inthe00s
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Subject: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 06/09/06 at 8:10 am

Post your favorite quotes, movie lines and lines from songs here...

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 06/09/06 at 10:04 am

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 06/09/06 at 12:16 pm

I love Lawrence Olivier.

Acting is a masochistic form of exhibitionism. It is not quite the occupation of an adult.

Autograph-hunting is the most unattractive manifestation of sex-starved curiosity.

I take a simple view of life: keep your eyes open and get on with it.

Lead the audience by the nose to the thought.

The office of drama is to exercise, possibly to exhaust, human emotions. The purpose of comedy is to tickle those emotions into an expression of light relief; of tragedy, to wound them and bring the relief of tears. Disgust and terror are the other points of the compass.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 06/09/06 at 1:37 pm

"at least I got to bang his girlfriend before he took my job

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 06/09/06 at 3:22 pm

Yogi Berra, Wordsmith....

  Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical. 
  In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.   
  The future ain't what it used to be. 

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 06/09/06 at 4:06 pm


Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical. 


;D

"I never saw a fuc*ing ball go out of a fuc*ing ballpark so fuc*ing fast in my fuc*ing life."
Leo Durocher of the Yankees, Reds, Cardinals & Dodgers giving Ted Williams a run for his money in the most uses of the F word in a public interview.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 06/09/06 at 4:13 pm

Seeing as I mentioned him above...

"A man has to have goals - for a day, for a lifetime - and that was mine, to have people say, 'There goes Ted Williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived.'"
- Ted 'Fuc*in' Williams of the Major 'Fuc*in' Leagues.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Tia on 06/09/06 at 7:15 pm

two great quotes from "an inconvenient truth", which i just saw...

"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences."
-- Winston Churchill

and

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: CeeKay on 06/09/06 at 11:18 pm

A few good ones from one of my favorite ladies, Kate Hepburn:

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Tia on 06/09/06 at 11:24 pm

katherine hepburn is awesome, you have good taste in heroes.

"get it? dog, bone? dog, bone?"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Sister Morphine on 06/09/06 at 11:54 pm

"If you can't do it right, do it anyway." - Kevin DuBrow

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: whistledog on 06/10/06 at 1:05 am

"The only problem with kicking the ѕhit out of you is that it would be too easy" - Tom Cody (Streets of Fire)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Gis on 06/10/06 at 3:45 am

Ok it's not from a movie but from The Miighty Boosh series two DVD and for some reason it just cracks me up every time. It's the evil murderous cockney character The Hitcher talking to one of his minions
'Shut up and make the tea you slag'
'Malt Loaf?'
'I'll 'ave a slice'
I know I have a strange sense of humour....................

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: CeeKay on 06/10/06 at 12:02 pm

A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day.
Emily Dickinson


(p.s. The dog and bone quote...."Bringing Up Baby")  :)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Tia on 06/10/06 at 1:26 pm


A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day.
Emily Dickinson


(p.s. The dog and bone quote...."Bringing Up Baby")  :)
it's her funniest moment of all time. and it's got some competition...

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 06/10/06 at 1:37 pm

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 06/12/06 at 9:25 pm

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive.  It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.  The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. They may be more likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth.  Their very kindness stings with intolerable insult.  To be 'cured' against one's will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a level with those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals.  But to be punished, however severely, because we have deserved it, because we 'ought to have known better', is to be treated as a human person made in God's image."
- The Humanitarian Theory of Punishment,  C. S. Lewis, "God in the Dock", part III

And along those lines, but much more concisely, because neither the printing press and movable type had been invented yet:

"Preach the gospel at all times, and, when necessary, use words."
- Attributed to St. Francis of Assisi

And as the great 20th century philosopher Carlin put it, "When will Jesus bring the pork chops?"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 06/13/06 at 8:04 am

Interesting choices- thanks!
PS: I love pork chops.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/13/06 at 12:23 pm

Here are 5 personal quotes which I pass on, as Pearls:

"Be yourself, stay true to yourself. Hold your dreams and make them true. Never get lost in other people's expectations. Don't lose the silver thread." -Pete Townshend

"My cousin died at age 19. She got stung by a bee...the natural enemy of the tightrope walker." -Emo Phillips

"Fat bullfighters die young." -Jack Angus

"When life throws you a 90 mph fastball, you'd better be wearing a cup." -Johnny Bench

"If all the world's a stage, and all the actors merely players, then who keeps changing the script?" -Wayne Hamilton

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: CatwomanofV on 07/16/06 at 7:08 pm

I have come to the conclusion that 1 useless man is called a disgrace. 2 become a law firm and 3 or more become a congress.


                          -John Adams (from the movie 1776)





Cat


                                                   

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: loki 13 on 07/16/06 at 7:17 pm

There is no such thing as a stupid question.
.....Only stupid people, asking questions.
                                              .........Rat (in the comic strip "Pearls Before Swine")

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 07/16/06 at 9:18 pm

Billy Jack: "Bernard, I want you to know... that I try. When Jean and the kids at the school tell me that I'm supposed to control my violent temper, and be passive and nonviolent like they are, I try. I really try. Though when I see this girl... of such a beautiful spirit... so degraded... and this boy... that I love... sprawled out by this big ape here... and this little girl, who is so special to us we call her "God's little gift of sunshine"... and I think of the number of years that she's going to have to carry in her memory... the savagery of this idiotic moment of yours... I just go BERSERK!

(Tom Laughlin in Billy Jack 1971)

Subject: From William Gibson, "Idoru"

Written By: Foo Bar on 07/20/06 at 10:42 pm

"...a vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organism craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed. Personally I like to imagine something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It's covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth, Laney, no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote. Or by voting in presidential elections."

        - William Gibson, Idoru (lit. Japanese for "Idol"), 1996, six years before a certain US TV series took a country by storm...

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/20/06 at 11:23 pm

Here are 5 quotes that seem to fit my life, lately:

"Oh, Clarice. Your problem is you need to get more fun out of life." -Hannibal Lechter

"Have you seen her face? She's got a face that would stop a clock!" -Cheap Trick

"I will chase him around Cape Horn, and I will chase him across the Atlantic, and I shall chase him through perdition's flames before I give him up!" -Capt. Ahab

"I'm still standing, better than I ever did..." -Elton John

"You keep talking like a b***h, I'm gonna slap ya like a b***h!" -Mr. Blonde

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 07/21/06 at 4:20 am

"If we moved in next door to you, your lawn would die."
- Attributed to Motorhead as a whole, but one must assume it was Lemmy.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Jessica on 07/21/06 at 11:10 pm

"I drink to drown my sorrows, but the d*mned things have learned how to swim." -Frida Kahlo

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: bookmistress4ever on 07/22/06 at 3:21 am

A couple lines from a couple movies that I liked (in no particular order)

Nick Marshall: : He made you feel the price you pay just for being you is that you don't get to have love.

------
Prime Minister:
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
------------

Gareth: I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.
Charles: Uh-huh.
Gareth: Totally. I mean they can't think of a single thing to say to each other. That's it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.
Charles: Which is?
Gareth: He'll ask her to marry him.
Charles: Brilliant! Brilliant!
Gareth: Suddenly they've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.
Charles: Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
Gareth: The definitive icebreaker.
---------------
Tom: I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that.

----------
Tom: The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Davester on 07/22/06 at 3:29 am


"I drink to drown my sorrows, but the d*mned things have learned how to swim." -Frida Kahlo


  I knew I'd heard this one before...

  "In my dream I was drowning my sorrows
  But my sorrows, they learned to swim
  Surrounding me, going down on me
  Spilling over the brim
  Waves of regret and waves of joy
  I reached out for the one I tried to destroy
  You...you said you'd wait
  'til the end of the world"

                                    "Until The End Of The World" ~U2

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 07/27/06 at 8:01 pm

Rupert Pupkin: "Better to be king for a night than a sch*muck for a lifetime"


Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 07/27/06 at 8:53 pm


Rupert Pupkin: "Better to be king for a night than a sch*muck for a lifetime"


"Oh sure.  I know I'm a louse... but I'm a live louse!"

http://www.nonstick.com/sounds/daffy_duck/ltdd_180.wav

I've actually used this in real life conversation once :)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 07/28/06 at 12:30 am


"Oh sure.  I know I'm a louse... but I'm a live louse!"

http://www.nonstick.com/sounds/daffy_duck/ltdd_180.wav

I've actually used this in real life conversation once :)
that's funny, you gotta luv Daffy Duck  ;D

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Davester on 07/28/06 at 7:44 am

  Tiberius Caesar on Gaius: "I am nurturing a viper in Rome's bosom..."

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: danootaandme on 07/30/06 at 4:59 pm

God bless the child who's got his own - Billie Holiday

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: mach!ne_he@d on 08/03/06 at 5:56 pm

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years" -Abraham Linclon

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Davester on 08/14/06 at 12:44 am

  “I've been in hell for this fortnight past, and am determined to bear it no longer.”
                                                                                      ~ Fletcher Christian

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: ktelqueen on 08/14/06 at 1:07 am

'his boots were full of feet'...a line from some song my friend's aunt was singing/saying..

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 08/14/06 at 8:25 am

I don't know who said it but it's so true...

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: loki 13 on 08/19/06 at 10:22 am

"Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave"
                                                  .........Sunbathing penguins in Madagascar

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Little_devil_rider on 09/02/06 at 7:50 pm

"Tell them, Tell them, Soylent Green is made of people"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Johnny_D on 09/02/06 at 8:03 pm

Quotes from the brilliant comedian Steven Wright

I have a hobby. I have the worlds largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe youve seen some of it.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.


I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"


My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.


Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth.
On the back it said, "Wish you were here."


Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.


I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.


"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

I have two very rare photographs.
One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.
The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.


I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.


I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.
You couldn't park anywhere near the place.


I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included.


I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.


Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.


What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.


When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.


If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?


I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.


I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes".

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

I eat swiss cheese from the inside out.

I had amnesia once or twice.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.


The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.


You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.


How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?


I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".


The sky already fell. Now what?

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.


I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests.

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare?

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading...and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Smoking cures weight problems...eventually...

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor.


Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"


I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.


I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.


I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt. "What are you making?" "A salt lick."

There aren't enough days in the weekend.

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

Sally plays strip poker. Whenever she loses, she has to put something on.


The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.

Droughts are because god didn't pay his water bill.

Is "tired old cliche" one?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?


If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows.

When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.


Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it
back.

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts. They hold dough airplanes together. For kids, they make erector sets out of play-dough.

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum.

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."


I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. He hates New York.


A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."

I had my coathangers spayed.

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.


The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."


I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.


When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.


Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.


It's a fine night to have an evening.

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

I can't stop thinking like this.

This isn't all true.

You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.


I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.


What are imitation rhinestones?

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?


If God dropped acid, would he see people?

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, "Cut it out."

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it it. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

"So, do you live around here often?"

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child....eventually.

I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!


A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."


I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.


I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings...
Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.


I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.


I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it...


I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I saw a close friend of mine the other day... He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know... my calendar has no sevens on it."

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store "Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday."

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious!

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady a cross the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it...it feels real."

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

All the plants in my house are dead -I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

I have a microwave fireplace in my house...The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.


I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "right here, officer". Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all the cars, "Get out of my driveway!"

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...


I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds *amazing*.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy.


My neighbor has a circular driveway...he can't get out.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

Last year we drove across the country. We switched on the driving...every half mile...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip...I don't remember what it was.

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."

I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..."

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."


I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)...and says, "Here, you can go."

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.


Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl. She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on." I said, "Yeah, I know, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.


I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.


I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning......I like to live on the edge...

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.


I was born by Caesarian section...but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.


Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 09/05/06 at 5:41 am

"Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen." -Steven Wright

"When I left for college, my dad said, 'You know I'm going to miss you.' I said, 'Well, now that I broke that sight off your rifle..." -Emo Phillips

"This girl was so ugly, two guys broke into her apartment. She yelled, 'rape', they yelled 'NO!'" -Rodney Dangerfield

"My parents always combined my birthday with Christmas, and you know how frustrating that is for a child. Especially because I was born in July." -Rita Rudner

"I lost my parents on the beach, and I asked the lifeguard to help me. I said, 'Do you think we'll find them?' He said, 'I dunno...there are so many places they could hide...'" -Rodney Dangerfield

"Probably, the weirdest experience is the 1st time you breathe underwater. I mean, you know, without your brother's foot on your head." -Emo Phillips

"This is NOT a tofu bust of Pat Sajak! It looks like Alex Trebek! And where's the creamy filling?!?" -'Weird' Al Yankovic

"Women assume that men will "do it" to anything that moves. That's not really a fair statement, because movement is NOT essential." -Dexter Madison

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 09/13/06 at 10:31 pm


"Tell them, Tell them, Soylent Green is made of people"


"This place is not a place of honor.
No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here.
Nothing valued is here.
This place is a message and part of a system of messages.
Pay attention to it!
Sending this message was important to us.
We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture."

I've toyed with the idea of writing this into my will, along with a few appropriate graphics (involving, say, 239 small dots in 7 concentric circles of 2, 8, 18, 32, 24, 8, and 2 dots around 94 big dots and 145 big dots with slightly-different markings than the 94 big dots), for no reason other than to get grins from a few nerds for the rest of my civilization's life, and to confusing the living hell out of anthropologists, should my gravestone outlive my civilization. 

On account of I'm not just a geek, I'm a smart@ss.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 09/14/06 at 2:34 am

THE WONDERFUL PHILOSOPHY OF EMO PHILLIPS

"I used to think that the human brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, well, look what's telling me that."

"I'm a great lover.....I bet."

"I made cole slaw for my grandmother. I guess I didn't chop up the pieces fine enough, y'know, 'cause it clogs her IV..."

"My nephew had a birthday, so I ddi some tricks..took his dog and twisted him into a balloon..."

"He said, 'I wanna make a wish! I wanna make a wish!', so I grabbed his ankles and spun him around, he went 'whish-whish-whish'...I knew what he really meant, but I thought 'What a great time to warn him about the dangers of homonyms!'"

"Ambiguity...the devil's volleyball!"

"I think of my body as a Temple...or at least, as a relatively well-managed Presbyterian Youth center!"

"I was waiting for a friend at the Tennis Court, and I saw she was waiting; I thought, "Time to pour on the charm!" So, I said, "Howzitgoing, you saucy little whore of Babylon?" She said, "Wanna double up?" I said, "Sure.", so she kicks me in the groin.......it was great!"

"My last girlfriend was not 'easy'. I prefer to use the term 'user-friendly'..."

"The other day, I was girl-watching. I'd say, "Hey lady, your slip is showing, your slip is showing!" They'd look down, and...see me in the manhole..."

"My cousin died at age 19! Stung by a bee...the natural enemy of the tightrope walker!"

"Nothing like sitting in front of a roaring fireplace with a copy of "War And Peace"...You know a big, fat book like THAT will feed a fire for 2 hours!"

"I bought my girlfriend a very nice ring. She said, "I don't like this ring!" I said, "YOU picked it out. It's not my fault you can't operate the little crane better!!"

"The other day, a man came by my house...says, "I'd like to read your gas meter." I said, "Whatever happened to the Classics?"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 09/14/06 at 7:51 am

"Jesus! I was expecting a bowl of cornflakes and a quick wank..."

Tommy Johnson

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Ashkicksass on 09/15/06 at 11:02 pm

What I say is, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.
A.A. Milne

There is no greater weakness than stubbornness.  If you cannot yield, if you cannot learn that there must be compromise in life, you lose.
Maxwell Maltz

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.   
                Unknown

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 09/16/06 at 12:32 am

The laws of thermodynamics state that you can't win, you can't break even, and you can't even quit the game.

Most human institutions are based on the belief that you can break one of the three laws -- capitalism assumes you can win, socialism assumes you can break even, and religion assumes you can quit the game.

- Source unknown, only that the first half dates back to a poster of "Murphy's Laws of Physics" from the 80s, and that I read the second half somewhere before, or in, 1994.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/20/06 at 3:47 am

One of my favorite quotes is by Maynard Keenan from Tool, but I can't post it here.  Damn.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 09/20/06 at 8:31 am

How I feel about all of you....I thank God every day. :)

George Costanza: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 09/20/06 at 11:11 am


How I feel about all of you....I thank God every day. :)

George Costanza: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?


I love George.

By the way..


Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Ashkicksass on 09/20/06 at 11:27 am


How I feel about all of you....I thank God every day. :)

George Costanza: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?




LOL!


One of my favorite quotes is by Maynard Keenan from Tool, but I can't post it here.  Damn.


Now you've piqued my curiousity.

I think you should take a deep breath and post it.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 09/20/06 at 11:30 am


Now you've piqued my curiousity.

I think you should take a deep breath and post it.


Yeah go on! Or I'll discuss Necrophilia even more.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/20/06 at 11:39 am

Fine....but if I get in trouble, it's all y'alls fault.


"Jesus is coming.  Spit or swallow?" - Maynard Keenan



I SO want to get this on a t-shirt.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 09/20/06 at 11:42 am

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 09/20/06 at 12:26 pm

[quote author=

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Ashkicksass on 09/20/06 at 12:30 pm

[quote author=

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 09/20/06 at 1:21 pm


*Gets a tub of popcorn and waits for riot to ensue.* 


Depending on what Jesus did.. would that be salty popcorn?

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Ashkicksass on 09/20/06 at 1:23 pm


Depending on what Jesus did.. would that be salty popcorn?



::)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Sister Morphine on 09/20/06 at 1:34 pm


Depending on what Jesus did.. would that be salty popcorn?



;D  You didn't just go there.  ;D

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 09/20/06 at 1:48 pm

I found a new streak of idiocy! I'd lost confidence in the old one.
Brian Eno

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 09/20/06 at 2:12 pm


::)


;)

[quote author=

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 09/20/06 at 9:07 pm

"I worry that, especially as the Millennium edges nearer, pseudoscience and superstition will seem year by year more tempting, the siren song of unreason more sonorous and attractive. Where have we heard it before? Whenever our ethnic or national prejudices are aroused, in times of scarcity, during challenges to national self-esteem or nerve, when we agonize about our diminished cosmic place and purpose, or when fanaticism is bubbling up around us-then, habits of thought familiar from ages past reach for the controls. The candle flame gutters. Its little pool of light trembles. Darkness gathers. The demons begin to stir."

"Is it fair to be suspicious of an entire profession because of a few bad apples? There are at least two important differences, it seems to me. First, no one doubts that science actually works, whatever mistaken and fraudulent claim may from time to time be offered. But whether there are any miraculous cures from faith-healing, beyond the body's own ability to cure itself, is very much at issue. Secondly, the expose' of fraud and error in science is made almost exclusively by science. But the exposure of fraud and error in faith-healing is almost never done by other faith-healers."

"If we can't think for ourselves, if we're unwilling to question authority, then we're just putty in the hands of those in power. But if the citizens are educated and form their own opinions, then those in power work for us. In every country, we should be teaching our children the scientific method and the reasons for a Bill of Rights. With it comes a certain decency, humility and community spirit. In the demon-haunted world that we inhabit by virtue of being human, this may be all that stands between us and the enveloping darkness."

- assorted quotes from Carl Sagan, 1996, The Demon-Haunted World: Science As a Candle in the Dark

"There is a place with four suns in the sky--red, white, blue, and yellow: two of them are so close together that they touch, and star-stuff flows between them.
I know of a world with a million moons.
I know of a sun the size of the Earth - and made of diamond.
There are atomic nuclei a few miles across which rotate thirty times a second.
There are tiny grains between the stars, with the size and atomic composition of bacteria.
There are stars leaving the Milky Way, and immense gas clouds falling into it.
There are turbulent plasmas writhing with X - and gamma-rays and mighty stellar explosions.
There are, perhaps, places which are outside our universe."

- Carl Sagan, ca. 1970, and in The Cosmic Connection.

If Sagan were alive today, I think he would have been pleased to see his home planet as viewed from the world with a million moons last weekend, even if the picture demonstrates that the world he spoke of has not millions... but septillions of moons, with trillions being added (and lost) every day. 

On that note:

"Happiness is looking at Earth in your rear-view mirror."
- Anon.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Davester on 09/21/06 at 12:44 am

  I, for one, miss Carl Sagan a lot.

  He was a brilliant scientist and writer. I've only read one of his books - Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark.  It should be required reading in schools, but there is no chance of that in the US with the current generation of leaders who fall over one another to praise the supernatural...

  I applaud his desire to spread enthusiasm about science, and to make it easily understood by all...

  It's too bad he can't be here with us to share in the wonder of the Mars Probe and Cassini mission groove ;) on...

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 09/21/06 at 2:19 am

"So, tell me: when God makes a goof-up, what cursing would He use?
I mean, when he made the okapi, what did He say? "Oh, my Me! Medammit!"
-Dennis Wolffberg

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 10/18/06 at 1:28 am

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.

"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.

"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

        - Joseph Heller, Catch-22, 1961

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 10/18/06 at 1:32 am

"You know, in school, we were taught the Russians were the enemy; in school, they were taught the U.S. was the enemy. We're both wrong- it's the French!" -Billy Crystal, "Midnight Train To Moscow"

"If you attempt to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?" -Anon.

"Do you know where your towel is?" -Douglas Adams

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 10/21/06 at 5:34 am

"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.''

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 10/23/06 at 1:36 pm

Krusty the Clown:  I'm not saying Jezebel was loose, but before she moved to Sodom it was know for the pottery!"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 10/23/06 at 9:19 pm

"Did you really think that we want those laws to be observed?" said Dr. Ferris. "We want them broken. You'd better get it straight that it's not a bunch of boy scouts you're up against-then you'll know that this is not the age for beautiful gestures. We're after power and we mean it. You fellows were pikers, but we know the real trick, and you'd better get wise to it. There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What's there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced nor objectively interpreted-and you create a nation of law-breakers-and then you cash in on guilt. Now that's the system, Mr. Rearden, that's the game, and once you understand it, you'll be much easier to deal with."

- one of the villains from Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, explaining government to a capitalist, back when there were still capitalists.

/Rand still needed an editor
//even more than she needed her fireplace broken

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Tam on 10/23/06 at 11:38 pm

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"    ~unknown

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 10/24/06 at 2:38 am

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with drugs." -Lily Tomlin

"Fat bullfighters die young." -Jack Angus

"Kids who can't move...don't join gangs." -John Keister

"Alright! Who put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?" -W.C. Fields

"When Mother said 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach', she was 4 inches too high." -Dr. John Gray

"We need to feed it a lot of useless information. I wonder if there's a television handy..." -The Doctor (Patrick Troughton)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 10/25/06 at 8:19 pm


"Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with drugs." -Lily Tomlin


"Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with science fiction."
- Philip K. Dick

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 10/25/06 at 8:41 pm

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 10/25/06 at 9:44 pm


Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 10/26/06 at 4:21 am

"You, sir, have the manners of a goat! And you smell like a dungheap!"

-Juan Sanchez Villalobos Ramirez, Chief Metallurgist To King Philip V of Spain (aka 'Sir Sean Connery')

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Ashkicksass on 10/26/06 at 1:34 pm


Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 10/26/06 at 3:26 pm


Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 10/26/06 at 3:37 pm


If this is the type of man you seek, try looking somewhere other than a church, gym, or Harlequin Romance novel. We are out there. ;)


Right..

you can find me on the beach, at the bar or backstage!

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 10/26/06 at 3:42 pm


Right..

you can find me on the beach, at the bar or backstage!


And so modest, too!

8)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Kurzuul on 10/27/06 at 10:47 pm

"Hmm... beer? Or soda?
One makes you sleepy, the other keeps you awake.
Both are fizzy...
...BEERSODA!!!"

-Ethan from the comic "Ctrl-Alt-Del"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 11/09/06 at 9:40 pm

"Man: Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Woman:  Why buy the pig when all I want is a sausage?
Truth:  They're both right."
  - Anonymous

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Badfinger-fan on 11/20/06 at 1:22 am

"The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit."  - Nelson Henderson

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Ashkicksass on 11/20/06 at 1:42 pm

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.  - Mark Twain

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 11/20/06 at 2:39 pm

"Mark Twain, you're a pussy." - Davey

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Tia on 11/20/06 at 3:00 pm


"Longed for him. Got him. Sh*t."
- Margaret Atwood, earlier this week, in rebuttal?

i saw that! that was in "wired," yes?

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 11/20/06 at 7:53 pm

Vanessa: "I have absolutely nothing to wear!"

Thornton: "You got six closets of 'nothing-to-wear'."

Vanessa: "Are you saying I spend too much money??"

Thornton: "You? Spend too much? No. A lot of people fly to Switzerland to get their watch fixed!"

-Back To School

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 11/21/06 at 7:53 am

Some words of wisdom from the master -

I'm always using a towel around my head. Airports don't worry about me. - Kerry King

I've never thrown out a TV set out of some hotel's window, but I have thrown a microwave out of one 'coz it was cooler. - Kerry King

So, there's like one luxury you take and since we do that, y'know, you're involved with people in suits; business people all the time. But hey, if I sit down on a bar and they leave, good for me. - Kerry King

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 12/04/06 at 8:52 pm

"You want Santa Claus to bring you a woman?!?!?
Santa Claus is not an escort service!"

-Sam Klausner (Hume Cronyn), "Off Season"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: Foo Bar on 12/04/06 at 10:18 pm

"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right; greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms, greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed - you mark my words - will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.  Thank you very much."
- Gordon Gekko, Wall Street

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 12/04/06 at 11:23 pm

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a pus-filled bubo, with all the grace, wit & charm of an Alsacean dog after a head-swap operation?"

-Kryten, "Red Dwarf: Polymorph"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: agrimorfee on 12/06/06 at 10:37 am

"We are only equal in the grave and in the dark
Said a man whose head was halfway eaten by a shark
Now if you ask me why I would continue on like this
I doubt that I would know so I could only make a guess
Half a mouth may not be much but it's still half a kiss"

"All our lives we love illusion, neatly caught between confusion and the need to know we are alive."

"I saw this movie recently called Imitation of Life. It was a really sheeshty movie, but I love the title."

---The Residents

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 12/06/06 at 10:40 am

All I need is an apple in my mouth and serve me on Sunday.
Mahalia Jackson

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 12/07/06 at 3:59 am

"I was brought up to be charming, not sincere."
-Prince Charming, "Into The Woods"

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 03/05/07 at 5:52 pm

today someone gave me this: 

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talentes and fabulous?
actually, who are you NOT to be?
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

i must fight the evil and be those things... 8)

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: La Roche on 03/05/07 at 6:05 pm


today someone gave me this: 

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talentes and fabulous?
actually, who are you NOT to be?
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

i must fight the evil and be those things... 8)


'cus I've not been saying that for a year.  ::) ;D

Force be with you love.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: KKay on 03/06/07 at 5:16 pm


'cus I've not been saying that for a year.  ::) ;D

Force be with you love.


thanks, sweetie.

Subject: Re: Favorite Quotes

Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 03/07/07 at 2:26 pm

"If you must quote from Stevenson, at least make an attempt to get it corect."
-Nero Wolfe, "On Quoting Literature"

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