab yesterday which he "officially" starts today. He ate breakfast and dinner yesterday. That was more than he has eaten in the last week. And we walked a couple of times (with help). He now has his own room with a window. It is not much of a view but he can see the sky and a few trees.

I'm sure he has had a good night's sleep because no one woke him up every few hours either for him or his roommate. There weren't any buzzers or alarms or other noises to wake him up.

They say that rehab takes 7-10 days +/-. After today, they should know how long he will take before we can go home.

Yesterday Carlos was Carlos. It has been a week since I had seen him. It looks like he is coming back to me.

His daughter, sister & I celebrated by going out for Mexican & tequila.


Cat


Glad he's making progress. :)

Update: Carlos was moved to rehab yesterday which he "officially" starts today. He ate breakfast and dinner yesterday. That was more than he has eaten in the last week. And we walked a couple of times (with help). He now has his own room with a window. It is not much of a view but he can see the sky and a few trees.

I'm sure he has had a good night's sleep because no one woke him up every few hours either for him or his roommate. There weren't any buzzers or alarms or other noises to wake him up.

They say that rehab takes 7-10 days +/-. After today, they should know how long he will take before we can go home.

Yesterday Carlos was Carlos. It has been a week since I had seen him. It looks like he is coming back to me.

His daughter, sister & I celebrated by going out for Mexican & tequila.


Cat

Glad to hear that he's making progress. Thank you for updates. O0

Set back. I'll inform everyone when I know what is going on.


Cat

I am sorry to read this, and he is in the right place to be looked after.

Set back. I'll inform everyone when I know what is going on.


Cat



Well it is often a case of two steps forward and one back. Still thinking of you both

All roads lead back to what I didn't want to say. I just wanted for him to recoup from the stroke before facing it but it isn't letting us.

He had pneumonia back in Dec that didn't go away and that is why he was admitted to the hospital last night-well it was early this morning.

The pneumonia, the clots, the stroke were ALL caused by the same thing-a tumor on his lung. I didn't want to say it out loud. I thought that I wouldn't have to think about it for at least a few weeks.


Cat

All roads lead back to what I didn't want to say. I just wanted for him to recoup from the stroke before facing it but it isn't letting us.

He had pneumonia back in Dec that didn't go away and that is why he was admitted to the hospital last night-well it was early this morning.

The pneumonia, the clots, the stroke were ALL caused by the same thing-a tumor on his lung. I didn't want to say it out loud. I thought that I wouldn't have to think about it for at least a few weeks.


Cat

Sorry to hear this, hope he recovers, still thinking of you both.

All roads lead back to what I didn't want to say. I just wanted for him to recoup from the stroke before facing it but it isn't letting us.

He had pneumonia back in Dec that didn't go away and that is why he was admitted to the hospital last night-well it was early this morning.

The pneumonia, the clots, the stroke were ALL caused by the same thing-a tumor on his lung. I didn't want to say it out loud. I thought that I wouldn't have to think about it for at least a few weeks.

Cat



Sorry to hear this, hope he recovers, still thinking of you both.


^What Howard said.  I am sorry to hear this as well.  Continuing to pray for Carlos and all of you.  Please update us when you can.

Darn... I don't know what to say....
All I can do is is to wish you all the best.

I haven't given any updates on Carlos because it is basically Groundhog Day. He would do a couple days of rehab and then he crashes and they send him to the E.R. where they give him fluids and he perks up and they send him back to rehab where they push him until he crashes and they send him to the E.R.(usually at 2 in the morning.) He was in the E.R. 3 times in the last week. He is now back in the hospital. We told the doctor that he perks up when given fluids. He hardly has been eating but he will eat a bit more when he gets fluids. It really is a no brainer. He already has an IV for antibiotics.

We STILL haven't really talked to anyone. We WERE supposed to meet with the lung team yesterday that we were waiting 2 weeks for but it was cancelled because he is now an inpatient and it was an outpatient appointment. ::)

His daughter, sister, & wife have been with him every step of the way. Most days we are just watching him sleep. Now we are doing his P.T. We help him get up and walk for a bit. We are called either his entourage or "Charlie's Angels".

We are in limbo right now. He really is not sick enough to be in the hospital but not well enough to be at rehab. Hopefully the antibiotics will knock out the infection that has been given him grief LONG before the stroke. They think the infection is hiding behind the tumor so it is hard for the antibiotics to zap it. They are giving him strong ones so hopefully...

Meanwhile, I have gone home twice in the last two weeks for a few hours. Even though my stepdaughter has given me a place to stay, I feel very ungrounded. I feel guilty relying on a friend to take care of my cats indefinitely and so worried that when I do return, I may be alone.

That is where things stand which is not much farther than where they were 2 weeks ago.


Cat

I haven't given any updates on Carlos because it is basically Groundhog Day. He would do a couple days of rehab and then he crashes and they send him to the E.R. where they give him fluids and he perks up and they send him back to rehab where they push him until he crashes and they send him to the E.R.(usually at 2 in the morning.) He was in the E.R. 3 times in the last week. He is now back in the hospital. We told the doctor that he perks up when given fluids. He hardly has been eating but he will eat a bit more when he gets fluids. It really is a no brainer. He already has an IV for antibiotics.

We STILL haven't really talked to anyone. We WERE supposed to meet with the lung team yesterday that we were waiting 2 weeks for but it was cancelled because he is now an inpatient and it was an outpatient appointment. ::)

His daughter, sister, & wife have been with him every step of the way. Most days we are just watching him sleep. Now we are doing his P.T. We help him get up and walk for a bit. We are called either his entourage or "Charlie's Angels".

We are in limbo right now. He really is not sick enough to be in the hospital but not well enough to be at rehab. Hopefully the antibiotics will knock out the infection that has been given him grief LONG before the stroke. They think the infection is hiding behind the tumor so it is hard for the antibiotics to zap it. They are giving him strong ones so hopefully...

Meanwhile, I have gone home twice in the last two weeks for a few hours. Even though my stepdaughter has given me a place to stay, I feel very ungrounded. I feel guilty relying on a friend to take care of my cats indefinitely and so worried that when I do return, I may be alone.

That is where things stand which is not much farther than where they were 2 weeks ago.

Cat


This is a hard place.  So so sorry.  Thank you for the update.  I'm pulling for all of you.  Prayers continue.

I haven't given any updates on Carlos because it is basically Groundhog Day. He would do a couple days of rehab and then he crashes and they send him to the E.R. where they give him fluids and he perks up and they send him back to rehab where they push him until he crashes and they send him to the E.R.(usually at 2 in the morning.) He was in the E.R. 3 times in the last week. He is now back in the hospital. We told the doctor that he perks up when given fluids. He hardly has been eating but he will eat a bit more when he gets fluids. It really is a no brainer. He already has an IV for antibiotics.

We STILL haven't really talked to anyone. We WERE supposed to meet with the lung team yesterday that we were waiting 2 weeks for but it was cancelled because he is now an inpatient and it was an outpatient appointment. ::)

His daughter, sister, & wife have been with him every step of the way. Most days we are just watching him sleep. Now we are doing his P.T. We help him get up and walk for a bit. We are called either his entourage or "Charlie's Angels".

We are in limbo right now. He really is not sick enough to be in the hospital but not well enough to be at rehab. Hopefully the antibiotics will knock out the infection that has been given him grief LONG before the stroke. They think the infection is hiding behind the tumor so it is hard for the antibiotics to zap it. They are giving him strong ones so hopefully...

Meanwhile, I have gone home twice in the last two weeks for a few hours. Even though my stepdaughter has given me a place to stay, I feel very ungrounded. I feel guilty relying on a friend to take care of my cats indefinitely and so worried that when I do return, I may be alone.

That is where things stand which is not much farther than where they were 2 weeks ago.


Cat


I'm sorry to hear this. I know how frustrating all that hospital bureaucracy can be. Waiting to hear from people, having to repeat things over and over to random groups of employees, etc. It's a slog, but things will ultimately get much better.

I hope things will improve eventually. Fingers crossed.

I haven't given any updates on Carlos because it is basically Groundhog Day. He would do a couple days of rehab and then he crashes and they send him to the E.R. where they give him fluids and he perks up and they send him back to rehab where they push him until he crashes and they send him to the E.R.(usually at 2 in the morning.) He was in the E.R. 3 times in the last week. He is now back in the hospital. We told the doctor that he perks up when given fluids. He hardly has been eating but he will eat a bit more when he gets fluids. It really is a no brainer. He already has an IV for antibiotics.

We STILL haven't really talked to anyone. We WERE supposed to meet with the lung team yesterday that we were waiting 2 weeks for but it was cancelled because he is now an inpatient and it was an outpatient appointment. ::)

His daughter, sister, & wife have been with him every step of the way. Most days we are just watching him sleep. Now we are doing his P.T. We help him get up and walk for a bit. We are called either his entourage or "Charlie's Angels".

We are in limbo right now. He really is not sick enough to be in the hospital but not well enough to be at rehab. Hopefully the antibiotics will knock out the infection that has been given him grief LONG before the stroke. They think the infection is hiding behind the tumor so it is hard for the antibiotics to zap it. They are giving him strong ones so hopefully...

Meanwhile, I have gone home twice in the last two weeks for a few hours. Even though my stepdaughter has given me a place to stay, I feel very ungrounded. I feel guilty relying on a friend to take care of my cats indefinitely and so worried that when I do return, I may be alone.

That is where things stand which is not much farther than where they were 2 weeks ago.


Cat

I hope things improve for him, Don't give up, Cat. :)

I should read through the post more often Cat, this is the first I am reading this. I am so sorry for both of you.
I will continue to think you and I can only hope that things get better from here.

Cat I am so sorry........

I didnt expect to read this....... We all love Carlos and I will say a prayer for you and him!!

I am so sorry http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

I hope things improve for him, Don't give up, Cat. :)

Still keeping him in my prayers too.

I am hoping and praying things will improve for him.

Update: The antibiotics didn't help. His fevers are caused by the tumor itself. They are talking about starting him on radiation in a couple of weeks. He has a PET scan tomorrow. After we will know where we are and what stage. They started him on a med that helped him to sleep last night and improved his appetite. He drank ALL a milkshake today-that is more then he has eaten in a long time.

The issue with the radiation, if they start it here, they have to finish here (6 weeks). He is not ready to go home yet. If he gets done with rehab, then we will have to stay at his daughter's for the 6 weeks and her house isn't ideal because there are a lot of stairs. You walk up about 5 steps to get to the front door then you have stairs to the main floor and stairs to the basement (where I am staying). There are less steps from the garage but that leads to the basement but then you have 2 flights leading to the main floor. There is a bathroom in the basement but it is a bit of a walk from the bed. So I really don't know how it will work. At home would be ideal. He could stay in the library which is next to the bathroom on the main floor. But he is not ready to go home.

The bottom line is, everything hangs on that scan tomorrow. We can see where we are and go from there.


Cat

Update: The antibiotics didn't help. His fevers are caused by the tumor itself. They are talking about starting him on radiation in a couple of weeks. He has a PET scan tomorrow. After we will know where we are and what stage. They started him on a med that helped him to sleep last night and improved his appetite. He drank ALL a milkshake today-that is more then he has eaten in a long time.

The issue with the radiation, if they start it here, they have to finish here (6 weeks). He is not ready to go home yet. If he gets done with rehab, then we will have to stay at his daughter's for the 6 weeks and her house isn't ideal because there are a lot of stairs. You walk up about 5 steps to get to the front door then you have stairs to the main floor and stairs to the basement (where I am staying). There are less steps from the garage but that leads to the basement but then you have 2 flights leading to the main floor. There is a bathroom in the basement but it is a bit of a walk from the bed. So I really don't know how it will work. At home would be ideal. He could stay in the library which is next to the bathroom on the main floor. But he is not ready to go home.

The bottom line is, everything hangs on that scan tomorrow. We can see where we are and go from there.


Cat
I hope it turns all out and fine in this situation for you.

When you say 'milkshake' is that a form of milk based nourishment drink?

Let's hope for the best.

I hope it turns all out and fine in this situation for you.

When you say 'milkshake' is that a form of milk based nourishment drink?


I don't think it was a normal ice cream based milkshake. But it did have nutrients in it that he has not been getting.


Cat

I don't think it was a normal ice cream based milkshake. But it did have nutrients in it that he has not been getting.


Cat
Something like Complan or Nurishment?

Update: The antibiotics didn't help. His fevers are caused by the tumor itself. They are talking about starting him on radiation in a couple of weeks. He has a PET scan tomorrow. After we will know where we are and what stage. They started him on a med that helped him to sleep last night and improved his appetite. He drank ALL a milkshake today-that is more then he has eaten in a long time.

The issue with the radiation, if they start it here, they have to finish here (6 weeks). He is not ready to go home yet. If he gets done with rehab, then we will have to stay at his daughter's for the 6 weeks and her house isn't ideal because there are a lot of stairs. You walk up about 5 steps to get to the front door then you have stairs to the main floor and stairs to the basement (where I am staying). There are less steps from the garage but that leads to the basement but then you have 2 flights leading to the main floor. There is a bathroom in the basement but it is a bit of a walk from the bed. So I really don't know how it will work. At home would be ideal. He could stay in the library which is next to the bathroom on the main floor. But he is not ready to go home.

The bottom line is, everything hangs on that scan tomorrow. We can see where we are and go from there.


Cat

Hoping for the best.

Something like Complan or Nurishment?


Ok. I was wrong. It was a regular milkshake-ice cream & milk.


Cat

Ok. I was wrong. It was a regular milkshake-ice cream & milk.


Cat
Thank you for the update.

Im so sorry Cat....

I hope things start to look good http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

Hoping for the best.

Ditto.

Stage 4. He starts radiation next week.


Cat

So sorry, Cat.  Hugs.  Please continue the updates when you're up to it.

F**K CANCER!!!


Cat

Hope the treatment is successful and not too draining for you both

F**K CANCER!!!


Cat
Hugs!!!!

I don't know what to say without repeating myself. You're both in my thoughts.

F**K CANCER!!!


Cat


(HUGS))

Praying for you both Cat!!!!!

So now I feel like crap-coughing, running nose, etc. I decided that it would be better if I didn't go to the hospital today. This is the most inconvenient time to get sick.


Cat

So now I feel like crap-coughing, running nose, etc. I decided that it would be better if I didn't go to the hospital today. This is the most inconvenient time to get sick.


Cat
Probably the best thing to do, and rest with it.

Take good care

Hope both of you will be better soon. That stream of bad news must come to an end. :(

So now I feel like crap-coughing, running nose, etc. I decided that it would be better if I didn't go to the hospital today. This is the most inconvenient time to get sick.


Cat

Hope you feel better Cat.

I hope your cold is short lived Cat and you can go see Carlos :)

I am so sorry.............

I hope you are feeling better Cat... I hope Carlos feels better also :)

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat

I'm so sorry.  The right words are impossible to find.  Just know that I care.

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat


I am so sorry.

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat
I am very sorry to hear this, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

My heart breaks for you.

So, so sorry to hear this Cat. Sending your love and hugs

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat

I am sorry for your loss Cat.  :\'(

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat

:\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'( :\'(



I'm so sorry.  The right words are impossible to find.  Just know that I care.


agreed.

Oh my lord......... I am so sorry Cat.........

We know how much you loved him http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

So sorry for your loss, Cat.  :(

Oh my god. I'm so sorry. This saddens me greatly. May he rest in peace. I'm thinking of both of you.

I know how it feels to lose someone you love Cat, sorry for your loss. :\'(

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat
I'm deeply sorry for the passing of your beloved Don Carlos, 😞 my hope for you is for sweet memories to bring some comfort. Bless you Cat

Words simply escape me; I am so sorry for your loss Cat.

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat


I’m so sorry to hear this Cat.  :\'(

Sorry to hear about his passing 😢

And also, those of us on the board have lost a poster who had something intelligent to say.

I hope you are feeling at least a tiny bit better by now. I'm still thinking of both of you.

I lost my best friend today. My heart is breaking into a million pieces.


Cat


Cat, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are feeling and hope you are receiving the support you need right now. Sending hugs and love your way.

It has now been a whole month. I want to thank all of you who have reached out to me. I can't tell you how much that means to me. I like to think that I am doing ok but it really is too soon to tell.

I'm sure most of you know that I have been here almost every day. I just didn't feel like posting. I just seem so lost not knowing what to do. Sometimes I seem like I am just going through the motions.

I have been trying to keep busy by redoing my kitchen-reorganizing cabinets, throwing out scientific experiments that have been in the fridge since who knows when and cans that have been in the pantry since last century. I have a lot of food that I want to give away.  Do I really need 3 full containers of cloves or 3 full containers of coffee since I don't drink it? I did keep a lot of the spices even though I don't know why. I don't cook but who knows, maybe I will some day. I ordered a new stove which will be here in about 2 weeks. (I told him that I was going to get a new stove. We were looking at new stoves last year but never got one.) But, I haven't touched his coffee mug that is still on the dish drainer and his glasses which are still on the kitchen table.

I also have been doing all the paperwork that needs to be done but I really don't want to deal with. Who knows when all of that will be done once and for all.

I started playing my recorder again-something I haven't done in a few years. I should take out my flute and start playing that, too. That's something. At least I don't have to worry about disturbing him when I hit wrong notes or practicing the same song over and over again.

Yes, I have been crying-A LOT. Sometimes it is only a few tears but other times it is pretty much Niagara Falls.  I can't tell you how many times I think to myself that I want to tell him this or I want to tell him that. Yeah, I do talk to him but it is just not the same.

I have a SUPER dear friend who has stepped up to be my chauffeur. She has been taking me to the farm to pick up my CSA share every week, the store, and yesterday we had a "shopping excursion."  She needed to pick up some things and I needed to run some errands. And of course we had lunch.  I found out that I have an appointment on Monday and her daughter is going to drive me since she can't.  I really don't know what I would do without her.

I am still trying to feel my way. I know I am not there yet-not by a long shot. But, I THINK I am doing ok. I keep plugging away.


Cat

Great to hear from you again.
Take all the time you need to recover.

Yes we all heal at different speeds :(

I'm just seeing this as I haven't been on this side of the forum much. I'm very sorry for your loss, Cat  :\'(. Praying for you and your family, and his family as well.

We were all shocked by Carlos leaving us.... We thought he was gonna pull thru.....

I have been praying for cat that things get easier for her....... I dunno if its helping though,I know how she is feeling.......


:(

Today is a very hard day for me. What should have a major celebration of 20 years of the best day of my life, I sit here looking at his picture and missing him more than words can describe. It has been almost 5 months since he left us. When people ask me how I am doing, I give them the standard answer, "Ok. Not great but ok. One day at a time." And I cry all the time. I think I managed to get through one day without crying but that was a few months ago.

I have been keeping myself occupied by going through boxes that have been in the basement that I had been meaning to go through for years now. I also have been going through cabinets and such but still haven't really touched much of his things. His glasses are still on the kitchen table where he used to read the morning paper and drink his coffee. His coffee mug is still in the dish drain. And his clothes... who knows when I will be ready to do something with them.

I have been doing "retail therapy." Most of the stuff that I am buying is for the house-a new mop, a shredder, a boot tray, etc. I have bought myself some things, too-a dress & stones.

I am taking on all of his tasks-watering the plants, taking out the garbage, and cooking which seems to be the hardest. Many days I just nosh because I don't feel like cooking and pizza is the only thing that delivers here.

My new theme song is Dory's song "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." So that is what I have been doing. And I have put sticky notes around the house to remind myself to do just that. But every now and again it hits me how quiet and empty the house is.

For several years now, I try to read at least 10 books a year. I had read 3 and read 2 chapters of David McCllough's John Adams when... I haven't been able to read since. I tried. One book I couldn't even get through the intro. I am just going to have to forgive myself for not reaching my goal this year. I even listen to Washington Post articles rather than reading.

As I am dealing with my grief, I see what other people are going through around the world. I have it easy compared to that. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.

I am very grateful that I got to sleep next to him for 25 years, 20 as his wife. And they were wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better marriage. I am also grateful that I got to say good-bye to him-something a lot of people don't get.

I wasn't too sure if I didn't want to be alone today but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with people either because I know I would be and I am a basketcase. I think I am better off being by myself today. So, as an anniversary gift to myself, I am going to take the day off. I'm not going to go through boxes, I not going to mop floors or shred papers.  Maybe I will listen to an audio book.

I know this is long and if you are still reading, thank you.


Cat

I don't know what to say. You are in my thoughts. Even though that'll probably be of little comfort. :-[

Today is a very hard day for me. What should have a major celebration of 20 years of the best day of my life, I sit here looking at his picture and missing him more than words can describe. It has been almost 5 months since he left us. When people ask me how I am doing, I give them the standard answer, "Ok. Not great but ok. One day at a time." And I cry all the time. I think I managed to get through one day without crying but that was a few months ago.

I have been keeping myself occupied by going through boxes that have been in the basement that I had been meaning to go through for years now. I also have been going through cabinets and such but still haven't really touched much of his things. His glasses are still on the kitchen table where he used to read the morning paper and drink his coffee. His coffee mug is still in the dish drain. And his clothes... who knows when I will be ready to do something with them.

I have been doing "retail therapy." Most of the stuff that I am buying is for the house-a new mop, a shredder, a boot tray, etc. I have bought myself some things, too-a dress & stones.

I am taking on all of his tasks-watering the plants, taking out the garbage, and cooking which seems to be the hardest. Many days I just nosh because I don't feel like cooking and pizza is the only thing that delivers here.

My new theme song is Dory's song "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." So that is what I have been doing. And I have put sticky notes around the house to remind myself to do just that. But every now and again it hits me how quiet and empty the house is.

For several years now, I try to read at least 10 books a year. I had read 3 and read 2 chapters of David McCllough's John Adams when... I haven't been able to read since. I tried. One book I couldn't even get through the intro. I am just going to have to forgive myself for not reaching my goal this year. I even listen to Washington Post articles rather than reading.

As I am dealing with my grief, I see what other people are going through around the world. I have it easy compared to that. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.

I am very grateful that I got to sleep next to him for 25 years, 20 as his wife. And they were wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better marriage. I am also grateful that I got to say good-bye to him-something a lot of people don't get.

I wasn't too sure if I didn't want to be alone today but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with people either because I know I would be and I am a basketcase. I think I am better off being by myself today. So, as an anniversary gift to myself, I am going to take the day off. I'm not going to go through boxes, I not going to mop floors or shred papers.  Maybe I will listen to an audio book.

I know this is long and if you are still reading, thank you.

Cat


Cat, I'm so sorry.  Words fail me.  I can imagine today being extra hard.  A day off is a wonderful idea.  Can I offer you a virtual hug?

A very beautiful reply Cat,I had tears in my eyes reading it.....

Your very lucky to have had all those years and to have had someone as beautiful as Carlos was.....

Dont worry about Crying,we all heal at different rates and Crying often helps alot......

I am so sorry and I would love to do something to help you but I just dont know what http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

Today is a very hard day for me. What should have a major celebration of 20 years of the best day of my life, I sit here looking at his picture and missing him more than words can describe. It has been almost 5 months since he left us. When people ask me how I am doing, I give them the standard answer, "Ok. Not great but ok. One day at a time." And I cry all the time. I think I managed to get through one day without crying but that was a few months ago.

I have been keeping myself occupied by going through boxes that have been in the basement that I had been meaning to go through for years now. I also have been going through cabinets and such but still haven't really touched much of his things. His glasses are still on the kitchen table where he used to read the morning paper and drink his coffee. His coffee mug is still in the dish drain. And his clothes... who knows when I will be ready to do something with them.

I have been doing "retail therapy." Most of the stuff that I am buying is for the house-a new mop, a shredder, a boot tray, etc. I have bought myself some things, too-a dress & stones.

I am taking on all of his tasks-watering the plants, taking out the garbage, and cooking which seems to be the hardest. Many days I just nosh because I don't feel like cooking and pizza is the only thing that delivers here.

My new theme song is Dory's song "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." So that is what I have been doing. And I have put sticky notes around the house to remind myself to do just that. But every now and again it hits me how quiet and empty the house is.

For several years now, I try to read at least 10 books a year. I had read 3 and read 2 chapters of David McCllough's John Adams when... I haven't been able to read since. I tried. One book I couldn't even get through the intro. I am just going to have to forgive myself for not reaching my goal this year. I even listen to Washington Post articles rather than reading.

As I am dealing with my grief, I see what other people are going through around the world. I have it easy compared to that. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.

I am very grateful that I got to sleep next to him for 25 years, 20 as his wife. And they were wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better marriage. I am also grateful that I got to say good-bye to him-something a lot of people don't get.

I wasn't too sure if I didn't want to be alone today but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with people either because I know I would be and I am a basketcase. I think I am better off being by myself today. So, as an anniversary gift to myself, I am going to take the day off. I'm not going to go through boxes, I not going to mop floors or shred papers.  Maybe I will listen to an audio book.

I know this is long and if you are still reading, thank you.


Cat

I know how it feels to miss someone, I miss my brother every day. :\'(

Don Carlos had a stroke last night. We are at the hospital.


Cat


It was a year ago today when Carlos left this house for the last time. The next month is going to be hard.


Cat

It was a year ago today when Carlos left this house for the last time. The next month is going to be hard.


Cat

So very sad. :\'( :\'( :\'(

It was a year ago today when Carlos left this house for the last time. The next month is going to be hard.

Cat


So sorry, Cat.  Thinking of you.

It was a year ago today when Carlos left this house for the last time. The next month is going to be hard.


Cat


Thinking of you Cat. :\'(

We all love you Cat and Im sure I can speak for all of us and say we all love and miss Carlos very much!!

It was a year ago today when Carlos left this house for the last time. The next month is going to be hard.


Cat

I wish you strength. I don't know what else to say. :-\\

Remembering Don Carlos. :\'(

It has now been a year and according to the calendar my period of mourning should be over but my heart says differently. I know I will mourn him for the rest of my life. I am spending this day preparing for a party tomorrow. Yeah, I know it sounds strange. This is a party we have had for almost every year we have been together. My town throws a big todo complete with a parade that goes past the house. As hard as it will be, I think I can handle the parade if people are here. So I am continuing with tradition.

I have gotten through a day or two without crying (once this week). I have been looking at his clothes thinking that maybe it is time to do something with them. I know I need to get back into life but I am not sure I am ready. I don't want to push myself. I want to be sure. I feel like I am getting ready to be ready-just not there yet.

A dear friend stopped by with flowers, cheese, crackers, & a bottle of wine. While she was here, I got a package. I thought it was something that I ordered. It was flowers from my sister & niece.


Cat

It has now been a year and according to the calendar my period of mourning should be over but my heart says differently. I know I will mourn him for the rest of my life. I am spending this day preparing for a party tomorrow. Yeah, I know it sounds strange. This is a party we have had for almost every year we have been together. My town throws a big todo complete with a parade that goes past the house. As hard as it will be, I think I can handle the parade if people are here. So I am continuing with tradition.

I have gotten through a day or two without crying (once this week). I have been looking at his clothes thinking that maybe it is time to do something with them. I know I need to get back into life but I am not sure I am ready. I don't want to push myself. I want to be sure. I feel like I am getting ready to be ready-just not there yet.

A dear friend stopped by with flowers, cheese, crackers, & a bottle of wine. While she was here, I got a package. I thought it was something that I ordered. It was flowers from my sister & niece.

Cat


Can I offer you a virtual hug?

It has now been a year and according to the calendar my period of mourning should be over but my heart says differently. I know I will mourn him for the rest of my life. I am spending this day preparing for a party tomorrow. Yeah, I know it sounds strange. This is a party we have had for almost every year we have been together. My town throws a big todo complete with a parade that goes past the house. As hard as it will be, I think I can handle the parade if people are here. So I am continuing with tradition.

I have gotten through a day or two without crying (once this week). I have been looking at his clothes thinking that maybe it is time to do something with them. I know I need to get back into life but I am not sure I am ready. I don't want to push myself. I want to be sure. I feel like I am getting ready to be ready-just not there yet.

A dear friend stopped by with flowers, cheese, crackers, & a bottle of wine. While she was here, I got a package. I thought it was something that I ordered. It was flowers from my sister & niece.


Cat

(((hugs)))  :\'(

Can I offer you a virtual hug?



(((hugs)))  :\'(

Count me in too?

Thats OK Cat,we all handle things differently....... It doesnt matter how long it takes......

Just know how much we love you ok?? http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

The other day I got a letter from the medical school. The semester is over and Carlos will be coming home next month. I told the kids & his sister that I planned to keep some of his ashes, and if anyone else would like some, too. Then I plan on burying the rest. I know it seems like a waste but I want people 100 years from now to know that he was here. His youngest daughter suggested having his ashes in jewelry. Everyone seems to like the idea so I need to find someone who does that. I know there are quite a few.

The school will have a memorial for him probably in 2026. They only have them every other year.


Cat

The other day I got a letter from the medical school. The semester is over and Carlos will be coming home next month. I told the kids & his sister that I planned to keep some of his ashes, and if anyone else would like some, too. Then I plan on burying the rest. I know it seems like a waste but I want people 100 years from now to know that he was here. His youngest daughter suggested having his ashes in jewelry. Everyone seems to like the idea so I need to find someone who does that. I know there are quite a few.

The school will have a memorial for him probably in 2026. They only have them every other year.


Cat


(((hugs)))

Just received a phone call. Carlos will be coming home tomorrow.


Cat

Im so sorry Cat,I wish I could do more than just type to you on this site!!


We all love you and even though your having a hard time,your doing an excellent job here and I wanna thank you!!

Your an excellent co-admin Cat http://web.archive.org/web/20190728200654/http://i59.tinypic.com/72tuzr.gif

Just received a phone call. Carlos will be coming home tomorrow.


Cat

((hugs))

Just received a phone call. Carlos will be coming home tomorrow.

Cat


Thinking of you, Cat

Man I want to say something but I just don't know what to... :-X
Thinking of you and Carlos.

Sending hugs Cat and thinking of you

Man I want to say something but I just don't know what to... :-X
Thinking of you and Carlos.

I feel the same way.